So I was pretty much gone all day and well  when I come home I guess the little door to Danny's little hamster "baby kitty"  had been left opened and I guess his little hamster might be around the house if not dead. The good thing is that well at least cats don't come inside but if he were to go out... lunch to a cat. I know Danny was a little sad but  I am still hoping he'll come out... I don't know. He was cute and fun to watch...

I am like them

So I have been thinking for quite sometime and well I have two very strong characters coming from my parents... which I hate it from them... specially when they use them against each other or try and manipulate... I have been noticing them more and more specially on them and then realizing them on me....
1.) My mom is a very emotional person at times although she is a rock at times and so mean...
Well I am the same way... I'll cry over the little things but I can be very head straight... I hate my emotional size because it makes me really weak when my buttons are pushed or I am depressed... mind you those buttons canno be pushes by anybody...usually only my self which brings me to my next one.
2.) My dad is a very indifferent person... and it sucks because he uses it on my mom as though he doesn't care and she hates it and starts crying because she feels he doesn't care but it's because he doesn't show it or doesn't want to... I get a little mad at both because they try and manipulate each and they both get hurt and whine about each other.
And then I see my self as indifferent as well and I use it for so much specially when I get away from my self... I step out for moments or tune out the  world for the same reasons. My sister gets mad at me... my mom gets mad at me for the same reason but when I realize that I have done it it's too late and I don't know how to apologize so I just leave it like that. 

I have the 2 things my parents have and although they love each other or don't I don't know but I sometimes I hate that I am so like them and so different at the same time...

So today I took Danny to get him McDonalds.... and as I was driving and well to my surprise it was Somebody I hadn't seen in a long time well since November 2007... There was this moment in my life that I regretted from right after it happened and it was my fault I was led by lust. I don't know why but I was talking to this guy and I think  the worst part was that I didn't like it and I don't think it was because he didn't try but I think that I didn't feel anything for him therefore I lacked any atachement. Doing it occuring I had so many things running through my head... I felt bad. I remember he said he was going to call me that day and didn't but called me a little after and well I answered but I just remember I got really busy really fast. I felt bad. I think I hurt him a lot and I think that was what made me feel worst. I hurt him and never apologized... when I saw him today I think he was walking with his wife... I didn't know he was married when he was talking to me... I think his lady might be pregnant because she was holding her stomach and nothing was showing but nobody holds their tummy with such worry... anyways.... I don't know if he saw me but I didn't try and see him or look his way. He was walking his dog and frankly I was happy for him... I don't know what to think or feel. I was so surprised to see him ... I just tried fleeing and hoping he didn't see him but I think he did because he didn't look too happy.  I was just indifferent... I don't know... then if I am so indifferent why did I feel I had to write... I would be scared to ever be face-to-face... but I don't know why ... I guess confrontation...

Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? Did the case go to trial?

I have been summoned like 3-4 times... I believe... the first I went the second day as they were picking the jury and well I didn't get to be asked questions but I actually wanted to do it. But I got paid for that day. The second time they settled the case.. then the next time we didn't have to go so I was summoned right after...  I am called to jury a lot... I am actually quite suprised that I haven't been summoned this year....

  
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Danny was so sick yesterday... he was burning up in fever. The good thing was that even though he wasn't eating he drank a lot of water and still managed to smile when I would joke with him but a little faint smile. He was on fire all day and he laid in bed all day too... And it  was so hard when there were times where i had to leave because I spent the whole morning taking care of him and well he wouldn't allow me to leave his side... so it was a hard day but it seems as though he woke up a lot better today. When he woke up he asked to go to the restroom and he wanted to eat, cereal at first then we went o the kitchen and then he wanted eggs. So I made him his eggs and a tortilla he took a bite from the tortilla and ate some of his eggs.  Thank God he is doing better. I hope he doesn't get sick again...

