Ok, so I will tell you I don't trust very many guys...
Well start from here to go backwards... Well now there is this person who found me in my space. He went to high school with us for a while until the District kicked him out because his parents moved too far and well he was using my home address but they found out he didn't live at my home. Now, he is having some type of problems I guess home problems or something. Fine, I understand there is a lot of stress out there, I also know he has a 2 years little boy and I don't know if more. I know he has a girlfriend... but I don't know if she is his fiancee or wife.  That is a problem besides me not liking him back. Now his page is private and I tried adding him once as a friend... because he is an old friend or whatever and he denied my request and found it weird... Now yesterday he started sending me messages again and stuff and was like "do you think we can hang out?" and I asked,"What do you mean hang out?"... He said there were too many problems at home and needed to get out and well I said no... I am not going to put my self in an uncomfortable situation. I hate those... I am not going to have some bitch calling me telling shit for no reason... I am not going to do it... Back in high school he is too have a big crush on me and well I guess some body beat them to the punch but anyways back then he tried... tried to kiss him... I guess I can't blame him for trying but I was better than him in every aspect. He was an exceptional clarinestis for his young age but no thank you. I  guess he once admitted to liking me back then... oh like trying to kiss me didn't give it away or being annoying... But still he works has kids, only has a high school education... I don't know I am sure he is a nice guy but never been my type and I do not intend on having roads meet up...

We go to the next one... This guys tall... gray eyes... high school football player... played his game and we got together and what I found out next? He was married and was having issues at home. Yeah issues... I never spoke to him again... yeah when you have problems you run away huh? No, I don't think so....

The next person we dated once before but never became bf/gf... Well it was his b-day in october and he invited me and I met his baby's momma which they're engaged and living together. I don't know if they are married now or not well a little after the dinner and I sure it was a bit uncomfortable as I was the girl he dated prior to getting with his lady. I started getting some text messages saying stuff like you can call me tomorrow and any time you want and stuff like that. We had arranged that I was going to call him like at 2 about the time that he got out of work... That night I had a dream about getting calls from his baby's momma and the next day I didn't call him but I texted him... I think he texted me a couple more times and that was it...

What makes guys think that I like coming second to their plans... Obviously there is another person who did this also but it's too much... Come on, it's not like I really put my self out there like that. I mean come on I don't even talk to people. When do they get ideas that it is ok to try and talk to me that way and that they will get away with it... Oh yeah, I know that my intentionas are not sex for I don' even want that anymore. But, I don't know what they think. It makes everything so hard... look at the types of guys that approach me I need to find somebody when I join a Master's program.... It's so stupid but I  need to look out before anything else fucks up my life and then i really wouldn't know what to do...

I am outwardly going to say I am sorry... Yes I know that you were proud of your husband for wanting to see my baby. After a night of thinking I see your reason and where I lacked to understand at the moment. I guess now that I think about it...I'm happy he wanted to see him... Danny needs to know he does have a father around somewhere or at least a biological dad...Let me tell you why I was mad... and I know when I told you, you were upset, "At least he tried" ...you were probably thinking...anyways... I had a feeling he got an urge to want to see him because Danny was with his Grandmother yesterday and he figured that if she sat him then I would take him... And he wouldn't ask me if he can see his son because he knew I was going to say "no" which I almost did anyways. But, I said yes to Mabel because I know she can handle the baby. Well I know you probably might be able to but he doesn't know you and he is barely getting to know his grandma... For some reason he is also very un-trusting of men hence why I want him to get to know Arturo is his dad because he'll deny it until he's told in his face of Art himself tells him. On Thursday evening Art Sr. was telling Danny who his daddy was and Danny just kept saying no and I told him and he would say no... (stubbornly) so you see my dilema... also I know you don't understand as much because even when you guys were broken... he still went to see Ray even though it was mostly to see you... so he has always has a connection there but since he refuses to speak to me he closes himself a little to Danny... Danny trusts who I trust by how we communicate... Art and I have had a good communication before but oh well it's his doing not mine. I am not the one that wants to cause Drama and have you be the in between person... We're all going to be separated soon and that will be that... a few extra miles... I know you care for Danny and it must be really hard being the middle person... but I really don't want you to be as much as you like it or Art Burdens you....But, everything will get fixed... Don't worry...Some guys don't like to deal with crap and they find someone who loves them for everything and put it all on them.... but since your married...marriage unites a couple's problems which I hope the best...

Let me also put another prospective on hate and living together whilel going through a Divorce... There is only one person who can for sure feel hate or discomfort...his wife or soon to be wife... It's sad but there is nothing that can be changed when 2 people are going through what life challenges brings. A Divorce is hard enough when a person doesn't have to see them every day or go to court...worse when they're going to loose everything and be left with nothing... and even worse when one can't find a job because it's hard and the other has a part time job barely making it... Now that pressure an intensity is then projected by the kids in the household who in turn suffer. Sometimes it is hard to believe who is telling the truth but they both are and they are both trying their best in the situation they are being given by God...

Man times are so difficult for all and sometimes the one person who can solce many of them is out hiding from them also. But be strong and you'll make it... a person that buries themselves in problems can only help themself so much... Don't let the pressure get on you because all that stress is going onto an unborn child... Best of luck...

In Response to a survey done about about me... I am in italics it was Done by Ana S
My name:Reyna
There is no need in denying my name is Reyna
Summarize me in three words:quiet, thoughtful, emotional
Those are all pretty true
Where did we meet?mcdonalds
It was true... and let me explain although you didn't know me... There were already pre-judgemental thought in my minds... my only put in my mind by me but by everybody that worked in that placed put their words in my head even before I met you... they all just pointed you out to me...I guess they assumed that I needed to know... The funny thing was that he had been warned about it being anyone near where I worked... or any place I would be at...

