How to achieve a successful relationship -Physical Attraction

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (his wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]
Is your relationship everything you ever hoped for? Does it feel like something is missing or maybe it’s just note quite what you are looking for? Do your romances crash and burn before six months?
The following illustrates the eight different stages of intimacy. With your life partner, achievement of at least seven of the eight leads to relationship success. With friends, coworkers and associates, you’ll match in some, but not all.

TO ACHIEVE TRUE INTIMACY, TWO IDEAS MUST BE PRESENT: SAFETY & CONNECTEDNESS

SAFETY means that as the relationship grows between two people. Should something frighten, upset or threaten you, your partner becomes the safe haven, the person you seek rather than avoid. Safety is something a person earns through trust and actions.
CONNECTEDNESS or more commonly chemistry is that feeling that you are in tune with the other person; you have enough common ground to feel comfortable yet enough differences to keep things interesting. True intimacy cannot be achieved without feelings of safety and feelings of connectedness.

If you're just starting to date again, and are tired of unfulfilling relationships and short-term romances (less than six months), the eight stages will help you achieve a loving relationship by giving you a step by step guide to dating. Make a commitment to yourself to explore each stage in-depth with a potential mate before proceeding to the next. Most superficial relationships will fall apart during stages four through six, the very stages most people skip in order to experiment in seven. Then they wonder why the relationship didn't last! When you finish this article, you may be enlightened

[Stage 1 and/orvDay 1]

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)
 
Commonly referred to as infatuation or puppy love, physical intimacy occurs through information you acquire through observation, the way the person thinks, speaks, looks and interacts with their surroundings. Generally, if you are attracted to someone of the opposite sex, you share physical intimacy. You will also find most of your friends via physical intimacy, realizing that there is something about this person you like and you would like to get to know them better.
You & your partner have physically intimacy if you both can answer Yes to all of these situations:
1. You like something about the way your partner looks, sounds and/or smells.
2. You are proud to be seen together or enjoy being together.
3. When you think about your partner or see a picture of him/her, you think or feel positively.
[These are guidelines that I thought were very interesting, and I'm being quite frank since I'm new to the dating world because I had given up on love, I read these and thought they were good and they explain a lot of how and why we sometimes fail at creating a strong bond.
The first step just how all guys mention is the physical appearance of the opposite sex (which most guys talk about hot chicks),  but there is more to the hotness you witness but it's by in large the biggest part. It's obvious that if there is no attraction to a person you can't continue onto the next steps. ]

2. Aesthetic Intimacy (Arts, style, Culture, General Compatibility)

3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies)

4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs)

5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shared Existence, & Shared goals)

6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)

7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)

8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)


The eight Stages of Intimacy by Laura Lewis 

Body Language: Physical Intimacy

[Read this and thought it was interesting, hope you enjoy]

Body Language: 10 stages to Physical Intimacy

One of the things I get asked so often as Sex Appeal and Sexual Confidence Coach is: "How do I know when it's time to take things to the next level?"
Here are ten silent speech steps leading from first advances to getting physically intimate. Hopefully next time you know what to look out for and how to respond. Remember, with body language, look for clusters of behaviour rather than one isolated move.
1. Eyeing the body. When a formal encounter becomes more friendly, gaze drops from the upper business triangle (right eye - left eye - nose and back to right eye) to the lower parts of the face and upper parts of the body. Be alert for this shift which sometimes involves the other person changing his or her body posture including moving back slightly to take in more of your face.
2. Eyeing the eyes. As intimacy increases and so does the amount of eye contact, resulting in those long soulful looks. A refusal to return eye-contact in this erotically charged moment sends a message that you are not certain or are uninterested.
3. Hand touches hand. Contact is usually light but lingering. It may also be disguised as accidental touching or socially accepted behaviour like placing hand beneath the elbow to guide him or her through a crowded area.
4. Hand touches shoulder. Once again this message can be hidden within a socially accepted behaviour. Up to this point either side can withdraw from the encounter and pretend it didn't happen. If you are the one who made the advance you do not lose too much pride. But once this silent speech has been crossed there can be no going back without suffering a severe blow to your pride.
5. Arm encircles waist. This signals a desire for far greater intimacy. If this is accepted then things move pretty quickly to the next step...uh-um!
6. Mouth Touches Mouth. Once a kiss is exchanged, kissing chemical information is passed on from one person to the other. Kissing adds another sense to the encounter besides smell - that of taste. Taste is not just about saliva but also about body temperature.
The temperature of a normal, healthy human being is 37° C ( 98.4° F), but skin temperature is always lower than this and varies according to our emotional state. When we are anxious or afraid this temperature drops. If we are relaxed or sexually aroused, the temperature increases. During the more intimate stages of a sexual encounter, the fall in body heat sends a message to our sexual partner who interprets it - usually correctly - as lack of interest, dislike, unease or disapproval. People who are emotionally cold are also likely to be physically cold. When a man or woman is described as "hot stuff" or we speak of a "warm embrace" it may well be almost literally true. As they become more passionate "hot people" really do get hot and their partner reads this - correctly - as revealing their emotional state as well.
7. Hand caresses head. Usually women tend to reach for the head before men. Hand caressing head indicates increasing trust between two people because heads are extremely vulnerable - only those we feel close to can touch without us jumping or protesting.
8. Hand fondles body. This is either through clothes or probing under them. Some people close their eyes to concentrate more on their senses of temperature and smell. But keeping eyes open and maintaining eye contact is even more powerful. Not only are you you using your visual, touch, sound and taste senses you also are using the smell sense.
During physical intimacy, not only is sense of smell powerful in evoking emotions, it is also becomes more sensitive to the unique signature smell of our sexual partner. Odours act powerfully on the nervous system arriving at the part of the brain responsible for memory and for preparing us for pleasurable experiences.
The best advice when anticipating this stage of physical intimacy is to use any perfume sparingly and to allow natural body odour to work for you by not disguising or covering it with man-made products. The better feel each of you has for the other as a person, the more easily and happily it will happen.
Guys: Let her become familiar with it. Women especially those who are not taking the oral contraceptive pill have a far greater sense of smell and are drawn to the fresh male odour any day.
Ladies: Let him smell you. Encourage him to smell you around your period. Its the closest your body comes to estrus or heat.
9. Mouth caresses body. When this stage is reached, sexual intercourse is very likely to take place - under the right circumstances.
10. Hand caresses genitals. At this stage the only remaining stage is genital - to - genital contact.
Just two more things about body odour:
1. Sniffing in your partner is a highly sensual affair, however that bacteria fertile breeding ground with the unpleasant acrid penetrating and pungent stale smell of unwashed body is likely to counter any benefits from pheromones. To produce more of that clean body odour, take a good shower before you start exercising and skip the shower after. After you've built up a sweat, let him/her get to know your natural odour.
2. When two people sniff each other out, there is a period of time - on average lasting for around 18 months to three years when the chemical is produced in the brain in large quantities and during this period passion and sexual activity is at its height. What keeps us hooked up is the other person's individual body scent. But like all good things, the positive effects wear off after a certain period of time. Divorce rates peak at around four years into marriage.


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/260854

I want to do Clarinet repair

Yesterday I went to the band camp of the school where I give privates and I was given a wrong time about the sectionals so I missed them :( very upsetting!!!!!!! So there is this new young clarinetist or who is barely learning... So I asked the teacher if I can take her to the side and help her out. Yes, this would be considered a lesson or longer but I did it free of charge, why? I was already there and I felt I had to do something...
So, there are a lot of fingering issues but when she gets a sound out it's pretty good, better than some who already play. But, now we have to teach her everything else.

Anyways, I was  checking the clarinet for leeks... air links but when I press everything and test it, it was ok... but she wasn't able to make much sound so I decided to try it out. It worked ok for a little and then as I was going to the lower notes it was working but those notes worked fine with the register key but as I was going higher in range they weren't working...
of course, being the teacher to my specified instrument I can't just leave the instrument like that... it was the e-flat side key, it was slightly open and it wouldn't quite seal. I took the keys off and put them back but it wasn't sealing. I didn't know what to do a rubber band would be a quick fix but guess what, we had no rubber bands. I found this little wire thing my son takes from the stores (you knows those to close the lil grocery bags) well I just in a ghetto way closed it and the key couldn't be opened... I told her not to worry about it and I would talk to the director to get his repair man to look at it... but I had 30 minutes until they had a break but the clarinet worked.

(this starter repair kit is ok...it comes with a lil knife as well but the pads don't work from here... you need pads that would promote leaking air. I have my student clarinet with these pads and I can't get it to play. medium woven clarinet pads would be ok <-- you have to be careful whether they can will glue or you need it and taking the key, out and using the lighter and not burning the pad or a quick fix can also be fish paper to help make the pad seal.)

