Wind convo

I guess I love the wind after all haha...  not that I'm all environmental but I love peacefulness and enjoying it... And if you missed my other blog  on  The Wind  so see it... lol  It just my Blow you away!... 

This convo here took place in on my FB in February after I posted this Status:

"If life consisted of no music there couldn't be much to look forward to except the beauty of sound created by wind." -My Status

Friend 1: looks like i got someone on the contemplative track too! although i would argue that wind is music.... its like august rush, music is all around us but many dont take the time to listen... do you?

Me: Lol I do listen to the wind that's why I put it. :) Wind is music but not created by man. I love the wind it creates the most beautiful music.

Friend 2:wierdos!!!

(haha, I guess it does sound a lil weird, reading in right? )

Me(to f2):  Hey appreciate nature! She can be nice or send avenging chaos... Lol but you won't have time to appreciate her then =D

Friend 2: when the chaos starts, ill appreciate it. :)

Me: It will be beautiful chaos nonetheless =D thus beautiful music ringing in your ears of frightened people screaming notes on different keys, melodies and dissonance



If you didn't think I was a little weird... maybe this is prove... haha!

Drinking

Well I've been doing a lot of  drinking on thinking... hahaha jk I mean thinking on drinking... yea many of us have had our fun drinking and enjoying the fun of company... heck drinking was done during the college years... Well, not all, but it was a part of socializing and learning your limits... yea we all knew the laws but the new discovered freedom was in our all powerful hands and what did many enjoy ... yup drinking



The sad part came when people were taken to the hospital for alcohol poisoning... obviously OD-ing with alcohol. To be honest, I still don't know how people were able to such a level of alcohol in their systems but obviously not knowing their limits... right...

I, after a bad moment in life, got really drunk too... first time in my life I ever  forgot part of my night... not good (the story of how everything is a story for another time) but my room mate and a frat sister  watched over me... but as a result I did quit drinking for like a year plus...


But, I know people still do it here and there have fun, relax and enjoy ... and I don't find anything wrong with it... Every once in a while doesn't do you any harm...  well that's my take even though the majority agree and a few don't...

Okay, now let's say the fun and games are over but there are a few who continue drinking... slowly day in and day out... drinking alone and no longer in the company of friends... drinks after work and can't function as a person very much...
  

It wont happen to you... ok I hope not... but i've been hearing of stories of people I know close by who are struggling with their Husbands, Boyfriends, Men who drink ... yea, they have jobs and work but the relationship is deteriorating... They're not contributing and  There is now ... yup spousal abuse...

 
It may seem a lil extreme but to this person I know, it's not... it's real life... a 4 month old and now pregnant again... and well she just realized who was sleeping next to her, a monster (no offense men) but I would hate if my life ever ended up there...


When does it get past the point of innocent fun to the abuse of a loved one? The more I hear this of women suffering with their men over do it, the more I convince my self that a person who rarely drinks to none is better for my life. Socially is fine there is nothing wrong with as long as they don't party every.

Or hey I can have a few drinks and they can be DD haha well some hispanic households the female is DD ... but that's not the point.  And I know that there are men who get abused by drunk women too ...

So still, How does one get past the point of innocent fun to the abuse of the loved one?
And, again I realize not everybody does that... but there are a few and that's more than enough...

I'm starting to realize how some people choose to go the non-alcoholic way...



As far as I'm seeing, it's causing more problems in people I know than not... I would like to one day be happy... and only time can tell  but as far as I am paying more attention and the more I think about things... my questions are being answered with out asking for the answer... I think God is truly guiding me... it's a strange feeling but I feel that the more I wonder the more answers I'm getting.... It's a good feeling ...

Hope my thoughts were coherent... a lil tired and no not drinking =D

The Floor

Well something was out of place in bed structure so the mattress in...haha I was too tired to fix it last night so I decided to sleep on the floor... I've slept on the floor before it's no big deal but maybe the blanket under me was very thin... When I woke up, I woke up so sore, lol and swollen eyes... you would think if you saw me, I'd been crying all night (which isn't the case - it's not) ... I enjoy the floor every once in a while, I use when I sleep at friends... but I do admit I enjoy my bed too...

Does anybody prefer the floor or the comfort of their bed? Anytime you prefer sleeping on the floor?

I want freedom...

It's not the freedom you might think... nor is it one as easily obtained...

(Sensitive subject, please be kind.... ) I'll answer questions, if you have have some, or explain... whatever you want but it might be different than you might have felt in life before or comprehend....

Let's Retract....

(This is personal account, not everybody feels or have felt the same... everybody may experience different feelings, or interpretations on the subject)



In this lovely life we all go through hardships... Many can cope and some of us haven't figured it out. Life is hard and we're put upon trial, many in which we feel are slowly chipping away at our personal life. (You've never felt like this? Lucky!)  It's not about hating life ( well, not everybody), it's not about being completely unhappy (sometimes people are but there's more an underlining why...) but sometimes it's about having a control over what you already can't control.  It feels like the easiest way to regain what you haven't had for a while... FREEDOM, an escape, and easy way to cop-out... I know, I've been there! It feels like letting go will let you sore in the sky and have the abundant freedom...but, it's not that easy.

For more info CLICK here!!!!!!!!

I've been there... didn't do it, obviously I'm here... I've been practically in isolation my whole life, since I can remember all the way to pre-school. Since I have always appeared quiet shy to everybody, that's all they know... I am more distant than some... but when I had friends, I share my moments, its just that time always leads me back to my nature... being alone... I guess it's more of preparing to share my life with somebody than always relying on having friends around. There was never a cry for help with me, actually nobody would have noticed... they only knew me as the sad-eye one... in black, depressing music... and that's it...

That has always been ME!!!

Sure, I even did the whole cutting thing (I know touchy subject, but it's true) .... and unlike what people thought, it wasn't for attention that I did... nor did I do it for other people to notice. Nobody ever did....  I've always been alone with my personal burden!

When you're at point where you feel so much pain, that pain isn't enough for you to feel... you become a little numb... Numb with life, numb with pain/happiness... you're just there( living the motions (although, not actually all present) ... you eyes loose their brightness and you are just empty. There is nothing... (I remember my sister specifically hated when I would stare at her when we disagreed on something. She would say, "I hate that blank look you give me") I didn't know my stare would go right through her but that's how I felt. I guess my siblings always called me "emo" and they still sometimes make fun of me... they would joke around with cutting ... and I of course always denied everything....  (making fun isn't the best way sometimes it's feeding the negativity and even the depressed heart) After, I would leave them with th happy facade they wanted to see... I would go and bury my self in my pillow(sometimes literally)... many times and more distance I became and feeling-less. The thing about people who make fun of people for something it's because they don't understand the feeling. They don't understand the pain one feels. They don't understand how a person can get to that point. They don't always understand responsibility. Those that go through such pain is because sometimes they do a lot, sometimes so much it's overwhelming...