Take a stab at my middle name:edith
Your dead on but like most people we're no embarressed of our name at all

How long have you known me?4 years now
True... in presence but I guess we really didn't start knowing each other until like 2 years ago when we started talking and you took the inni

When is the last time that we saw each other?today
:D

Do I drink?occasionally
I guess I do ocasionally but mostly rarely as I don't like drinking by myself and I don't go out so...

Do I smoke?sure
Also rarely... I like a smoke every once in a while but not in a habit... a craving comes once almost every year... 

Am I happy?could be happier
I can be happier but one cannot control the self worth and self esteem issues we all hold... I try to be happier and a lot more open to telling people how I feel about things as I did last night with you...

Am I a good person?yes
Based on interpretation given the situation but I try to be
What was your first impression of upon meeting me/seeing me?
i didnt know who you were i kinda just by passed you....no real impression
Well thanks, you didn't have biased people on youor shoulder telling you things but I would have still felt anger
What's one of my favorite things to do?movies
yes... I don't try and hide it :D
Am I funny?with sarcasm
I am very sarcastic and sometimes it throws people off really bad but hey that is who I am...
How do you make me smile?i dont know really...
This is a fuuny question but don't worry it's a question I have been asking my self... I am barely learning all over again... baby steps
What's my favorite type of music?rock
primarily
Have you ever seen me cry?no...i dont think
I don't think you have... I sometimes talk with watery eyes but I don't know why simple things water my eyes... as in cry cry... I would have to be very passionate about what I am talking but when I am very exttremely mad I do cry
Can I sing?:i wouldnt know....
I can sing a little... I was in a musical once...haha... yeah(interesting, but chorus line) anyways as a music major sort of have to sing acapella and in groups and yea
What is the best feature about me?eyes
Thank you, I believe so too
Am I shy or outgoing?shy
Yea to an extentn but I am not outgoing but slowly working out a compromise with my self
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?both in a way
I am both... I hate rules but I am a quiet rebel bending the rules unnoticed
Do I have any special talents?...cooking?
I love cooking... I love knitting as well btu haven't done it in years...
Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what)?dont like labels
Yeah I really don't like labels... I had too many in high school...
I'm hot? Am I not?prettyful

Have I seen you naked?no

Have you ever hugged me?i dont think i have
I am sure you haven't :D maybe someday...
Would you kiss me??...no
lol...
What is my favorite food?mexican
I was originally but right now I don't have much of a preference... I am so tried of everything
Have you ever had a crush on me?no
I think that would be a little weird considering our situtation
Am I dating anyone?....are you?
this is a very fluid topic... I cannot say I am exclusively or not but I am not giving my self a title
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be?i think i would call you rey
My college roomate... Gave me that nickname
What's your favorite memory of me?...everytime we hang out with the kids really
Hanging out with the kids is always fun...
Who do I like right now?...idk...who?

What is my worst habit?...bite your nails?
It was my worst habit but I don't do it as much as I use to... I am sure I have worst habits now but I think my worst habit is to think or overanalyse things too much
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing I would bring?a phone?
If it was the only item I can bring it wouldn't be my phone... no one calls me really... txt are iffy... and I think it would be a really long book
Are we friends?sure thing
:D
Do I believe in God?yes
Yes I do now for sure... I've had my doubts in time
Am I family oriented?i believe so
Sort of... It's a hard question to answer if it's just me and Danny, I am ...if it's my whole family now... I am not... I have to be because I have no choice but I need out
Who is my best friend?you say you dont have any....but i have my doubts...=]...i dont know who though
It's sweet you have your doubts but I really don't... Can a person really noy talk to any one ... it's called when there's no one... you have your head and a book to write in...

It is strange but in the last few days I've been crying... ever since Wednesday... I just feel like crying... I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach... I feel like throwing up but most I feel so scared....

Scared?

I almost have a feeling something is going to go down... I can't explain but it's different... But I am not crying for that; I just feel fear. I know what scares me but should it? I have been talking to a few people and emptying everything even my most hidden secrets... Everything in me is being stirred up as I slowly pour out all the contents it comes with. Oh trust it contains what you think and more... everything that has happens since day one which I call jealousy...