I was just thinking and thinking time came and I told him about it and said the repair man wasn't available until next week. There was no rush but even a new student deserves to have a playing instrument. After I told him I decided to give it a go one more time... I took out the keys once again but I tightened the spring this time and bend it just slightly. And it finally locked but there was a clicking sound... I hate when they keys hit each other... Now, I thought I might have a little cork in my instrument case but didn't... so I found a piece of paper but I needed glue or something sticky, finally found tape so that actually fixed the key...
My freshman year in college I took instrument repair as my community service project and it was with my first clarinet teacher... we all learned about different instruments but we all focused mainly on our personal ones. Now, year later I'm still applying a little of what I learned but I would like to take an actual course to learn more about repairs. I could even make extra money doing it.
i have so many interests and loves, I just wish there was more of me to be able to do and accomplish it all and still be happy. C
Clarinet repair would be fun and a joy! I could take it apart, clean it, and just enjoy the puzzle until or putting the pieces back together while trying to figure out the problem.
 

The Holy Trinity- question?

Ok, from my last posts on my encounters on religion... this is still confusing times. I can neither accept or deny whether some things that happen are just coincidence or the "mysterious" works of God... I still go to mass and I feel peace and I feel very happy.
But, there is something that has been bugging me and I have briefly brought it up but it's been dismissed. No one can really explain it and just leave it as it is. Which I can't conform to in this sense. I don't understand, there can possibilities but when you bring those up, you're considered wrong but that in itself is not right. I've even brought it up to my mom and sort of confused her and got an answer she wasn't expecting to give and then retracted. I've been doing that a lot to her lately. Mainly because she's gotten more devout and I want to see how her faith is in strength as in belief rather than just blindly following. You know what I'm saying? I believe but I want to know more. I have faith but I seek answers. My mom just follows and does what she's told. Thankfully she didn't join a convent when she was 20 or neither of us siblings would have been born.
So, I usually attend spanish mass with my parents but the last 2 Sundays I've been going to mass earlier and in English, not that it makes a difference but I like earlier, so more free time after. I was listening to the Creed (Oh and I go to Catholic Mass, just in case you even cared)
And was listening to the Nicene Creed:
"We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, and of all that is, seen and unseen.
We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, one in Being with the Father. Through him all things were made. For us men and for our salvation, he came down from heaven: by the power of the Holy Spirit he was born of the Virgin Mary, and became man. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered, died, and was buried. On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.
We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. With the Father and the Son he is worshipped and glorified. He has spoken through the Prophets. We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come."

(Father, the son and the Holy Spirit) 
Ok, so how is it that they're one in the same? I get the holy spirit and being the messenger of God to impregnate a very Virgin Mary but how can God have a son, who is truly himself to suffer and still hold his spot as a ruler, and take away the sins of everybody. Two places at once? Or is it not two places at once but 2 different?

But in the creed it says, "  he suffered, died, and was buried. On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father."

According to my understanding, they're all in the same. It's God and he controls all three which is why it's the Holy Trinity but how are they not the same but they are the same? If they're the same ONE God how can the son and the Father be sitting next to each other. When do they become one? Are they ever one in the same or are they separate? And if they are separate then don't we have more than one God and we believe in the possibility of poly-theism and not just one God how the church is always trying to exclaim. Or if it is truly one God then which one is which and who are we to follow if it's one. Why create different personas?
I'm not trying to bring down anything or even the Christianity religion but how do you explain it? Is it the same concepts in all Christian Sectors? Is Catholicism different?
I'm just trying to make sense of it for my sanity. I know you're probably thinking I shouldn't think of it? But, have you thought of it before in your quest to answers? Or never questioned and just believe what you're told? If you just follow how do you even know you're following the correct path and that what you were thought wasn't wrong? I think that when a person questions and understand then maybe they can believe or not more peacefully but I wont feel blind in the belief even in you can't proof or see... but I need more than a answer of trust.... Who can we really trust?
Tell me how this makes sense to you...

bouquet and bride's maid & wedding [pics]

So haha I was.. well I am watching 27 dresses I love that movie. So I was thinking of the the many times women catch the bouquet. You know, I love romantic comedies... I'm a sucker and I think I always talk about how hopeless I am.

So back to the reason  why I was thinking about this...  In wedding it's a tradition for the single women to catch the bouquet. I forgot what the real reasoning is... but I was always encouranged to catch it by my mom and her friends.  I was never a fan but I guess it's suppose to mean that you're suppose to get married after... or it brings luck to finding someone and or good luck in marriage. I don't know... But, when I was younger I caught a few(when I was young, useless) but for the most part in the last years I've really avoided even trying to catch a bouquet or weddings or 15aneras...
So, i broke my rule in 2 wedding I went to last year. Well one I went up but stood there and didn't try to catch the bouquet, I did it to please. Lol, I know.
And the other I had to be there. Well, i didn't have to but it was a close friend's wedding and I was a bridesmaid.

(yea, I didn't like the way the make-up artist did our make-up)
There was so many friends there... It was quite a wedding... it actually came out on the WE channel ... My Fair Wedding with David Tutera, the theme was Phamton of the opera which aired in January 2011, the second episode of the season,


lol... but anyways, yea so I tried catching the bouquet and (since I'm talking about 27 dresses, always a bridesmaid never a bride) go to on this video (again 27 dresses not the wedding) to 8 mins and like 10 seconds... you see what happens to her ...
(watch 8:10 into this movie)
Haha, yea we laugh but it actually happened to me in real life. All I remember is seeing the bouquet coming my way.

I put my hands up. I think I closed my eyes though but I caught the bouquet... felt all these hands getting it, and next thing I knew I was on the floor. But it happened so quick that the girls got me on my feet fast. I had my eyes closed until I was up... it was strange being on the floor with a bouquet of roses I admit... haha!! Good times!! Rose pedals everywhere from the bouquet.

Yea, that bouquet got damage.

That day was very special for her and I caught the bouquet which I still have. Her theme, the masks, chandeliers,

The roses...

It was a magical night. I had so much fun I even forgot that a few days I had been in tears. This night was very hopeful for romance and seeing the way my friend had been together for 10 yrs and finally tied the knot and they're still sweet as ever. A couple like that even though they have their hard times.... they always try their best to keep it all together. I admire them.

*sigh* Romance can be so precious...
Does anyone have a story about their experience catching the bouquet? Has anybody heard what the catching of the bouquet's signification really is?

One Wish....

So, today like many Sundays people go to mass and the Reading was basically of Solomon. (No need for details because I know how you all feel anyways) So in the reading it talked about how God was going to grant him one thing he asked for and he asked for Wisdom.
Now, it really made me think because it was compared to a type of wish like similarity. If you were granted one wish what would you want? I was thinking and thinking ... So many people would ask for materialistic things in their one wish. money, power, immortality, more of everything they can handle... and I started thinking even more.... If I had one wish, what would I wish for at the moment? Money would be nice but it's not everything, Power- I don't want it but I know how to use it... Immortality, well I could keep trying until I get something right but I would see so many perish in my time I would end up lonely... but, I would gain wisdom through the years. Well, either way we gain wisdom through life and experience...
My one wish as belittling or as Miss America or Miss World would proclaim.... "WORLD PEACE" sure cliche and unrealistic but hear me out.
With so much chaos in this world, hate driven society, uncompromising people, to each their own mentality, lacking love and comprehension for you neighbor, stealing away goods, corruption in kids, war against each other over power, over who has the bigger d***, over materialistic none sense, there has to be more to humanity. But, that hope is in vain and I know it. Everybody tries to gain status and they screw over who ever they could just to get to the top, they give up humility to to humiliate. Sadly, it's human nature. I choose not to give up hope in people and expect what is right but the war has to stop within our own  self too, before we can compromise with the person next to you and your family and the world.
So I thought "If everybody accepted, compromised, loved and understood one another we'd have world peace!!"  I guess some agree while others disagree which is the main reason we don't have world peace because people are too egotistical to try and compromise. It's all over the world. It's hard within family households. How do you reach a common understanding, still promoting love and unity, understanding everybody's position so you can all compromise, and accept it... If we all started at home how ideal would we all be to show love and support  for the rest of our friends, families, neighbors near by and world wide.
That is my wish, unrealistic and will never happen...Sadly!!!! But, I will hope for it!!