You think it's sad, or you pity me or those who have felt this way... fine. I'm not making you change your mind on how you feel about it. But, When I hear of others having pain as I have in life... I truly with all my heart wish I can take all of their pain away mainly because I've known how it feels. I wish no one would ever have to go through that in their lives... I breaks me apart (and I'm sure thats how some friends and family feel, so I never let them know).... The fact that I'm still here is because I have a purpose... Maybe a purpose to help others later in life when I'm more stable. I've been helping my parents which has been a purpose in itself. With everything they've gone through, I've been at their needs for everything... 

You can maybe add post-partum to the depression I had accumulated in me.... it became really bad... really really bad... I admitted to myself when I became conscious... I seeked out help... it's the hardest thing to do... it really was/is... my roomate had no idea... But, it was the best thing I did....

I encourage you to see the signs... you might make fun of... or judge but it's no laughing matter I assure you! It's a life and death situation that can be avoided if you help bring life to a person. To help them realize everything they have to live for... or maybe they need an unconditional friend to talk to about everything or maybe not even to talk ... just to be there by there side by side....

I realized:

You know what I was at the end... I was trapped... trapped in my own little box... trapped in my life... trapped with all the words running at a 100+ mph in my head... I was chained and  I didn't have an out... I concluded that the freedom I truly craved wasn't freedom, in reality... (well according to a personal believe, it's damnation... but I'm not here to bring in religion, but for a while I didn't care but it entailed)

When I found the help I needed I was Embarrassed as could be... My sentence, my imprisonment was slowly become less... I found out that the freedom I was actually seeking was not a  freedom at all but it was an  imprisonment for others - friends and fam... I was trying to bind them to something that didn't belong to them... In reality I wanted all to suffer what I was feeling and that was too  selfish...

I obtained freedom... when I let me be me and be happy with who I was... and accept everything, including responsibilities which didn't belong to me, and other's burdens ...  I knew I was going to have to pay the price... And, was willing to accept... I knew my  thoughts were a false freedom, a true imprisonment... and Thank to probably God, I got the chance to live again. Even though life's circumstance are not always better seeing life in a clear light sure makes them a positive... Times are hard and you know what? There is no other place I rather be than be here right now....

I feel happy, content, My heart sings, and I sometimes cry sure... but never cry the tears of not feeling anything at all... I feel lucky and blessed to be where I am at right now. It hasn't been an easy road but I've surely learned many lessons!!

Digging your hands in...

(Disclaimer, girl in the pic not me... We hardly use measuring  cups. We just know sometimes.... haha!!)


Digging your hands in the dough that is 

I've always liked to sometimes know what it felt like when my parents were little and my grandmothers had to do foods by hand... Obviously, they had to know how to do Tortillas and those were made 2-3 times a day depending on whether the man was home to cook for.... Not that's I'm going to do it like that... come on it's not those times anymore... hahaha! I can and they would be freshly made but who really wants to put me through that hassle.... I hope you don't ... We can go buy some but it is cheaper and you save money making them....

Anyways, my mom and I are about to do flour Tortillas... we make corn tortilla all the time sometimes or makes gorditas, or the lil doughs for the sopes, ... Heck, one new years... I went to sleep at 3am and woke up at 5:30am and make pizzas all day for the fam... yea, out of scratch... I loved it... I guess because I like cooking and when there is the need for a lot of things being done... I usually like to do it all my self or if people willing to help to do as I say... yea I'm that nice in my territory..  but I love the company though... So I've always dreamed of having a big kitchen with 2 stoves... not that I would use them both all the time but there will be times.... Someday, I'll make it happen.

Well, got to go to the kitchen.... my hands are needed!!!!!!!!

