Today

Today was a super long day. Well firstly I woke up, right there is nothing unusual about that otherwise I would not be writing . Well woke up today and well my mom was massaged a couple of people. She has mentioned she wanted to go to a funeral for this lady, friend of her Aunt's. But she ended up working there was just no time.

Well one thing that I started seeing Danny do is go to the restroom by himself. He wont even tell us, he just goes to the restroom puts his undies down and goes. Today he went poop twice but of course I went to go help him. But I found it so odd that when he would go pee he would just go to the restroom and when I would least know it hear the toilet flushing.  I was quite pleased seeing as though I started taking away the diaper last thursday so he has something to look forward to going to the birthday party. Well today he started asking for his diapers and I told him no. Of course I am not going to allow him as much as I can. He understood and kept going to the restroom. I think he is doing progressively good for only taking his little hiding mask away.But I will see his progress. I had high hopes...

Today I was talking to Miriam and it was nice I mean I hadn't spoken to her since the last time they were down here with Mabel. It was weird because I wasn't expecting her message. She was in TJ with her aunts. We were talking about Danny so I send them a few pictures of Danny and some with both little brothers today. They want to meet Danny and I remember Mabel insisting me on going to TJ many years ago for them to meet Danny and then her Mom's death occurred.   But I am had high hopes that they will sometime soon get to meet him. It is only right since they are his family. Also, later on Mabel called and she came over for a little while and another little girl friend requested me and she said she was "Miriam and jr's" cousin. She is Maria Luisa. She was a sweet little girl but I ended having to cut the conversation short and even leave while Mabel was there talking to my mom. 

Well I had received a texted on my phone at around 4:09pm but I didn't think much of it. Well I wanted to see it but Verizon wouldn't allow me to open it. I have limited access because my boss hasn't paid my whole phone but it's okay right?  It was a Text or probably a picture from Cristal and I found it weird because I had just seen her on saturday. Well my sister ended up staying at work for an extra hour and she called me on my phone because that I can receive... calls and regular texts, well she calls me and says, "Did Cristal have her baby already?" and I was  shocked and breath taken for a second. We tried calling her and there was no answer. I was worried so I told my sister to call Tia Socorrito and well my sister asked her about Cristal but she woudl go around the question. My sister is pretty up front so kept insisting until she got out a little out of her. Well we found out she was in Arrowhead and headed her way right away.
Well we found her she was doing great talking, joking but she and the doctors were unsure of why the baby came so early. She had just had an ultra soud which said she was 5 1/2 months pregnant and when the baby was born they told ger she was 26 weeks and then they told her that the baby was 28 weeks, so she was like 7 months... and still had 3 more months to go, a full term pregnancy is 38-40 weeks. The baby will stay there for probably a couple of months until He is fully developed. He weighed under 2 pounds so he has a long way to go. She said that when she got to the hospital they were going to check her and I guess her water broke. The baby was born within like 15 minutes of her arrival. She said since the baby was so young he was still breach but since he was so little his lefs came out first and then the head without a problem. She said that if she is doing as well as she was today she can go home tomorrow but of course the baby stays.

Then I got home and well I knew my mom was sick but Danny is now sick too. 
I went to the store bought him pedialyte. I got home and well they had put a diaper on him so I changed his diaper gave him a spoon full of tynenol to decrease his fever and gave him pedialyte. I took him to bed and put him to sleep I am hoping he gets better . I hate seeing kids being sick... I get frustrated and vulnerable. I honestly never know what to do, I freak out. But I do try and stay calm to show my parents that I can handle but deep inside I afraid and
clueless . I pray he is doing better by morning... Otherwise I will have to watch Danny and mom get better because we cannot afford to go to the doctors...

*Sigh*  I know he will be better.

Well noe that I have written about everything... how about me... hahaha  well no there is no smile in my face. I have been having this headache not in my right opcipital but in my forehead... it's almost as though I have this pressure and I have been sneezing/allergies... I think I have sinusitis... that is what i think but I am not sure, you know? On top od that there are 2 nerves on my neck that are inflamated... My mom massages my neck a little and it felt good but I don't want her to do it while she is sick because she uses too much energy and she can get worse. She told me she wanted to give me a push body massage but as much as I would love it if she does give me the massage a few things would be discovered and I would have some explaining to do. I wont be able to tell her I was burned but fixing my hair. Am I going to have to say... " Mom, I am sorry you don't or didn't know me but I use to be a very depressed person and I easily fall back into the it"... I don't know but it's not going to be the easiest thing to explain to a mother who has never understood people who are depressed... I don't know...  

If you could live during any time in history, when would you want to have been born and why?