If YOU had ONE wish what would you wish for? (Only one, not 2, 3, or more etc)

tangled

"I love you very much, dear"
"I love you more"
"I love you most"
These to me are some of the most beautiful and endearing lines I hear every time I watch "Tangled" sure I know the mother is demented and she is just manipulating Rapulzel for her own selfish needs but for a while when i use to tell my son I loved him he would automatically say "I love you more" and well of course I would say "I love you most" ....
I watched Tangled last night by myself and fell asleep crying... it always breaks my heart when I see the King and Queen right before they send off the lattern, the pain in the King's eyes breaks my heart every single time...
And not to mention my most favorite song that just warms my heart every time I listen to it, comes on next. It gives me hope and I feel love...how true musicianship can convey such feeling... And it helps that I truly think of a special someone every time that songs comes out... 
I see the light   <-- I couldn't get audio in here :/
Today or yesterday, my sister came over and my parents got to watch the movie for the first time. It was a nice family evening. :)
I hope you get to hear the song, even though it might not be your taste or type of music but this is how one sometimes can feel when you meet a special person that just adds happiness to your life, unexplained. I'm sure you can imagine the type of heart break you can set yourself up but "And at last I see the light and it's like the fog has lifted" ,"And it's warm and real and bright And the world has somehow shifted" "All at once everything looks different.  Now that I see you...." It's definitely worth any pain in the world just to see if it can ever become more. This doesn't happen often, it actually rarely happens but life has it's wonderful way of making you feel. Sometimes you just don't know how the other person can feel but you hope for the best and the development, the closeness is all worth it. The few moments you get to talk are worth a part of your world. You admit that you see more but could never tell. You suddenly the pain of the world seem so much less even though you might actually be more aware of it. But, you see the beauty and your life slowly changes.
*sigh* I know it sound like bs but it's so hard to explain. I know some of you know what I'm talking about and others will dismiss... it's ok we all feel happiness at different points in our life and some of those points we float and glow and we can't truly explain what we feel without sounding so mushy for the world.  I know they don't tolerate because like many we've been broken down to dirt in our life (either that) or you don't know what it really feels like.

These next few weeks are becoming a little stressful. Well not too much. But, school is about to start where I teach music and of course they want me around so they're doing everything to accommodate although students aren't budging, all I hear is some excuses which in the end will just lead me to quit my passion.  Well not quit but it's the only place where I'd be respected. I was the first selection leader there back in when the school opened in '99 time flies... I love teaching but I can't afford to do it like that anymore. It's an hour drive.  I majored as a passion and it's bringing me only the love of teaching but as kids don't want to learn what love of music can I still give?
My son is suppose to start school on August 10th and like the best procrastinator still working on the minor details. The school district was closed and I lost his shot record and finally got that taken care of now he needs shots and many other things. I'm a little overwhelmed but I'm sure it's not a big deal. It's just that my only baby is finally getting into this poor education system. But, there he goes and to 13+ yrs of school at least.
On August 17th I'm taking a trip to DC, first time ever to go out there so I'm uber excited... I get to meet the Nation's Capital. We're flying out Wednesday and coming back Sunday the 21st. It should be nice and relaxing. My mom and her aunt and some other ladies are going, it's this big convention thing but I will be exploring a lot on my own. I need the breather,the time alone and the escape. That will give me a new sensation of things because when I come back it's routine for my son, and everything ready and getting a job this time and fimally for sure. I'm not getting no for an answer. I need this.
I was going to take an auxiliary trip to visit cousins because I've been promising for years but my cousin is getting married in a year so many I'll take the trip then. That will be a must go no matter what. Can't miss the big "i do" and that's for sure. 
Everything is as it should be...

Angry >:/

So I'm currently really angry... talking to the clinic where my son was last seen and all they have to do is tell me what shots he's missing which they have the chart in front of them... then they ask if he has medi-cal .. no he doesn't ... he did back then so they need his card number to find out what he is missing... Umm... Look at the chart it's up to date and that's all you need (enter really angry phrase here) because obviously if they're his last doctor and he's still  in the system they should know all of this... they got all this medical records before that it's regular protocal... I've been hold holding for the who knows how many times and hearing the  words ," [doctor offices' name], how can I help you?" is really grinding gears to the max... I'm not nice on the phone anymore like I was the first 4 or so calls... I've been holding for over 30 minutes with minimum contact and my patience is now really gone. How hard can it be? Seriously, I called early and they told me "oh, she just left to lunch" ... it was the same voice... call back half an hour later, call an hour later ...


Haha... they just told me she was in lunch again right now when they said that more than an hour and a half ago...what is wrong with these people...

yes, I don't like to get mad... but this is bullshit and I know she realized that when I told her she had gone to lunch twice... ugh!!!!!!!!!!!

Long Distance

LDR - I hear it often more than not now... maybe people talk about it and well frankly are in it? Some choose not to be on for well obvious reasons.

I didn't know how many many people actually participated in a LDR until more recently. I still don't understand everything it entitles but its the same thing as a regular relationship except you can't physically feel them. I mean for some, one of their goals after "getting to know each other" so well is finally being able to meet in person and see where it can go from there while others already knew each other and had the misfortune of being separated.
There is more hardship when there is a lack of communication in a LDR ... well as there should be more you know there will always be issues with not being able to communicate especiallly on a daily basis but what happens when weeks go by and you know nothing? Or You've only been able to talk briefly over the phone... you've fallen for this person but there isn't communication. You have probably hope but are you living an illusion or can this dream come true? How about being in a relationship for years and the hope to one day meet but you are devout but what's going on, in the other side? You know you're true and you're told they're true but with the lack of communication is it true?
Like any relationship as it truly happens you always talk everyday for a while and you enjoy the company and the talking and getting to know. But, it always diminishes. And suddenly you find yourself wanting to talk to them and they're not there as much.
I know there are so many means of communication and frankly the best one is Skype... My sister's bf travels a lot, he plays baseballs not in the majors I think in the minors trying to move up but they're constantly texting, and they set up skype dates. I've seen her get all dolled up just for her little date, it's kind of cute. Seeing the other person on the other side and them seeing you back. They've been dating for 4-5 years and just started the LDR but they make it work. But, they've known each since 9th grade high school and didn't coincide until the aftermath. But, they're different, even though its still hard.
Getting to know a person you've never met before. Talking to them, feeling happy, giddy, explainable because all people you've met IRL have never made you feel like that. They just disregard you as nothing but another disposable girl who they think they can spend their life with but don't want to think about.
So with this LDR you can experience the mutual awe of seeing each other. The actual looking into your eyes, the smile, the scent of their musk, feeling their hands, seeing everything... How long must you wait? Will it happen? Who goes to see who?
I'm sorry but I'm always suspicious maybe it's because sadly I've never met a man to be completely true. Not to put men down but maybe a call once a week would be nice and that's because the thoughts are more serious. I truly hate the phone but i don't when it comes to you.
People have tried wanting to meet me but I've never wanted to meet someone like I've wanted to meet you. You're a special person in my heart. I don't lose hope I'll get to meet you sooner than later but I really wish I can see you face to face. Seeing as you talk and everything else that would come with getting to know you. I dream a lot but I hope this isn't just a dream.

The ghost

ou are surrounded by so many people. So many great people but you don't talk to anybody, you're just there... floating side by side with life. You should be happy you share this wonderful life with so many but they have someone to share it with. You're just a bystander, you're just a lonely looker in, living through the happiness of others. You've wasted your time trying to make friends and in the end you notice you have none. You excited run to tell everybody of news and happiness and you go one by one to your friends and when you open your mouth with news they disappear, they were never there. You wonder what you do wrong and how to repel people but there is no explanation, it's just easier to pretend another doesn't exist when they don't affect you directly. You go on with life, sometimes people wonder about you in a memory a distant dream but never enough to care and find you ... just like "Oh, I wonder what happened to so and so?" ... and that mention is gone with the wind. People possess power, unexplained energy but with power comes responsibility and no one has control. The world has become too caring of themselves but it's ok at least you have personal responsibility. As for your friend, he/she will be fine... a lonely wanderer just trying to find the place they fit. They probably wont, though, they never have. They're just a ghost...people never see you, they pretend to but all they felt was your energy and dismiss it. Everybody will always see through you, you're not real, you never existed. If you're lucky someone will.
People find themselves and define themselves... but you're just lost in the confusion of being. How ARE you? and you never answer that honestly because there aren't answers to answer such a complicated question. In that early stage, being a teleprompter, you have to answer with the basics and most say "good" anyways when it's not true. But, who needs to push it someone finally cared enough to ask OR they were being courteous which ever by now you've learn what people just want to hear, "good", "I'm fine" etc they don't want to go into deep conversation they just want an opportunity to tell you about theirs. And you care, you care a lot until you realize that they don't care about you. They just needed a disposable friend someone to dump their troubles and keep going.
You just float, hoping that your ghost isn't completely unnoticed ...
You're brighten like the sun, come alive with laughter and a smile.
But,smiles are such a rarity that it might as well rain everyday because regardless you have no shelter. You're just a few steps away from reaching out that you fall into the depths of darkness before you reach at that hand trying to get you out...you lose and don't want to.
The smile brightens you and brings color and life but you're colorblind you can't see it... all you see is black. You don't want to be blind, you wanna see but who guides a blind person when they're blind themselves?
How can your ghost become real and not just the illusion everybody pretends not to see? We want you to be you but most would only care if you were 10 yrs younger or feel you're more mature being 10 yrs older. You're stuck in between realms part of you in and the other part of you out...There's no escape, you're trapped. You can't do it alone but you hope you can get to either side, at this point that would be an accomplishment.