My Student Loans

This year in May with be 4 years since I graduated from College. I went to University of Redlands and I went for a passion I had, Music. I have my B.A. in Music and guess what? Jobless... *sigh* You see, I ended up pregnant and had a baby mid-year of my junior year. Crazy, right? Well 2nd semester started the day my son turned 1 month... now to make up- finals and well take some classes over. I worked my a** and finished everything I had to. I was active in a Music Fraternity for Women, Sigma Alpha Iota. Took some time off because obviously I did had all my full classes, I worked on campus and not to mention a new born. Let's just say for a year and a half until I finished school I slept an average of 3 hours... Once I was home a juggling between a baby, and homework... You have sympathy... Nah, I didn't think so. You're right it was my fault completely. If I would have been responsible I wouldn't have been in such a predicament... I surely learned from that. I was completely alone... The fam that was helping me... would yell at me all night as soon as I got home, my friends distant because I didn't have the time to see them as much, and my sister well I just didn't have the time... I would sometimes go to the library alone and sit in the back of the second floor and fall asleep for a while... I learned to isolate myself and learn comfort within myself. Well, the semester before I graduated... I became active in my frat again and got a lil sis, I wasn't going to graduate before having someone to pass down my family letters and so on and so forth.... yeah well now, I was juggling school, works, a toddler (one yr old), my sisters, and hey let's add a senior recital to this... I burnt out... To be honest I didn't even want to walk on graduation day... I sucked it up and did it for my family! I just wanted out ... worst thing I wished... Once I graduated I finally started to enjoy from free time I had never had in my life. I need to veg out and breath for a minute and think... As the 6 months were nearly approaching I started learning frantically for a job... went to agencies... I worked as a clerk in the school admissions office I thought maybe that would help. And it did but no one was hiring... in fact people were being laid off... I got worried.... then I deferred and deferred my loans... and at one point they just started telling me I didn't want to pay ... I hate confrontation ... and so I got depressed. A graduate, jobless, with a hefty debt on my shoulders... no encouragement... and we were in need... dad jobless... everything was wrong.... I had no were to turn...
2008 came along...  there was times where I made a few payments but they wanted to charge me $1000 a month where was I going to get that kind of money?  I would try and then at not being able to meet their expectations I would fall hard in dep. mode... July 2008... my mom had a huge accident. I was there, I helped her and made sure my son was careful with her. My job was to take her to doctors... and the worst part was they discovered a brain tumor... 2009 she was finally getting better and starting to heal and apparently symptoms started to show up... 2010 she had brain surgery and we moved to Apple valley... And there were more doctor's appointments and going everywhere... It was my responsibility to make sure everything was going ok. I'm not going to say this was easy... but by now it had been 3+ with a job and not to talk about school loans... I changed my number because the thought overwhelmed me. I'm going to say that I don't care about my debt... I have it and I will pay it, I've never been irresponsible but life sometimes throws curbs at us... They garnish fine I'm ok... 7 years to clear up credit after I pay I'm up for it... anything ... I am now in the position after so long where I can look for jobs and make sure I can make it without my mom needing me so Doctor appointments. At the end of 2010... I tried for minimum wage and even restaurants that I had sworn I would never go back to... but did it anyways, necessity was more important... Applied to over 10 and nothing... I applied to a few clerical positions and nothing. I was teaching a few lessons but my paying for gas was out weighing the income I was making, not good!! Yesterday as I was teaching a lesson I received a call... I didn't know too much of it or think too much... but the loan people finally found my number...  And you know what I was somewhat interested in hearing what they had to say... the lady told me she had to close my account yesterday but I was teaching and busy so I couldn't take the call... asked her to call me. And thankfully she did today...
I don't know if I'm gullible but I truly hope I did the right thing... She talked of some loans I have for $30,000 as far as I know I have 42,00 plus interests and blah blah blah...
So, she asked me questions and well we did a hardship application... she was the first person to understand the situation. Everybody else assumes I'm lazy and I don't wanna yeah. Sure think that but that also means I can't get anything else or qualify for anything... I really want that. Well, I assume there are people but times are hard...
And it even seems like this year I dont get a district stipend because I couldn't finish the requirements either... all my money went to gas... and even though they weren't too expensive I just don't make ends meet enough to get it. :( I know it sucks... Not getting paid... makes me a lil sad of massing out on something that I've worked for but oh well ...
Anyways, with this Application I got... not a bad deal four payments of $10 in the next 4 consecutive months...
it will:
1. Collection activity will stop
2. Loans will show on credit report as good standing
3. will No longer be subject to involuntary action
4. I will be able to request Title 4 to be restored, which means I can go back to school... YAY!!!
I know after so much debt who wants to go to school but I put in 2 years and I can have another 4 yr degree... and then my teaching credential and who knows maybe eventually a Masters in Business, or Education, or in School Administration...
Anyways, I had been thinking of my school loans for a while and kind of glad they called. Hopefully this is for the best and I can finally find a job and if possible move to a place where there are jobs so this debt will be over with and keep working. And, continue with my life. oh and  buy clothes... lol (it's been years)

pressing the "refresh button" on my friends list- FB

Well, I guess people do change. Or we all change sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. I think I change for better. But you know how you slowly notice who your friends are. Or an instance happens where you know that the friendship can tremble but you have a great foundation that you didn't think it could possibly do any harm.  We were great friends in HS... well not so tight but we would talk a lot. I had a lot of respect and in college we became really close friend... 2 of who came from the same HS and we met 3 other people there... we were always hanging out. It was the best time when the 5 of us were together. After I had my son... I did notice the distance and I wanted to think nothing of it. I tried to be blind in hopes that it was my imagination and that the friend would still be there for me no matter what. I tried communication and he was resistant. And I tried again and more resistance. But, hey we were still friends on each other's pages and I felt I at least had that. I felt like an annoying lil puppy seeking for attention. But, I was seeking my friend. We could talk here and there... have lunch rarely but there was a time. Well a few months ago I went on his FB and I was still his friend... but I couldn't see anything he put on his page... he blocked me from viewing him... but I would still see his status on the new feed. I was super mad. So, I didn't block... Instead I wrote and indirect status update: I don't remember verbatim but sometimes this: "I prefer being deleted from your friends than being blocked" I remember writing it because it was truly a message for him. You know step it up... if I mean nothing as a friend it would insult me less to just delete me. It just goes to see how much he thought  of me as a friend. I guess this is where personal views and sure we made some mistakes whatever...  I still love him as my friend and I don't think anything he does or happened between us can change my mind to look at him in a negative way. He was my top 10 follower of 2010. So I just logged on this morning and hey i haven't been on much and was still trying to get the groove of things so I decided to go visit his page and say hello... Surprise, Surprise: He deleted me as his friend. Well about F'n time... I guess he got the "balls" to do it anyways. I do have to say, I feel a little hurt, not surprised as much but saddened that he felt our friend lacked foundation. I guess, I could only try so hard to be a friend before I'm completely kicked to the curb. I tried...And I've written about him in the past but when should a friendship be a one-way highway? I think he realized this also. Out talks at the end were superficial. Maybe it's a heads up... "You have over 500 people as friends in you FB, maybe you should delete the people who don't matter" but, the fact of the matter is that I love those people there.. We went to HS together, College together, were in SAI together, we had a class together and hung out for a few minutes when no one else would... Should we may not be that close but it's a sign that we had something with each other at one point. I don't know if someone understands but that's the way I see it. New flash: Times to get rid of the dead weight!  I hate to do it and never had done it but it's time. I guess Xanga has really opened my eyes... and the friend I spoke to last night also. Just talking about being friends and stuff... And the fact he was the only friend to ask how I was during that time because we wouldn't be talking. It made me cry at how unimportant I am to my friends. Insignificant if you will. Hey we all have busy lives but how can it be? Maybe I'm being selfish or maybe it's the distance I personally created throughout the years or maybe it was because I've at home watching over my mom and my son that everybody felt I was too poor to hang out or contribute. Whatever!!!! This just makes my mind so much more clear that I do want to leave California. It's a thought I've had for years and year since I was little. What's being isolated in another state... just a new start where nobody knows you anyways or would care for that matter. It would be the same but less painful because I would have to see or feel like I was missing out on something. Sure, I would maybe visit and maybe then they would feel gracious for a long distant visit but I doubt it. And this is what my friend is afraid of too... that I would isolate my self and stop talking to him. That we would become strangers... I don't know right now maybe my mind is hazy from feeling a lil broken hearted with friends or should I even say friends and label everybody "an acquaintance" maybe it would hurt less.... *sigh*