I always use to ask my self, "why don't I have friends?"
So I go and ask my mother, "Why did you deny me friends? Why did you tell me I couldn't have friends?"
He says, "I didn't say it like that?"
You said,"You can't have real friends because they are not friends..."
As a little kids we interpret don't have kids because it's bad... I still remember when she told me I couldn't have real friends. So as a result I was a loner... sure an ocassional friend her and there but never a friend I can rely on to say everything to cry when I needed to cry... not a friend to play with or to teach me that playing was fun even though little girls were not suppose to play like the boys because it was not lady like. I needed someone to corrupt this corrupted broken little being form her inner shell... this innocent shell she has to learn the hard way... this innocent protected little girl that learned that when you get fucked, it's over... a girl who didn't know that what felt so good was so bad so you at the end...
She was a little girl who was always told she was fat... until this person came along and accepted her for who she was... the gothic, weird, unsocial,psychotic, pain inflicting little girl... a little girl who just cried out for help and was never received... more criticism... eating disorders... many eating disorders... depression... anxiety... suicidal...
Where is she now? Crying... why? Because it has always just been her.... because she has never been really happy...because she is still crying... Yes, she is still crying...  What is she crying about? She is crying with hate, with love, with pain, and doubt, with loneliness and with everybody sitting right next to her not noticing she ever had a problem... there were many summers she cried every single day... laid in bed and nobody even recognized she was even worth helping just yelling...
"You're a good fro nothing!" "You never help out!" "We need you for this" "Go do this"
Always have to do the needs of others but when she needs something can she go to them? Well no; it's not safe zone. Who knows why life has taught me to untrust... Sometimes I tell people stuff and then I fear they let out what I told them... It's not like  they can hurt me with it but it can ... The sinking heart... the dimishing of a heart's beat... the rhythm of life and the giver of passion... a failed organ...
Sometimes I feel like that little girl in high school willing to give her time for this person so their life would be different although they never knew she sacrifized friends and trustees for a better tomorrow... They still don't know the beggin that occured... the plea... one more chance... one more change... they have some good... I know they do...  "Don't worry I know everything that is happening." "ok, thank you very much"
Sadly I blame this dear friend on mine for something terrible that occured to me my sophomore in college... He also doesn't know what I did. I unjustly blmed him for the pain he caused me... a few months of hanging out and eating together, going places... just keeping each other's company... some sweet moments in a girls life... no deception... just pure happiness... no need for holding hands or any sexual feeling... just bliss... but ended in heartbreak and in the arms of the wrong person... With tears and sorrow I cried and remained in my room. One day consoled and the next day once again left by another... 2 loved and left... 1 broken heart twice in a year... No one is to blame... I realized I was wrong to blame neither did anything... which in a sense that is what causes the heart to weaken into a heart break...One tells themselves I have never seen her with anybody in years... well that may be true. I have learn that the best things in life are kept from the world. I have learned that trust is still not easily given... could I have trusted the wrong people? Sure, but then why is it that I am also not trusted when I am have given it all...? Hmmm... maybe that is why... When you have it set-up so you can loose it all it's the best gamble.... I sat at a high stake table and walked away empty handed with a life lesson learned... Only you can trust yourself to see what's in front of you... others only care about you when you have something they want or need and that's it.  I fold... stand up and get out... No more ... miss little sweet girl that falls into those plump watery brown eyes... she drowned in her tears.

I know this is all bullshit but it's true according to see...hehehe... I feel this power I almost have an urge to poke to come out... let it flow out until I am weakened again why life's lies and pain...

So, it feels as though in the last few days I've been tired... I sleep in and I go out a lot. I try not to be home as much as possible during the day and I think my family is beginning to see the trend. I am always being called... Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? And, I am obviously not home, I am not doing anything and if they really want to know... fine I have a boyfriend. Maybe that will keep their mind clear... Will it? Maybe they will begin to accept but no. I know they don't accept so should I get them to or should I let them see for themselves but they don't trust me. Ok, so i'll come home pregnant again and ask for refuge because I don't want someone to depend on... I am irresponsible...
Well you can't get married....
You can't have a boyfriend... it's not right for your son
He will suffer...
Now how can the unconditional love a mother gives their only child ever compare to another... this love is different. Now, those are things I've heard. Now is it right to be told that I have no right to find happiness in another man? Is it? That I have to live with myself so I cannot find true love? Is it right to be asked to tear out your heart so you can never feel again? Is it right?!
NO! I don't think it's right that I am asked to refrain from being a social being... It is not fair that I have to be by my self to accommodate others' perception... That is foolish ideals... Foolish old traditions that are trying to be implemented on me because like many have seen I am weak... submissive.... Easily taken advantage of for their own gain...
I am a tool... if used wisely, others' can rise while keep me close to the ground.
So for those who tell me I cannot live a life of happiness, love, joy?
Should they have a right to know what I do with my time...
Alright, if you wanna know...
I go get drunk, sure I have my occasional smoke...why not? I'm out already...
Well in reality no I don't get drunk... I've drank socially with friends ... Smoke well sure but never in front of my son... or anywhere near him. I leave him behind and before I see him I take off my clothes and take a shower...
Can I tell you about this sweet man who captures my dreams every night? Who every morning wakes me up with the sweetest words? Can I? I know you want to know but you wouldn't be able to take it...

We all live believing there is a person there for us ready to capture our heart we just have to be willing to let them in... And, also in many instances you even FUCK up some great friendships that could have been more but you were blinded by this blindfold that was created by those who say they LOVE you and all they do is critisize you and demean you as a person, a friend, a lover, sister, and a mother.
We all know that there have been instances in our lives that we regret... well if you haven't had a chance you will have one oppotunity in your whole life to regret... there are those that say that they only learn from the past well they do and they have no choice because they regretted and hurt themselves  so much that they make themselves belive they don't regret anything and what happens happens...

I have lied a couple times trying to be like others and say no I don't regret a thing but that is wrong. I do regret many things. Of course, I can't take them back or dwell on them but they are who I am and who I have become. I have progressed a lot in the last few years... when I met myself in high school I was this paranoid, distrusting, hating person... I hated all because I knew they were going to hurt me... I slowly allowed people to enter my world and guess what... every single person I have allowed into my life has hurt me more than they can ever imagine... You say it is not true but I can say every single person I have cried from... they don't know it... maybe now they do but most likely now... And you know who have made me cried the most those that I loved the most... Those I tried to give a little more to... I know that every best friend I had either became an enemy or was prior an enemy... extremes... People ask me..."Why don't you otrust?" Sure, I'll trust you but what makes you believe you are different than the others? What makes you so special? You love me... Well I guess that is something, huh? You know that Love is only hate upside down? It is a small strand in between then... Some seem to believe that if you loved someone so much you could never hate them... may be possibly but is it impossible to not hate youself?

Oh, yeah... So here today I saw him looking straight at me like he had never seen before...
Those soft colored eyes just sinking into my soul... I just felt like I was falling into this deep, cushioned hole of endless trust...
Here we were just mesmerize that not a single word was spoken to say all that was felt. Knowing that this person was more than an angle sent to protect from this cruel world... There he is an here I am...