Since I have been sick all day and was pretty much taking care of Danny, I started cleaning up my lap top. It is working faster now but I still going to back up all my pictures from it. So since I have been without it since like December, I got it back maybe 1 1/2 months ago but the charger broke and I finally got one yesterday so I have my 2 computers... There is so much to do... I deleted all of stuff... Now I have to get ready for to Kaiser and I need something from Best Buy... ugh... driving to Montclaire or Claremont it's one of the 2 cities I never know...hehehe but it's the only place they have it... my sickies baby is sleeping after he asked for a bath... he is holding his drumsticks... so cute!

I woke up great today but Danny woke up at 7am so I asked him to let me sleep for one more hour and he said no so of course I had to get up. He went to the rest room, which it's the 2nd time he wears no diaper to sleep anymore... the first 2 times I tried a few weeks ago it was too early so we had accidents but now nothing day or night, so after that he wanted to eat so I gave him cereal... he finished that and then wanted macaroni and cheese so I gave it to him and he ate it as well. I guess we went to sleep early yesterday and that built up his appetite.

Well anyways... So we were at the house and it was only 10:10 and it felt like it was like going to slow... I couldn't believe no time had past but we all started getting ready to leave to the store and then all of a sudden I felt that my leg was being weird or hurting weird. It felt like it's not in it's place... almost dislocated... I have never had that happen or ever felt a pain like that it's weird because it's like I can't help but limp because I cannot move it the right way... it feels weird. I told my mom and she asked me if I jumped or did sudden moves and I hadn't. So here I am with a limp stupid leg!

So it was strange today. So I went to a business meeting which was quite interesting and I was of course doing working the computer and making sure the projector the feeding off well. Anyways, so there came a time where everybody was separated into groups so they can speak to new people about the marketing plan so they stop being nervous with new people. And well at first i was quite surprised that the RSD didn't pair me up with anyone but actually left the 2 guys next to me which were the father and son. So I started teaching them a little more about the marketing plan , how it works with the percentages and the benefits are actually working. The guy was telling me that when he was in Mexico we would make 2 million pesos a day which is like 2 hudred thosand  which is amazing but then went bankrupt. He then heard of FLP and was interesting. Well I spoke a to the son a little as well and you know he didn't really believe but I don't blame him because my mom signed me up over 2 years ago and I didn't really care much about it until this past november. I spoke about the small things I have used and how I actually stoped using my glasses because I really didn't want that to be in my DMV record and to this day it still it's and I only needed glasses for like 3 years... Well I don't know but towards the end I think the son kept looking at me at times. And well i was trying to get him to fill out one of the cards because it's my responsibility... we also said our goals... business and personal and he hid but there was something about him, a little mysterious. He said he was a musician and he has had some marketing experience... I don't know. He never filled out the card but it's okay, I don't really know what he thought but I gave him my perspective. Well it was nice because at the end when he was about to leave he came back and shook my hand... And I asked him what he thought. And he said something about still decided... Well I don't remember quite what I told him but it was about learning more with the meetings... see everything here was a little vague for me because I could swear that he said are youl still going to be here and I said yeah I am here all the time... so he said alright then I'll come back if you're here... I am not sure but I m almost positive  that is what happened... You know sometimes conversations happen and we don't even know what. Well When I was putting the projector and the lap top away... I know he kept looking my way and I know I  looked at him too I mean like I said there was something about him. But I don't even know how old he is... I don't even remember if he ever told me his name? I was mostly working and then he came along and I guess you can say I was a little distracted... not quite sure? He was handsome, I thought. I don't know, I probably will never see him again but it was nice talking to him you... Maybe I just read too much into it as well and I motivated him for his dad's business... hopefully! Well I will continue with my boring dull life  but I have to say he did put a smile on my face... Maybe I just talk to much...hahahaaaaaaaaaa....

What would the child you once were think of the adult you have become?

I think the child I once was so young, so innocent that if she knew all the things that I know about sex or the male body she would be grossed out and maybe very disappointed in who I am. I guess you can say as we grow up we become a little more perverted not by own choice but what can you do if you can't  avoid everything on the tv. Also, I think she would be disappointed with all the little dreams she had growing up will not be fulfilled by her time line. Well at least she is a musician she wanted to be and still plays her favorite instrument, the clarinet. He got a boyfriend at one point and knew what it felt to be in love and loved back. But, What she always dreamed about even before she was younger she wanted to be married at the age of 22... didn't happen. She wanted to have 3 kids and be done with it by 25 so she can continue her life and take care of her kids. And she is about to be 25 in January...EEK! and she maybe wants one more but she doesn't know if she is willing to sacrifize her body with that type of pain...
Well the little innocent child I once was I think would be proud of a few things but mostly disappointed.