The ghost

ou are surrounded by so many people. So many great people but you don't talk to anybody, you're just there... floating side by side with life. You should be happy you share this wonderful life with so many but they have someone to share it with. You're just a bystander, you're just a lonely looker in, living through the happiness of others. You've wasted your time trying to make friends and in the end you notice you have none. You excited run to tell everybody of news and happiness and you go one by one to your friends and when you open your mouth with news they disappear, they were never there. You wonder what you do wrong and how to repel people but there is no explanation, it's just easier to pretend another doesn't exist when they don't affect you directly. You go on with life, sometimes people wonder about you in a memory a distant dream but never enough to care and find you ... just like "Oh, I wonder what happened to so and so?" ... and that mention is gone with the wind. People possess power, unexplained energy but with power comes responsibility and no one has control. The world has become too caring of themselves but it's ok at least you have personal responsibility. As for your friend, he/she will be fine... a lonely wanderer just trying to find the place they fit. They probably wont, though, they never have. They're just a ghost...people never see you, they pretend to but all they felt was your energy and dismiss it. Everybody will always see through you, you're not real, you never existed. If you're lucky someone will.
People find themselves and define themselves... but you're just lost in the confusion of being. How ARE you? and you never answer that honestly because there aren't answers to answer such a complicated question. In that early stage, being a teleprompter, you have to answer with the basics and most say "good" anyways when it's not true. But, who needs to push it someone finally cared enough to ask OR they were being courteous which ever by now you've learn what people just want to hear, "good", "I'm fine" etc they don't want to go into deep conversation they just want an opportunity to tell you about theirs. And you care, you care a lot until you realize that they don't care about you. They just needed a disposable friend someone to dump their troubles and keep going.
You just float, hoping that your ghost isn't completely unnoticed ...
You're brighten like the sun, come alive with laughter and a smile.
But,smiles are such a rarity that it might as well rain everyday because regardless you have no shelter. You're just a few steps away from reaching out that you fall into the depths of darkness before you reach at that hand trying to get you out...you lose and don't want to.
The smile brightens you and brings color and life but you're colorblind you can't see it... all you see is black. You don't want to be blind, you wanna see but who guides a blind person when they're blind themselves?
How can your ghost become real and not just the illusion everybody pretends not to see? We want you to be you but most would only care if you were 10 yrs younger or feel you're more mature being 10 yrs older. You're stuck in between realms part of you in and the other part of you out...There's no escape, you're trapped. You can't do it alone but you hope you can get to either side, at this point that would be an accomplishment.

Kill to not play Yahtzee

Can someone tell me what's wrong with Minnesota and to think I wanted to visit family out there next month....
Instead of asking what is wrong I guess I can ask what is still okay there... not that california is doing any better...
I kid, I kid... I know nothing about what is really going on just that MN pops up sometimes....

So, I've heard of the game Yahtzee but never seen it, played it or know anything about it... It must be quite a game indeed though.  (sarcasm, and curiosity all at once)
This story here which I am unaware whether it's true or false (but was brought up in mass on Sunday) but it seems like its true... But, what game would make you so angry you would want to kill the person who suggested it... much more if it was you mother?
Apparently, two youngsters Jacob (17) and Andrew (18) were asked to play a game of Yahtzee around Christmas time by their mother. They apparently refused or something happened (can't assume but it was always confrontational) but the younger bro strangled mom while the other out a plastic bag over her head.
We'll never know if it started as self defense or if they were truly in the act of a malicious act.Then again strangled,bag... no so self defense more like a person vendetta to me...
Truly and utterly sad that kids have no respect for their parents...Ok, so you didn't want to play but really?Kill you mom? what kind of "f"-ed up sh*t is this... Leave and walk away... the worst part was their 25yr old half bro kept the body hidden for enough time until they were able to bury her. The body was found last week...

Would a board game make you so angry you'd wanna kill someone?
What has the world come down to? People lack empathy for others and are being desensitized to the consequences of killing.

So this is what it feels like...

We sat there watching TV and I noticed you were tense somewhat nervous and the thoughts in your mind kept you unfocused. You just weren't enjoying the movie. I worried.
"What's wrong, hun? Are you ok?" punching you on the shoulder lightly, trying to get you to smile.
Dismissing my question and action you stepped out. I worried but I figured you needed fresh air. After like 25 mins I was concerned and was about to walk out the front door to go find you. You were standing in the doorway.
"I was about to send out a search... " You were too serious to joke around, you just stared blankly. "Are you okay?"
Still no word came from your mouth, I felt uneasy and frightened. I had never felt so insecure. I take a couple steps back, it was obvious you were concealing something so I thought it was best to leave. As I was turning to leave the room you grab my arm and I quickly turned frightened and stare blankly into you eyes but suddenly see you were holding 7 long stem roses.
Deep within I let go of the front and take a deep sigh, I was so relieved and in awe. You had really scared me for a second. I accepted them and gave you a soft kiss on the lips. It had been a while since our lips touched. Enjoying the moment, I fully embraced you with more, savoring every soft touch of your lips, and the taste of your mouth. But, I had to put the flowers in water.
"Hold that thought," I winked and take my flowers. I get the only vase I have and take it to the sink to add water and place the 7 roses nicely distributed. But then I notice there was something strange about one. And why did you pick 7? Must be because it's my favorite number or the number of months we've been a couple but we've only been dating for 6. I picked up the 7th rose and stare at  it and realize that it wasn't a real rose looking at it closely.
"Babe, can... " I turn around
You were on you knee... "Open it."
And I, of course, do as I'm told. It was a beautiful rose like box with diamond earrings. You being on your knee really threw me off. I chuckled and felt happy, saddened and relieved all at once. I kiss him in the lips and help him up. I had felt very nervous for the moment but you have always known how to keep me on my toes. A nice gift.
We start to walk back to the living room and you ask, "Babe, you want a popcicle?"
"Sure,hun."
It was taking you a while to find them, it's not like the freezer is that big or has much. "uh... Do you need help?"
"No, no I got this..."
"Hurry, you've already missed a lot of the movie!"
After all that shuffling you finally come back and hand me my popcicle....
I laughed, "Darling, was it really that hard to find?" He embarrassingly smiles. "And, Why did you give me earring? They're so expensive."
You thoughtfully look at me and get on one knee, "So that you can wear them on our wedding day." My heart starts racing, and I nearly hyperventilating not knowing what to say, you pull out this little black box from your pocket, "Would you spend the rest of your life and eternity with me... Watching movies and eating Popsicles?"
Excitedly, I get closer to you. Hold your face and look in the depths of your eyes. Enjoying every moment, living in your eyes. I hug you and give you another kiss.
"Ahem, Is that a yes or a no?"
"Haha, yes, Cariño!" and he slips the ring in my finger.
We finish the movie in deep thought, my big sighs of thoughts of what tomorrow will bring with you, the endless smiles, the holding hands and me leaning my head on your shoulder.

So this is what it feels like... *sigh*


[I'm sorry, I'm a dreamer, and it's my fantasy dreams I have. This didn't happen. And it's not the most perfect setting or way but yea... it happens this way.]