Well if I was born at a time maybe late 30's so I can live in the 50's style and get married. I know it would be hard times through the depression but I really like how families lived in the 50's. I really liked the family values and the role the lady's had in the household. I have always been a more traditional value kind of girl and it's not like I want to put back all the work feminism has brought forth and given us the opportunity to new life but I think I would have fit more in that life time.

  
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What is the most beautiful thing in the world to you?

although, a cliche or what ever... but my son... Although I will be honest because when my son was born I saw him and I was so sad because he was the ugliest little thing in the world. Well maybe not the ugliest but most people always feel that when their children are born they are so happy and because they had never seen such beautiful beings but not me. But not that I didn't love him any less because I still loved him with all my heart. Now that I see him at the age of three talking, singing and playing... I love him more and more and find him more precious. To me he is the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

  
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What is your absolute favorite musical group? What makes them so special to you?

Well to be honest my favorite musical group is My Chemical Romance. I guess because when I went through really rough, depressive times their music really helped me get through from so many things. I guess when you listen to even "Emo" music it somehow felts you feel better and or find out that there have been others that felt the same way. To this day I still like them a lot. It's pretty much the only music of an artist I can listen to all the songs and play them over and over without getting tired after like 3-4 years.

  
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Is this blog of yours a secret from your family? If so, why?

Well it is in a way because I don't promote it but in the past I use to write really deep and heart felt things that I got rid of. I use to write for friends to help me out and know what was going on in my life without having to look for the help of family. I think if they ever got to read what I wrote they would understand me so much more... Maybe one day, huh?

  
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What does your handwriting look like?

It's funny because ever since I was younger my dad always said that I had a doctor's type of handwriting because it was always so messy. But yeah, I guess messy...

  
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Okay so I think I have a quick minute. I know yesterday I was so freakin' exhausted yesterday. Well yesterday I finally took Danny to a birthday party he had been asking to go to for the last couple of days. He even started to let go of the diapers as an incentive for me to take him to the party. So we got to the party and well I did feel a little .out of place. I only knew one person but I really wasn't there to socialize, I was there for Danny to have fun. We were pretty much the only minority and I forgot how weird one can feel not being in a comfortable environment. Well not only was a minority racially but age wise as well. I did feel a little awkward the whole time but I didn't mind because Danny was having so much Fun. I spoke to a couple of people. I was sitting and I was talkign to someone and a Lady figured out that I was a Redlands' Alum and so she spoke to me briefly. The other person I spoke to was my 3rd Level Theory Teacher in Redlands. He brought mr up to date to what was going on in school and well it seems as though the situations haven't gotten any better.Well we were there the couple of hours and I started to leave at 2:30... Danny started giving a fit because he didn't want to leave but I was ready to run a little. The lady that invited me she is so nice and I like talking to her but I didn't feel a little out of place. Maybe I was the only one who left like that, I don't know.

Danny left crying because he didn't want to leave because of the birthday party. But it was time to go anyways.

I went driving for a while and well first I was trying to figure how to get out because I was not sure where in Redlands I was at but once I figured it I headed to the Good Ol' U of R. I wasn't sure if the Multicultural was on saturday so I was going to go around Campus and verify and it was so I went to the parking lot behind the Chapel and I parked. Well we were some African drums so I took Danny to go check them out and it finished so we went walking for a while. I took Danny to the jumpers and at first they were fine and wanted to g oin for the first time so I took his shoes off and well he was without shoes for the rest of the day.  Well I took him to get ice cream and then he wanted to go back to the the jumpers and I took him. He started jumping and having so much fun. Yesterday was the first time he go into a jumper and started being a little more independant.  I got to see my lil sis Veronica Davila and a few other girls and new actives... I spoke with them for a while.  It was mostly Danny and I and well me chasing him everywhere.  I had been waiting for the Indian dancers. I always look forward to them every year. But this time the festival was made longer because they usually come out at 5pm and this time I think not until like 6:30. I was quite dissapointed because by that time Danny was so tired so he asked me to go. I would have waited the half and hour but he couldn't handle. They are awesome. I also got to see Diego, my son's aunt's fiancee, for a brief moment. It was nice seeing him after such a long time. The funniest thing was when Danny was in the jumper. He was so happy and Well Jennifer Thomas, another girl that went to Kaiser and played Clarinet was managing the jumper. He would just spend his time there and go to go. After that one time we went to go sit down at a table she had friends at the table next to where I was sitting. Danny had just told me he wanted to go to he jumper and he sees her.  He goes to her and taps her twice. it was the cutest thing in the world. He tells her, " I wanna go to the jumper" And she tells him you have to ask mommy. Of course I had seen how he reacted being with her and I said yes... Danny  had me all over the park which I didn't mind but he would have had more fun if he had another kid to play with. He was trying to follow older kids.

