so how would you feel is a love you once had never ever meant anything to the person... you know the one you once gave your  heart to and now that the truth was unveiled it all felt like a lie and in vain....

So wow, graduation is on Saturday. Wow, I can't imagine it's here. The day that I have been waiting for, for 4 years. It almost feels like nothing but I don't know why. It's kind of sad... hmm... maybe I will feel it once I am up there walking but in all honest truth I don't even want to do that. I don't want to walk but I know that if I don't do it then I will probably be mad at myself and I will disapoint my parents. I know they have been waiting for this momenet ever since I had Danny. What a better present than their oldest daughter and first to go to college to graduate. I guess. I don't know why I am not happy about it. I should be stoked and jumping for joy but I guess I just realize that living easy is now completely gone and although it has not been all that easy in the last few years it's about it get harder with more life changing challenges. But whatever it's part of life and although I do like to complain about it I know that it will only get better. Well I do pray to God about it. I know there are things that I hope will happen and I just hope I will be happy. How much can a person live in misery to realize that that is life and it's time to move and make life a place more livable.
As I keep moving foward I know I feel people behind but I never forget how much of an impact all those people have had on me. Yes even those that have maybe only spoken to me once. Sure sometimes I don't always remember but I do. Small talks and conversations mean a lot to me and that is what has given me my best memories in Redlands. Those people who I only talk to once and gave them a piece of my life or that they gave me a piece of theirs. A special gift only given to a stranger you know you most likely will never speak to again, later to realize that friends, of friends, know those strangers. haha I know confusing but the fact is the it is a small world but it's not as small of a close knit community as we lived when we lived in the U of R. My friends, sisters and brothers I have in redlands mean the world to me. Take them all out and I have nothing. It's hard to see myself without them even though we are moving on to better lives( I hope) their support, their kind words, their truth, honesty, and forever commitment makes it all worth while. How about those late night runs to go eat or even sit down at Denny's in the middle of the night when we knew we had an 8 o'clock class and a major test. It was all those small things that helped release all the stress, the hanging out and dancing that will stay forver

So I have come to realize that thanks to God I am going to graduate in a few more months... I thank Him for bringing me dispair and none the less the joy my life needed, which is of course Danny. I know for a Long time I was not being a good girl and in all he still manage to give me a blessing.
Well this Friday I am going to start teaching, which makes me feel proud of myself. I am going to have a little extra money, yay! I have my prerecital in 2 weeks and I am going crazy but I am praying it will go very well.