pressing the "refresh button" on my friends list- FB

Well, I guess people do change. Or we all change sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. I think I change for better. But you know how you slowly notice who your friends are. Or an instance happens where you know that the friendship can tremble but you have a great foundation that you didn't think it could possibly do any harm.  We were great friends in HS... well not so tight but we would talk a lot. I had a lot of respect and in college we became really close friend... 2 of who came from the same HS and we met 3 other people there... we were always hanging out. It was the best time when the 5 of us were together. After I had my son... I did notice the distance and I wanted to think nothing of it. I tried to be blind in hopes that it was my imagination and that the friend would still be there for me no matter what. I tried communication and he was resistant. And I tried again and more resistance. But, hey we were still friends on each other's pages and I felt I at least had that. I felt like an annoying lil puppy seeking for attention. But, I was seeking my friend. We could talk here and there... have lunch rarely but there was a time. Well a few months ago I went on his FB and I was still his friend... but I couldn't see anything he put on his page... he blocked me from viewing him... but I would still see his status on the new feed. I was super mad. So, I didn't block... Instead I wrote and indirect status update: I don't remember verbatim but sometimes this: "I prefer being deleted from your friends than being blocked" I remember writing it because it was truly a message for him. You know step it up... if I mean nothing as a friend it would insult me less to just delete me. It just goes to see how much he thought  of me as a friend. I guess this is where personal views and sure we made some mistakes whatever...  I still love him as my friend and I don't think anything he does or happened between us can change my mind to look at him in a negative way. He was my top 10 follower of 2010. So I just logged on this morning and hey i haven't been on much and was still trying to get the groove of things so I decided to go visit his page and say hello... Surprise, Surprise: He deleted me as his friend. Well about F'n time... I guess he got the "balls" to do it anyways. I do have to say, I feel a little hurt, not surprised as much but saddened that he felt our friend lacked foundation. I guess, I could only try so hard to be a friend before I'm completely kicked to the curb. I tried...And I've written about him in the past but when should a friendship be a one-way highway? I think he realized this also. Out talks at the end were superficial. Maybe it's a heads up... "You have over 500 people as friends in you FB, maybe you should delete the people who don't matter" but, the fact of the matter is that I love those people there.. We went to HS together, College together, were in SAI together, we had a class together and hung out for a few minutes when no one else would... Should we may not be that close but it's a sign that we had something with each other at one point. I don't know if someone understands but that's the way I see it. New flash: Times to get rid of the dead weight!  I hate to do it and never had done it but it's time. I guess Xanga has really opened my eyes... and the friend I spoke to last night also. Just talking about being friends and stuff... And the fact he was the only friend to ask how I was during that time because we wouldn't be talking. It made me cry at how unimportant I am to my friends. Insignificant if you will. Hey we all have busy lives but how can it be? Maybe I'm being selfish or maybe it's the distance I personally created throughout the years or maybe it was because I've at home watching over my mom and my son that everybody felt I was too poor to hang out or contribute. Whatever!!!! This just makes my mind so much more clear that I do want to leave California. It's a thought I've had for years and year since I was little. What's being isolated in another state... just a new start where nobody knows you anyways or would care for that matter. It would be the same but less painful because I would have to see or feel like I was missing out on something. Sure, I would maybe visit and maybe then they would feel gracious for a long distant visit but I doubt it. And this is what my friend is afraid of too... that I would isolate my self and stop talking to him. That we would become strangers... I don't know right now maybe my mind is hazy from feeling a lil broken hearted with friends or should I even say friends and label everybody "an acquaintance" maybe it would hurt less.... *sigh*