All in all what is there to complain about? Life is good... life is great actually. Sometimes in the mists of all the happiness there is still something within making you feel a little sad. I do not what it is. It has nothing to do with people. My son and I are way better than ever. We're able to communicate a lot more than we ever were. He is starting to understand and listen.
Everybody is taken. My bro O that kept just dating, sexing, or talking to girls finally found a girl who he for the first time in his life brings around.
So for about 9 days my bro R was home after bootcamp and there were 3 couple.... the only ones missing were my sis and her bf. It was nice but very tiring. So many people in the house and I'm still getting use my sister-in-law and nephew living with us. I've never been much of a people person. Sometimes being around people overwhelms me way too much. I haven't felt like I live my in my house unless I'm in my room and of of late I'm spending less and less time in my room so you can imagine, I feel sometimes a bit weird in my own home.
Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me. I'm happy. I'm excited about life. It's just that in my little down times that I start thinking a little. And I hate thought of thinking. I know how horrible that sounds. Babe, I'm ok, so don't worry.
Oh yea, we got this little kitten. He's white and we're calling him "Milky" he's about 4 weeks and he's so cute and adorable! He wakes me up very early because he's hungry and then goes right back to sleep after eating.
I've been wanting to sleep more and more... lately. Sometimes it feels as if I don't sleep enough and I'm starting to sleep later in the day and it makes me sad I wake up to tired in the mornings. Like I even want to take a nap and start falling asleep and then I feel very very guilty, like I shouldn't or it's not right. I sometimes don't want to do anything. I know I shouldn't be like that. I should be motivated, up and runnin' (perhaps literally) but *sigh* it aint true... the more and more I think ... I think we're going to start taking walks because I'm hating it. Yes, it. I'm seeing myself and the less and less I'm happy with me. Everything else is perfect. But, I see myself and it's not worthy of all this happiness I have.
oh so excited about going to MN in 2 weeks. My cousin is getting married, it's about time I'd say but it's not like she's that older than I am, only a year and a half. I guess we all take time to find a person. I suppose marriage should be something that you thoroughly think about.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Boot wedding...
My little bro joined the USMC and it's nice. We're all proud of him, he wants to do something with mechanic in aviation. He always wanted to fix something. I guess they would give him more opportunity than any there are out there. He just went back to San Diego today after his 9 day leave after boot camp. It was a nice graduation.
My son looked up to him so much, he said he wanted to become a Marine as well. I guess we'll see what the future really holds. I am not one to stop him from seeing the benefits of life. I mean his biological father went into the Marines as well a few years back and his grandfather was also in the Marines. Life is life and where the winds takes him I will support him wholeheartedly.
We went to family day on the 14th of June of 3 months. It was nice to him but so hard to recognize him. The place was very beautiful and peaceful, relaxing and a bit overwhelming all at once. Not overwhelming because it truly was but because the exhaustion you felt from their energy and yet the relief to finally be able to see familiar faces.
Then there was his actual graduation day which was the next day, June 15th, which happened to be his 20th birthday! =D
That saturday we had a welcome home get together with friends and family. I guess they say I got a little too happy (tipsy) that was fun...
I say I'm a happy person already.
Monday we were going to get ready to clean after a couple days of having people over and well my bro R surprises us that he and his gf are getting married. We get ready fast and follow them to the hall of records ... they get hitched...
Last monday the 25th this lady from the prayer group we go to on fridays came and did a nice prayer for his leaving today. It made me tear up specially when my dad made a prayer and his voiced cracked a bit. Never in my life had I heard my dad's voice crack and shed a tear. But it was truly endearing. Right now my bro is back in San Diego, his wife took him, and he has more training and in a couple of months he's going to be heading out to Florida which is where he'll get his MOS training. I guess his field is a 5 year contract.
Oh and we also found out thursday that he's having another boy. I'm sure my dad was very happy to hear that. But, my dad wasn't happy about how they eloped. oh well.
Many things happening.