Just need to write to relax ... mainly talking to myself

So now that I was on FB the first person who i wrote on their wall is a close friend... I've known him personally the shortest but he's definitely one of my closest male friends. Actually the one person I can trust who will speak honestly without reserves. We are just tight like that. We can openly talk about anything and give each other advice. The only person I feel comfortable telling me bad words haha because he's just a funny guy. He knows how to be silly and make me laugh. We know each other pretty well and it coincidentally happens that we're both Capricorns so that made us understand each other even more. The only friend who actually texted me just because I wasn't on FB and wanted to see how I was doing.
So we were catching up and talking about what has happened in the last few weeks to this weekend to---  you know... anything that would make the headlines of your personal newspaper. Well, it got pretty intense. He was trying to convince me otherwise of something and well we're both very stubborn people. He said he teared up but then when we were talking about isolation and some thing being not fair... I started thinking of what my life has been. And it really hit me and I started crying. I admittedly told him. He wasn't hurting my feelings but he then realized that he was being a lil selfish but he thought he can lose me as a friend. So he tried to cheer  me up... (an insider between him and I) and it was a youtube video.... he said he would always remember me with it... haha so I watched... and yea I started crying... called him a jerk but started laughing shortly after. We can push each other's buttons haha... he was literally yelling at me through FB chat... capital letters and all... But, it felt good to talk to a friend. I can't easily get things off my chest but with him it's like I am talking to myself haha... but he's more extroverted than I am. Sometimes there are things that need to be discussed that just can't be openly discussed. Goodness. How I love the internet. We've texted here and there and he even calls but that's what best friends do.  So many songs I know are songs he recommended. I love new songs from many different friends. It just makes me happy you suggest a song based on the music I like. He was making dinner for his gf so I let him go.
On a great note, I have a new friend on FB. very happy. I don't think he's fond of Facebook but it makes me happy to have 'im there...

A letter (R)

My dear,
I know I am not perfect or will ever be near. And this has forever been my longest fear. I go through my moments of isolation and maybe it's my fault or maybe it's my personality, it's not clear. Can't blame others but myself. When you've spoken to me I felt so different, so close, it's like you've known me, and you feel so near. Can't say life is perfect, it's more like perfectly imperfect like I am, it's the way life has helped me steer. You explained "love at first sight" which I have always thought impossible, but you caught my ear. We both exclaim "love is illogical" but sometimes even to that we don't agree. Then you had me listen to "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt, and it brought me to tears.... let's just say we agree -you're a lil blunt. Not that you've ever made it seem bad, I want you to know that my dear.
This I am: Smart-dumb, pretty-ugly, good with money- bad with money, selfish-selfless,  motherly-tyrant, analytical-open... and probably many more, let's just say it's where I lived in my closed sphere. I am who I am and I think you know that by now, you've make that clear. Sometimes, it's been a bit disappointing but can't say a push or need for something "more" is bad. I am quite fond of you. That's what I want you to hear. And I am quite stubborn at times but you're so much more stubborn... geez! And, this was where the words made a smear. A fight or argument is nice to have... at least the whole sweet lovey-dovey doesn't quite blind from what reality is. You sleep and.... I try, but don't, I sometimes feel like I waste my time, I hate myself every morning though. But, I would be willing to be up no matter what for you.
You love trees, and I love the breeze maybe hand in hand we can walk and go where ever we please.
No one in life will ever be perfect. We have figured that out from the beginning or it would have been a quick fail. You know my story, yes a little boring full of pain but it seems like time just flies when we speak. But, I just don't want you to feel/think I'm frail. I want to know more, and more as the days pass. I enjoy your selection in music and I know you like some of mine. It's a start to the perfect trail. You appreciate the art that comes with combining two different areas of expertise. You amaze me with everything; you've gone through so much in life and you continue-- a true admiration, and respect,  I hold. It's like you've set your perfect life sail. The bond with your family, beautiful. Though I know, nothing is perfect but other times life just fits perfect, maybe it's your point of view as a male. There will we be times where personalities are bound to clash. I guess when it comes to love, you should always be willing to come to a middle ground and compromise. That is where we must not fail.
I know I had a high wall but it wasn't my intent to hurt. But, once it was brought down, like a child with grape juice and a new white carpet, something was bound to happen. Never said it was bad or good but your cautions brings a distance even more so than the physical one. I am just being sincere. I here remain, it's ok. I know your fear.  I can't blame you. I love it where I'm at and have the desire to move forward with that I'm set. It is clear? I will do what I have to, to show, but now like you said it's not about only one showing, it's about letting go of fear. "I would love to believe" but....  Show me and don't leave me hanging... At the end it will be a grand cheer!
Bit by bit is how these wings will spread... You know you want to soar in the sky... it's the only way to get ahead and fly!
I hope I made this perfectly clear, dear!
ReyRey

P.S. Listen here! First time I heard this song a few min ago from another xangan and she let me use it. =D

More than Words by Extreme

untitled

I know I was in disbelief

That was a true mistake

just, let me be brief

last night was a sudden quake

all night i felt so awake

I felt I understood

And I knew why the sudden brake

it's fine, very good

But I swear I'm no flake

It's hard to explain why

or that you should even try

But I feel like you think it was all a lie

It feels like reality is the cruelest

but I know hope isn't lost

Even though you turned down the flame

I will still try.

I get lost in my thoughts, it's my fame...

I am clearly at fault, I'm to blame

I give you my best

I will keep moving forward

but don't make this a quest

You are someone I wish with to move toward

The shine of your candle

may sure glare the light of mine

but it's something we can both handle

as long as you still trust

it's the only the way,

it's a must!

The Wind

     
I don't know what it is about the wind but even in the times of turmoil, chaos, or even a breeze; it's still beautiful. At this moment i wish I was the wind. I would blow to the highest mountain, see the snow, the hiking people, or low enough to see the children playing, flying a kite. Or even help the birds, the bees change course and direction. Or blow through the trees pick up the scent of bark and the leaves (my favorite) or just blow through thorny roses... At this point, being pricked would be minimal, but I'm the wind; they feel me and I surely can't feel their full properties. They may prevent me from blowing stronger but I can still get  my momentum back. I can sore high and low with no limits. I can see all but I can't be seen only felt, like love. I can provide diminish the strength of the heat and yet make you feel the chill from the cold. The wind which helps with the living and gives a hope for more tomorrow. Many hate it, or dislike it... maybe because they don't see the beauty in it. They concern themselves what the wind will do to their clothes, their hair... it's all material. If we just sat outside appreciated the beauty that we have we would be much more peaceful people in nature. And love mother nature for who she was and what she has given us.