  
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What is your opinion on adoption?

Adoption, there are so many children out there without their biological parents' love it is sad. They end up in foster homes and pulled around like if they were property. Frankly, I have always had in mind that one day when I am economically stable I want to adopt 2 children. Not because I cannot have my own because I know I can but because I know I can give my love and protection to some kids who can't have it. I would love to give a couple of kids the opportunity to grow up in a different environment because I feel that with love and being a little more stern they can head to a great road of success.

  
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If you were brain dead, would you want to be kept alive by a ventilator? Why or why not?

If I was brain dead it wouldn't even be me anymore. I would already, practically be dead anyways. No I wouldn't want to be kept alive because it would be a waste. Family would suffer and have to endure years and having to take care of someone who wasn't going to get better. They would suffer and my body would suffer for needless points. It there was definitely no chance of improvement I say let me go. Besides I am sure there are people out there who go in comas with high possibility of recuperation and would have a better use than me if I was brain dead.

  
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Would you sign a pre-nup before getting married? Why or why not?

You know what, I would sign a pre-nup. The only reason I would get married to any person would be for love so no matter what I would still try to be making my own money. So they can have theirs and I could have mine but still share it as a family. If it weren't to work we would separate and leave with what we came with... If I had money I think I would make them sign a pre-nup too... I don't know but I guess it varies from situations, right! Besides, if I loved the person I was marrying it wouldn't matter if I signed it.

  
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What's a good way to cure a broken heart?

I believe that the best way to cure an open wound is to give it time so it can heal on it's own. If we try and rush it, it will take as long. There are small methods to minimize the pain but it will take just as long but with less pain.

  
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What's the most mischievous thing you remember doing as a child?

Well I do remember something well on top of my parents being a little careless as well. Well as children, I remember going into stores and at that time they use to have in those clothes hangers that went in circles, well when I was little I use to like going in them because it was fun seeing the people's feet. Well once my sister was old enough I started pulling her in with me as well. I remember watching my parents scurry around looking for us and couldn't find us. I know I thought it was funny at the time but thinking about it, I couldn't imagine being in the worst scenario and thinking someone could have kidnapped your kids. Well we were bad but I think that in itself has opened my eyes a little more to the possibility of my child being mischievous...

  
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Based on your experience, can men and women ever just be friends?

Based on my experience, of course they can. I have a few male friends and you know what we have never dated. I am sure there have been crushes and things like that but once we have all matured and been in our own relationships we are all friends and there is no awkwardness in it. We can all hang out, drink talk about anything. We are all just friends.

  
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Which Simpsons character would you be and why?

If it came down I think I am in between Lisa and Marge. Lisa because I have a passion for music, and did enjoy school a lot but I wasn't a perfectionist and that's where Marge came in I care for my family. I will do almost anything just to keep my son in good health but then again I wouldn't tolerate everything she does for Homer.

  
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So, here I am. Well I should be working on this power point but it's not where it's suppose to be. My boss gave me his e-drive and it's not there. We did so much work on it yesterday and now I can't find it. I was suppose to fine tune it for Monday and now I am stuck! But luckily my boss just called and it's in his lap top so he is going to try and send it to me even though he is on vacation...  I have to wash a face and then I will come back later...

What brought you to Xanga? What made you stay?

Well in college a dear friend, Nestor, Introduced me to xanga because he saw how depressed I was in how I felt. He thought it would be a great place for me to let go of feelings. I know I have written a lot and it has definitely help with all my release and negative feelings.

I know there has been years just like my journal where I do not write or didn't write but I have came back for the same reasons. It still helps me fell better and talk through when I feel depressed. 

