2nd chance? Someone you want to give a second chance to- Day 22

Someone you want to give a second chance to -well let's consider it for a minute... Well I like a different title but let's see how this turns out...
Dear Person (and actually it's general),
Honestly. And you know I prefer all honesty no matter what but you don't exist. There isn't a specific person who I would want to give a second chance to. If it happens wonderful and that's all the merit to you. With time I've learned to believe that things happen on their own agenda and never mine. When people walk out they typically leave for good. Ok, hear me out... there have been a few people I know that they've manage to pull it together after a year or 2 of separation and ended up working on their happily ever but I no longer hold such idealistic mannerisms. I've become more of a realist (sure I keep hope here and there but I don't count on it). The most I see people and their reactions, actions, reasoning I think I've become a "cynic" as well... By all means we do in life are nothing short of our person convenience. Who I want to give a second chance to... well, Why do you think I should give it to you and most importantly why is it important to YOU?! I don't think, it's my right to give a second  chance if it doesn't benefit me in any way. Where would my benefit come from it especially if it didn't work the first time. I haven't changed, have you? How can you prove it? I don't wanna wait years to find out and then decide "Damn, I shouldn't have gone for the second chance". You may argue it was worth finding out and I may argue... I already knew this and wasted my time.  Does it sound a little selfish, great! I would love to be selfish and selfishly give my self to you someone...
And to be honest just because I don't come out and say I don't give you a 2nd chance, it doesn't mean you shouldn't try... I know I am a  little confusing but realize this: Just because it didn't work out, it doesn't mean I'll be alone forever... or who knows I might be, but I've realized that if that were the case I would be ok with it. I don't mind being alone anymore... There are billions of people on this earth... I'm sure I wont end up completely alone... Sure maybe I wont get married which would be okay with me at the end... and sure I might not have kids, which would be more than perfect for me too... Kids complicate a none serious relationship or similar focus on life. I prefer being happy than bringing a child to live a miserable life. I've had a hard enough time trying to balance mine out. Not to mention about being selfish about the reasoning of actually considering you once again.
Rey
PS... I know I sound like a selfish person at the moment but if you really knew me... you would think otherwise and maybe understand why I have the need and necessity to actually be selfish. Just saying... Or, I might just be a selfish person... who knows...


***************************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the mostDay 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could beDay 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or badDay 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

judged by first impression- Day 21

Someone you judged by their first impression
Dear college roomate(formal-first one),
hey I did judge you... and you were nice... I'm so sorry I was wrong. You made my whole first year of my college year miserable... You took advantage because I was a freshman and you were a sophomore. And let's admit I was too nice and never spoke out. I'm sorry if I opened the blind once because our sweetmates were using the restroom and I needed to get ready but it was a total bitch move from you when you started waking up at 6. Not because you woke up early (I didn't mind) but because you bought a blender just to make a shake... Every morning I would twitch in anger.... I refrained to say anything but I'm sure you felt my quiet hostility. It would be nice if you told me you were having gentlemen you met in clubs come over... I never felt comfortable... I would have found somewhere to stay... even if it was the lobby... No I didn't want to hear you moan when you kissed him... or who the f*ck knows if you were F***ing but I disliked you more and more as the days passed...
Thanks for the fake impression...
Reyna
PS...  You made my freshman year the worst not to mentions I was going to culture shock, break-up, pledging...  And you know what I hope you are happy, no more finding love with everybody...


***************************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the mostDay 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could beDay 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or badDay 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

xanga?

Is the main page down? I was only able to log in through the mobile site on my computer...

The one that broke your heart the hardest :Day 20

Day 20: The one that broke your heart the hardest
Well this person has already gotten enough letters in this challenge... I guess in my life people usually overlap ....
What can I say? He broke my heart, I've over it... and I haven't been broken down like that ever since...
The 1st letter he got... was Ex-Bf and the second one was the person who caused you the most pain which I may add I don't.... so with that said...