My son looked up to him so much, he said he wanted to become a Marine as well. I guess we'll see what the future really holds. I am not one to stop him from seeing the benefits of life. I mean his biological father went into the Marines as well a few years back and his grandfather was also in the Marines. Life is life and where the winds takes him I will support him wholeheartedly.
We went to family day on the 14th of June of 3 months. It was nice to him but so hard to recognize him. The place was very beautiful and peaceful, relaxing and a bit overwhelming all at once. Not overwhelming because it truly was but because the exhaustion you felt from their energy and yet the relief to finally be able to see familiar faces.
Their marching ceremony.
He was happy to see his gf
My parents and my son super uber happy!!
My sis took time off work and here she is giving out lil bro a huge hug! =D
My lil bros turned 20 this day 06-15-12 <3
That saturday we had a welcome home get together with friends and family. I guess they say I got a little too happy (tipsy) that was fun...
I say I'm a happy person already.Monday we were going to get ready to clean after a couple days of having people over and well my bro R surprises us that he and his gf are getting married. We get ready fast and follow them to the hall of records ... they get hitched...
Man and wife on 06-18-12
Last monday the 25th this lady from the prayer group we go to on fridays came and did a nice prayer for his leaving today. It made me tear up specially when my dad made a prayer and his voiced cracked a bit. Never in my life had I heard my dad's voice crack and shed a tear. But it was truly endearing. Right now my bro is back in San Diego, his wife took him, and he has more training and in a couple of months he's going to be heading out to Florida which is where he'll get his MOS training. I guess his field is a 5 year contract.
Oh and we also found out thursday that he's having another boy. I'm sure my dad was very happy to hear that. But, my dad wasn't happy about how they eloped. oh well.
Many things happening.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Is music ever worth it?
There's always a lot to say and never enough time. It seems as though this upcoming school year will bring me more students more than ever before and I'm grateful but it's still not enough to cut it. I know it's hard when every job you've applied to in the High Desert isn't hiring and those who are, don't. Agencies suck, Job fair seemed promising and it wasn't. Well who knows... I guess some things just take time. It's about patience. But, who really has patience when sometimes even minimum seems glorious but then again I can try and spend more money I don't have and get more opportunities in different fields as well.
I wanted to stay closer to home to avoid using all that gas. My car is already showing wearing from the driving I already do. There's not much up here. I suppose I can look down the mountain but the question remains: Where would I stay? Would I commute? How much would I end up in the month if I drove to and from an hour plus each way? So many questions...
@Cucumber_melonhead and I have briefly talked about it and setting goals but it hasn't been defined. I've been hooked up in the past with applications where there are openings (for the long commute) and unfortunately even those fall through. I am so much more optimistic than I was before but I suppose it's also the lack of inspiration. It's not there and I don't know how to get it like I once had illusions in high school. It seems as when you grow up you lose that spark and getting it back isn't the same. I guess what I've been waiting for is that spark but I also know that if I don't try I will never get it. I still feel helpless at times...or hopeless. I know there is so much that can be done but I don't know where to start. Everything will always cost money and the issue is getting something better. Maybe if I can adjust my teaching business and let that boom but our field is full of failure. Not failure at teaching and reaching out but because we're always put last when it comes to different subjects and/or sports. Music isn't encouraged much. I know first hand... sort of... My dad was supportive and encouraged it and my mother hated it and thought it was a waste of time... Can you imagine when I told my mom I was going to major in Music... Yea, she threw a fit. I didn't hear the end of it... For the longest time she felt more pride in saying that I dropped out of my Psychology major when I had my son that saying that I got a music degree. Music for the most part never puts food on the table and that's why it's so hard to keep a passion that you know you'll continue that vicious cycle everyone sees. So much talent but people will always go for the route that gives you the money. It's the honest truth. I've stuck it through, with tears... I love it and hate it. I love teaching and love seeing students grown and I love what happens in the long run. I hate the almost no pay... and I really mean, it mainly pays for gas. Why do it then? I didn't major in music because it would give a huge payout but because I loved it. I didn't fight constantly with my mom because i was stubborn. Music is misunderstood. Music is love. Music is passion. Music is not for all. Music will starve you but will feed your soul. It won't feed your children though.