Today, here I sit...tomorrow will be another 30 years and I still sit.... And I still ask myself should I tell them?

Sometimes, we, ourselves trap our own selves in a wall... a rut...
We try to make life easier for others while making it harder on your self. When you realize on the fact that it's not right because it's unbalance you try to balance your side but by that time balancing your self ends up being and unbalancing for others. It's like having your cake and eating it too.

I am literally tired of hearing no one has money. Yes, we all know that is a fact. No body has money to feed their kids... to buy milk... to live in their houses... Even a nice sit down dinner with the family is uncommon because the splurges or fight within for the lack of money...

Then we all think who in fact wants money? Well everybody. Who thinks money will make  them happier? everybody who do not know the cruelty and responsibility of having it.
Who wouldn't love to say I don't need effin money... i make enough to care for you and your family... who wouldn't?

Sadly, no one I know does... we're all poor and with this economy becoming even more poor. We once thought we had gone higher than the poverty lone well thanks we're under it again. Where are the jobs why is it that not even a college grad come even get a stupid job like in mervys or target. How stupid is that... Oh well it's because she has bad credit...
Well, what the fuck you expect if you wont hire a person to pay the debt. One is being judge by so many factors but they don't realize they can be the solution...

oh wait....

they are not getting enough customers...

Fuckin' stupid cycle of and endless bullshit.

We really need a Democrat back on office to fox this shit... more republican and this country will go down a shit hole... Sure there are going to be a few more taxes but we'll have jobs to pay them with. If we don't sacrifice we never gain.

We need change... I wasn't an Obama supporter but I was a Clinton and well there is no way I am throwing my vote to a Republican... They have shown us what can happen to the country...

I don't know about many but I found Former President Clinton's words inspiring...

I am honored to be here tonight to support Barack Obama. And to warm upthe crowd for Joe Biden, though as you'll soon see, he doesn't need anyhelp from me. I love Joe Biden, and America will too.

What a year we Democrats have had. The primary began with anall-star line up and came down to two remarkable Americans locked in ahard fought contest to the very end. The campaign generated so muchheat it increased global warming.

In the end, my candidate didn't win. But I'm very proud of thecampaign she ran: she never quit on the people she stood up for, on thechanges she pushed for, on the future she wants for all our children.And I'm grateful for the chance Chelsea and I had to tell Americansabout the person we know and love.

I'm not so grateful for the chance to speak in the wake of her magnificent address last night. But I'll do my best.
Hillary told us in no uncertain terms that she'll do everything she can to elect Barack Obama.

That makes two of us.

Actually that makes 18 million of us - because, like Hillary, I wantall of you who supported her to vote for Barack Obama in November.

Here's why.

Our nation is in trouble on two fronts: The American Dream is undersiege at home, and America's leadership in the world has been weakened.

Middle class and low-income Americans are hurting, with incomesdeclining; job losses, poverty and inequality rising; mortgageforeclosures and credit card debt increasing; health care coveragedisappearing; and a big spike in the cost of food, utilities, andgasoline.

Our position in the world has been weakened by too muchunilateralism and too little cooperation; a perilous dependence onimported oil; a refusal to lead on global warming; a growingindebtedness and a dependence on foreign lenders; a severely burdenedmilitary; a backsliding on global non-proliferation and arms controlagreements; and a failure to consistently use the power of diplomacy,from the Middle East to Africa to Latin America to Central and EasternEurope.

Clearly, the job of the next President is to rebuild the American Dream and restore America's standing in the world.

Everything I learned in my eight years as President and in the workI've done since, in America and across the globe, has convinced me thatBarack Obama is the man for this job.

He has a remarkable ability to inspire people, to raise our hopesand rally us to high purpose. He has the intelligence and curiosityevery successful President needs. His policies on the economy, taxes,health care and energy are far superior to the Republican alternatives.He has shown a clear grasp of our foreign policy and national securitychallenges, and a firm commitment to repair our badly strainedmilitary. His family heritage and life experiences have given him aunique capacity to lead our increasingly diverse nation and to restoreour leadership in an ever more interdependent world. The long, hardprimary tested and strengthened him. And in his first presidentialdecision, the selection of a running mate, he hit it out of the park.

With Joe Biden's experience and wisdom, supporting Barack Obama'sproven understanding, insight, and good instincts, America will havethe national security leadership we need.

Barack Obama is ready to lead America and restore Americanleadership in the world. Ready to preserve, protect, and defend theConstitution of the United States. Barack Obama is ready to bePresident of the United States.

He will work for an America with more partners and feweradversaries. He will rebuild our frayed alliances and revitalize theinternational institutions which help to share the costs of the world'sproblems and to leverage our power and influence. He will put us backin the forefront of the world's fight to reduce nuclear, chemical, andbiological weapons and to stop global warming. He will continue andenhance our nation's global leadership in an area in which I am deeplyinvolved, the fight against AIDS, TB and malaria, including a renewalof the battle against HIV/AIDS here at home. He will choose diplomacyfirst and military force as a last resort. But in a world troubled byterror; by trafficking in weapons, drugs and people; by human rightsabuses; by other threats to our security, our interests, and ourvalues, when he cannot convert adversaries into partners, he will standup to them.

Barack Obama also will not allow the world's problems to obscure itsopportunities. Everywhere, in rich and poor countries alike,hardworking people need good jobs; secure, affordable healthcare, food,and energy; quality education for their children; and economicallybeneficial ways to fight global warming. These challenges cry out forAmerican ideas and American innovation. When Barack Obama unleashesthem, America will save lives, win new allies, open new markets, andcreate new jobs for our people.

Most important, Barack Obama knows that America cannot be strongabroad unless we are strong at home. People the world over have alwaysbeen more impressed by the power of our example than by the example ofour power.