Just go and sit outside and enjoy the breeze! Take a deep breath and relax.  Go read a book, or close your eyes, relax... listen to the music of nature (The Wind FYI) The wind only reminds me of love and peace.... and the music I'm listening to from the outside... makes me want to cry right now but it's ok... because I at least feel content that even though I am here, it is going to all the places where I might go one day. Not, by myself but hand in hand... through the darkness in the wind lit by a full moon or a starry night!
 

*sigh*

Distress

I feel like a mess

heart is racing

I breath but it's not pacing

My thoughts are spreading,

contagious

My eyes close

 I see you

I breath

My eyes open

I read blogs

but my mind's just clogged

 I wanna write

I have in spite

I can't breath

I need air

My thoughts wont stop

I'm just spacing

My life being drawn - tracing

It's pounding

I'm scared

Everything said was meant

I told you what words meant

and how much those hurt

My heart spoke

but why is it broke?

what did we say...

One finger,

hangs from a thread

that's all I have left

Arts need Support from you all!

So we were taking about Holst and I was looking for Second Suite in F the 2nd movement "song without words" and well I found this piece.
Mars-The Bringer of Wars -The Planets by Gustav Holst
I have to say this is an amazing piece. You can just feel it. The basses, the excitement, the power- love the brass... love how music can convey so much emotion.
And since we all know that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus... I wanted counter the Mar's piece with
Venus- The Bringer of Peace- The Planets by Gustav Holst
But, we know this isn't completely true... since we as  women can be a little aggressive and if we went to war, and if were going to die we would do out best to take our fair share with us, we can mean business too, lol. But, we also know men who are completely peaceful and would do all in their power to convey peace, love and serenity.

Notice the peace and the love you can hear in this piece though. Not  that men can't do it but some wont. And I'm not trying to put people down.
I Love the changes in settings of both pieces and I have to say I love the Mar's piece so much more... hey I'm a loving person... but let's play fight instead. lol
Hope you all enjoyed them! FYI --Music and the Arts are going downhill. We need to do all in our power to feed the creativity in kids, and show them the life and beauty of all forms of expression: Music, Art, Writing... it's all Art and we need to Support each other!!!
We want kids to read, do great in science, and know how to do math but the Art influence that... music... a variation of math, Art and science... go so well with creativity, reading and writing.... We need to do more... the programs can't do anything with out support of all of us! Teach your child to appreciate music, to appreciate Art, landscape, a book... everything to keep feeding an imagination. Kids are loosing the war to TV, Video games... or hey why not... make them act out scenes or how to handle a video camera. or start them in a different type of creativity, making their own video games, or writing out programs... not so easy but it's creative in nature and it might be their field of interest(I know writing programs ain't easy, ask CS majors that's why they get paid good money to do what the rest of us can't) ... All kids are smart but they just need to perfect influence.
Thank you!

Want to know what peace feels like?

This is actually called "Nimrod" and it's a movement from Enigma Variations by Edward Elgar. It's such a beautiful piece and I wish some of you would take a few minutes to appreciate and maybe meditate with it.
Have you ever wondered what a person with peace in their hearts feels like, even when there are a few disillusionment in their life?
I suggest you *close your eyes* and *listen*
The video is  minimal to the effect that you will feel, I promise!!!!!!!
And to feel the full effect of the movement please don't do anything but to LISTEN! It's only a few minutes of your busy lives, and completely worth it!

Pinktiger

Her name  is Mytique
DOB: January 27, 2004
"My favorite game is hide-and-seek
And when I'm "it" I never peek
But when I hide, although I try
I'm always found; I wonder why?!"

Well the little pinktiger above isn't the origin for my name or the reason why I had picked my user but I was fasinated at the fact that a pinktiger existed. I picked pinktiger in '03 when I started college. Well, I use to get a lot of (ear)piercings in a mini mall in downtown Redlands, Ca a few blocks away from the University of Redlands where I attended. There was a hallmark store and there she was. Fell in love instantly.
Basically, I love white tigers. I know they're very rare and as far as I knew and at one point I heard they were going extinct. They still don't know how their genes come from but they think it's when the Siberian tiger crosses with the Bengal tiger. I guess in a way we all like to think that we're a little different in the way we see things in life, how we act, interact, and are perceived. I guess I thought myself to be like a pinktiger myself. Pink as in soft color, feminine and tiger as in ferocious not that i'm cruel, but you know animal nature 
So yeah, that's how I picked Pinktiger... now the numbers were just a random number a friend picked at the time. But, I did a google search on me and found most of my stuff of course and that the district I worked a little with has it as my internet Alias, lol. So yeah... that's a part where it all came from! 

Stress

Stress Reduction Kit

(inside Circle) "Hit your Head Here"

Instructions:
1. Place this kit in a FIRM surface.
2. Follow the instructions from the interior of the circle.
3. Repeat step 2 as many times as necessary
4. In case you lose consciousness, make a pause.

Mormon and Catholic...

Can a Mormon and a Catholic ever have a successful marriage... 
why or why not?

A Catholic Priest says "No"... it will be a failure and much unhappiness... what is your opinion? Can he be right or wrong?

What's your love story?

Well I guess the Blog posted yesterday on Victor and Victoria didn't quite get the point I wanted out ...

So, scratch that....
I know I probably didn't use the right words or more than likely the title was off....  granted it was still aboutYOUR happily ever after... Let's not be NAIVE we all know "Happily Ever Afters" don't exist and just the thought is ludicrous as well....

We,also, know the love stories that we see on movies are unrealistic or even if they are realistic we possibly cannot weigh the time structure in the movie plot with real life since they only have a max of 2 hours to lure in an audience, make them feel all mushy and let them leave with a happy ending...

Even in stories (books, poems, etc) they're all full of pain, death and heartbreak... which yours probably wont be any different but I want to know YOUR LOVE STORY...

What's your love story? Ups and downs.... what makes you feel happy with the person you're with and why are they "The One" or have you even thought about them being 'the one' .... 
or

 If you don't have a SO are there qualities you look for in a person that would make them an ideal pick? 

Happily ever After??

Victor and Victoria

Sure, it was an arranged marriage (nothing to do with arrange marriage just stating a fact of the plot) but they liked each other when they met...  And through it all they still ended up together... Happily ever After?

You think you can live happily ever after? Or what's your happily ever after? Or do you live happily ever after ? - love stories ? <3

Marriage...a different perspective

I've been thinking long and hard. And there are many people who feel their religion/life style to be a big part of their lives... I am not the most devout person in the world... I am not nun status in any way either. I pray and have faith and look for hope on daily basis pretty much. Sure, through all bad and the good I have felt that it has helped a lot. But, I guess that is perspective...