As you can see it's my dilemma. Honestly, I don't think I ever want to give up giving a little back in the music field. I just enjoy it to much. Giving it up would probably kill me a little inside. It's what I have always loved. I've been made fun of, and still am many times. What can I say I enjoy it a little more than some and it's easier to make some feel like it's a negative than a positive. God know why I got this small gift. I use it to share and give in return to multiply and show there is so much more out there in music. I know I don't touch many lives but those who have gotten a little something out it make me happy. I know I sometimes do tend to talk a bit much about music but I hold it in more now because sometimes I feel I don't have people to talk about it with. I can't even mention a song or much of the structure because it sound like gibberish to so many.
Well here's to life and I guess what can you do but continue forward and just expect for the best. I've learned there is no reason to feel all down and depressed over nothingness... It's not going to change anything. "There's no reason to cry over spilled milk" It's a part of life how you learn to deal with it. I hope I can get a supplementary job...
I hope it happens soon.
I wanted to stay closer to home to avoid using all that gas. My car is already showing wearing from the driving I already do. There's not much up here. I suppose I can look down the mountain but the question remains: Where would I stay? Would I commute? How much would I end up in the month if I drove to and from an hour plus each way? So many questions...
@Cucumber_melonhead and I have briefly talked about it and setting goals but it hasn't been defined. I've been hooked up in the past with applications where there are openings (for the long commute) and unfortunately even those fall through. I am so much more optimistic than I was before but I suppose it's also the lack of inspiration. It's not there and I don't know how to get it like I once had illusions in high school. It seems as when you grow up you lose that spark and getting it back isn't the same. I guess what I've been waiting for is that spark but I also know that if I don't try I will never get it. I still feel helpless at times...or hopeless. I know there is so much that can be done but I don't know where to start. Everything will always cost money and the issue is getting something better. Maybe if I can adjust my teaching business and let that boom but our field is full of failure. Not failure at teaching and reaching out but because we're always put last when it comes to different subjects and/or sports. Music isn't encouraged much. I know first hand... sort of... My dad was supportive and encouraged it and my mother hated it and thought it was a waste of time... Can you imagine when I told my mom I was going to major in Music... Yea, she threw a fit. I didn't hear the end of it... For the longest time she felt more pride in saying that I dropped out of my Psychology major when I had my son that saying that I got a music degree. Music for the most part never puts food on the table and that's why it's so hard to keep a passion that you know you'll continue that vicious cycle everyone sees. So much talent but people will always go for the route that gives you the money. It's the honest truth. I've stuck it through, with tears... I love it and hate it. I love teaching and love seeing students grown and I love what happens in the long run. I hate the almost no pay... and I really mean, it mainly pays for gas. Why do it then? I didn't major in music because it would give a huge payout but because I loved it. I didn't fight constantly with my mom because i was stubborn. Music is misunderstood. Music is love. Music is passion. Music is not for all. Music will starve you but will feed your soul. It won't feed your children though.
As you can see it's my dilemma. Honestly, I don't think I ever want to give up giving a little back in the music field. I just enjoy it to much. Giving it up would probably kill me a little inside. It's what I have always loved. I've been made fun of, and still am many times. What can I say I enjoy it a little more than some and it's easier to make some feel like it's a negative than a positive. God know why I got this small gift. I use it to share and give in return to multiply and show there is so much more out there in music. I know I don't touch many lives but those who have gotten a little something out it make me happy. I know I sometimes do tend to talk a bit much about music but I hold it in more now because sometimes I feel I don't have people to talk about it with. I can't even mention a song or much of the structure because it sound like gibberish to so many.
Well here's to life and I guess what can you do but continue forward and just expect for the best. I've learned there is no reason to feel all down and depressed over nothingness... It's not going to change anything. "There's no reason to cry over spilled milk" It's a part of life how you learn to deal with it. I hope I can get a supplementary job...
I hope it happens soon.
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