After that I went and took Danny to the car and sat him in his chair. Well I had been talking to cristal, a cousin , well actually my mom's cousin but we say she is our cousin because she closer to our age. She is inbetween my sister and I. Well on thursday we went to go pick up some products from her mom, my mom's aunt, and well they were just there and she was sitting in her sofa. I didn't think anything of it. When we went to the car. My aunt or great aunt... I don't know... she told us that her daughter was pregnant. I was surprised because a few months back she had had a scared and well I wasn't sure if it was the same one. But when we where inside I coldn't see a thing. Well I was wondering why she didn't tell me this time but time flies. Well she told me on friday when she texted me. And we talked for a while via text and I told her if we could talk. So I went over on Saturday night. And wow she is pretty big. I was so shocked. She is supposedly or she is 5 1/2 months but she is a little big for that but I don't know. But she is excited and I am happy for her. She is going to be having a boy and she is due on June 22nd in Arrowhead. Another baby. Our aunt isn't too happy but she is 23 now I mean I was wondering if she was ever going to setle down. So well I at least know she will calm down now. I am happy and excited for her.   I sometimes wonder what my mom will say since she is her Godmother... but things happen right. 

Oh and today Danny started going to the restroom. Even though he has his little toilet there in very accesible areas he instead started going to the real toilet. Well firstly he called me to the restroom to tell me he had pooped. And when I went in I almsot thoguht that in the floor but he had flushed the toilet so I didn't believe him so I had him bend over so I can check him and the funny thing was that he had and apparently he went in the restroom and flushed it. Now he goes to the rest room and standing up he will pee and put his undies back on and flush and leave. He just runs and does it by him self without asking for help. I was suprised because I didn't expect it but I am happy he has innitiative and is smart enough to go by himself stand and well as of now he still hasn't really needed help.

I was just confirmed for my cousin's daughter's 7th birthday this Saturday! I am sure Danny will be excited to hear about it. 

I am up so early although I went to sleep like 4 hours ago but I told my mom I would take care and go pick up her friend to be at the bus stop. My mom is very excited about this trip and a little disappointed I didn't go but she wants me to go next time.  I am still not sure because the sometimes the questions always lies in who is going to watch My Danny monkey but yeah. Well I am still excited about today. And Danny is super excited so hopefully it will be a great day!

Do you believe in miracles? Have you experienced some sort of miracle in your life?

Well I am going to have to say yes. Well you see in July my mom went to this convention to sort of get rid of all the ghosts that find in your closet and that help contribute to the miserableness of people. Well since she wasn't sure what it was about she decided to take her bible with her. She kept it by her side the whole she was out there in LA. Well the last day was on Sunday and that night when they were on their way home she put her bible in her suit case in the van's trunk. They were all in a Honda Odyssey mini van. Well the thing was that they dropped people off in Chino. Well As soon as they were pulling off the drive way from that house and after they saw a semi-truck pass they pulled out and there was nothing there. Well apparently there was because they were hit at a high speed of a 2008 Lexus of a drunken 18 year old. Well my mom flew out of the car and hit her head really badly. The person of the house that they had just dropped off was the one who found my mom. They said that mom's body was very far from the van in the neighbor's house. Well apparently my mom's suit case was the one to follow they flight from the van. I believe that because my mom kept her bible with her and had so much faith that on impact she wasn't affected as much. Sure she had a head an injury but God helped her survive for us. That crash and her survival was a miracle.

  
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So today I finally tired to take Danny to his regular Doctor especially since he they called that he had an appointment on Tuesday. Well I couldn't go until today. So I took him and well I gave them his insurance card and then they called us up and well they said, "this is an HMO and we don't take HMO" and well I left. What can I do but call and find out what Doctors he can go to and have everything transferred from his pediatrician from Arrowhead and Clinica Medica Familiar in Fontana. Hopefully I can find somewhere close in the Fontana area/ or Riverside.... somewhere close.

After Danny was rejected I had to go solve another issue with my brother and his whole behind the wheel class. We went and we were suppose to talk to a lady Maria but she wasn't there so we spoke to another guy that was supposedly in charge of making the appointments. I started talking and he then asked what is his name. And we told him and then he said I am aware of the the situation. I had called before and left a pretty hefty message so I guess they called my mom and well verified the message that I had left. So we went and talked and we argued the fee and he said he call a number which was my mom's cell and then we told him well she doesn't speak English, go figure but also explained that it was during that time that we were trying to finish my grandpa's services and so since they cut one of my brother's classes short he is now getting his class of instead of 2 hours for 3 hours this Sunday and for no fee. After I finished talking I just let everything marinate in his head and allowed him to think. And sure enough there was no other way of fixing things. Then he was acting nice and gave us cards to pass around because they are having a special. My brother can hand them out but I don't like their service personally. It's not working the way it's suppose to in my eyes. Sure when they are explaining things it all sounds reasonable but they communication skills suck and my brother would always find out a day before or the day of the class... that doesn't sound too pleasing... Well problem fixed and yeah. 