I know I wrote a blog a few days ago What Marriage in my religion means to me
and I was talking to some friends about marriage and religion and many things and well... it seems like I am setting up a very high bar... to a sense living in the US and with so many people with many different religions, deism, atheism, agnostics... and since I really don't want to go to mass and find someone there.... It seems like it might be an unreachable self goal. Although, I will firstly try and then give in if (and only if) there is no alternative... It's not like religion means the whole world but it is a part of my world. The reason why I didn't want to compromise as in not have a church wedding was because it's the same thing as leaving ... well not really because they can't take our beliefs but I would never be able to take "Holy Communion" and if you can't then what's the purpose of going ... I don't know but that's how I see... I guess it's also to have children and bring them up in the faith and with their sacraments but what happens when they get older and start asking "Mom, why don't you go up?" etc ... and that's when the realization that  one is living a "so-called" life a some sin... in a sense ... I know it seems a little ridiculous but those are the rules.... On the other hand, if I did get into a Civil marriage and it didn't work out I would be able to marry in the church without penalty...

So anyways, enough jabbering about ish,

I have decided... when it comes to love.... and love only... I would (and this is still hard) be willing to marry even if it didn't include my religion for the time being (as in the requirements, I talked about in my other post) .... Sometimes there are sacrifices we all need to make for other people as long as the sacrifice is equal... (*sigh*) So it is said... and that's it for now.... but before I make the decision I will take a lot into consideration before I removed my dream wedding from ... because it is "My Dream Wedding" I was talking about...  details I haven't even started thinking about... a big picture I have but some should be decided as a couple if it ever happens... a dress... I was to sort of design if I can ... if not oh  well.... I drew one when I was younger but I lost it and I am sure my taste has changed a bit too...

A Funeral service

I briefly mentioned on a pulse that I was going to go to a Funeral yesterday. I did. It was quite sad the guy was 29 and sadly died in a car accident last Tuesday or Wednesday night. I guess it makes you realize how short life can be and just be grateful for waking up everything. I didn't know him personally but I knew his mom for many years now, he has practically seen us grow up bit by bit. She is one od my mom's collegues and technically one of mine too, in our MLM company. This lady only had one son and a daughter. She was always talking about her kids and grandkids, which is normal. The love you have for family is one of the tightest bonds in the world. She lost her only son and the pain was truly heartfelt. It's not likeis she would have had another son anything would have been better but now she has her daughter and son's kids. And Seeing her just made me think of my son as well. I went to give my condolences and she told me "Reyna, Take care of your son. Don't let him go." For a while, while I was hugging her now words for coming out... I couldn't, I fell into tears... I sympathized... I'm no good when it's in the presence of death.

It was a nice ceremony. The young man was also a Marine and was to go back to Afghanistan he  was unable to. But, he was accompanied by his colleagues... they paid their respects for a loss and I saw the sadness in their eyes, but of course, too strong and prideful as well. They played"Butterfield's Lullaby" also known as "Taps" and during much of the procession bag pipes were being played. Blanks were shot in his honor and lastly, one white dove for every year of his life. Very beautiful ceremony. But, as I was there I couldn't stop thinking of 1998, we had a close family member 19 yrs of age, who was in Guantanamo, (I was 13) who died in friendly fire... I wasn't allowed to go to ceremony but I could only imagine the effect and emotion there too. The handing of the flag to the mom and in yesterday's to both the wife and the mom! Just a beautiful painful sight. I hate to see people in so much pain, but I can't get over how much he was loved and admired and how perfectly it all fit together. They gave a copy of his favorite story which I'm going to share with you...

A Marine's Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone
In a one bedroom house, made all of stone
I had come down the chimney, with presents to give
And to see just who, in the house, did live.

As I looked all about, a strange sight I did see
No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree
No stockings by the fire, just boots filled with sand
On a wall hung pictures, of a distant land

With medals and badges, awards of all kinds
And a sobering thought, came to my mind
This house was different, unlike any I'd seen
For this was the home of a U.S. Marine

I'd heard stories about them and I had to see more
So I walked down the hall and pushed open the door
And there he lay sleeping, silent, alone
Curled up on the floor in his one bedroom home.

He seemed so gentle, his face so serene
Not how I pictured a U.S. Marine
Was this the hero of whom I'd just read
Curled up on his poncho, a floor for his bed?

His head was clean shaven, his weathered face tan
And I soon understood, this was more than a man
For I realized, that the families I'd seen tonight
Owed their lives to these men who were willing to fight

Soon round the nation, the children would play
and grown ups would celebrate, on a bright Christmas day
The enjoyed freedom, each week and all year
Because of Marines, like this one here.

I couldn't help but wonder, how many lay alone
On a cold Christmas Eve, in a land, far from home
The thought brought a tear to my eye
I dropped to my knees and started to cry.

He must have awakened, for I heard a rough voice
"Santa don't cry, for this is my choice,
I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more
My life is my God, my Country,  my Corps."

With that he rolled over, and drifted off to sleep
I couldn't control it and continued to weep
I watched him for hours, so silent and still
And noticed he shivered from the cold night's chill.

So I tool off my jacket, the one made of red
And covered this Marine, from his toes to his head
Then I put on his T-shirt of scarlet and gold
With Eagle, Globe and Anchor,  emblazoned so bold.

And though it barely fit me, I swelled with pride
And for this one shining moment, I was a Marine inside
I didn't want to leave him, so quiet in the night
The guardian of honor, so willing to fight.

But half asleep, he rolled over and said so clean and pure
"Carry on Santa, it's Christmas and all it secure."
One look at my watch, and I knew he was right
Merry Christmas my friend, Semper Fi! And a good night. 

All is fair in love

   
All is fair in Love

You are here to watch, it's no guess
The image in your head, should be laid to rest.
Sleep darling, this dream ain't cheap
it's superficial; it's not deep...

it's a wound, trying to heal
and it just might be a ticket to your next meal.

Lass, 
You're trying to hail a choir of brass..

Where's the melody?

All I hear are dissonant keys
but this time I'll relax and drink my herbal teas

Your effort astounds me, fine
and I don't mind waiting last in line
in the end, it will all be mine

Besides, my knife thrown is never a miss
just a shriek of a tearful hiss
regardless of all, I know, 
in the end ("the end") I'll be in bliss
in the feel of my next kiss

All is fair in love
and I've never been a sweet dove
but. be happy with your choices
even though I'm quiet, I speak with many voices


ReyEF 04-11-11

What Marriage in my religion means to me...

