You feel like a failure as a mother, person when you can't quite get your son up to reading level and the teacher is considering holding him back.

I need advice. I read with him. Its harder for him to read but I help him. What else can I do. I sit with him everyday to do his homework. Its sometimes a min. of an hour daily ... he's in first grade. I know nothing can go wrong if he is held back my brothers were when they were in first grade but there was a language barrier. They went from a bilingual class to all English ... but my son knows English. Schools were different then as well. I never remember my parents helping or being able to help me. And its so different now. I have to find ways to explain the homework so it makes sense.

*sigh* I'm just frustrated... I know this will end up how it should but it just makes me feel like crying. I know ... what a baby! What when you feel a bit overwhelmed ....

It's been a while since we've had a date together for a while. We  see each other every weekend and I cherish every moment. I love the closeness we have and the interaction we get with my son.

I do need me or us time. Not always, but here and there you know?

We go to the grocery store, errands, go to mass but those are things that must be done you know?

I'm looking forward to Saturday. We're dressing up. At this moment I really forget what but I think if I recall correctly we're going to see Wicked in Orange county. I've never seen a musical.

I'm so excited. :) He said it's because we didn't get to have a proper valentine's day. Things changed, and we ended up not doing anything as we had planned. But, it's ok. I was still able to give him what I wanted to him.

He always so thoughtful.
He gave me the bottle of wine that we first had together, and that I enjoyed, but filled with little stars he made himself. <3 This gifts are always so thoughtful! He puts thoughts into what he does.

He had the right half and I have the left half. 

He is the sweetest most kind person in the world that I've had the pleasure to meet. I don't think I would ever be able to meet a most genuine and kind hearted person. This man definitely took my heart And I love him with all that I've got. I've never felt so complete having my son by my side and this man by my side.

Doc changed BC

So I went to my regular every 3 months check with the Doc... well girl doc because I don't have a real primary check up doc anyways... so

Ok you can stop reading if TMI or you don't want to know....

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So as went to the doctor to get my refill on birth control.... I mean at the moment it doesn't really matter if I take it or not but since I was pregnant with my son I vowed that I would always use it regardless but at the moment not really being intimate. But, as us today I've been 85 days late....

wait, wait, wait....
NO, I'm not. I was surprised when they asked me to pee in a cup they hadn't done that but at the same thought I guess it could have been a possibility but not really since I take my bc regularly. The test came out negative of course.
I was on Lo loestrin but since I haven't had my cycle in like a few months my doc thought it's starting to make me gain a little weight. She said I have to exercise but I had already started doing that. So then she decided to then change my BC.
She changed it to Ortho Trycyclen ... I still don't know but apparently I should being getting it in like 4 weeks... I have really enjoyed saving money on not having to  buy products and feel discomfort but I guess it's everybody's (well girl's) burden to bear.
Once I get it she wants me to stop pills for 5 days (she didn't even let me finish my old pack to start so I'm a week early now) but I guess it gets regulated because once I get stop pills and then start them again. But, since I hate theside affects of changing bc she said that it might be very heavy flow for the whole time. And if it lasts more than 10 days to go back. That's what I'm worried. Last time I started the last bc, I swear for that whole month I probably had a 7-10 break... aunt flow is no fun!
Sorry for those of you who read if any. Who can I really talk to about this but myself but I hate it repeated in my head so at least it's here with my personal or public journal. Not so much journal as it is an outlet. Nobody cares but I just needed it out of my chest.
Today I was so without energy and so tired. I still went walking the mile  and half like every morning. I just wanted to relax but it was a busy day.And goodness so irritable. Ahhhh!!!!!
OK, until something else comes up.

My new look

Well Since you have last seen me. I changed my hair color the end of December but since I want to up keep it up I just retouched it a few days ago and I thinned out my eye brows a bit and well trying new things with make-up. It's the first picture I'm semi satisfied with in a long time.

What to do you think?

Do you like it?

yay, football? bets...

Well yesterday was the Super Bowl. I've never been a huge fan of football... I was a band nerd so the only reason I ever saw the sport was because we were forced to play pep music. Yes, so much fun being in the cold, not being able to snack ... wait off topic... So this is the 2nd year we kind of watch super bowl and I say kind of because Johnson is a football fan not I. =D Either way, his team wasn't  playing but we were going to enjoy time together.

