talked

Well we've talked about it and as much as it was a painful day... my head is still throbbing and my tooth aches now too... I asked him where the whole situation put us. And well he said that for him it was still the same but he thought that I should know... although he picked a cranky day of his to tell me... :( I asked him if I could trust him and he said yes... so I said that as long as he honest with me and isn't misleading me then we I can support him. It was a tough decision... It's still there... but I am going to do my best to try and forget the situation... oh I'm going to depress my self. We were doing so well... everything was perfect... and  this...

Well he has been calling me all night... so he's being attentive and I am going to see him tomorrow but I am a lil freaked out... I don't know how I am going to react. I mean I am not crazy but things have changed a bit. Although he is supposedly trying to get me a job with his friend (a sort of if I ask I can maybe get) so I can afford to move down... lol... Well at least it's nice that he wants me closer... but with my school loans... I doubt any of the money would be coming to me... it would be going straight to govt. 

But, too into the future. First we have to see if we can get through these complexities... or if I can manage to trust him as much as he is able to be honest. Well the good thing is we're taking things slow... so that gives us time to think... I guess if we're working to make it work right now it might be worth out time... for now we're just talking and it seems like it's a stronger bond but only time can tell... we lead different plans but life is interesting...

Right now, I just have to get through the night...and hopefully sleep... Oh I know I will my eyes are exhausted from a couple days of my own selfish tantrums... trying to fight myself and understand him... but now I know why.... funny though... he was very moody during the day and I pointed it out which was when he told me everything... but he said bc he couldn't sleep.... it was one of the longest nights of my live too... I was tossing and turning.. dreams and I don't know what... I know I didn't wake up last night but I sure did wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. it's very weird but we have this very strange bond... sometimes he just knows what is happening... what I am doing ... or feeling and sometimes I know the same for him...  I think it's too soon to have a bond like that... but idk... 

too much into it... good night... tomorrow better be a  better day! 

wtf

So interesting twist... We have been talking for about a month and everything was great... Lately he's been moody and well I have too but because there was something more and it was growing a bit heavy. he was irritable yesterday and today seemed worse... He admitted to his ex still living at his house. He says that he's been trying to get her out but idk... So confused... And still having stopped crying since yesterday. I don't even know why I'm crying... I've never was able to get attached to someone and what happenes... I'm hurting already. I'm confused I don't know to trust him or wtf... I guess i'll see what he does... He steps out fine... I don't know but this shouldn't hurt I sgoykd be fine and I'm not. I hadn't had feelings like this and now blurs...wtf is happening!

So Saturday night I officially went out on a date with Mr.C . He drove up here to Apple Valley and we hung out... That was the first time I told my mom I am going out... and I was/am happy. He was a true gentlemen... When he rang the front door bell... Danny ran to the door and opened it... and he screamed "Daddy" and then he realized that he didn't know him he freaked out and it took me like 30 mins to leave... he was very jealous about the whole situation. It's going to be tough but we'll see...

On Sunday ... I come to find out that my dad told my mom that my brother is expecting child... since she knows now it's not secret... He has been gone all weekend so it should be interesting... She is like 5 months pregnant... My mom seemed composed but what can I say it might take her a minute to register or maybe she wont care... not sure. But, it was weird that my dad told her... He mainly told her bc he was (I feel) a little mad that I went out with a guy but it's not like I am going to keep myself trapped in the house forever.... it was bound to happen but it just took a few years for me...

BS

Maybe its that I was being selfish... Today not a good day for me. So I had to leave @8 for an appointment at the district. I have to do DOJ and FBI prints plus some certification what not... Which cost money. I got to fontana on a thread and empty tank. since it was So early NO breakfast or water oh did I mention I'm broke... Then my 11 o'clock cancelled... I was hungry and thirsty... so I had to kill time... Well I went to the park and slept.... Until I had to go teach... It was a tough DAY in teaching too and I had to have a talk with the section and dealing with people WHO don't like to show up... And then I had another 3 hrs to kill. I was hoping that he would have came but he was busy so I became more moody. So I was just hiking by my self and it was ok... I started feeling better with the hope Danny would still be up but to my surprise he wasn't and mom is super moody So starts yelling... I came to my room... I'm just trapped. Which I did To myself the day I came back home with a baby in my arms... And I'm not saying its his fault BC its not but she's used to manipulating me and I hate IT.I can't even say anything BC she has a card ready to play with the accident and the brain surgery... I'm a sucker BC I feel bad and love her...can't have a real job BC how could I'm then I wouldn't be at everybody's beckon call. My mom has been jealous BC I am or was taking a guy to a meeting. They called her and told her that he was well dressed, very good looking and tall... And then the questions ... Where they're asking my mother not me of whether I have a bf...people can't mind their business for a minute.