This is me thinking out loud and it so happens that I'm writing it down... I know I've have probably written about it sometime in the past but not like any of you existed to me to know about it anyways... 

*I'll be talking a little on religion as it affects me in a sense so if you don't care... don't read... it's just personal....* may be rambling or venting or just whatever

So, I've grown up being a Catholic my whole life and sure I've had my moments where I just didn't want to believe or wanted to accept... mainly I think I wanted to be a deists(for simple) but out of respect to my parents and the fact that I was too painfully shy or submissive to stand up to what I believed I stayed.There were times were I almost opted out like in college... so I didn't go all wild n out but I had my moments... I've always been pretty reserved except for the person who truly means a lot to me (and I don't mean this as in friendship as in more).But, Some how even in college when I wanted to stay away ... and I was pregnant and felt disgraced and not worthy of even entering a church my friend ( who happens to be my son's Godfather) encouragement me to go ... so I would go with him... Sunday morning... a nice start to a very boring and usually a day full of practicing or homework... but so hard to wake up from after a party the night before... (well didn't party once pregnant but the fact that he was there to encourage before and during) 

Anyways, I'm so off topic...
I was thinking of love and someday (you know!) the possibility of getting married

And sure I've gone through my ups and downs with my religion but I guess it has made me who I am at the end. I starting having more faith and hope when things were looking at their worst. There were moments where I was falling apart and I prayed and you know what... my questions and prayers answered. In, a discrete way but they were... and you know what that same day some times...
....Say you don't believe, say it was a coincidence but it sure helped me be more of a believer... God knows I am flawed and human but whatever...  but that's the best part...

I have taken my sacraments seriously...  My family and my aunts tell me I shouldn't find someone who belongs to a different religion... like love has anything to do with choosing... I know that my aunt who said that, it's one of her main issues... her husband who doesn't decide which christian base church he likes... instability... (that's his whole definition)... I allowed to give me her advice but we cannot control what life puts in front of us as a partner or who we love. I have also seen couples who have made it... I wont compromise to when it comes to my religion. (ok I know that sounds like a relationship chaos but I don't think so) This is what I think... (and without leaving my religions) I will always respect  what ever yours may be... and would never expect you to give up yours either... I mean I know how devout people can be specially growing up with it.. I mean it's been most of your life...

Now you're asking, "How is this suppose to work then?"

I've always been an honest person as much as I possibly can... I hate lies and would hate being lied to...
So, I've always thought myself to be a pretty compromising person but wont give up what I believe... (I'm very stubborn -if I really don't want to do something I wont do it, or do it unhappily)

Ok, this is my compromise... If it goes to marriage... I will not marry just according to the law... (to me, even if I marry here under my religion it won't be recognized) and I want to be able to do communion. And if we just live together it's the same thing... The value... is doing it right way in my eyes. And depending on your religion (if you're not catholic, or none practicing, or a catholic missing sacraments) ... For me, You would have to of course to the necessary to be able to marry me under my church... but it might be worth time...  but that's not all I am saying either... I don't ask you give without having anything in return. I would do the same for you if you religion means so much for you....

See, I know this may seem like a lot... but to be honest if you're not willing to make sacrificed for a person who you love and might spend the rest of your life then what's the point...

Another thing, just a court marriage since it's not religion affiliated it means a little less (to me not others) so divorce is so much more easily even though it's still legal... but since it's not recognized in my church it's such as easy as being active in the church. See I believe marriage is forever.... and in our church even a divorce means you're married... you never can get married again in the Catholic belief (unless its annulled or death do you part but annulled has to be approved from the Vatican)....

So that's my take.... pretty easily complicated but a lot easier than trying to convert a person ... Although, I mean there are so many discussions people have but marrying under my religion is non-negotiable... and kids... hahaha well that's another long discussion, not like this has been lightly...

Anyways, I'm done talking about nothing.... 
 

Who knew...

 

Who knew…

Hey, I can’t believe I caused such dismay.

I’m sorry if I hurt you,

You’re sweet and made me laugh

Who would have imagined such a click, who?

Now I’m left staring at my empty music staff.

 

Those starry nights will be memorable

Under a campfire holding hands

But we have to be honest and not let dreams be dependable

It’s the times in my desert, the winds in these lands

They just go hand in hand;

At the end nothing’s left to stand

 

It was no trick; we all speak to meet,

To be friends.

Kindness of hearts tend to be projected,

You know the trends

 But, I am no witch.

Either you or I would have their hearts in a ditch,

Like I said it’s the truth,

 And in no way am I trying to be a b*tch

 

This tone, tainted in sunset colors,

Is but a misplace pitch.

A romantic setting for all single mothers

Who are ready for the switch.

 

And though I think I am,

It still frightens me, the unknown

My heart is not pulsing, almost as stressed as a school exam.

I assure you I was no scam, ridding of my spam.

I have a heart, not made of stone

You can hear it through the phone

 

I know I still sit on my thrown,

Which has slowly left me alone.

Please don’t be sad or mad,

The great talks we had weren’t bad

Just illusive like our hearts with hope

A mirroring image, I pray we can cope.

But for now our meet shall be postponed

And hopefully life will give to each its own.


04-09-11 ReyEF

Heart

I don't know ... things were coming to my head and I was just putting them on paper...or Word (which is my paper) I don't know if you'll understand what it's written... but there it is...

Heart

When I hear you voice, I feel peace

I don’t know why, It’s just a sudden ease

My heart is far in need of you

Wouldn’t dream of tainting blue

 

This child craze and yearning heart

Is hurting like a throwing dart

A bull’s-eye score, wouldn’t ask for more

Except for help with my lore

 

At times this yearning heart

Sets forth a timid call;

You would think it’s now my special art

Unresponsive, tumbling, I was bound to fall

 

It won’t shatter,

 or stop beating

But, it doesn’t matter

As long as it’s not bleeding

 

It’s strong yet weak, it’s a little bleak

It just needs a little time, maybe TLC

 So what if she’s a little meek

But, it can be perfect just you and me

               

Your warm smile, a heart-felt disease

 I’m tired of hiding and running,

Feeling such displease

But with my past- don’t judge me please…

 

Seeing you glisten warms my heart

Frightened at a future melt despair

I am smitten; can’t you see my work of art?

