and we continue moving on

Sometimes I feel a little bad that I, so easily, am able to move on especially after expressing my feelings and having some intimate moments with these guys,mainly one and the other just left me hanging without warning... so with that it was the last straw. But, like many friends have told me not dwell and move on from the situations. I sure was feeling a little anxiety a few days ago but it's I guess learning experience to cope with different situations. And in the past when I told another friend I had feelings it took quite a while for us to get over it and the friendship to be normal but it came back to the same...and we had a couple interesting experiences... Anyways... it took a while to get over that. But, I guess I am learning how to deal with things in a sense better. And I can't deny that it helps that so far there has been someone there ... lol...

I guess I am an adult now and I need to learn to get over things... it's not going to do me any good holding on things that don't exist... it just complicates things.. I am slowly starting to realize how guys are... it's natural... this is the type of stuff I should have been figuring out during the time I was pregnant but life always has it's plans... i guess this was the time... I guess it's good that I am a little more mature and smarter... and well I am starting to enjoy the attention... and flirting is so fun!! I've never had so much fun just talking to people... it's exciting a thrill and it keeps a smile on my face... and other times I am just angry and frustrated... but they have helped me find some type of a temporary out... so much that I am always texting and and smiling or laughing that my mom and aunt are wondering  why I am always so happy when I am texting... Obviously, sometimes I feel like I am a part pathological liar bc I automatically lie  . Sometimes they all ask me the simplest questions in which I don't have to lie and there is comes out before I had time to think... oops... oh well... it's not like I am going to say... oh just kidding this is the truth... I would bury my self deep...

Anyways, so this guy so far is a bit different than all the other ones... I don't quite know what it is yet. But, so far we have an easy way of reading in a sense. Although, he does have a small record for a mistake which he told me about... but I don't care... shit happens... And sometimes you just deal with what ever punishment they give you... But, strangely even though he told me that I didn't get a red flag flashing... I usually try and make up something in my mind or convince my self of a scenario so I just forget about it all... And I don't consider them jerks... I still let  them talk to me I don't care but everything has changed in my mind and they have been blocked out... so I guess like we should all do ... is get to know the person better. It's kind of cute though when he talks to me on the phone... he gets a little nervous and well I do too... i've gotten so attached to texting... lol... but like he said somethings are better said than  texted... and I agree! It was funny bc like 2 days ago after we have been talking for a good long days he asks me what my sign is... and I laugh and asked him is he was really going to go there... and he said yes bc he has a suspicion ... So I had him do a lil math to make him figure it out... my b-day is 7 days before than his but he is a year minus 7 days from his... lol. And he said he figured...He said we were too similar to be any different... Except he's an extrovert and I'm an introvert... lol! I'll stop there... if I keep writing good things about him... I'll bring my hopes up and like in the past it goes no where... I'll see what unfolds... And I guess I can write of what happens... idk what else can I do... I ask God and he send people my way to help with the way I am... I asked him if he was religious... he said no but he believed in God which is more than I can for some people. So he asked about me and well of course I told him I was a semi practicing Roman Catholic bc I don't take communion... And he said that he had been baptized and has done his communion... lol...I don't know but that to me it gives me hope but I am not saying I am taking him... lol it all depends in what ever happens. So yea... I don't push religion but I expect those respect it... My religious views and political views make me who I am and fit my personality perfect with a few exceptions... obviously.  I don't expect people to change for me and I don't expect to change for people... that's as easy and simple as I am going to make it. We'll learn how we deal if we can handle each other... To him, I haven't had to lie ... to sometimes thinks some things I correct him... and he thinks I am a brat! Which is funny bc nobody has ever called me a brat... but he likes it... Yesterday he called me "his wild fire" it was funny... and idk I liked it... like we agreed we'll see...

Well the school started to many. Encouraging my son to go to school continues. I hope there are no struggles like last year but here we are on what today was the 2nd day of school and he didn't want to go to school because the teacher told him to work on his sentences on the first day of school. He really dislikes that he has to do work. *sigh* My mom was really pushing for me to go to Phoenix, Az But I truly know that last year I made an effort to go to Washington DC but this year I think I need to be here with my son. Well if it was only on the weekend then I'd  go but she leaves wednesday and I have a feeling he will start doing homework. Those are never fun. With all this small things happening the school year has started for the high school as well so here I go trying to sell myself so I can have more students. My dream goal would be to teach lessons in the whole city but I suppose it cost money to make money and it's not the other way around. *sad face* ... For now I had to look up a place to take the TB test because otherwise I wont be eligible to be an employee of the District. SO many requirements that cost ... *sigh* thankfully the district had a list of where I can go for more economical and there is one in the high desert where I live. I set up an appointment. The earliest is in 2 weeks but that will work. I hope meanwhile everything remains ok with the district.
Just thoughts right now... See everything we do always require money. I'm thinking I'm going to look into the apple valley unified school district. I hope there are opening in anything even if it's just part time. I'm sure bilingual anything in a city that has quite a bit of Hispanics and no one that speaks Spanish. I've seen how they translate some of their papers in the school. Horrible!!! But, *cross your fingers*
I mean it does worry me the impact that it will have on my son but I guess I will have to multitask and he will have to get use to the fact that I just can't be there. There are so many things that need to be paid but and I know I should start helping out more. My parents were discussing moving to Minnesota but decided to stay for the time being and find a home around the area. I guess they feel they want me to some day get married (if I ever do) and then they'll be free of me and they'll be able to do whatever. I guess they feel that if they left now, they'd be leaving me alone. Maybe they just see me like a child. I don't know but it's their choice.
So that's that. On my mind is trying to figure out what I have to do. I guess if they did leave the trying to work issue would be more complicated because who would watch Danny until he gets out. Sometimes I kill myself with stress but try not to think about it. If that happened I'm sure I wouldn't know what to do until the solution presented itself. So much thinking to be done. I think the thing that overwhelmed the most right now thinking about getting a job is that I think Danny will think I'm not looking out for him and not talk. He already doesn't say much about school. Yesterday it seemed like he had a good first day but this morning he wasn't happy about yesterday anymore. I don't get it. It stresses me out every morning but for the first time I set up a  sleeping curfew for him and I'm waking him up at 7:30 so I can handle all discussions or chasing him to go to school. It's easy right now because it's the first week of school.
Once  homework starts it's going to be time management like last year. I had to designate homework time with my couple days I would work and even then it was tough. No one else at home knows how or has the patience to help... I try to be positive and I'm sure I can do it. But, he's the one who will need the most adapting. I guess no matter what, I'm the one who puts up with him the most and no not many people have that much patience and trust me I don't have the best of patience but I try some, it's my and only my responsibility. I can't really depends on others ton do what I have to, you know?
I've been so emotional in the last couple of weeks. So much, anything makes me cry. I dropped my son off at school and I teared up. Any little thing makes me cry. Teasing... I don't know how to explain it. I think I've maybe cried like every other day. Take how emotional we can get. I try and not show it or wait it off because even if I can clear my yes, my red nose sure gives it away. I know I'm not crying because my feelings are hurt or because of anything specific but it sure triggers and makes me  feel like it is. I need to cry it out or just figure it out. It makes me feel weak and stupid and vulnerable. I definitely hate those. I am not meant to cry over any stupid thing. But, right now being selfish, indifference by others just hurts my feelings. Many things I understand but my emotions don't and I have no control at the moment. It's stupid I know. And I know this is long but I needed to get this out of me.
Ok, so that's enough writing of nothing for the day.