Times are changing, and I don't feel like cooking

I've been cooking since I could remember. I almost want to say I've been in the kitchen since I was 10 but sometimes I think it was earlier. We've always been a big family: my dad, mom, sis, 2 bros and myself (well before my son was born) but my mom when we were young use to baby-sit and sometimes from 4-8kids. My mom has always been a house wife and has alwaysmanaged to know how to make a littleincome from home.But, since there was so many kids and I was to oldest I had to grow up fairly quickly. I wasn't allowed to play much bcause it wasn't lady like. I always had to be sitting and stay put. Myresponsibilities have always been there without question making sure everything runs smoothly.. IN fact when it comes to money both my parents trust me more than they trust themselves which is something I would love to change because I can't be there P.A. (Personal Assistant) forever if I everplan toget marriede. i know they can handle their own things but it's easier I do it for them. I've been their right hand person for as long as I could remember. I remember being young and knowing their finances so I felt guilty not havingshoes and not having the guts to tell them (kids made fun of me in school, I never told a soul until now, it hurt like no other but I also didn't have the heart to put my parents through more hardship). My sibling always asked and they received and I would tell them to wait but they couldn't they didn't know how my parents did their best and got them what they needed and I still couldn't.
So anyways, I had to learn to cook at a young age just so my mom would have enough time to do everything she needed to do. And my sister being 2 yrs younger helped watched the kids. She has always been more a kid person.  So I have been cooking for groups of 8-10 people plus all my life. Now,there was a small problem when my sister moved out, well it's been almost 2 yrs and it still feels like it was yesterday. I couldn't move out for obvious reasons, my mom had had her car accident and being the oldest it was my responsibility and she still needed help and a lot of rides which prevented me from holding a job (even up to now but the time has arised where I can start looking now) With my sister out of the picture, cooking became a little difficult she use to request a lot of my cooking so I would make some of what she wanted. One of my bros had a baby in january and moved out shortly after. Another big change, we all of sudden stopped cooking certain foods, soups and such he loved. we tried making some one day we thought he was going to come over and it went to waste.We decided we weren't making anything of them anymore. We're currently 5 people, 4 adults and 1 child.
Cooking has changed somuch that I've lost my inspiration. It feels like no one is there to appreciate it, to enjoy it anymore. My other hardly eats at home anymore and my dad  well sometimes...well in the evening dinner and usually rather late. Danny has his own food he picks from what he wants and he asks specifically. He claims I'm his personal chef, I wish I was getting paid lol. So meanwhile I'm cooking from 1-3 people at a time and frankly I'm having a bit of a hard time adjusting. I suspect that sometime near the future it's just going to be just us 2 and a bigger adjustment will be in order although really tough, since my parents were gone the weekend  Danny couldn't stop asking for them especially my dad, "When is dad coming home?" and all I could do is tell him he had to wait, he loves them and misses them both no doubt it can be a tough transition.
I'm trying to cope the change in cooking arrangements, but I'm not feeling it. I guess it brought joy when they enjoyed it or when I saw them eat it but since we're so little there is less enjoyment. I can't tell if they enjoy it or just eat because. I avoid going to the kitchen much except for water,it's even taken away appetite (not that it's a bad thing) but the kitchen makes me sad and lonely. I at wished at times I had someone to share it, I think it's my turn. The family is all grown but I'm still there.My other bro was telling me he might move out in a couple weeks. He tells me but isn't going to tell the  parents (and he hopes the plans don't fall through) but all I can think of is more  added pressure on my back. (I know a bit selfish even though no one helps me deal with everything but having someone else there to take the heat when someone else has a bad truly helps. I guess I just suddenly feel like all my sibs have abandoned me and they don't it and well they don't care because they think the pressure I take is a choice or they can't do anything. I try and have them be as nice as possible to mom for selfish reasons but because  if they or she get mad they can just walk away. Must be nice. My bro who is thinking about leaving is the only person I talk to generally and my mom gets mad when we're talking and laughing (which isn't too  often but she wants to be included, that can't always happen) I guess she feels left out, she needs friends , so I guess he is the closest person I have IRL. No other sibling of mine, I've been able to get along in that mental level. He tellsmea lot about him and I tell him about me. I think he's the closest person to knowing who i am, the real me. He's a boy so he tends to be less judgmental will listen and actually hear me out. He's the only one out side of xanga in person who I've allowed to see my poems and he gets them. He can be a little protective when I speak of guys, lol he treats me like a younger sister,  I'm 26 and he's 19.
It's never been easy for me to trust. I don't take friendships lightly which is why friends are hard for me take in because as much as friends as suppose to be, I don't feel they've learn to accept. I've met great people here on xanga and so far only one who I feel has accepted me for me, but life is a challenge.
Times are chagingm which is verygood, I guess it makes me a little sad at times. I guess I hoped that the change in my life would come earlier than the change in my siblings' lifes but then again it did at 20 but but hoping for more. Suddenlycousins are having families, are married and I'm one of the middle ones, friends are settling down, getting married and being happy with their own new families but I'm still just there. I guess I''being a littleselfish. I've hadto wait,well a decision if you will, mine. I guess I wasnt ready and now that I am I wish I could make up for lost time but it never works like that.
The treasure I use to uphold for cooking is almost gone. Even if it's me and Danny, I wont be able to cook the same. I guess in my mind when I was young my "Godfather" told me, keep a man happy in the stomach and he will love you forever. I know it's a little dumb but I mean it's all I've had. People enjoy it, but it's not the way to a person's heart at all. I mean, I don't know what it takes for even embed myself in person's heart but I'm sure it's not easy. Then I wonder if somebody would ever truly want me... It's hard to explain. I guess it's tough coming to a realization that a family of 2, is a tight but broken family and it's something many don't understand.
Family has always meant the world to me, maybe more than I actually express it but I seems as though I care more than they ever did. I just hope one day I can have that feeling of it falling in place together. Maybe when we all have of somebody and we can come together and talk in all seriousness but it just seems so far away like in the 10 yrs plus and then I think I would be in my mid 30s and it depresses me, lol.
You know the feeling of sometimes waiting or continuing life and nothing happens. I mean regardless it continues and it can't stop. But I do wonder sometimes (I know, it's not good) where I'll in 5 yrs, 10 yrs, 15 yrs... but where ever the wind takes me should be just as grand not like I have a choice anyways. I do hope there is a nice strong change in the wind for me, for the better, of course!
I see my son so happily playing with kids it relieves me he'll be starting school soon but it makes m think so much. He's 5 going on 6. He's been an only child. I, at least, got to grow up with my sis (2 yrs younger) even though she beat me up a lot lol and got me into trouble (oh well, haha) and my twin bros grew up together too. Dan's had a different life, not having to share much not even me (very jealous boy) but he's had all his needs and I think a lot of love too, he's been spoiled as well but what can you do... Life is changing constantly. And it's been interesting...
I do hope I gain some motivation to cook someday again... If I get married it would be nice but what if the husband doesn't like my cooking? Well, it helps I love learning new things and dishes... oh well, it's too soon to even think about that.

REVENGE is not justice

There are so many people who confused revenge/vengeance with justice, it's ridiculous. Yes, PLEASE take justice into your own hands and claim it taking justice into to your own hands... be a hero and a now claim be a vigilanty (except not)... and bring help people who can't do it... I mean we  all know the authorities aren't doing their job right?  Or they wont prevent...

With the human race being so caught with themselves and how great they look taking matters into their own hand...We just might have War... oh  wait?!!!! I think we have some those already! religious difference, trying to bring rights to others, over power.. Yes!  ... I mean I admit I'm sure I would bring havoc to the world and those who ever harmed those who I loved  (with justification...haha ironic right, actually that's why we have authorities doing their jobs, then again most of society think that they don't do an adequate job anyways) Oh wait, it depends where you live also, huh? What side of the tracks you live in...Yes, I know... I've lived in the wrong side, too, but seriously how many would plot and go and kill ... that would make you just as worse or worse than those people... sometimes it happens in circumstance... wrong place, wrong time... sadly, it happens. In fact, give them the death penalty sure...

But, what's worse is people who hold grudges over something so insignificant... let go...
As much as I am for the Death Panalty and bringing justice into those who have suffered with pain, loss, and all that beautiful chaos...

I am deep for forgiveness also... Odd combination you say? Well, yes, yes it is!!

S/he cheated on you... aren't you better off anyways?

S/he doesn't love you? " "

emotional, physical pain... come on people walk away get therapy and lead happy lives...
A person who certainly wouldn't mentally deal with the possibility of her life changing... hmm well she sure did better 
Psycho Wife soon to be Ex-Wife  <---link
(yes, I'm sure cutting away your husband's manhood might make you feel ok for a second but once you realize it's gone honey you can't reattach and I'm sure someone will notice... Is jail or a psych ward really worth this?)
Vengeance for someone wanting to leave you? I'm sure it is (raise eyebrow) ... *smh* Maybe don't forgive him but you would be happier away from him it's one of those times...You ARE ****ing crazy!!.... Omg

When we get stuck in the path and we have lost years for having crappy people in our lives... well "LIVE AND LEARN".. are you happy they're gone, no probably not but being in emotional pain forever is worth... stop thinking about them and you're alive, YAY!!! Well partially alive but that's beyond the point... (Don't hold grudge, life moves on and you'll live, I promise - Unless you do something stupid)

Death is harder to forgive or walk away from ...
I'm sure Sammay Blackwell  (<---link) now knows how crazy people... yeah, being innocently confused and easily mistakable for someone sure justifies what "Bringing justice to your own hands" is and would have done and harmed an innocent. Thank you society for always telling us what is best. And justifying by thinking it was someone else...
Revenge and Grudges sure make life worth living... I guess Forgiveness is too cliche nowadays... *weigh your options*
I  wont hold it against you unless you're against me... 