Look at the example the Republicans have set: American workers havegiven us consistently rising productivity. They've worked harder andproduced more. What did they get in return? Declining wages, less than¼ as many new jobs as in the previous eight years, smaller health careand pension benefits, rising poverty and the biggest increase in incomeinequality since the 1920s. American families by the millions arestruggling with soaring health care costs and declining coverage. Iwill never forget the parents of children with autism and other severeconditions who told me on the campaign trail that they couldn't affordhealth care and couldn't qualify their kids for Medicaid unless theyquit work or got a divorce. Are these the family values the Republicansare so proud of? What about the military families pushed to thebreaking point by unprecedented multiple deployments? What about theassault on science and the defense of torture? What about the war onunions and the unlimited favors for the well connected? What aboutKatrina and cronyism?

America can do better than that. And Barack Obama will.

But first we have to elect him.

The choice is clear. The Republicans will nominate a good man whoserved our country heroically and suffered terribly in Vietnam. Heloves our country every bit as much as we all do. As a Senator, he hasshown his independence on several issues. But on the two greatquestions of this election, how to rebuild the American Dream and howto restore America's leadership in the world, he still embraces theextreme philosophy which has defined his party for more than 25 years,a philosophy we never had a real chance to see in action until 2001,when the Republicans finally gained control of both the White House andCongress. Then we saw what would happen to America if the policies theyhad talked about for decades were implemented.

They took us from record surpluses to an exploding national debt;from over 22 million new jobs down to 5 million; from an increase inworking family incomes of $7,500 to a decline of more than $2,000; fromalmost 8 million Americans moving out of poverty to more than 5 and ahalf million falling into poverty - and millions more losing theirhealth insurance.

Now, in spite of all the evidence, their candidate is promising moreof the same: More tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans that will swellthe deficit, increase inequality, and weaken the economy. Moreband-aids for health care that will enrich insurance companies,impoverish families and increase the number of uninsured. More going italone in the world, instead of building the shared responsibilities andshared opportunities necessary to advance our security and restore ourinfluence.

They actually want us to reward them for the last eight years bygiving them four more. Let's send them a message that will echo fromthe Rockies all across America: Thanks, but no thanks. In this case,the third time is not the charm.

My fellow Democrats, sixteen years ago, you gave me the profoundhonor to lead our party to victory and to lead our nation to a new eraof peace and broadly shared prosperity.

Together, we prevailed in a campaign in which the Republicans said Iwas too young and too inexperienced to be Commander-in-Chief. Soundfamiliar? It didn't work in 1992, because we were on the right side ofhistory. And it won't work in 2008, because Barack Obama is on theright side of history.

His life is a 21st Century incarnation of the American Dream. Hisachievements are proof of our continuing progress toward the "moreperfect union" of our founders' dreams. The values of freedom and equalopportunity which have given him his historic chance will drive him aspresident to give all Americans, regardless of race, religion, gender,sexual orientation or disability, their chance to build a decent life,and to show our humanity, as well as our strength, to the world.

We see that humanity, that strength, and our future in Barack andMichelle Obama and their beautiful children. We see them reinforced bythe partnership with Joe Biden, his wife Jill, a dedicated teacher, andtheir family.

Barack Obama will lead us away from division and fear of the lasteight years back to unity and hope. If, like me, you still believeAmerica must always be a place called Hope, then join Hillary, Chelseaand me in making Senator Barack Obama the next President of the UnitedStates.

I know I found this a little surprising with what was said before during the campaigning but he is right we must stick together and show that we need more jobs and better futures... times are hard enough to not try and fix them now...

Is being attracted to someone else when you are in a relationship cheating? Why or why not?

I do not believe being attracted to someone is cheating. Firstly, there are many beautiful people out there and some just admire the beauty. It would be wrong to walk around with our eyes closed all the time. It would only be considered cheating if the person who was attracted took a step towards trying to meet this person. That in it self already gives the sign that that person is not comitted to their relationship in a whole and if had the opportunity would have cheated... even though they deny it and disregard it as nothing...

  
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What are your tips for a successful first year of college?

Firstly, do not have in mind that College is about  parties because it's not...
- Start reading your books before classes begin so that you have the upper hand at any assignment.
-Take a lot of notes
-Go to your room and type your notes and study them... add cliff notes if you need
-Always have all your materials
-Don't go to class unprepared
-Don't expect extentions on any assignments
-Don't expect and 'A' if you didn't study
-Don't expect the professors to be your friends unless you do your work
- Join Clubs
-Don't drink your first year... it keeps you out of focus
-Do all your assignments
-Go to CLASS
-Don't Procrastinate
-Be motivated... or pretend to be

  
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If you were given 30 seconds on television to address everyone in the world, what would you say?

I would say that now a days kids are being taken into a new world where there is not enough imagenation to go around. We need to start supporting programs to expand the minds of little kids. They need to know about music, crafts, sports... and many other things that schools are loosing in funding. We need better books and different methods to teach our children to read, and do math. School have no choice but to give up extra-curricular activities because kids don't know their A-B-C's ...is it really that hard to read to them... or to play with them for an hour a day?

  
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What are those things that upset you the most? And how do you cope with them?

Things that upset me the most are things I cannot control. Sure I have never been a control freak or need everything to go a certain way but lately the fight/battleto get control of my life really upsets me. I cannot do something or get something done people there is always something holding me back. Which it shouldn't but I promised? This promised has not only held me behind but someone I love more than life itself and for some odd reason I cannot just break it. I fight myself constantly and yet I see no result. It's a battle that I must win within my self to do the right thing. Although at times the right thing may not be so for others but everybody looks out for themselves for the most part anyways...

coping... hmmm... well this week I have been doing a lot of talking even to people that might make them sad... I talk and talk and talk... I've been writing and writing and writing... I have pages in a journal... I have another page of anger I half way posted and deleted... by coping in this week is writng and A LOT of talking....

