Wow, I am so surprised on how my much I actually like to write but I guess sometimes I have to remember that people reads these so I have to be careful but just because I am it doesn't mean I don't love you guys. We all know that we all hide things ...well yeah , I do . This feel sort of like a diary but not at the same time . Nestor , I thank you very dearly for helping me start this xanga. I also fell very happy for all my friend that have been there with me through the roller coaster life of emotions I lead. I also apologize for being annoying also because I know it gets frustrating when you hear/see a person cry over the same thing over and over. Well thank you and I love you all.

where is everybody when I need them. I feel so sad ... I don't know why but I've been crying since last night...well it I do have a bit of a clue ( ART ) but I don't know why I feel so bad. Last night at work I was hoping to forget about all the troubles at school and it worked but I ended getting other troubles that agitated me. I am starting to dislike him so much . It hurts because another still feels a bit for him. And my heart still doesn't answer stand what the hell is his problem .. I don't miss him and my heart started to move on but I am still vulnerable to pain. But I just don't get it . Why does it hurt do much , why ? I don't understand it , I just don't . I just wish that I had somebody right now that would just let me cry and cry and cry and not judge me . I need a hug . I have had these headaches  that make me want to go to sleep and never wake up . Right now I don't care about anything ... I wish I could go away and be gone . But it suck I cant there is too much stopping me and I hate it for it ....

well I was excited because I finally build my courage to tell the guy that I like that I had feelings for him but I wasn't sure what to expect but it wasn't near anything I thought it wasn't going to be. I know it doesn't make sense. But , when I told him , it wasn't weird but he said he was surprised but he didn't look surprised . He didn't even act weird  but he didn't say anything . I am so confused , i don't know if that was the right thing to do or not but either way I can't turn back. Oh well .... at least I know he knows and if he wants to make something of it he will but I am not going to wait for people anymore like I did with Art before . I waited and gave him too many chances so I learned from that. I guess for now I get to wait for a small while and he what it put in my path .

It was great because I spend the whole day with my friends. I Am so glad I have friends like them.They make my life worth living for. If I didn't have them I am sure I probably would have been dead by now but either way just having them in my life is the greatest present that a girl can have in the whole whole. I did think about Art a lot just because it was what would have been our 3 year anniversary but either I am moving on. I just got the courage to tell a friend that I have feeling for him . I am excited but scared at the same time . I don't know what he feels so I don't know and I've never done anything like this so this should be very new ...Wish me luck !

well today is the 5th pf november as many of you know but to me this day was something different until this year. For almost 3years I had a boyfriend until 5 weeks and 2 days ago when we broke up. Today would have been our 3 years anniversary but oh well . I just remember a small flash back from every year. I remember Nov.3 2001 when we were a band competition ( chino band review ) and he gave me a red carnation. I felt really happy even though we weren't together but we were soon to be . Two days later he asked me out ; it was not the ideal way because it was over the phone but the way he was going to to backfired because as he was walking my way a friend decided to drag me to the bathroom with her and I had to leave himi so either way he asked me out and I said yes. Then I remember Nov,5th 2002 , I was a senior in high school taking AP French at 6:30 in the morning as he was taking US history. He came and met me where my dad would drop me off , I was late every morning, and he gave me this beautiful glass water swan than had an alive red rose ... I was so breath taken and happy . He walked me to class and went late to this. Then I also remember last year we had his homecoming on Nov.1 2003 and our anniversary was in a wednesday ... I was in college and I didn't know what we were going to do it still happened. We all remember the Matrix trilogy ,of course, well November 5th was the debute of the 3rd movie and since Matrix was this favorite movie I bought tickets for that day to go see. I was so happy and he was so happy . But , we all realize that I guess life must move on eventually if you weren't with the one. Even though we are not together anymore , he is always going to have a piece of my heart with him. That is something a gave him and I can'[t take back it was a part of my life that I don't regret anything and I don't take anything back. What happened happened and I am going to go on living with all my memories.