Oh yeah, Danny was upset he didn't get to see the doctor. hahaha He really wanted to go see him. I don't know why but it was funny.  

As a child, what was your favorite book? Have you reread that book since your childhood?

Well actually as a child I had 2 favorite books.
Charlotte's Web and Where the Red Fern Grows and The Giving Tree
I almost think that everybody has had the opportunity to read them especially as a child. Charlotte's Web was first read in the 3rd grade by my teacher Ms. Cuxil. She was such a sweet and lovely teacher that when she read it with such enthusiasm and joy that I later read it and loved it. It is one of the books I now own. I haven't read it recently but I know I will share it with my son when he gets a little older.
Then there is Where the Red Fern Grows I don't remember where I heard the story but I am sure it was at school. I remember when I started reading that book on my own I just couldn't put it down. When I was getting to the final pages they were so heart felt I cried. I was young but I was able to feel the words of the author and I also enjoyed it very much. And finally, The Giving Tree I think this short story is the best one of all. The symbolism is so deep that I feel that although it's a children's book the book is more understood by adults. This book gives to both Adults and children. And sadly, this one also made me cry.  I love book that have the ability to mood my emotions. 

  
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What marks the beginning of spring to you?

To me Spring has never been that great of a deal especially here in California since we never have anything but a hot Summer. So this year since we have been living in another house. I did start noticing the beginning of Spring. Every night when I am about to fall asleep I hear this bird singing. It just wont stop. It just sings and sings and sings...  It's like 2-3 in the morning and the bird is still singing. So a singing bird ... = beginning of Spring.

  
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Is it easier to forgive or forget?

This is a pretty hard question to answer. Well at the beginning it sure was a lot easier to forget and still feel a resentment that was a little unsure what it was about. But, as we keep growing I think I am a more forgiving person but I will not forget. In fact, many of the things that have occurred in my life are great examples of how to keep moving forward and not fall down or let others kick you while you're down. I use many of my experiences to learn how to forgive those who have hurt me including family but never forget the instances, or issues so I can learn from them and never be in similar or at least know how to deal with those problems.

  
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I don't know what is up with today but I have been sneezing all day. My eyes are swollen and well frankly it's annoying. Well beyond the sneezing I have been so tired but the only thing that bugs me is the sneezing, watery eyes, and itchy ears.

Either way I am looking forward to Saturday. I will be going to Redlands to one of my Alumni sister's daughter's birthday party. It should be a nice short party. It's from 11:30 to 2:30 which for a kids party is good because I think that is all I can handle with so many kids  Don't get me wrong I do like kids but I could only handle so much...hahaha. But what I am not worried about is that I am trying to get my kid to be a little more social. I also asked my son's Dad's wife is I can take his half little brother and I am very happy she said yes. The kids have started to get along more especially now that they have a baby sister. I know that my son will hopefully be closer to them once his dad approches him more but that is something else. 

On top of the birthday party, I just got a message through my facebook that there is going to be the annual Multicultural Festival on Saturday which would be great for the kids all well because they have jumpers and crafts that they can start doing and learning about. It's a very big day for me I feel, so I can't help but to be excited and thrilled about saturday.  

I also wanted to say thank you Ana for allowing him to go. I don't know if you told Art yet or not but I am happy that you are trusting your son in my hands. I know our kids can be very strong little brothers if they continue their interaction besides obticles they will always have. But I am sure that if our friendship continues, their family values and our families' will continue to grow in maturity and understanding of our out of normal will to continue with peace and acceptance of each other. 
We have our strong differences and similarities and I think that is what has made us work through the huge conroversies of friends and close family members but through it all we will keep moving forward. I will be honest I know I wasn't always supported by friends or even family members about our open communication which I am sure that you have had the same especially since Danny was born but with faith and our strong pull to move forward and look for a better future of our family we continue to strive and be best. I want to say "Thank You for everything I have learned so much through you!" " I don't think I have ever met another person who i felt I had such a strong connection or even interests as you. Not even any of my friends i have had my whole little insignificant life. You are one of a kind and I know I am because I have always been the ODD one out" 
 you friend!  Thank for approaching me when I was in denial and wasn't ready to accept. You helped me grow as a person!