  
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What is your favorite kind of ice cream? Why do you like it?

My favorite type of ice cream is usually plain ol' vanilla but I like even more chocolate chip. It's my fav because it's mostly vanilla with bits of chocolate not too much...  Yummy, yummy... but I don't like eating ice cream too much though so I hardly have it.

  
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When or where do you do your best thinking?

My best thinking is often done when I can finally hear my self think and that is usually at night while every is sleeping. I can usually not always stay up 2-3 hours after every one sleeps...

  
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What is the best birthday present you have ever received?

The best present that I have ever received was for my 18th birthday. It was this cute little white gold necklace special cut. I am not saying the jewelry is the best present but it was. Even until know I think that is still 2nd best to my last present which was the birth of my son. I think that my son was the best gift because it started straightening me out specially in college when I was about to have a down fall...

  
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What is your birthstone? Do you like it?

My birthstone is Garnet... a color a little more dull than a ruby. And when I was young I use to love the ruby but then I realized that my personality matches a little more that of a garnet...And well I am a capricorn and I am an exact match to all capricorns except one. Do I like it, of course I do. 

  
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What are you planning to do with your tax refund money?

Tax refund...  Well firstly, I think I am going to buy me a couple outfits and some shoes because shoes I don't have at all... Clothes well it's hard to afford when you have nothing but also Danny's pants don't fit him anymore so he is going to need some clothes and well at least now life is alot easier because he hasn't worn diapers in like 2 weeks well at night when he sleep but he never wets those so I have teachnically saved $25 in diapers already. 

  
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So I am so happy because I have lost 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks and god knows it's so hard for me to loose weight. YAY!

So I just called all the kids that owe me money and don't say anything... geesh... I am broke and kids try and hide. Come on kids... I am one broke single mother and I am not being hired... that is bullshit... I am glad my parents help me out a little but I can't ask them for money, if they're lucky they can pay the rent and we barely make it with buying food!... Arg... I am hoping all three have something... Next year I am going to try and go to the other 3 high schools in Fontana. I am already in the District and well I need it!

I am still super exhausted. I wish I could have had time to sleep. Well Last night my dad spent the whole night at church Playing Piano And well my brother and his friend stayed out there. Well After having such a long day yesterday all I wanted to do is sleep. And well I didn't get that chance. Well it was like 12 and I saw that my brother Roland was ready. And I was about to fall asleep but I heard "beep beep" my  mom's car open. So I got out and I saw him. I told him "You better not leave in mom's car!" because they have been warned so many times. Well I went to bed expecting to hear the "beep" the doors close. And well I didn't next thing I heard the car turn on and him take-off... Well I started texting him and he didn't respond and then I told my sister  to start texting him and he didn't respond. I didn't want to wake-up  my mom because she would be very upset and I didn't want to alarm her. Besides she was a little agitated from earlier because there are new people i town in apparently they are stealing... well yesterday my dad was cutting the grass. As he finished he put his contraptions in his truck and went to the back of the house briefly and when he returned they were gone! Aparently some neighbors infront called the cops because they saw the whole thing happen. It waw a couple... a lady and a white guy in a black old honda car. But I don't know if the cops will do anything, they probably wont...
Anyways, so I didn't tell my mom and start there waiting for a while waiting for my brother to come back and well he didn't I guess I fell asleep. Next thing I received a call my dad at 3 am and he asked me if my brother was at home with the car... so I went out of my room and I checked and I said "no" He told me that he saw him at church at that time. So he told me to call him when he got home so I went back to my room to wait to hear the front door open. And well I wasn't sure and then I heard a forsure door and well it was actually my dad and he started yelling... It was so early I wanted to go back to sleep.  And then Danny had ttrouble sleeping because he can't breath well at night because he wont blow his nose. But then after all that comotion I still woke up at 7am and took mom to church. Well then she noticed that my brother Orland and James were in the house sleeping in the couch so they are mad at them too because they had gotten a ride in the early morning to James' house and my parents were wondering why they ended up here. So they new they were being bad... She woke them up they went to Mass... It was a tough night.... it sucks! In the last two days I haven't been able to sleep well... Well I at least got to take a nap but I am still very tired but it was a nice and eventful. Today we had a small carne asada and with salsas and different salads. I was quite happy I was able to eat a little today. It was nice. We all spent a little time together.  Oh and did I mention I got to take a 5 hour nap... hahaha... Well I was happy I got to sleep. I really, really hope I get to go to Arizona this week afterall... I hate it when things are not a for sure thing...