 He made burgers, he made his own patties and stuffed them with cheese and jalapenos and we made home made fries and well we even made chicken wings and he made some bbq, buffalo sauce and garlic Parmesan, This man goes all out and it's a delicious reward. =D 

So while we were making all that the game was about the start and he said he was rooting for the 49ers ... woot woot... what California in their right mind wasn't doing that. I asked him is he bet on the game an he said no. And I asked him if he wanted to. He said sure. But the question was what were we betting???

Dun dun DUN!!!!!

I said his choice and we don't bet money just different small items.

He finally came up with one. He said that if I won that we would go with me to watch Les Mis .... and I said deal. You see, I've been wanting to watch this movie. I don't know why but I want to watch and it was the first time I asked him to go see a movie with me and he said no. Every time I've asked he has said no. So of course it made me watch it even more but I couldn't and for the first time I didn't want to go alone and I didn't want to go with anyone else. I rather not watch it at all. Oh well....

Then he was asking me... what don't you like. So I said, you know me well enough so figure it out. So he said, if he won he wouldn't have to watch starwars when it came out. I said deal. I don't know if I'd want to watch them anyways so it didn't feel like much of a lost anyways. But, I agreed. he tried changing it when we saw the debut trailer of fast 6 because we're going to go watch in may... I like those movies and have bee waiting for like 3 yrs for this one.  don't care if you don't like it but I do. =D
And I said no. We agreed to starwars and that was that. You see, he's never see a starwars movie and nor does he  want to. My son and I like watching the movies. We're cool people. My sister's boyfriend was always trying to get her to watch them as well and he always declined but just a few months ago he finally watch the movies and he likes them... yay So Johnson said well then if it took you so long to watch the movies then I will wait that long too... We have a countdown going until we will have a star wars marathon and he will watch them all. We have 1827 days to go until that ... a little over5 years... fun... i think he'll cave in but I don't know, he might not.

And so who won? Baltimore Ravens and so won the wager, I did.... it was a close call and for a small while it seemed as if I wasn't going to see Les Mis but it seems as I will soon. A movie date night. Yay!! =D

That was our sunday!

Lent and Valentine's Day

So we're so close to Valentine's Day, what like 2 weeks away. I don't know what to do or give my lovely bf.. HELP!! Been thinking for a long time time but I'm blank. Any ideas would be wonderful.

Anyways, regardless of that day being the day of love, I know we don't have to give each other anything or he doesn't because he shows me love all the time and that's more special than showing love only one day of the year. 

We have decided we're going to go to this restaurant that's buffet style but the food there is delicious. you can have steak and shrimp and you don't pay for the steak and shrimp cost but you still get the taste. Yummy! He asked me to invite my parents so they're going to go and we're taking my son. So it will be a nice family time out. Well almost how it is every weekend anyways. =D Sundays it's usually all 5 of us when we eat but it never makes it less special. 

On February 16th we're going on a little birthday party with a friend of his so that will be nice. 

On the 17th we're celebrating my sister's 26th birthday on a sunday brunch thing after mass. And she said we would celebrate both our birthdays just how when we were little but her birthday is on feb 16th and mine was on January 7th but nonetheless the thought of her including me is nice. 

those are busy days. 

Lent

The time of reflection within ourselves is here. February 13 is the beginning of lent with Ash Wedensday.... so all you wondering when MARDI GRAS is ... (FAT TUESDAY) it will be tuesday FEB 12 =D 

So Johnson and I have decided to get to know each other as a couple better and reflect and communicate better more than the affectionate ways during this time of reflection. I'm sure it will help us grow in our faith together and allow us to understand each other in different ways. So it happens to come before V-day it's ok. Because there is a deeper love and a love we have to share with God and ourselves. If we never sacrifice or challenge ourselves when will we meet who we are and if we're truly up to doing it for the long run. 