Today it seems as though I woke up in the wrong side of the bed. Well sort of. I woke up later than usual specially for it being a monday. I knew we were going to go to the meeting but I was still in bed at 9am and well technically we would have to leave by 9:30. So I get ready and I am fine. I do my make-up and I don't know I told my mom yesterday to massage my head because it had been hurting and throbbing down to my neck. So we went to the meeting and well although I was a little disappointed since we were suppose to leave to Arizona, irresponsibility made impossible for the few of us loyal people to go. Either way, when I got there the first thing my boss asks is if I am okay? And I tell him yeah everything is fine. He asks if I am sick and well at hat moment I feel fine. So then he replies it must be staring at the computer screen but I told him I hadn't really been on the computer too much since saturday. Well everything was okay but I did impose some rules in the meeting and then he said something about being a little lenient and I told him if we want to be taken seriously in the rules there must be consistancly especially if we need the people to listen. Well after we left I forgot what my mom and I were talking about but it became a little tense and we tried to disreguard and well we were in other subject. And then we were at the store and well my head-ache starting again and I mentioned it to my mom and she said that it she had forgotten that she was suppose to massage it but I had left. Well I told her she had people over anyways...

Well here I am now... still with my head feelign weird and out of the ordinary. At times I want to cry... I am so emotional right now. I am so damn moody is what I am. I am snapping at everybody and I can't handle anything. I ignore some sounds because I have learned to deal with them but my head still annoys me. I was washinf dishes a little ago and you know when you get a ringing in your head well it was a dull sound, still a ringing, but it actually felt though my head was vibrating. I wanted to cry and I don't know why. I still feel it and the weird thing is that I am not usually worried about my head but the way I feel itsn't a regular way. I don't know how to explain it but it's weird and I am not happy. I am just pissed off at everything... I can't take it and including at the thing you call life... and I am just mad and I don't know why... but my F#^%*&' head hurts 

I have been so tired and have had so little time in my hands and I was hoping that this wouldn't end until technically Thursday when I was suppose to be back from Arizona. Unfortunately, today I lost $25 because I couldn't go to an even I planned over 2 months ago. I am a little sad about that but I will find a way to make that lost money again. I was suppose to leave on Monday to Arizona for a training class and return Wednesday night but we know we would return so late it would already be Thursday. It seems as though I will not be able to go to that either because people started canceling on us and well if we don't have a minimum of 10 people we can't go. There is too much irresponsibility. So I have suggested we do a change... a sort of win-win if you're a responsible person or sin-loose if you're not but i will start creating responsible people in the area.

I feel like I have  so much to write but I still don't have the time to do it. I will have to come back and we'll see how much I can...

Suppose to be somewhere in 12 minutes and I can't find the lady's name, number or address... how about that? Not good right? Well if she is as interested as she claims then she'll call me either way for me going all the way out there is to no benefit of mine...

So today I am going to do some Demo for some people who I don't know and are in the company so it's not beneficial for me but I am doing it for the RSD to help them out. This lady says she has no money but I am not going to sell my stuff because it wouldn't help her out too much... I don't know how this is going to work but we will see I guess... stress!!! And that's in Moreno Valley, then I have to drive to lake Elsinore to do some work... a lot of work that needs to be done for next friday... Ugh! Then I have to be at kaiser by 2:30. Then I have a meeting at 6 on Redlands...  Sometimes I don't know when I have too much driving or no time at all...you know... It's hard because I get to spend less and less time with my son. Because with everything I do at times I am not only busy during the day; I can busy many times at night especially working through the phone. Sometimes it can be a little irritating because I am helping people and sure I don't get much in return. He'll pay my phone which I mean he sure would have to if he calls me so much and sends people to call me but sometimes my time runs out... I wish I had more time sometimes...

It felt nice because I was able to sleep in to day and it felt great! But, I don't feel like doing anything although it's my mom's birthday and I guess everybody is coming over on saturday because we haven't seen them in a while. That means a lot of pressure but oh well... family is family right.

oh yeah today I there was the managers' meeting which was very productive but could have been more if more manager's went but overall good. I booked our stay in the hotel in Arizona for 2 weeks from now. I shall be leaving March 23rd at 10am and come back really late March 25 or maybe the beginning of the 26th can't tell... but I can't wait to go and relax and be out. Although unfortunately I shall be the youngest to go unless my cousin goes which seems as though she will not but hopefully because all those people who are going seem to have some jealousy issues with me at times... but they are all nice! Sometimes I am too nice...hahaha sometimes! But I am learning to fend for myself again...   

 can't believe how tired I am. I feel overwhelmed in tiredness... *sigh* Oh guess what it's my mom's birthday... I am so Happy I got my lap top back and my sister paid for it and now I owe her so I don't know how I am going to pay her $100... I owe her too much for everything she does... *sigh* but I am happy... well I am going to go rest in my room ... yay! Oh and now I have my wireless in my room... hahaha! I am going to be more power and lazy not having to come to the living room since I once again own 2 computers...  ha ha ha ha ha ha  sorry I am just so happy.