  
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Sometimes it comes to frustrations... I must say every time I go to church I pray He give me patience and tolerance and love and work. It is just so difficult at times. I have a moment for my time but I leave trapped in these 4 walls II call home. I love my mother greatly and I know she's in a lot of pain but it is so hard sometimes. I try my best to be patient and to disregard when she treats me bad. I take her to her all appointments and even is there in her every need as she screams for me. Nothing she can ever do will take her love away from me it's just that as i see her recuperating I can already imagine her in old age. The sad thing that amongst everyone of my siblings and even my father, I am the one that has more patience and tolerance and I feel bad for asking God that I need more. I wish I can ask Him to give them more and help a little more. I sometimes just feel so overwhelmed I feel like taking a week off. But then I then I know that if I leave she will feel abandoned and will be upset with me. I know at times she wants me to do more than above and beyond realizing that I do more than my other siblings but I guess it's to compensate the lack of love they show her. I am one and with Danny it can be hard. It's not easy. He wants me to be with him every second like right now he is begging to be with him and my mother the same... I am at her every call... sometimes I so truly wish I had 4 hands so I can do most at once.

Yesterday, I had just mopped the floor and gone outside to washed it but first came to the garage to turn on the computer. I didn't want to step inside because the floor was wet. The funny thing is as soon as I step outside I hear the scream,"REYNA!"....
"REYNA!!"
"REYNA!"
So I rush inside and well surely enough Danny had written in our off-white wall with a black permanent marker. She was upset... it's your fault you never watch him, you just leave and leave him to do everything he wants... and blah, blah, blah...
I didn't want to argue or say something I didn't mean so I sort off blew her off in order to hold my self back. I know that was just as bad but it could have been worse. I just got the alcohol and did my best to clean the wall and thankfully most came off. I did tell my dad  of what Danny did and he said not worry about... it was just a wall... and he also said, "who knows, we might not even be here by next week..." I told him true, I guess... He just told me well don't worry about your mom she is just in some pain but Danny is fine and kids will be kids...

This morning after we came from her appointment I started to out some towels to wash and then again, I heard my mother's piercing voice, "REYNA.......REYNA.......REYNA!"
And, I , immediately thought ,"OMG what has Danny done now..."
Thankfully this time it was nothing. He had just arranged 4 fours lined up and wanted everybody to sit down as in a train. It was my mom on the 2nd chair and Danny on the 3rd and I was on the last chair. The first was empty and then pre-occupied by my sis... So we started..."chuck-a, chuck-a, chuck-a, chuck-a.....whooooo....ooooo" and over and over.... it was fun... he loves trains but we have to do it right or he'll he upset....

What is your number one piece of advice or rule for a first date?

Don't be completely blided by other experiences that you've had with previous relationship. Just allow the date to pass and reflect on how he treated you and how compatible things were. And obviously if something went wrong ask yourself if it was because the person was nervous or they were a complete jerk. Just be open to a different experience and don't close yourself to fast to being swept off your feet by another person.

  
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Today I was so upset because Danny spilled my eye make-up removal and a face toner...
Although I was upset I tried my best not to be upset with him all to o much... what was done was done.  He had spilled another one of my face creams a few days ago and well each one costs like $16-17 and well that is money I don't have to replace them and they are a combo to be used on the face daily... what to do? He'll been silling so much of my stuff and there is nothing I can do they're gone and I can't replace them... I've tried explaining that doing that is bad. I've given him time out... But how can you get through to a 2 1/2 year old? Honestly it's almost impossible. You say maybe hide my stuff well Ha! that wouldn't work either because the make-up removal, the toner and the cream were all in a box store away but like a curious little mind goes searching well there you go... voila! and it is gone! Now you see it and now you don't!

If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be of? Why?

I already have one that I have been wanting to put on for quite a while but haven't had the economic means to. I want to have a little tiny rose somewhere behind my ear. I know know exactly why but a rose significance a lot to me. It stands a lot for me and my life...

  
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It was so funny so yesterday evening we were making Tamales...
Danny (my son, 2 yrs 1/2) saw what we were doing so he got a leaf and put it right in front of him and since we wouldn't give him the spoon because we knew he wanted to help, but we didn't need his kind of help,  so instead  just just grabs some dough with his hands and puts it in the leaf. He tried to spread it like what he were doing but with his little hands. When he finished, he felt accomplished and ran off with his leaf threw it in the microwave and waited like a little and opened the door and then closed it and then opened it and I finally told him to take it out...
Well luckily for him it was only in there for like 30- 45 sec and it was ready. He took it out and ate it and left. We thought it was the funniest thing in the world because at the moment we wouldn't have thought about that. I least we know he can survive on his own now, hahaha... The things kids think about...

a search for happiness is within...

I find it funny how sometimes we search every where for things but they are just right under our noses. So today I went to the store to buy something because I forgot it at home and needed it. Well I literally looked in every single isle but nothing. I was about to go to the front of the store to ask the clerk for some help until I see it. It was in the front of the store. They purposely put it towards the front so people don't have to search and here I go looking every where but there it was.

Sometimes it is those kinds of lessons that bring us to meditate a little about us and our lives. I read some quote a little  corny but anyways, " Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things it will come and sit softly on you shoulder..."

