Been kind of moody lately...
We'll see when the fire slowly wears down what the ashes will say...
I need, I need, I need, I want, I want, I want..
but it isn't that easy...
so much for the easy way ...
oh well...
We all know what we have to do...

We...

It's so weird when we over look how lucky we actually are in life. Surewe may have little issues going on in our everyday life but whodoesn't. If everybody's life was perfect there wouldn't be a singlecomplain. We, those who lack financial stability, wish we had moremoney to solve our problems. Those who have money but just don't haveenough to provide health insurance or pay the mortgage to their homes.And, those who have enough money have a lot of bills to pay as well butthey are not satisfied with their lives. We all need money and that isfor sure but we don't know how to take care of it either. In thissurplus country we waste everything and anything.  Sure if we had alittle extra money... but that is not the case. What if we try savingup money instead of making bad choices. I am sure that if we spent lesstime taking a shower the water bill should be less, or turning off theone light we never really use (only for security), or recycling. We cantakes those cans, and bottles and in return you help mother earth, lesstrash in the dumps and you get a small penny in your pocket. We allknow that a few dollars extra helps out everybody especially with theseinsane gas prices. Also, we all know that we like to look good but heyinstead of buying that expensive shirt or pants hold off a little anduse it for something more useful. It is sad at times how everyone runsthrough commercialism. What we see we must buy and I guess that is whythe entertainment (media) industry is doing so well. We sink in theirideals and forget about ours... we see a nice car(we must have), apossibility for a home(we must have) but you can't afford it and gointo a bogus loan place and  they give you false hopes as they run overnight with your money. We have everything and nothing all at the sametime. We have so much in our homes yet we still feel we need more tofulfill what we don't have. What we don't have or actually what wedon't make is time to spend with the family and friends. We choose tobuy something over hanging out or just talking...  We need to all checkourselves. There needs to be many changes but sadly when people want tochange it can be too late. Warning signs are eminent.

Mothers are worth the HERO title...

It is sad how I did not learn to really appreciate my mother until I had my own. I know that at times they can get a little pestering and annoying but regardless of all of our flaws we all love our mothers. I know my mother has always pushed me harder and expected more from me because I am the oldest but I need some slack cut off every once in a while. It's funny because although I am the oldest help her the most and have a child she'll still wake me up first. I am 23 but my sister is 21 and my brothers are 15, they can do just the same or even faster. Because as soon as the baby wakes I must tend to his needs but I really can't at times because of it. I will but you know those dirty looks you can get at times just are too much.

I know it's mother's day; I love my mother because she was the only that understood what I was going through pregnancy and man that pain... that pain. The day my son was born that was the day I appreciated womanhood as a whole. I  had sympathy for those ladies with one kid or more... and those that had the ability to have more and indure that pain, wow! My heroes... My grandmother last time( from my daddy's side) was telling me Happy Mother's Day and I told her well to you too grandma. But, she was like wow it's amazing how when you have the first you tell yourself that one is enough. And it's true because I still keep telling my self that. Since my son was born I have a weaker lower back even to this day and it's almost 3 years... My grandma told me yeah, after so many kids you just get weak and fragile. She is about to have her 60th wedding anniversary in January. She had 16 children, 5 miscarriages and of those 16 that were born many passed at the  young ages of 2-3... only 11 Survive now... All my uncles and Aunts... Guadalupe, Ramon, Angel, Maria, Jesus, Cesario (dad), Rosa, Librada, Alonso, Rodolfo, Angelica... My grandmother wow.... Talk about the courage to have so many although sadly a few passed and one of fright when my grandfather was struck by lighting. Luckily he survived. It was before my dad was in so earlier than 1962... I am lucky to still have all of those aunts and uncles alive and fortunate to have both my grandmothers. My mom's mom, grandma Felix she had 6 but 6 is enough too... Gregoria (mom), Polonia, Petra, Teresa, Jesus, and Sidronia... For those 2 women I mean imagine the hardship of only having the help of another lady. No hospitals or any medication.  My mom's mom is going to be 75 next month... Amazing ladies... love them to death. Like I said... Mothers are worth the title HERO! We don't know or understand the pain they go through for us to survive and become better people. They cry tears of blood when we get in trouble or even hurt or selves... Mothers the best kind of loving person we can all have in this world.