Although, I do see many more who "talk the talk" rather than "walk the walk" which is ok in this sense but sometimes it's stupid...
Just don't take Justice into your own Hands... Hire someone... duh!!

You don't need to look for it when it comes to your door

Well kind of funny story if well kind of to me. This time I wasn't scared but more amused at the situation although don't get me wrong a small fear sparked thinking for my son. It's the only protective sense I get, the motherhood one.
Let me back track just a bit, my parents are leaving to north CA (left this early morning) for the weekend and they begged and pleaded for us to go, the only siblings left in the house,the oldest being me and the youngest being the 2nd twin born. So he has the weekend off and my mom thought it would be perfect even though we disagree. I'm 26 and he's 19 as much as we love our parents dearly we also need a break from them.
Anyways, so last night a couple comes and visits my mom from the prayer group she's been going to and as they were leaving there was a another car in our drive way. We live in the high desert, a calm neighborhood (apparently surrounded by underground factories so there must be a lot skants (meth users) every where) but so as that couple left there was another car and I know this because my parents and brother told me... When the people left all I remember is hearing cars leave... my bro left and my dad left... My mom was asking where had everybody gone, no clue.
The people who were parked in our driveway (an older couple) we don't know them  my bro thought it was my parents' lawyers... well there was a black (chrysler, I wanna say) car who had been chasing them and the people ran out street since we live in a culdesac and came and parked in with us..., thank you strangersfor bringingdanger to our home... so My brother rebel and fearless (if you'llcallit that) left to guide the older people out of the neighbor for theirprotection.... and my dad left (I don't even know why) but he didn't know what was going on or that he was being followed by that black car but he came back soonly after probably when he saw my bro went to Little Ceasars's Pizza where he works...
My bro goes to his work and sits inside they always have a single chair... there as one of his friends co-workers smokes a cigarrette in his break...  I apparently that car has pulled up a couple time behind the 4-runner to get it our lisence plate and all... Soonly after the people from the car come to my bro's friend ask ask him "Is this your ride?" talkign about the 4-runner and he said it was...I don't know what quite happened but that led to a fight of some sort and one of those people following the oldpeople (trying to claim hood or somethihng) got their a** beat for being stupid... So my bro when they saw that happening go outside incase the other people in the car were going to come out too... Those people left. My bro's friend told him about themseeing the license plate and asked why didn't he tell him, the friend said it was all too fast.
Honestly, when my parents were telling me even though they had a serious face and were using it as means to make us go to go to North Ca.. I started laughing. I was nervous... nervous some strangers had been parked in the driveway... nervous that these people who were following the old people knew/know where we live, nervous that they were jumped by my bro's work, nervous that they can come back, they can get weapons, can find reinforcements... But, my bro and I decided to stay... A lil afraid that they can come to the house,fear for my son because if anything goes down (I've never been a fighter, always a lover) but you bet that when it comes down to it... I will go crazy...I just know it...
The when my bro told it to me gave me an adrenaline rush. I was a lil paranoid until I fell asleep. At least this time my dad was around...  about 6-7 months my same bro had a threatening call which kept us up in high alert all night... and since that moment  on I thought that I wasn't going to have much fear. It surely makes me want to have the gun I told myself as a youngin I was going to get at 18...(never did) I would still love the own one, learn to use it properly and keep it in case of anything... Nowadays nothing is safe it's better to feel secure and have it in a safe where kids wont know how to get in.
My parents left this morning... hopefully they get to relax which they wont since we're home.
I just find it funny how these thing just happen. the first threat was by some friends my bro had...got rid of them... he is not gang affiliated and he knows not to bring sh*t home because I think I would go just as crazy on him for bringing danger to the house. But, we will never be to escape the dangers from the world... I just don't want my son to see that light. When we moved from where I grew up (a place where you have one of the beautiful missions the 4th built in CA) and where we use to live was in between 2 of the most prominent gang affiliated streets... with rivals always trying to take over...no way to grow up... And sadly kids see that everyday.
But, I refuse to allow my son see or live in such fear. By nature he already builds his own "guns" and ways to attack bad guys a and I know it's not because anything I've said but he knows there are bad people who exist.
Interesting how life is...

YOU are not the world...

Yes, that is actually the book that I have in my hand. You may laugh or not... it actually makes me cry when I read it.

#TheGivingTree

I don't know how many have looked at it, I mean it's been around for years. I remember seeing it when I was a little and I've gotten a hold of many books I read as a child for sentimental value and hoping I'd be able to pass them them down. Besides we know that schools change...

Anyway,
We're all aware of what we have all become mostly unto ourselves and our selfish gains. We see people in need and sometimes don't even have the audacity to even look at them. We turn our heads like they're nothing. Sometimes we don't tell people what we're going through because we know people will look at us like trash, hey... we see society do it all the time. Why would we be any different? People have money, people work hard for that money, people are barely making ends meet with that money and people have families to feed- Well most... some don't have kids anymore... too costly, too much of their time....

Nowadays,some homeless aren't even asking for money anymore... to be honest they just want to eat and survive. How hard can it be to give them something you just bought. Sure, it might be taking a little away from your table but you just saved someone from starvation. If you're like many, you know how to shop around so that you can make ends meet. It's the way of life right now but just because it's hard for us it's even harder for others still...

We all like to live in this little bubble and pretend everything in the world is ok and it's not... We see our clean neighborhoods but go to a ghetto and see how those children are suffering. See how kids are actually dying from lack of nutrition and clothes... Sometimes we don't even need to go to a 3rd world country to see how bad people are suffering and thank goodness people do go out and volunteer and try and make the world a better place but it's not that easy.

I saw my little child's book laying around as I'm cleaning... and I see the tree... and this little boy... and I start thinking of that little boy being all of us in this society thinking we can have anything we want when we ask for it. Sure when we're young we don't know any better.. loved ones always helped guide.... It was all fun and games... love and laughter, eating and sleeping, life and shelter... And the best way to show appreciation was by giving hugs and being there...

But, as we grow new interests arise and we don't quite have the time anymore like we use to... But, we still have our comfort... we still take... And that support is still there but sadly abandoned... we don't appreciate it as much anymore... we seek gain... a family, money, house ... and we take.... but since we have nothing to give in return... we take....

Something we have embedded in our minds as a society (here) is our rights. We don't understand how other's don't have certain rights. We try and push for them to have the same but with different places and countries to be the same is almost impossible. We want everybody to be equal but we're not equal here...there's racism, sexism, discrimination, so many more issues but we turn our heads and pretend they don't concern us... we have drug addicts having kids without proper care, kids being born OD'ed, people just dying, can't afford health care, inflation, recession, no jobs, barely can afford a roof over your heads, no food in the table at least once a week. people working for minimum...

Think about what if we didn't have these rights? What would it be like? We barely have room to breath but it's our right... people think it's a right to offend people... no, it's a right to speak you mind with reason

Stop taking and taking and expecting it's your right...

Stop being so freakin' selfish world... (I mean people of the world and not all people, Americans)

I bet you, you know at least 10-20 who are depressed, suicidal, have some type of issue... most wont even tell you... (turn to your right and left, your neighbor, friend but no one is there now... Why? Because you've never taken an interest. Stop looking and pretending the world ends at the tip of your nose... Yes, many of us selfish people are depressed too but helping someone overcome might bring happiness and light to others... We can't mope around in our tears and pretend it will go away... talking to others and seeing what they're going through will actually help...

A smile goes a long way.

I'm not saying be a super... but don't close yourself to a possibility. Just make a few people smile everyday and it will go a long way...I promise!!

A smile will give hope...
Hope in society is what we need...

We need to try and prevent instead of trying to condone after something bad has happened

So many smart people walking around like headless chickens....


Sorry for the small #rant and #venting

Is there life after death or you're just dead?