I am so exhausted... I ended up waking up at 5:30am so we could go to San Gabriel. We didn't end up leaving until 7:30 but I had to dry. And to top it off Danny didn't let me sleep well last night because he was waking up sick and he couldn't breath with his nose so he gets upset. So when I woke up I had bags under my eyes. We left and we had fun. Well my brother Orland entered the pancake race and well he won 4th place. He won $5. I got encouraged and well I entered too, I didn't place... my pancake fell as I was about to get to the finish line. oh well... next year I'll place but it's hard! Danny had so much fun I will post some pictures later.  Then we ran some errands in the Rosemead/ El Monte Area and I was tired... but we got home at like 5pm. Danny woke up as we got home and I had spoken to Janeth at the beginning of the week. She called me unexpectedly but I was happy she did and we talked caught up a little and invited me over today. So Danny and I start heading over at like 5:50 and we hung out there until like 10:30... He felt so comfortable there. It was nice. We all hung out for a while, Janeth, Mabel, Gisselle, Danny and I. Danny finally got tired and wanted to come home. Well I was tired too and well if he wants to go to bed I need to take advantage so we came home. He is asleep and I think I am going to rest. It was an eventful day but man am I happy it was. I just wished I had the opportunity to sleep all day tomorrow but since it's Easter Sunday, I quite doubt it. My mom wants to go to Mass early... I am so tired, I don't know. But we'll let the body speak... 

Well have a great night all! Sweet Dreams! 

I've been so tired I don't feel like writing. A few things have happened but I am brain dead... hahaha... I am too tired to think of anything. I don't know .... sigh!

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What is the most annoying commercial on TV right now?

The most annoying commercials on TV are the Carl's Jr ones...


  
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So since I finally have my phone and I could receive the picture message. Here is the picture of my new little second cousin! He was born on march 31, 2009 and the time and details are still unknown. I think maybe the mommy might know now but I know he did weigh less than 2 lbs but he wasn't supposed to be born until like une 22... that is quite a bit away...
Well with no further ado here is Cristal's Baby boy


Her mom just told me the baby might need a blood transfusion because they think he is coming out with Anemia. I hope not! But, we'll all keep this little guy in our prayers...

I am going to go see him on Sunday!

Are you or anyone you know "stuck in the past"?

I know there has been a couple time in my life I was stuck in the past and both were the most stressing, heart breaking times. It's hard to move on when things hurt you so much and there are so many things that remind you of so many things...

  
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If you could own any exotic animal, which one would it be and why?

I have always wanted a tiger but not any tiger but a Siberian White Tiger. That was my obsession when I was in college and to make it more interesting I always dreamed of a pinktiger. If I had a white tiger I would dye it pink, no not really but I would be really happy if I had one. Why I want it? I don't know why but I feel as though tigers have power...I like power.

  
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What are 10 things you want to see, do, and/or experience in your lifetime?

1.) I would love to Bungee Jump although I am scared
2.) I want to go see prague
3.) I want to go live in france for a year
4.) I want to experience waking up next to a person I am in love with
5.) I think I want to experience child birth one more time, maybe the first time was the most painful?
6.) I want to own my own gun so I can go to a shooting range.
7.) I want to experience having my own place and all my own money
8.) I want to go shopping for like a week and spend everything I can
9.) I want to travel and get to meet different types of people
10.) I want to give my son the best education money can buy!

  
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I am happy because in the last few months I started loosing a few inches... Sometimes it just takes a while longer but it will be okay. I am sure that as time progresses I will at least be back to how I looked before Danny existed... Mine you I know that the weight gain didn't start until after he was born but it was because the body was out of control... I don't know.