I am settled to emend and I promise I’m still fair

 

At the end of all, nothing matters

This Kinetic pull was the needed tool

To unite with strength;

A force with WILL still shatters…

I’ve been this crazy fool

Who knew I’d go such length

Hoping it’s not an unbirthday, the mad hatter’s.

 

It’s not insanity,

It’s a heart’s prosperity

To unite the inevitable

Of two lost hearts becoming available…

You're never missing a half... your light just slowly dies out

When I was younger I use to think I was missing a half.. I wasn't complete...and blah blah... But, slowly life started teaching that it wasn't true. That I didn't need someone to make me function as a whole. But, we together would bring each other's light out. Doesn't that sound just beautiful and so unrealistic... hahaha... jk it's not unrealistic it's just that people don't know how to shop around for their soul mate, "love of life" and they seem to get stuck and be unhappy... I guess  I'm the fortunate one who has yet to find the light... But,  as time passes...my light is burning out and it's not because I don't have some one in my life. I believe we can be single for life and be happy... All I will need is work... and my routine and I am set. 

Maybe I don't know how things are done and it's my fault... I guess being old fashion and more traditional is some senses doesn't work well in this time of age...

I think we can honestly for the most part "most part" be happy with anybody but first you have to be compatible ... I don't mean any random person. If you devote enough time and dedication to a person it can happen... but it takes time, patience, love, care, everything you've got to make it work...

When you conform to the fact that you're not happy, you're not going to be happy unless to change something... simple as that... you need to change something... and something has to be big if it's what you really want...  But, if it's not and you keep it going your light too will slowly fade away...  The shine in your eyes, the smile, the way you act... changes... You know the feeling when you're indifferent... you just live day by day because that's all you got...

It's actually called feeling numb... tearless, painless... and sometimes you just want to know you can feel again... it's never the same... but each time you fall harder and faster on your face...  It's a fact of life.

But, picking yourself up is easier because you don't have pieces to mend anymore... your mentality has changed...

One day at a time... one day at a time... *sigh* one day at a time... and nothing can hurt you or cause pain... nothing but your own self...

sorry about the inconsistencies and rambling of nothingness... there's just so much I need to let out... and I don't quite know how or understand how to... it's strange having everything to say and nothing... and I truly mean nothing comes out...

I know title probably doesn't make sense... but it does to me... 

Practice and discipline

I had decided to watch The Aristocats, you know the Disney movie and I was thinking about music...

then it so happened I started talking to a fellow xangan, Ray, about music too... So I was thinking of how effective music and practice really is and how it helps and makes the person's progress. Of course, I've never been much of a singer because we all know we all have different talents... but I can harmonize a lil with practice of course... We all know those Magic words  we use to hear in music school as youngins or in a different classes, "Practice makes perfect!" AND also many of us realized that we could never in our dreams reach perfection so we went through the mediocre route, "Practice makes better!"

So I was listening to the Aristocats and thought of the Solphage we had to do in college to start working on our voice in which these lil lyrics are correct when it comes to music...

Do mi do mi do so mi do
Every truly cultured music student knows
You must learn your scales and your arpeggios
Bring the music ringing from your chest
And not your nose
While you sing your scales and your arpeggios

If your faithful to your daily practicing
You will find you progress is encouraging
Do mi so mi do me so mi fa la so it goes
When you do your scales and your arpeggios

Do mi so do
(Fast piano music playing)

do mi so do do so mi do (Repeat)
Though it seems at first it doesn't show
Like a tree ability will bloom and grow
If you're smart you'll learn by heart what every artist knows
Your must sing your scales
And your arpeeee ee eeggioooooooooos!

Well not only when it comes to singing do scales and your arpegios come in handy but it's part of the skill required as a musician as a whole. Not everyone is a musician but everyone has a passion for something...

But, "Though it seems at first it doesn't show, Like a tree ability will bloom and grow" : These are a perfect example that even though at first nothing you do is going to show, with patience, discipline and dedication you'll find that you can excel...

You do practice your field of passion to better yourself?? Or do you just expect to be able to do it?

 

What do YOU prefer Messenger, Text, Call?

So, I've been thinking... and not many get the opportunity to read about other people or what their interests are, or things about their life...

So My question is what do you prefer:

A) To be read about in your blog since obviously you will write about what interests you....

or

B) talking to a person of interest more directly?

ok, so there's a second part if you answered (B)... there are many forms of communication now... and well we all know there is (1)messenger -which is a form of communication but it's the least personal in my opinion but then again... not sure... well it is... you're just behind the Comp screen... then again you can (1a) video chat which might be more personal- seeing each other or (1b) audio chat in which at least you get to listen to each other speak . (2) There is texting which is more personal because it's to a person's phone but still you still hide behind your fingers... or (3) the good old fashion way of talking on the phone...

I love texting and chatting but I love hearing the voice too... idk I'm stumped ... I mean I can text all day and I can even chat all day but it's a special treat to heat the voice... even if it's for a few minutes... And lets me honest people these days don't text back anyways... so sometimes what's the point... and well chatting I mean people aren't online either... The more secure and sweet would be a random call at anytime of the day or night... I've never minded being woken up at whatever time.... but that was just me...

What do YOU prefer Messenger, Text, Call? And why?

Beach Raps

I don't know how many of you out there like rap or a form of it... but this girl... she's working on coming up on this hard world of Artists... She is dating a friend on mine who I  have learned to respect and admire... and with the way he talked about her... I bought a CD from him of her and well at first it wasn't my taste.... but he told me "Listen to the CD 3 times before you tell me what you think" ... hahaha at first I was like what is he thinking...I heard it and my mind was super closed... was a still a little upset at him for the ease he was able to talk to me (dif story) anyways... Anyways, I listened... and didn't like it.... and I listen again and didn't like... I listen again and didn't dislike as much... I picked a few songs and related... and started enjoying a little more... She is known asBeach... if she keeps going she might have a chance... She's real nice... got to meet her at a party in LA when I went in February... First time, I hung out with this friend's type of friend's friends ... different environment than I had ever been. Anyways, like my friend (R.A.C) told me ... have an open mind ... it's a lil at times... but you'll learn to love it unless you totally hate rap... well I hadn't been too much into Rap since it was big so many years ago... I'm more in Rock... that's just me but I had so many diverse  tastes.... a music whore, if you well... hahaha, just music though... don't let the word fool you!   Take a listen to her BeachRaps on her YouTube which  <----- that link will take you or follow her on Twitter ... I hope you enjoy...