So today I went a meeting and my mom stayed home sick and well it was a good meeting a gave a small power point presentation and well my mom said people gave me the evil eye... The funny thing about that was as soon as I left Norco my right eye started hurting a lot so I thought that it was getting red but I left it like that. Then I get home and she tells me right away and I told her it must have been so and so person... and she said yeah I kind of thought of her.

oh well... Well I just wanted to come home and sleep and then my boss calls me and says that he has a new prospect so I call her and she says she is a little busy so she calls me right back. She works at a salon. We scheduled an appointment at 6 and I gave her samples and explained everything to her.  She said that she had spoken to other people but when they introduced the manager to her she wasn't convinced. She said that she was unsure and didn't really answer her questions. Well all I know is what I have seen through my fam and well a few from my self. And I have seen my mom work since I was like 11-12 yrs old.  I explained everything she wanted to know and I had her stuck in between getting her first 2cc... Which for me it isn't a bad position to be in. She finally decided and well I am excited because work and time is paying off. ONce I become manager and I have all theses great working people under me we will all go up and fast. I am excited. I can't wait to continue the growth in my business... yay! Now I just wished I would be able to introduce everybody to the opportunity they have no idea. Oh well everybosy will know that hard work and it doesn't matter if I have a college degree or that it's only music because I can still be successful... Change is a positive thing... 

So today My dad and I said we were going to get up early to start marketing and well I woke up early and well I was the only one. I got everything ready and even started washing because i had run out of business clothes...and well that's no good right? Well as it make to me being awake for a couple of hours my head starts hurting a lot almost as if I had been up the whole night and I couldn't take it. So I know I fell asleep sitting down in the couch and I made my self finish what I was doing and I knew I had to go to sleep or better yet take a nap. I think I took it for 30-45 mins... in that time I heard my dad go to my room but I just couldn't open my eyes and My sis I was asleep and she left to church. Go figures that he wakes up the moment I fall back asleep...lol. Well I get up and check my clothes they're still wet so I change the setting and my I put cream in my face so I can put on my make-up and my dad says it's better if you take a shower so that you get the sleepiness out of your system so I do... I wanted to leave early before Danny woke up because it's always so much easier you know... Well we were getting everything ready and we tried leaving but Danny wouldn't allow us so I got him ready and we took him. I make him eat his cereal and he scarfed it down his throat, it was so funny watching him eat so fast. When we were going up the mountain right after the 215 turns into the 15 Danny starts crying because he doesn't want to sit anymore and then he says that his tummy hurts but I did my best to drive and distract him which luckily after a few tries it worked... We got there and my dad figures that if he was fussy he was hungry so we stopped since we didn't have time to eat at home either. I asked Danny if he was hungry and he said, "later mom, later, k? Later mom, later." But as we were getting off I didn't leave the opportunity to talk to some people that were also entering. They were some guys but they seemed interesed so hopefully I will get a few calls. Either though Danny had said later he ate all his food. He can really eat a lot  sometimes I am shocked at how much and he will still be hungry in a little. He can almost eat all day... That means when he gets a little older I am going o be broke....hahaha ... Since I love cooking I am going to show him so to do things... it's better they learn at an early age so they can take care of themselves at time and what lady doesn't like a guy who can cook something.  So after we ate we were at a shopping center so I continued to talk to people and pass out some samples... I also talked to some kids and people from Stater Bros. and once we saw that many people were around we decided to go knocking on some doors and well that didn't go so well but same still left a brochure and samples and my mom's card... We figure that they at some point have to open their front door... so yeah. I think that it was a great day... today I passed out probably over 27 so not too bad. And yesterday when I went to my friends' birthday party...they're a couple but they're birthday is 4 or 5 days it depends on leap year... so I was talking to some people and they were telling me things and I took the opportunity to help them or let them know how FLP can help them and they're interested. That lady said she was going to talk to her sister because she was dependant with antiacids... So I will be happy if I can get at least 2-3 calls from this weekend... I am pretty sure I can close the deal with them... Well there was another lady who asked about Demos so I am ready ...
After I got home today I knocked out again for like 2 hours... my 2nd nap of the day. My stomach feels upset. I know I am hungry but I am not. It's not good to only have I ate in mid day becuase that was all I ate. But, it's too late now... I should go to sleep and I since I am going to wake up starving I can feed it them... so tired  but not sleepy...boo!

