To be honest and frank... I am very sleepy, tired, anxious, frustrated... disappointing. But that is just how I am feeling withing... but how I feel outside...or whatever if anybody understand: I feel with more energy(but I am tired today -well my eyes are), happy, excited (don't know about what), at peace. I need a drink.... So all  of that is just running through... I guess you can say a little of it all comes out even the anger sometimes...I get so frustrated when guys say yeah call me or text me when ever you want... and then they don't respond.... some "Boy are stupid!" and I don't know why I want to become involved  but I do... you know why... I am going to make their life miserable... jk... I am not but I am :) oh but no more babies... If they want to travel and have fun they can tag along... I am not being tied down anymore...tired... so tired....

girls need an emotional out sometimes...well i do

It was my time for a good cry. I need to swell up these eyes and realize that it is okay.  Sometimes we just feel like we want to cry. I know guys, why would to want to do that? Anyways, so many things happen on daily basis in our lives that sometimes all that anger, frustration, anxiety, and disillusionment build up and we don’t know how to get rid of it. As for me, I know letting some good tears always makes me feel better the next day and maybe almost relaxed. A feeling that we’re not broken, everything was always okay. How did I make myself cry? No, not reminiscing but I just finished watching The Notebook.

I have always been a hopeless romantic… how girlyish, I know! As I grew up I always dreamt of the guy that would sweep me off my feet. You know “My Prince Charming” and as I got to middle school I started realizing that it wasn’t going to be easy. Not being as attractive or pretty or more of having a lack of a personality wasn’t going to help any. I always lived in this dream world. I dream world that doesn’t exist. After I have talked to quite a bit of people and many who I have talked to because they like me… there is still one person who ever made me feel a certain way. I know right now there could be a person who has potential and he sure as hell challenges me but he no longer takes and interest because I broke his heart and for my other factors. It’s not so much all of that because if he really wanted to and I really did too then it would happen but the thing is that life is never in the right position where it should be for people to coincide.  Being a hopeless romantic… I am so that I am getting to a point where I feel it’s  hopeless I will ever become romantically involved… I know right, don’t say that! There is many fish in the sea! Well that may be a fact but another fact was only one person has ever impressed me… Had a form of an impact in my life to be noticed…  I have become a realist in the love sense.

I use to be such a dreamer. Loved it, I lived in la-la land… everyday I thought and thought and thought and about nothing and boys and nothing and boys and what it would be like to have a kiss…and so on and so forth. 

Now, here I am 24 about to be 25… wow mid 20’s, I am now old and not as youthful 1) because of age and 2) because I am a single mom. Who would like to get together with a single mom when they can find a single girl, beautiful and available with all their time? All guys… A guy doesn’t have a list of interests… hmmm let’s see… I want a single mom who has one boy… hasn’t had sex in years… sometimes depressed and who lives with her parents…. Oh yeah, what a catch!  I know I am being negative, and I know this because I have my good qualities which I am not going to list, they’re boring!

Well as much as I have become a realist sure I dream at times but the reality is  that being 25 and be willing to risk it all for a heart break not very likely now I can’t be selfish and only think of myself.  How can I have dreams when my dreams are now to help  raise and aspire for the best.  I am not getting younger.

Also, being a realist, I have realized that in order for some women to have more say, they need a man. No that is not a statement but more of an observation.  Let me tell you why I need one. Ok so I am in a business. I so Multi-Level Marketing on a Consumable product and  If you don’t have a ring on the finger…  you have those old geezers thinking they can hit on you just because they feel it and secondly because if for some reason who work with males people think of you worse. You know what its not only because I work with them and I am single but the fact that I have a kid.  When you have a kid and you’re not married they see you as a tramp (well women so… or failed because you can’t keep a man happy and you have a kid) and men see it as a plus, why? When I man sees a single woman with a child… some see, well she’s at least has had sex so it’s easier to get to her, since she has had sex we can cross boundaries… men tend to be a little less respectful. I don’t know if I am wrong but that is how it seems. I don’t tell people I have a child until it’s very necessary but to just people. I would never enter a relationship without it being known besides I have baby marks… it’s not like I can hide that fact.