I know it's corny but it's a perfect example of when we search and search and search to catch something and end up empty handed. I, for many years, thought that if I had a boyfriend or someone to keep my mind off things I would be happy. I Pretended to be happy for a while but we all knew the truth. It becomes hard when something you pretend for so long to be isn't because at the end you're lying to yourself and it becomes and endless circle of turmoil.  I chased happiness pretending to be someone I wasn't or some one I was but was not accepted for. There are so many ways, so many wrong ways we sometimes search for happiness or whatever it is and it doesn't come about. Everything comes in it's own time. We just have to be patient enough to realize that we can't have it all even though we want it now. We have all heard the endless struggle or search for the "chalice" or "holy grail" well all the barriers we put our selves through is just that search... our search for oour own "holy grail"; the one thing that makes us happy and who we are be in peace. The biggest search is not to find happiness although many confuse the happiness with actually finding out who they are and how they fit into this crazy world. With every single person having so many things in their minds, it is hard for others to have the time to care if somebody else is depress; they have enough on their plate to have to worry about another begin as well. And that is when some feel lonely, or even feel as though they are not understood because they feel abandoned. But, we are so selfish ourselves that so not think or well if I'm depress well if a friend isn't coming to my aide because he/she might be depressed or need my help... we only think of the loneliness we feel and how we have failed. Well if we were there more for our friends then we wouldn't be as lonely; we would at least start understanding what we are all going through. The search to be found withint ourselves and the society we want (our friends).,

What has been your personal highlight of Summer 2008?

The weird thing that this summer I have done nothing but I've still enjoyed it. My personal highlight I would have to say is spending a lot of time with Danny my son. He has been discovering so much on his own and expanding his little head I am just proud of him as I watch him grow. It is so great seeing a baby grow and talk his way through now. Sure every once in a while we still don't understand what he says but he is pretty clear. But what I really find funny is that he speaks mostly english even though we talk mostly spanish at home. We'll ask him something in spanish and sometimes he responds in english or he says, "huh?" and then we'll repeat it in english and then spanish and he understands. Kids are funny and fun to be around :D Personal highlight = watching son grow

  
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Who was your first crush?

My First crush. His name was Danny. We were in 5th grade and he was very smart. He was preparing to take pre-algebra in 6th grade; I admired him a lot. Well all I remember is that we were pretty good friend back in the day. He was always playing basketball during recess but I didn't like basketball at the time, well I wasn't good at it. Sometimes inbetween the ball flying from side to side from dodgeball I would get a glance at him playing and always making the shot or getting the rebound. I really don't know what I liked about him but he was smart, athletic and back then although I was still a little shubby I was very athletic too and ran fast. He was actually one of the only guys that was taller than me in the 5th grade because I was the 2nd tallest girl. He had light brown hair, with hazel/green eyes. I still remember seeing him like if it was yesterday. It was a rather long crush because I still remember liking him in high school. It was a penetrating crush that wouldn't leave me for anything. The weird thing is that when I still think of him or that crush I still feel as though I am that foolish little 5th grader trying to impress this kid who was never going to pay attention to me. I know it's no longer a crush but the thought of him is still sweet as "christmas morning."

  
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Mom's accident

A subject that took me a while to write about:

Mommy's Accident

It was  Sunday night and I knew my mom was suppose to be home soon because she had gone to some class in LA. The class was suppose to be over like around 10 but it could have gone until 11pm. Well I guess You can say it then starts Monday morning... 7/21/08. It was 12:30 am and I come out of my room from cleaning and going to get water from the fridge. I see my dad sleeping in the couch while sitting. I found that quite odd but I went for my water anyways. As I was walking back to my room I asked my dad if my mom had come home already and he said yea, she's in the room sleeping. So Then I just assumed they had a fight and he was staying in the couch or something. But then he looked out the window. So I asked him, "What are you waiting for you should still go to bed" and he said no I am waiting for somebody. Who? Some lady, he said... "some lady, ok..." I thought, "who is coming?" and he said nobody... "well good night, dad." I walked down the hall and saw that their room was close and I thought about going to see how my mom's thing had gone through the weekend but then I thought maybe she's really tired... I'll ask her in the morning... I went to sleep.

At around 2:10 or so dad wakes me up and I honestly do not remember how I got to his room but I remember I was in dream state while he woke me and was trying to talk to me. Anyways I was in his room and he told me to go get dress, "your mom was in an accident!" I was a little scared. I had so many questions running through my head... How did this happen? Where did it happen? How is she? Well we got to the Hospital at around 2:30am and checked in to the ER. They asked us for the adress and Emergency numbers but we really wanted to see her... She called and told us that the doctor was seeing her at the moment so they would call us back or somebody would come to escort us to the back...

We we sat down and waiting while watching the weather chanel. It was very interesting... Two hurricanes were about to hit. So it was now 4:00 and nothing. I wanted to go see but there was nobody at the reception desk so I waited. I believe we didn't get to go in until like 4:30am... Three of the four ladies were in the Trauma section. The other was in Loma Linda Hospital. The Accident happend in Chino and they were all taken pretty far... Arrowhead Regional in Colton and well Loma Linda city... But, When we went ...

this is what we saw:
 

I swear I know I couldn't hold my tears. I was scared... She was covered and all we could hear is her moaning in pain,softly and slowly, "Ay....ay"

They told us she has flown out of the car and all of them very very lucky to be alive. The van they were in was completely totaled. Aparently what happened was that they were struck from behind at an alarming speed.
The report says that they were hit from behind by a black 2008 Lexus gs350. Which was aparently driving  90 miles/hour it was said that the young man driving the car was possibly drunk but we had been unable to find out anything. The Van my mom was in was a 2007 Honda Odyssey... Both cars totaled and everybody ended in the hospital. She was in the hospital from monday through friday evening... She had a fractured arm, and pelvic right bone but she can kind of walk although it hurts her a lot. She also had a reall bad hit in her haed.When she went to her 2 week check up she had them check her left ring finger which hurt her a lot and they call this past friday for and appointment for today. It came out that she had a fracture in her finger as well. So today they cast it for a month.  I am just glad that she is doing better although in pain.