So, Death has literally been on my mind since I was like 12-13 yrs old. It's something I've thought about many times and I am actually quite sure there are many people who feel the same way. We all think of it in different levels and many of us just don't know what to think. I have personally thought about it and I'm  not sure what happens although I know there are spirits ghosts, call it what you like.... many in my family have seen them and we have felt the supernatural in our presence even those eerie evil feelings. I can't quite explain what they are, or what they were but the fear of having that negative energy by your bedside and you know knowing that  the only thing you can do is but pray and hope it goes away... I know a lil cliche for some of you but it's true... We have lived in quite a few house and something has always happened ( I don't know if they're haunted or what that even entitles) ... but, mainly, my parents or mostly my dad are aware of it and it happens mainly to the males of the family (dad, and 2 bros in our last house and vividly and constantly) actually 2 weeks before we were going to move weird things started happening and and in the last week when my mom was in the hospital about to have surgery we had to move... those last few days we didn't spend the night there and left... I don't know why or how to explain but there was a strong presence.
I'll be honest at many points in my life I have fantasized about taking my life (which is not what I'm writing about) and I written some short stories quite similar very women misogynistic ... But I don't hate women in any form I just think sometimes some don't know how to cope with everythign (Anyways, sorry off topic and in a tangent) But, really what would scare me away was the thought of what would happen after...Do we just face death and we feel peace, is it over? Would we get punished... like is there hell, heaven, purgatory, or nothing... What happens? And I'm sure many have asked this before...
Yesterday I wrote a pulse What happens when you die? And I got a variety of answers and actually i don't think it depends on what we believe or what science says... regardless we're all going to die and frankly we'll either find out or not... Who knows. I know religious beliefs lead us to conclude something and so does none believing but that doesn't quite answer the question of what actually happens when we die... @buddy71 suggested I write a post about death and so I am and maybe I can hear more about what you actually all think...
So there is a movie which I enjoy a lot and one of my favorite I have to say... If you haven't watched it please do... there is so much there but I'm probably going to spoil it for you right now so oh well... nevermind. It's called What Dreams May Come and it actually deals with death and coping and what's real, soul mates, happiness... Most of movie actually takes place in the alternate world, what we would actually consider to  be "heaven", technically, but not heaven how we would imagine being side by side with the lord or even meeting him. It's more like we die and God is still up there watching over you but it's more like your own personal paradise and what not... very beautiful I'd say and peaceful and by the way it isn't a religious movie either, just fyi ... but it does cross to what the ideals of heaven and hell which I guess it's something most have embedded into their mind and it's hard to think there is nothing after.
It does romanticed on love and soul mate and a suicide which the wife committed after she lost her kids to a crash and then lost her husband to another accident... She didn't go to heaven actually she went to hell but a different type of hell... it was interesting how they portrayed hell (there was no mention of the devil,but maybe implied idk)... like there are different levels, which what I felt about heaven but maybe I was over analyzing it, but because she was a suicide she was in a part of hell in which she didn't know she was dead but she was living through her own insanity... so basically her pucnishment was to live the rest of eternity suffering for the same reason she had already taken her life... It doesn't go into too much detail about the other parts of hell but you can definitely see the chaos and the misery...
Because I just remembered, the husband, when he died at first he didn't know or realize he was dead... he was like a floating spirit and when he realized he was he wanted to be there with her the whole time which actually caused the wife more pain because of the mourning  which brings me to a blog written by @GrimRpr000 about death and his experiences "Death and afterlife" which he talked about having faced death and having and out of body experience but being brought back we don't get to see the whole picture although it's quite amazing hearing what he said... What happens if when we die we see ourselves and then continue to keep going... we're actually dead... What happens next....
So after hearing about ghosts, spirits; What do you do have to say about them? Are they "the dead" but sticking around?
Why don't we ever see family  around who has passed... Is there more after death? Is there a God there or mainly we just go to an alternate world? Why would be need an alternate world? Or do we just fantasize and it's all  illusions of the brain? But if they are illusions why do they happen to more people in the world? Are we Crazy? Or is there really something more that no one can truly explain?
What are you thoughts? What happens after we die?

A Survery YAY! Taken from @Cestovatelka who was taken from @RazielV

Ok so I'm techinically stealing this but I prefer borrowing haha!! SO I borrowed this from @Cestovatelka but since she stole it from @RazielV  lol jk ... she borrowed it too. I'm bored and I've been lagging on what I really want to write about

1. Think of the last person you kissed. Do they mean anything to you now?:
hmmm.... when was my last kiss.... been a while... and I guess you can say no.

2. Have you seen the last person you texted naked?:
No

3. What is something you really want right now?:
Something I "REALLY" want right now would be to meet people and stuff ;)

4. Is it okay to have crushes while in a relationship with someone else?:
A crush can be an issue and mean there is something wrong in the relationship and should be addressed properly. In my suggestion probably not acting on the crush would be best and weight the situation which would best be suited for your life. Asking why you have a crush while you're in a relationship would be a great start. I've never had a crush while in a relationship but I've had crushes while dating which means that there is a lost of interest or the person I was dating sort of just left me hanging and I just found a new interest. A relationship should have a stronger foundation of course.

5. How long do you think you should date someone before you get engaged?:
Hmmm... this is hard and it definitely is completely up to the emotional level the couple has. My parents only new other for like 3 months when my mom left her country to follow my dad. Never been engaged but if he was the right person and everything was right... why not? You spend your whole life getting to know a person anyways. And, I don't believe in divorce so they get use to me and I get use to them or we'll make a fun game of making our lives a living hell...

6. Where do you see yourself in ten years?:
I certainly didn't see that this would be my turn out 10 yrs ago. I choose not to assume what I think will happen in 10 yrs but I do hope happy with someone in my life. And if not still happily in my own place with a 15 yr old (teens) in my household... ouch!

7. Can you write with both hands?:
write as in physical writing or type with both hands? hmmm well can type some what with both hands... write I'm right handed but I've always practiced my left hand as well just in case... it's not that great since I haven't used it much for years

8. Is virginity something sacred and should wait for marriage? Or is virginity no big deal to you?:
both...  but, it also depends on the mental stability of the couple and the reasoning for not waiting. I'm obviously not a virgin being a single mother but at one point in my life I did think I was going to be a virgin the day of marriage so I could wear a white dress (but people wear white anyways) but I respect those that hold it dear to them... when I lost mine I gave it to a special person at the time so to each their own. It's more of how you value yourself and what you feel comfortable with.

9. What's your sexuality? Have you ever questioned it? How old were you when you figured out you were definitely straight, or bi, or whatever?:
Umm... I'm straight... I love Men and I don't think I would ever be able to be a woman then again haha ... I've questioned a little but mainly because of my disappointment with guys and their lack to commit and know what they want. So, the farthest I've gone is bi-curious. I've always known I've been straight and that I want a traditional man or someone who will keep in on my toes but I've always known.

10. What do you think of open relationships?:
It's quite hard to answer this one... Can't say I have or haven't been in one... But, being single is hard enough to keep your walls and protect yourself. Now, if you're in an open relationship you have to guard extra high because it's just like benefits and getting to know each other with the realization that you can find someone else and the other person has to  be fine with it because those are the rules or visa versa they find someone else and you have to pretend or just be ok with it. Just imagine you fall in love which would be a "no go" unless you both have a very open and communicative relationship. Or a don't ask, don't tell policy. I like to think that when a person is with me, they're with me. But, it depends on the 2 people... I'm not jealous type but I prefer exclusive.

11. Have you ever been bullied? What for? How does it affect you today?:
hmmm... not physically because I was a tall girl in my days... I was like 5'4" or 5'5" in middle school as soon as my growth spurt happened. But, rumors were spread about me... I was not picked on but it felt like everybody was looking at me then again I don't know... I didn't notice things except a couple times when some people pushed me for being in their way.  So, no not bullied but I'm always against kids bullied kids...

12. What are your favorite girl's names?:
To be quite honest I don't have favorite girls names... it's something I would want to share with someone if I ever had a girl. I don't think too much of names.  umm... Katheryn (Kay),Cynthia, Yess, Rose, Isabelle, Bella, Some that pop to my head...

13. What about boy's names?:
Umm... boys my favorite name of all time has and is Daniel (Dan, Danny)... which is my son's middle name and if I would have had a girl she would have been named Danny too... just saying. but, like I said about the girls I typically don't think about but I wouldprefer boys to girls so ... Ethan, Tony, Gregory, Raymond, Kenneth (kenny), Andy(I've always liked it as the full name would be subjective),  David, Jude, Edward(Ed, Eddie, Erick), There are many more that I know I like but I can't think right now...

14. Are you continuing your education?:
One day maybe... I would love to...

15. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?:
grandma gave it to me

16. How many people have you dated?:
well, hmmm... as in bf only one Arturo, I'm not sure if I was dating but was talking to and kind of seeing Bobby, Tony we were talking and hanging out - yea, I guess dating, and um... Jeff went out on dates... so yea... not sure what is defined as dating, or talking.. unsure...

17. What are three of your biggest fears?:
three big fears...hmmm... house burning down while I'm in it, being surrounded completely by ants and them crawling on me... and I would freak out if there was spiders in every corner of my room I would just leave.

18. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who was it?
haha... besides my son... ;D my lil secret... Wouldn't you nosy people like to know... There has only been one fortunate person besides my son's dad to ever hear me say something so remotely personal to them...

19. What do you think of sexism and double-standards?:
it exists... deal with it...

20. Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?:
hmmm.... Can't remember...

21. Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with an A?:
Yes.

22. How much money do you make a week (or bi-weekly, if you get paid that way)?:
currently, does debt count?

23. Do you think kids without jobs should get money from their parents for gas, car insurance, spending money, etc.?:
I didn't ... it was hard. It depends on their responsibilities and it what they're involved with. I'm for kids finishing school. It could be that I would give them as long as their grades are good and they're active in school activities.

24. Are you saving up for anything big right now? What is it?:
trying but not happening... i'm suppose to travel in a month and I have nothing... how about them apples.

25. Are you confident with your appearance? What do you like best about it?:
There are certainly a couple features I like and some the opposite sex like so ... yeah...

26. What would you like to change about it?:
I would change everything... literally I would ... sorry

27. Has anyone ever spelt your name wrong?:
Haha I go all the time spelling my name wrong... I would always make the mistake of spelling it "reyn" like (Rain) people pronounce it wrong

28. Do you know anyone that smokes pot?:
Yes, yes I do ...

29. Do you have any deep, dark secrets you haven't told anyone?:
I guess I have some... I've told a few... some know here and there... I don't know if one person knows everything but I see it as I want to forget and move on...

30. Who are your three best friends you can go to when you're upset about something?:
n/a ... xanga...

31. Last time you cried over another person? Why?:
umm... a lil while ago and not telling...

32. Name three dream careers you'd love to have.:
I would love to be an entrepeneur  ... so I would like to do all all the same times... Small business holder (an investment), massage therapy (which I can do btw), teach music lessons, Spanish- English translator, and there is more I would love to do ... I love being busy and doing things.

33. Does talking about the future make you happy, sad, scared, or something else?:
Well, it scares me at first but once I'm comfortable with the idea I'm comfortable with it and it makes me happy, excited, sad, and scared...there is so much that can happen.

34. What would you wear on your wedding day?:
I've always wanted to design my own wedding dress and I hope I get to... but we'll see... When I was younger I use to draw a lil but I don't know about material so maybe I'll just trust a designer... I want that day to be special for the both of us...

35. When people try to put you down, how do you handle it?:
I cry... I can't handle it... or I get mad and cry... but once I get really mad I get very defensive...

36. Do you delete the numbers of people you've gotten into fights with or just don't talk to anymore? Why or why not?:
no, I don't I rarely delete number in case I need them... I write down notes sometimes

37. Do you talk to any of your best friends from middle school? What about elementary school?:
I was one from middle school and yes we speak... I talk to people from elementary... I didn't have bffs then...
38. Do you fit in at work or in school?:
I never fit which makes me special...

39. Do you want any tattoos or piercings at the moment? What are they?:
Maybe, this is up for discussion... i never do something without an approval from a close friend (which is odd for me since I don't have close friends haha) but it's true

40. Where do you wish you were right now?:
visiting a different state

41. What religion are you? How long have you been practicing?:
well, I'm still catholic and been practicing since I was born... how about that...

42. Do you think someone can be "born" into a religion, even if they can't grasp the concept of a religion until they're older?:
I think they are which is what the parents do to guide and what Godparents are for... according to my knowledge. Kids understand what they get use to understanding.

43. Are you a feminist? Why or why not?:
If I'm for women's' rights yes I am ... but I've also been called sexist by friends because although I accept all of our freedoms and want equal rights... I'm still more traditional... haha I know this coming from a single mother... hmmm.... I always wanted the head of the household to be the man... ideally... I lived in a different time sphere... but rights should always be there and available which allows us to live life how ever we please.

44. Are you pro-choice or pro-life when it comes to abortion?
ok, the titles are misleading regardless ... but if I had a title I would be Pro-life because I value life... I'm all for women to have a choice but I don't agree and abortion should be a form of birth control. Protect yourself from the beginning or face consequences from your stupidity.  (that's all I'm saying)

45. Do you think gays should have the right to marry and adopt children?:
of course they should. They love each other, pay taxes why shouldn't they have the benefit other couples do... sure they can't have children themselves but do you know how many children are homeless in need of a loving home. I think when people have love they should be entitled to take kids in and bring them into society in better terms than being in foster homes, unloved (assumption, could or could not be true), parentless, oveless... without an actual home.  It's not only a right for a homosexual couple but a right kids can have as well. A better live.

46. How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember who it was?:
haha... oh yea I do... I was 10....my biggest crush in the world... his name was Danny... haha!! I know, I know... anyways... he actually hit on me a few months ago and 16 years later... haha. It was flattering...he's still cute as ever... very tall, white, hazel eyes but unfortunately he's not my type or a person I would ever like to pursue.

47. What about first kiss? Who was it? Was it good?:
first kiss well I'll be honest... I've lied about this in the past. I've said my ex was my first kiss which he was in a sense but my first kiss was when I was 15 just a yr before my bf... I was in a musical in a community theater ( I got talked into it by a friend... I'm not the acting kind or even being in front of people kind but I sure sacrificed my self, lol, singing and wearing tight clothes, and showing a lil skin... yea there was an orgy which was pg-ed for our young selves... thank goodness) anyways so I think he was like 18-19 maybe or older I don't even know... but he was one of the main guys in the show and we just kissed in the lips and that was it. Nothing sparked, nothing happened but he liked me and well I avoided him...lol  typical me running away from situations...

48. Do you agree with the American standard of beauty (blue eyes, blond hair, tan skin, fit, etc.)?:
Hmmm.... I didn't know this was the "All American Standard" but those guys are a lil hot at times but their not my type of males ( I love green eyes, more rare than blue) Blond meh... light brown, not blond blond... tan well it's the sun, don't go to tanning booths... lol I like real people not fake... So, if you're with me or like me and I like you back I accept you as you are. =D

49. When is your birthday?:
January 7th

50. Will tomorrow be better than today?:
Well any day has a potential of being a better day... Just depends who participates to make my day all that much better.

What I look for in a ...

Man....
So I wrote these back in Feb so just because I have something I've been wanting to write but it will take time and maybe tonight or tomorrow but I've been lagging on the topic because I've been lazy... but I did enjoy the read...

This is how I see basic of a potential and then some type of person bold are my new added

1. I love tall men.... I am 5'5" and 3/8ths (well I've been measured twice so I'm 5'6" or 66 inches (?))  so any person who is tall so I can wear 3-4 inch heals is perfect. A man 5'10"+ but I definitely prefer the plus. I actually lowered the height since I was meeting people less than 6ft but seriously 6'2" and up would be just wonderful for me, I don't know why... but I love the height! =D 

2. I like that he knows his limits. He knows where he can be crafty, sarcastic, funny or when to be serious. Playful or not. There at times for everything... And we must know when the time is adequate.

3. Someone who is proud of what he does. I like to hear about their job, workers, bosses... People they interact with. A person who enjoys having a conversation about nothing but is open enough to allow me to be apart of their day. What type of a job doesn't matter as long as he is happy where he is going with what he is doing...

4. Their physique- I don't care if they are slim to a lil more to love... but you know even  throughout their  body- proportioned. I am not thin... I am a curvy girl...but I don't see it in a bad way. I think I am proportioned ok...

5. Smart is a must. I love brains, nerds, wits. I love being challenged and I love being wrong but only if I am wrong. I like to be proved wrong so I can fight it to be proved right. I like a mental challenge. It's my excitement. The more they know the more I feel encourage to keep up and expand. If you talk to me and I have to look up what you say. I will more likely stick around more. (you don't know I look up stuff though, for the most part)

6. Race doesn't matter, Skin tone doesn't matter, Hair (color, or texture) doesn't matter, Eye color... I'm a sucker for green eyes but it doesn't matter, Big feet- big hands... don't matter... size wont matter.... Nothing here matters, because who they are is the important part. 

7. Personality- yea I need a stronger one. I've always been a lil shy so someone to bring out my wild side... or someone to tame the small wild side I do have. Open minded willing to have fun or willing to be a little different at times. Flexible. I do admit I will be a little dominant at times... my personality has been growing stronger... but I hope you like a small challenge after all I am Mexican. 
 As you can see many people can fit this criteria since I didn't mention age but I do find those fairly close to my age range a lot more attractive. I was born in 1985 and I'm 26 so I don't typically go for more than a year and half younger and I older that's up to be debatable but I for sure will not go for 8-9 older... I don't know I guess we all have taste and i feel the closer we are at age the more we can grow together in experiences and life. And it's not only about me being attracted obviously... he needs to fit  and still fit his ideal girl... what a challenge... I hope it can be done. And these are simple and generalized =]

P.S. Forgot to mention earlier. I love voices especially deep bass voices ;)(bonus  points) and if you can sing you gotta teach me... :)  Minor requirement... teach me how to play chess =D