Can you blame me for blogging? I have thoughts I need to let out... pains, insecurities, complexity issues, bad karma, life...etc
Hey sometimes I'm a lil vain, egotistical... I don't know why either but I guess it helps with the lil self confidence I've had all my life... probably wont meet up to your ankle in height but other times it's boosted and I feel narcissistic...
Sometimes I am little short (in temper), edgy and defensive... sometimes I just feel attacked...
My mom always startles me... so she says I have an uneasy conscious... na uh.... but who knows...
I have an internet problem, I do, but maybe so do half of the people on here.
I tend to be dominant with many submissive tendencies- I like the charge but also being told what to do (I guess a small fetish)... in the past some people couldn't stand my submissiveness now it's more like toning myself down... I guess learning an in between.
I know how to let go... sometimes its far too easy BUT when I'm there I'm 100% there...I don't doubt it for a moment (I can't explain how it works, it's who I've grown to be with time... It's like with my trust... I'll trust you but if you betray me it takes twice as hard ti regain...
Lately, I'm lost in thoughts: I assume to quickly and always jump the gun
Sometimes I'm caught in the extremities have a hard time for in between with gray areas... I sometimes feel as if almost everything is black and white...
I play the hand dealt with but I always have a trick up my sleeve... but so far my hand has always ended up losing... i keep getting a new hand into the game and I'm not learning what I do wrong... it's the same tricks that keep me in the same place... and it's like every time I forget I had already done it.
I'm a little stubborn
By feeling silenced, I feel trapped...
I feel trapped on daily basis... maybe if I was in a locked room I would feel free...
I guess sometimes I don't consider others feelings... sometimes I'm just looking for an escape...
Many of my thoughts are selfish as I have spend more of my life giving into the needs of others
I hate people to notice me.... but I love the attention
When I'm happy I tend to be sky happy but almost anybody can rain on my parade... and it's easier when I'm the happiest... people just find it easy to make me cry... they don't know it though... you do now...
When I wake up in a good mood, I just want silence so I can enjoy the moment
I hate screaming but I do it... I raise my voice when I feel a need to defend
I lose people because I cannot accommodate them (it's my need to) but what I need is to figure out me and let them accept that instead.
Everything I write always comes from my feelings but sometimes I can relate to feelings of the past to aide and make something even more so a moving subject
*I'm only a reflection of the shadow that follows me on the ground*
I'm quite gullible... I feel I can't effect people as much as they effect me...
I set up walls and shoot missiles from the top. I guess I attack indirectly or attack while maintaining my hands clean of bloodshed. I'm a coward. I hate hurting people, it hurts me more... ( I know contradictory but the truth)
I'm too emotional... when I hurt, I write! When I'm happy, I can't write... I don't usually ..
I'm driven by passion and sadness/anger - I feel sometimes no one gets me
I'm actually quick to lose interest, short attention span... times makes the heart grown fonder... well for a lil while... it does... and I talk me out of it.. just to ease the pain of rejection... Sometimes it's just pushing me over the threshold ( like short term memory -which I have an issue with- but once in my long term everything is A-okay)
Sometimes hope has led me to continue a false illusion... I've been accused/criticized of looking too far into it or over analyzing yet other times when I freely let it go... I never understood... look I hate guessing... just tell me what is it, how you feel... I like things straight up even if its awkward
I'm stuck in between 2 worlds and sometimes I feel I don't really exist
You know how sometimes adults wish they were kids again, well I would never want to be a kid again... ever
Sometimes, I wish I could just runaway, no looking back
Sometimes I don't understand why a person would want me and then other times I don't understand why I always feel alone.
I don't brush my hair ever -- well today I did but is it sad I don't remember the last time I did- my hair usually looks fine but i don't mind if somebody else would do it or play with it..
I like vodka but not a drunk... but if mixed a Margarita... extra strong... 2 are good for me :)
I don't like coffee but if a must flavored with French Vanilla or if not available...2-3 creams and 8 sugars... a 10 min wire and a complete knock out
I can be the perfect person (ideal match) but I've never made the cut
I found out there's always someone better (or a better version of you out there) .... We're all replaceable...
Everything has always been too good to be true...
Life's disappointments are sugar coated moments of the Hell we can go to after death
I still have nightmares of trains... but I still dream of going to walk the traintracks we use to when I was in elementary...
The day I'm accepted: Mind, Body and Soul will be the perfect day!
The truth is that I am slowly losing hope in humanity
What happens is that when I feel so happy my body immediately finds a a way to cancel itself out, yea I get depressed not being able to control such overwhelming happiness... but I know I can be happy (I hope) Maybe it's learning how to slowly
If you've never met a lost cause, you're seeing one!
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