See i go to a prayer group every friday night with my mom and I have learned so much more about our faith and honestly a lot has to do with faith. And Johnson and I go to mass every sunday and then he goes off to his RCIA classes and then I learn about what he learned and it helps me as well. It seems as God has the right people places in my life for it to get better. My Son goes to mass with us. He still doesn't quite get it but in a way I understand because I'm barely trying to understand. At least we get him there. It first started with allowing his to use our phones and play games and once he started going slowly took the phone away and now he's better, not always happy but we're all together. And he's behaving well so I'm one happy mom. =D And he's mellow and loves going to the prayer group. mainly because the kids but he goes and next year he will go to catechism and he will learn more and tell me about it. =D 

Alright, so I guess I'm starting to write again and it feels great. =D 

photos blog (kind of ) looking back ...hi =D

sorry for the negativity last time. I was actually writing this after christmas but then my bday came along and just spoiled my mood. I'm in a great mood and being more positive. Thanks!

December

The 1 year Anniversary

So as I had posted a blog in November about the first time @Cucumber_melonhead and I had met well,  our actual anniversary was on December 5th but that was a busy day so we celebrated on December 4th. Can I just say he's an amazing person. He is thoughtful and just always knows how to say the right thing and even the wrong things at times haha but when he realizes he knows what to say. So on this day he completely surprised me and was rather secretive about where we were going. He ended taking me to a shooting range. It was so much fun!! I had never shot a gun and had wanted to for ages. I was very happily surprised. Well the only thing I didn't like too much was when we shot a handgun (I believe) the casing? fell in my shirt .... well not once but 3 times... I still have some burn scars on my chest. Those were worth it I suppose. Memory of our 1 year haha.
After shooting we went to Dinner to Steven's Steakhouse and that was one nice place. The light were dim, and it was very  romantic evening. We ate a nice dinner and enjoyed our time together.

One of the guns we both shot for the first time on our Anniversary!

My love shooting!

Our Delicious dinner!

Danny's Birthday

That following weekend it was my son's 7th birthday. What can I say? He turned 7 and he's doing wonderfully.Theme was adventure time and his little siblings came over thanks to @snoog420. We all had a wonderful time.

Kids wanted to take a picture with me. =D

Ana @Snoog420 next to my car watching the kids pick up lots candy!=D

Finn and Jake

Wedding
We went to a wedding on the 22. It was losts of fun. i met more of Johnson's friends and I finally felt comfortable. we all talked as he was always busy with the wedding party and danced and drank ... and yea... I had a lot of fun talk to new and people I had met before. They all would tell me the same thing and it was comforting and relieving all at once. I think for the little or a lot that he's mentioned about me. They're happy and in his life and well more than anything they're happy he's happy and I'm happy they're happy that he's happy with me. Hope I didn't lose you!! His bro called me his family the whole night and he felt happy because he received his first hug from me. I guess he liked calling sister in law. It was nice to hear and feel acceptance from his brother. I know Johnson respects him a lot. =D Johnson had fun, yea, I saw him drunk for the first time ever. lol Apparently he's very jealous when drunk and very for drinking and thinks I'm the most beautiful girl ever... he's adorable but I did have to put a small stop because i didn't want him to suffer the next morning. He still suffered.. oh well.

Us at the wedding!

They had a photo booth

The left pic is with Johnson and his bro and their friend.

The right is with with an old friend of Johnson, his bro, his bro's bff.

Christmas
We spent time with family and it was nice. What can we say. Well since my bro Roland came from North Carolina and was meeting his 2nd baby for the first time my mom invited my other aunts and cousins. They all took pictures with my bro in his dress blues. They're all certainly proud of our Marine. And soon we'll have another. Once he's out of boot camp in March. Christmas is family time and it was an enjoyable time.

We went to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve.

Johnson and my son

The 3 most important men in my life.

My dad on the right, Johnson on the left and
Danny in the middle. <3

 

This was his Christmas Present for me. My first Coach Purse. =D

My gift wasn't much but he looks happy, right?!?!

November
Thanksgiving
We had our first thanksgiving dinner together and with my family. It was a truly stressful day. Out of all the days it was the first time our oven didn't work but he does amazing things regardless.
If you want to see the awesome food Johnson made go to this Holiday Roundup blog. =D I don't have pics at the time.