Just got home from the early meeting. It was soon but a little tiring... I don't know... I like going to those seminar, I guess. I spoke to guy giving the classes and told him that we were going to need some of those classes here in the San Bernardino and Riverside area. Well since I help out the RSD it was almost as I was talking for him. Which I sometimes and usually do. So I gave the guy the RSD's card and asked for his in return. He told me to e-mail which I am going to do to set up that meeting but we need to make sure people are willing to go and pay for the class. This was the 2nd class that I went to thanks to Mrs. Elvira Ruiz 
the short lady next to my mom in the all black or navy blue suit. This lady is very sweet and that was for check the company gave her of a bonus not including the checks she receives monthly. She is trying to help me move up and I am not going to deny the help so when I am invited to a class or seminar I am going to go. 
Well I need to make sure evrything is up and running for when we leave to Scottsdale, Arizona on the 23rd. And also, we need to make sure everything is okay for the small county Rally we are having on the 20th... there is so much stuff going on... sometimes I am overwhelmed. I hate being so busy but I hate not doing anything a all....

After I spent some really late nights going to bed this is the first time that I am quite sleepy. Maybe I should try and take advantage of this tired feeling before it goes away and I start feeling depressed.... Boo... loneliness... yay... party!

Well going to go take Danny to the park for a little while. :D  I was suppose to do something else but I guess we are not today so I still have my lesson at 2:30 and I have a few hours before I have to go besides I barely take Danny to the park because I'm always busy... 

ABDC finale

I just finished watching America's Best Dance Crew (ABDC) and all crew were amazing but I don't think any of them quite had the ball in the game as the Beat Freaks... they were amazing. Don't get me wrong Quest Crew was amazing and had a few great moments but not as many as Beat Freaks. Congrats to Quest but I still believe that the true winners are the Beat Freaks...hands down, no doubt in my mind! 

So at it seems I am glad that my boss believed me because we are back to great terms. I mean like I told him that I have nothing to hide. Well in a sense I do but I don't think he should now about some of my personal, personal issues that not even my fam knows about. So tomorrow I am going to go down to Lake Elsinore and we're going to get thing ready for our Rally here in Norco on March 20th and then we're going to go talk to his neighbor which I am suppose to close and sign under me ... YAY! Friday morning we're going to go walk and find prospects... I need to grow my business so I can show certain people that my life is not a wrong and that even though there are hard times I can do it... And that my degree was not a waste... it stil helps and gives me experience. :D

Sometimes I do not understand how rumors get started especially when you don't really talk to people.Can people really have any other thing but time to thing of stupid things to say. So yesterday my boss told me that somebody pulled him aside and told him some things so he asked me if I had something to say. And I told him that from my part I do not. I don't speak to people and I think he is doing a great job. He is, he's improving the business in our county of Riverside/San Bernardino but sometimes people cannot see a person doing well before they start trying to change their point of view of different people. And you know what I am tired, really really tired of people making shit up. I am a quiet person and for some reason that always gives people the opportunity to put shit in my mouth. Well they believe since I do not say much them I really wont even if they are trying to harm me. You see I can very easily gain trust of people because I do not have bad intentions. When there are bad people around me I just seperate my self and continue my life. I have delt with this. And the fact is how can people say I said anything or make up bogus things about my mom dionf meeting to talk against our RSD if she hasn't. I would love to find out who like spreading "lies" that they are not aware of. My mom and I are very closed in our comments of course we talk about things that go on but that is only amongst ourselves but nothing like talking shit about people and we'll see...

I am still leaving a little out of it. Sometimes I see my family and I just want to cry. It's like when this happens I am this other person... I just to be a normal person...hahaha but we all know that is not true. It's weird but that is something that for sure the rare times I have spoke to my son's dad he can claim. That I am weird and awkward. Can someone really help who they are if they have been molded through experiences of pain... Sometimes we just want to change who we are. We slowly start moving from this passive quiet person to get out and now you're a person who speaks with a hidden sorrow. Sometimes the bigger pain we feel isn't even physcial and can't even match that which we feel. The weird thing is that there gets to a point that everything seems so pointless and you don't know why. Like I have said before I have everything I need and so why do I feel this way. I shouldn't feel depressed but why do I feel like I am dying inside... caged, lifeless...  I feel like  "Animal I have Become" by Three Days Grace ... I feel like no one can help. I don't think anybody at my house has noticed the change well no they haven't because I don't show it. But I have lost my appetite and that was something my dad noticed a little yesterday but I just said I wasn't hungry. You know what really hurts me right now is that every time I see my parents in the same room they are fighting... why should I care I mean I am 24, right? Well I think it affects me more than anything else. But that's not my sorrow although it contributes. The only time they are at peace is when they sleep and even then I don't know what they dream... They're constant fighting kills me inside like no one realizes... I see that no one else cares and it frustrates because I am carrying this unnecessary weight that I can't get rid off... I don't know what to at times and I honestly hate it when they do it. I know I can't pretend they don't but I would prefer they would do it more privately. It's not like they yell they just talk and bicker intenssively... but away from me would be great. I think that is that only thing I cannot ignore. I am great at ignoring many -12:34- things but not that. "Rather feel pain than nothing" Sometimes I feel I can't take many things... like I've said I haven't felt this way in many years... but why now? Why am I being affected in this way? 

