Light with shine tomorrow

So after making call after call today and waiting since the 20th, it seems as though tomorrow the 30th we will have lights. It seems like  it takes 10 days of living in the dark after the order was put in, and 14 days of living in the dark since we moved to the new house we will have light. it's been  a struggle because we needed to charge our phones everywhere we went and even my laptop. Right now I am using it but I only have a few minutes left of life. But, since I finally received the call today and I am relieved because we will have light. But, in my room I need to buy a lamp because it has no bulb. AYAYA, lol... but I am just happy though... Sister came to visit today since like sunday.... and I think she is sleeping in my bed with Danny... good times...

A cross on my ceiling

Well, haven't been on primarily because we moved within the last week and a half ago and to top it off we still don't have electricity in the house. I have been working on it with Edison but aparently the people who left, left a bad mark on the house that we as new renters have to deal with. This Saturday will be 2 weeks here with no electricity but I am hoping that within the next couple of days maybe today it will be resolved. So anyways, the way I have light in my room is with good old fashion candles. Which in reality I don't mind because they're so peaceful and well in that sense we actually go to sleep pretty early and wake up refreshed.

Now, I've had candles lit up in my room for the last week and a half and last night I was really compelled to pray a rosary for people. I was going to go to sleep but this time unlike many other times I had to and I wouldn't haven't slept comfortable if I haven't done it. Every candle in my room has been in the same position so that the light is equally distributed around the room. I know every once in a while I would get very very sleepy and doze off for a minute or so but I knew I had to finish what i had started. So I kept praying and giving my petitions.... well when I looked up on the ceiling of my room there it was, a cross made out of light. I couldn'y explain it because the candles were in the exact same place but the difference was that everything I was praying I was speaking it from the heart. I was praying within to God and what I felt when I saw the cross on the ceiling was that He was listening to me. I felt this ease and felt that San Miguel Archangel was also listening to me. And that he was going to fight again all evil and protect all of us.

I wouldn't consider it a miracle but I would consider it a presence. He was in  my room as I prayed and helped calm my nerves. I don't know if anybody else was asleep but while I prayed I felt the silence, the peace within and the comfort I needed to gp tp sleep. It's weird because I had been wanting to pray the rosary by myself for a while and I just couldn't. All I needed was an extra special push from above to allow me to do it. It was hard but I loved the feeling. I just hope that He answers my prayers...

My sister had seen the commercial for the new Promo burger that Carl's Jr. came out in there menu, The Big Carl. I told her if we got some stuff done I would go with her. We decided to split it and I ate it and it was bland to me. I didn't like it at all... I guess it was missing pickles which would add a nice flavor but no it was not appetizing at all. It actually makes me not want Carl's for a really, really long time maybe forever, idk. It was rather disgusting. My sis kind of liked it but still wasn't satisfied.

We're home now watching TV and all I could think is that it's going to be very minimal times now that we're going to be living like this. As of tomorrow or latest thursday we need to be out of the house and turn it on to the owners. We think they're selling it but we didn't want to stay here anyways because it was a little small at times. It makes me feel a little sad. When I lived away I was at school but I was preoccupied besides I can keep myself intertained but for Danny this will be his first time to experience being away from his nina for a longer period of time. I know he will miss her and she will miss him but he as well as her will get use to it. They will learn to appreciate each other more and time away from the fam is away good. I know she can always come over but things will change. it's not that I am complaining because for the first time in my life's chapter with Danny, he and I will have our own room.
I  feel a little scared well not acctually scared but I guess I always had the confort she was there even though one look from each other and we were on each other's throats. We're sisters. The time has come and even though they are a little upset at her decision it was time. I wish I had the money to move out on my own.... but at the same time I like the unity that we are shallowy formingly in our chaotic lives of no structure. We'll we'll see how this works out and turns out. Change is always good in one way or another.