Hey, They may get on our nerves at times BUT they do it to protects us from ourselves...
Happy Mother's Day
Mommy,
Grandma Augustina
Grandma Felix
all my Tias
Madrinas,
Friends, Amigas
and everybody else that falls out of that list!

What would the title of your autobiography be?

The secrecy, the truth, and the pain is unveiled with total happiness...

  
I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

What are some things you appreciate your mother for?

Well, one thing that I appreacite from my mother the most was when she was understanding, especially when I felt isolated and had to confess I was going to be a single mother a few years ago. I know another thing I have always hated but appreciated was her tough love. Even though, she has been the hardest on me she has made me a really strong person. I just love that woman no matter what.

 
I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

yeah it's interesting because approximately 3 years ago today well it was a monday... I found out I had a sprained ankle oh and yeah I was pregnant... quite a shock! First day of May term....Who would have known then that 3 years later I would be running around trying to pay for my dad an accident my brother got into... Luckily, the lady he crashed (insurance broker) and her husband (a sheriff) didn't press charges against him, my brother being only 15 ... oops. I mean it was only $2223.45 ... oh yeah not so cheap. But, at least the money wasn't given to them directly but to Rocky's auto shop...  but yeah I met the Sheriff Perez and he was a nice guy. We went together to get his wife's car and done deal. What actually surprised me the most was that my brother was in no trouble was so ever. My dad just managed to find the money to pay. Although, to put my self back in my place they didn't do anything to me when they found out I was pregnant. God knows I deserved more than not speaking... Well I guess it's ok except I didn't cost my parents too much... I was working 2 jobs...*sigh*  it's weird I was wanted to cry today and I cried a little yesterday and I don't know why. It has been bugging me now because it's out of no where and out of the blue. Why am I crying? Why?oh well I will know soon enough... I guess...

It was so effin weird man. Last night for no reason what so ever I was teary eyed. I don't know it was like the thought of death coming had an impact on me but I don't quite know why. All I remember is seeing the clock 12:34 and then I went into the shower and I felt like crying. It's weird though that time is going to seem something someday... 12:34...hmmm...

It was so upset when I woke up. No, not this morning but like 3 mornings ago. So, My sister has been influencing my son to ask me for a baby sister. And well now my son really wants a baby sister but of course he doesn't know what that would entitle. That would mean no more full time attention, and of course that would mean not doing everything he wants at his given time or even more a budget cut to accommodate but regardless  that isn't going to happen. Well the other night I well asleep with those thoughts of my son insisting that that I have a baby of course I was a little of the role my sister was having in this but whatever. So in the morning I woke in sweating, alert, and almost scared that the dream had come true. I dreamt that I was like 8 months pregnant. I had to tell my mother so I did and she said well there is no big surprise. The thing was that the baby didn't have a father but in my dream people always assumed. My thought were in the line how I am going to care for another baby if I can barely manage with one and not so well. I was scared. Sadly, the thoughts was were going through my head in the dream were "What am I going to do? I need to find her a home. She cannot stay with me. I am not ready." You know the typical spiel that goes through everybody's head that is not ready but ends up realizing that it's going to be ok. When I woke up, it almost felt as the morning after I woke up back at home from the hospital when I had just given birth to Danny. It felt as though I was waking up and did not know what to expect. For a second, I almost thought I was going to wake up and there was going to be a baby girl or a crib next to me. I was sincerely, frightened at the thought of being more in the consequence of poverty of lack of conscience. That dream was an eye-opener. I have never experienced something like that in a dream in which I can honestly say I agree. Sure I have been saying for quite some time that I do not want any others maybe some day but can it be that the birth of my son really scarred me to be frightened. Even to make such a beautiful thing into a frightful situation. Sure you may read it and think well that is nothing. I was 2 kids and I'm married or living with my husband , or that isn't too bad... well yeah I am a single mom and I actually plan on having it that way for quite some time until I can pick up all the pieces. Just imagine... being a guy and waking up next to a baby and no there is no baby's momma to watch  the baby, change the diaper or even feed him/her... well being a girl it's a little different but it felt like that, not having enough hands to go around.