How long do you think it'll take for the U.S. economy to improve?

For it to improve, I would still give it a couple of years. Obviously we can't do everything over night but sadly since it's already so bad people are still loosing jobs and companies are still going bankrupt not even counting small business...
I have hope that in the next year things will start getting better and within the next 2 years jobs will be going up...
  
I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

So I think that sometimes our hormones drives us to do crazy things. I don't know what overwhelmed me but what can we do? I don't know why but I feel like I am going crazy and the crazy thing is that I hadn't felt like this in like 2 years. In my moment of insanity I was watching my son as he played and watched TV so peacefully and all I wanted to do is cry because I felt so unmotivated so miserable and I couldn't feel a thing but the warmth of his smile. All I wanted to do is feel a little something but as I watched my self and tried to feel something I felt nothing. I never felt a thing and I still don't. I feel this acute mild depression. At times I feel like I want to cry but I can't it's almost as though this time I skipped all the in betweens and went to those drastic measures which I have been fighting against since my son was born. I feel a little helpless... This morning I took a hot shower in hope that I would still feel a little... Sometimes we drive ourselves to different directions and we don't realize that even though we have done such progress we're only a half step back from falling apart again. It's weird though because we spend years gettings better and trying better and here I am still trying to do my best and keep myself busy but where did I go wrong? Why do I feel like this again. I thought I was okay and I here I am "entre la espada y la pared" at times literally and hopeless because I wish I can get help at times I just can't... if I only had the money I know I would but why is it that sometimes  we need aid. How can we fix things... maybe it's the support we're given and the suggestions to change but why is it that we are stronger then, even more so than when we're with family and friends... Why is it that at times we get more insight from a stranger that just listens and asks questions?
*sigh*

These last couple of days I have been trying to see Star Wars:Episode 3- Revenge of the Sith... I love Star Wars...  I have seen the last hour and a half and although I know what happens it was the only Star Wars movie that I hadn't seen and well me as an Emo type of person... It made me tear up... I couldn't help it, it was sad... 

I am 2 people and sometimes that still kills me inside... I wish I can rip myself apart so I can be freed from it all maybe... and maybe just then will it all go away but there is no way. I am who I am for reasons of life and conformity/none conformity.  I guess there are those things we can change and those we need more will power to change. Sometime i am confused on who I am and there are other days I feel the confidence. Can it be that our make-up is part of our mask... that shadow we find behind. But then maybe that is the real person when you're a completely stranger without it. What can I do to figure who I am is really who I am? Or if I am not really myself? Is this so weird to ask... or what drives up to start thinking about this? Can certain sadness drive us to doubt ourselves? Or a change... How about simple insignificant words spoken (which were driven into your mind)..." If you would have done things right you wouldn't be where you're at you would be in a better place. If you would have taken school seriously" This has had me thinking for the last couple of days... and it was just a simple stupid text from someone so insignificant  but yet it rather hurt me in a sense. I guess since then I've been thinking about it all but there is nothing I can do about it... I don't regret my life and I think it has turned out rather great considering....  What is my purpose and why does it still matter....F***!

Okay so this morning I could have sworn that my mother was calling me. I was just too tired and hesitated to wake up. When I finally woke up I started looking for her and I heard her scream. I run outside and I see it was a dark, gloomy morning with a purple sky and a huge dark leafless tree. As I walk outside there started being a lot of sharp painful rocks. I look up and I see my brother Roland's White spray pain can shirt. It was rather muddy and dirty. So I keep walking and there he was with my mom with wide opened red eyes... I guess he had 'OD'ed in my dream... It was not a fun experience to feel. I felt my eyes water and I still couldn't open them for real until I started hearing more noise.... I woke up and I saw it was only 7am... But was relieved it was only a dream and went back to sleep.