Well, sometimes when we find a friend who want to see us we try and schedule lunch or dinner...  and as we start seeing when 2 can the other 1 can't. We there on day out of this  week that we had finally decided it was going to happen and it was Monday but then a little confusion was risen from some messages and so they postposed it because I was the supposedly busy one. So it didn't happen and in reality that was the only moment we all actually had free in a week.So we finally received the hours one friend was available and I saw mine but our other friend deleted her facebook and she wasn't picking up her phone, lol. We couldn't schedule something for certainif we didn't have a response right, so once again we were stuck on the subject and tried calling her friday morning and well it was hard... I felt awkward leaving messages. Friday morning, besides the calling, I was getting ready for the day incase we did meet. But I wanted to go to Kaiser HS so I can talk to a student about scheduling her private lesson and she has lunch at 10:40am...(so freaking, early) but in the mist of trying to get ready my mom calls me to her and tells me that one of my brother's is ill and needs to be picked. It was 9:30 and had an hour left and wasn't even close to ready so I hurried up and go to the nurse's office, he wasn't there. The nurse hadn't even heard from him. frustration and with time not being onmy side...So I call my mom to call thenumber he called with and so he can go to the nurse's office. Thankfully she did. While I was just siitting...I startedreceiving calls from her and him which was awesome because I thought I was going  to make it happen... but she said she was at work and well it was going to be almost impossible. In the time gap she couldn't make it because he needed to get ready for work. I was going back and worth. But this time I think I am going to try and get her schedule, have my scedule and we'll try and match it with his when he gets it. But, since he was going to be out of his house for a while he said why don't you and I meet for breakfast/lunch=brunch... so I said yea but I just needed to get out of the nurses offce. Oh and by the way I was doing all that without actually having a phone, lol. Well I don't have one myself at the time... GRRR!!! but I stole my mom's phone -her extra one for a lil while. I don't think she notice other wise I would be hearing about it. I got my brother went home and finished getting ready it was 10:30... I was already running late for the 1st lunch so I call him and told that I would go...  We met up and since I had never been there had him pick something he liked and it was delicious. I don't know why I had never gone there. I pass by it at 2-3 times a week. We talked caught up and it was nice. I always enjoy talking and catching up. It sucks though because we use to be so close of friends back in the day and well as the college years progressed I guess we all joined our own clubs to define who we are/were and we as people change but like he and I said I think I have become a little more optimistic and he has become a little more pessimistic...In the sense that we sort of switched roles a bit but when I was talking to him it felt like when we were the closest of friends. I wear heals now too which are awesome because I am now practically 4 inches taller and I sort of love it so I wear them a lot and even though he is freakin tall I was 4 inches taller. I believe he is 6'5" and I am 5'5"(almost 5'6") so alsmot a whole foot of difference but that's what I love of all my guy friends... they're all above almost 6' or above the 6' range. Height very important to a woman sometimes especially to show there is balance in a relationship sometime it doesn't matter if she is in charge but is the  viewer sees the opposite then mission accomplished. If you're under 5'11" too short...
Haha... got caught going off on a different tangent. Anyways, that was nice. then even though I didn't go to the HS at the time I has proposed I went there after and stayed there an hour and waited for the kids to show up to their 6th period. I asked the teacher if I would be able to have them for a few minutes before class started and he said sure. So I got all my prospective students and talked to so I can get their info. They all gave me all they had and well it seems as though we'll going to be well on our way. I am going to be busy teaching, which is what I love the most.  I am going to start working on make-up and getting the word out for weddings. I am going to try and be busy as hell... but I love it when I am like that so I am only free one day of the week for meetings not 2... that is my goal!

So I feel a lot of peace... I don't know why but I am relaxed. It seems as  though even though there are times where things look or seem like they're bad there is always a plus to it. So last night I wrote a message in my facebook

"Is sleep an option...hmm... it just might be! Have I mentioned I love the weather... Now I need a cuddly teddy bear or a substitute ;)"

and I had a friend send me a message. It was his birthday yesterday and he wrote me... ah if I were down there I would be your substitute, miss you lots! It's so weird... I always get all these come ons but nothing ever goes anywhere. i guess I have never been good at initiating but I know there is a lot more that underlines the issue. I am not good at talking to people who like me and I don't know how to act with people that I might like. even less, I can't express myself, I don't feel worthy  of having someoneor liking someone... I don't know... I guess that after having the courage to fess up. The whole problem is me... I feel like I am ready but I don't really think I am... or visa-versa... not sure... Well in true reality I don't find guys reliable, trustworthy, or when they want to kiss me or something I am scared... I haven't kissed in years and the truth is not no I am not scared on knowing how to kiss  (because I practice, lol... j/k I really don't) but I don't know what could be wrong with me. I know I already underlined the issue and it's something I need to get over but at the same time if I am not given a chance how am I suppose to give the chance. I know I am not suppose to be picky either but if our taste first determines.

Maybe there is too much stress and I don't want more stress... I would like someone... I just don't want a clingy person who has to know my every minute. The thing I have learned about being single for such a long time now is that I like my freedom. I like doing what I want to... I like everything about it but sometimes I miss it....Sometimes I feel that we boost up the idea so high that once it happens it's never up to our expectations therefore automatically being disapointed... well iit's happened to me...

Anyways, So my mom told me today that the landloard told my dad that they wanted the house by the 10th. Yeah, that's an I don't think so... by saturday. I don't think they can legally so that either but who knows. I mean I am not stressed because I kind of want that myself. I don't now where we are going but I've been waiting patiently so I can get all my stuff... I have sweaters and dresses all put away that I kind of want. I want quite a bit of clothes also away and i wannt it. My jewlery and well my board games. I was just telling my sis that we should have a family day. Right before we moved because the lost house and my mom's car accident we would all play monopoly for hours and it was fun. We were starting to bond.

So there are a lot of changes coming around but I am ready....

Anyways

What was your last major purchase?

My last major purchase was probably back in March or April. I bought my Mini Notebook and that was it....

  
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Mistakened....