They did cat scans and MRIs because she had bled internally in her head and were afraid they were going to have to do surgery to take the blood out but found out it would heal on it's own. That was the good news the bad news was that they found a growth in her head. Which the Doctors said shouldn't be a problem because it's benign but they cannot remove it completely because it can cause her to bleed to death since it's wrapped around a vein. But he said that if there were any problems they could remove some of` qit and she would be fine. It's in her a Meningoma in her right opcipital...

So yeah, that's the update for now...


 

What do you or could you do to have a better work-life balance in your life?

I think I would have to have better discipline (like define work ethic) and no computer or tv...

  
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What do you think happens to us after we die?

I some how think that when we die we die... I don't know I mean it would be nice if afterlife would be like "When Dream May Come" but I don't see how only a select few get sent back and then if everybody who is back is good then are are the evil do-ers per say... I know people say things about ghosts and angels protecting, hey it can be true but I think when we die if we die in peace we rest in peace... otherwise  you don't... and there you have your ghost...

  
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What would you do if you knew you would not fail?

I think I would audition for the LA Phil... I mean come on... I would guide my son through school and give him the best education, buy a lottery ticket ... I think that would be enough to make me happy...

  
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What quality of yours would you like to pass to your kids?

I would really love to pass down the faithfulness of your heart. Security in knowing when one makes a mistake it is not the end of the world you can redeem yourself and become a better person. Work hard for what you want in life and never give up or let others give up for you, it's your choice. Life can be hard but don't tell yourself be guided by others know where it's good to be a leader and not a followerer to bad choices (or Karma)... Figure out that although you may have some bad genes we can make good out of them...

  
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What causes people to cheat on their significant others?

This is a really hard question but what I really think a person cheats is when they are not completely ready to comit and do it all for the relationship. It's a cry for help to be brought back down from the fantasy world they live in where they think that if they are not married then they do not have to be completely faithful. Well that is what some think before they are married and then after marriage is well I am not being satisfied and that is my right so I can find it somewhere else. But, the truth is that it's cheating whether you're not married the fact that you have a title as boyfriend or girlfriend, husband, wife, fiancee is still intitledment to respect your significant other. People who cheat find any excuse and no matter how long they try not to it happends again... And it runs the family... mostly in makes but sometimes in females. I seen it happen in males family and other families as well... I don't know...

  
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What would you do if you were faced with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy?

Well what would I do... Firstly, it already happened to me once. I didn't tell the baby's dad... he knew (don't know), I only told a few friends because I had no choice(well they were in the drug store with me) I couldn't hide the fact that I was buying a pregnancy test. They wouldn't leave my side. I told my parents on the 5th month... I tried to hide it from everybody... But I ate healthy and worked a lot so I would be worn to a point were I wouldn't have to be asked questions... That was then...

Now, if I were to be pregnant now... I would jump off a bridge, lol, just kidding... But, I would move away to another state. Find a way to keep my self sane so I can came the money to live alright. I am not going to say comfortably becaue a single mom with 2 kids there is no confort there. Yeah, I don't think I would tell friends or family I would just pick up and leave until I was ready to face the truth to all of them. I know that is a cowards way but it's the best thing I can do find out on my own if I can do it without the pressure or help from them...
I would be scared out of my mind...

  
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Is it true that "what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger"?

I actually believe this to be true. Well as a matter of speaking when you refer to something as making you stronger because it didn't kill you, it only means you were able to surpass a challenge in life. It doesn't always literally mean that it was going to kill you but if it was ... Yay, for you, you're alive and are able to prosper in life. Building yourself from the bottom does make you stronger because now you know that everything is not easy, there are challenges and personal growth is important. Well, and, if something did kill you well you were to weak to surpass it anyways....

  
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If you were writing your own obituary, what would you want it to say?

Reyna Edith Flores died on the day of .....
She was a happy person who enjoyed the company of those she loved. She loved spending time and money on her son and family. Although, she wasn't much of an extrovert she still enjoyed the simple things in life. She wasn't surrounded by many friends but those she did have she loved them to death. She always talked about wanting to spend time but their schedules never met in accordance. She will be remembered in the few things she loved like music but her quiet death just represents she left in peace and with no remorse or hate....

  
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If you could ask your crush three questions, what would they be?

1. How equal do you think men and women are?

2. If you had kids, how would you raise them?

3. How do you feel about mid-life crisis?Do you think it's real or an excuse...

  
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How would you grieve and heal after the death of a loved one?

If I know myself well, I know that loosing someone close to me would be very very hard. I would probably end up distancing myself from many people. I like being alone when I'm sad... Probably cry for hours/days  Write a lot of journals, stories based on that person. And do that until I had no tears to cry... Once my tears were dried up I think the healing process had begun... Sad but true... that is how I react to hard situations... It's happened before and this being my grieving process probably hasn't changed.

  
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If you were on the death row, what would be your last meal?

I think if I was on death row I wold have to ask my mother to cook. By that time I don't think I would really care what it was as long as it was something she really wanted to make with her 2 hands. Anything to remind me of when we were little and she use to cook for us...
  
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What is one childhood habit that still comforts you even as you are older?

Well although I know it's kind of a bad habit it still helps. I, sadly, bite my nails. I know there are times when I can stop but if they're my nails I bite them all off.. But I usually only do it when I am very stress... Interestin enough there is always enugh time inbetween the stress and my nails growing out. Most of the time my nails do not look like if I bite them, they just look short.
  
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