I know I only kind of write when someething deeply impacts me in some way or another. All night my stomach has been churning... and it sucks because I wake up worried. I deleted both those people from my facebook but I am really scared. Mainly of her because I don't know what she is capable of and calling and cussing me out. I really had no idea what was going on until she tells me all this stuff. It's very unfortunate because everything I did was for their benefit, because I did a lot of work for them pretty much like or as an assistant and I am accussed of an affair. Which is ridiculous. All the work the calls was to verify thing were being done and taken care of. Like a week ago she stopped responding to my e-mails and calls. I didn't understand why... now I know... I guess in those perspectives I still don't understand much. I didn't do anything wrong, never led him on... I just respected and her as well. I tried talking to her and neverdid anything to get a wrong impression of people. I don't need them. She could do all the work that I was doing and together they can translate, revise and do all their orders. I pretty much gave them a year of my services for pretty much free... If they want to end it all like that. I'll consider it community service which will not go onmy resume. I am sure she will later on come to her senses. A good worker, that is trying to help annd does things for free not easily found. My mom kept insisting that I ask for money for a while. And I didn't... People, since the beginning told  that people are going to talk, people will try to ruin your life...

But, that stomach feeling doesn't go away at all...I am truly scared out of my mind. I don't even know why. I don't know what a lady like that is capable of doing when she thinks her husband is having an affair with a 24 year old. I don't know what she is capable of doing to prevent that from occuring or communication ever from happening again. I told my sis I want her to go, and I truly want my brothers to go too, or at least one. I don't know why I am thinking like this but I guess because I have never had anyone hate me so much for something that never occured. I want them to be there. And I don't want my son to go. If anything were to happen (God forbid) then they will be there and I will feel secure. I have already repented all my past mistakes and I haven't committed any wrong but charity.

Well, she just sent me a message on facebook... kind of apologizing... or not I don't know... That is why I truly hate DRAMA! I am a quiet person who stays away and this happens... imagine if I dressed provacative or was flirty... and I am the oposite in factr my sis always wants me to dress up and well since I don't have money I don't. Couldnt imagine how things would have escalated then,... ayayay!

Her: Oct 4 at 10:34am
Reyna ~ you need not be mad at george...it was me last night on his facebook. Look...for obvious reasons i would be upset that my husband gave another women a cell phone and continued to lie to me about it. He told me he let you use it for his Rally in September and gave it to you at early september. He also said he has been asking for it back but you keep forgetting it.

Really...I have every reason to suspect things.

If your agreemnet was with George that you can have that cell phone on my families dime...then so be it! I dont care to ever discuss it again.

Me: 10:41am
Look, I never meant any harm. I respect both of you. And there is nothing going on. Of course, I will be mad. I've never been in this position and it truly hurts. But, I will go to tomorrow's meeting and return it then. I am sorry you were lied to and I didn't know what was going on. You have every right as a wife and understand. I would have probably done the same thing.

Don't worry, you will have your phone. And thank you!

Her: 10:46a
No like I said I have an understanding about the hole thing now. If your agreement was with George to have and use the cell phone then thats what it is. He really confused and misled me...now i understand my husband a little better...not in a good way for me.

please keep and use the cell phone per your agreement with him...my issues i will deal with on my own. take care

Me: 10:50a
thanks Tina,
But, I will still return the phone. I am going to concentrate on building my business. And, You know this will be a great time so he starts seeking more help from the other managers.

You take care as well!



Wel the fear in me is now calm. But, I know that if I don't start distancing my self this will definitely come back. It's one of those things that just happen and in the back on her mind she will always have her doubts and I prefer being as far away from both of them so that I am not stuck in their crossfire. They're obviusly having issues and they're not from my behalf.  I can only say I wish them luck, peaceof mind and a happy marriage.

Sigh~ well I at least feel better....

a small frustration

right now I can't help but cry. There is nothing wrong and things aren't  going wrong. Well At least I amnot doing anything.... So I had this phone for work only and well people were suppose to call and make orders and stuff but nobody has called lately. I have my personal phone that has been disconnected for like a month where I can't make calls or texts, and the last 2 weeks I haven't been able to even receive anything which means my phone is completely disconnected. So I can't even get in contact with people which sucks because as of right now if people needed to make orders I couldn't even receive them. Which kind of sucked because I had a hard time making my quota for the month. Thank God I got it done... Anyways, so for some reason the guy that I have been working with... I really don't know what is going on but there is something about his wife thinking that we have something and she calls me today telling me all this stuff and asking for the phone back which I don't care for it was only for work. So whatever. There has never been anything this with guy... he is 50 and I have never liked older guys ... I like guys my age and I guess a little younger and I don't know why. So I've been trying to talkto these other guys and this comes up which is stupid.

Anyways, Now we also have to move. We don't know where yet but we need to get out. Hmmm..... I feel a little over whelmed right now. See why I can't even talk to people because it's so hard. On the plus, I start teaching lessons this week.

I am a little stressed by things... I know we have to move which doesn't stress me out. I know I don't have a phone... which I have dealt with but I have never been accused like that... when  ewww.... I don't know why people think things like that. It's stupid.... I wish she would have hired an investigator because there would be the prove. Nothing... You know? I stand onmy 2 feet because I know the truth but that means the work environment or the meetings if she goes are going to be tense... I don't know....