Dear Ex and person who has caused me the most pain and who broke my heart,
Go read the other letters I wrote. The past is what molds us in the future to become better or worse people.
Yup, when we're young we don't understand many things but it's ok. We learn and grow up.
Reyna



***************************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the mostDay 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could beDay 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or badDay 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Someone who pesters my mind- good or bad - Day 19

You pester my mind... I hardly ever let negative pestering occur but when I do, I vent and get it over with ... but you're pestering in a good way. I like it.

=D

***************************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the mostDay 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could beDay 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

the person I wish I could be- Day 18

Dear you who I wish I could be,
I am sorry I've let you in many ways. I know the past cannot be changed but it certainly has moved me away from you. I know I was talking yesterday to somebody about the career woman I wanted to be and why I decided not to do it. I knew that if I went for the dream I really wanted then I really would not have a life, not that I don't right now and I'm sorry for that too. I know that you would be married to your job. You would have everything you wanted ever in life but you wouldn't have time and you wouldn't have friends and you wouldn't have a life. I know we cannot have everything but sometimes I still wish I would conquer myself and be you... Sometimes I want the sacrifice of having nothing to have it all... But, at the same time I am happy that even though I wish I could be you I'm not. I know that right now i'm no where near who I wish I could be but there is a possibility that even you will change and you know what?... you'll want to be me... I'll meet you in the middle somewhere in a few years quite possibly! I know we'll compromise, it's what I do best and you know. I know that the person I wish I could be later will not be the whole career woman but that's when you will meet me half way and let you walls down. We'll eventually be who we need to be once we come to terms with ourselves... okay?
sicerely,
ME
*****************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the mostDay 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Day 17 (yesterdays) someone from childhood

(yesterday's challenge... I didn't have time... and actually I'm tired now and don't wish to be online but if I don't do it then I will accumulate more... blah)
Dear Natalie,
You were a nice in your moments but I don't know why you always pretending to be my friend and took away every little thing I had. Mind you I didn't have much, I was shy and honestly because you had a tougher personality I gave it to you... One moment in 1st grade I will never forget was my birthday, and the teacher Mrs. Noel knew how you were with me and how you took everything that you thought I had was nice... She put my name on the board as if I was in trouble... and I felt bad because I didn't remember doing anything. It was an excuse for me to be held back and all the kids leave...
I was nervous to go to her and she saw my face of worry... calls me me over and tells me that she couldn't do this in front of the class. She wasn't showing favortism but she wanted to make sure natalie(you) didn't see this. She gave me this little pink box...there was a cute little necklace with a lil pink bear... I loved it!!! It was my 7th birthday and my teacher gave me a little gift. But, she gave it to me in the condition that I would not show it to you. I mean you were nice in your moments, I went to some of your birthday parties... I believed you lived somewhere down the street but you were mean.
I hope you're doing great. You were always a very pretty girl with a temperamental attitude but I'm sure you've grown out of it... (I hope at least). I am still pretty similar to that little girl I have always been... I don't think I can change much at heart except deal with what is give in my life...
I just want to say thank you... I believe because of you I received that cute little necklace. Well maybe it was for who I have always been but seeing day and night together because helped me out since I was never noticed anyways.

Hope you're having a great life,
Reyna (7yr old lil girl)

*****************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the mostDay 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Day 16- Minnesota -cousins -Someone not in your state

The challenge actually is: Someone that’s not in your state/country
Ok, well I know plenty of people out of the county but I don't have much connection even though they are fam... most I haven't met even though we maintain contact... Now that I'm about to write this I realized that I found who I kind of missed... These challenges, they really overlap well at least in my simple life...
Dear Cousins,
I know you guys are pretty far and out there... it's MN... what's out there anyways... lol jk ... I still remember hearing you speak for the first time a few years after you all left California, you picked up the accent quite well and fast. Anyways, Not much time  goes by that I don't think of you all, those childhood memories we had...and the many moments we also didn't get to have with you sudden departure. I guess remember that summer clearly... Laura you spent a week with us. It was the first time you had ever slept over. It was 1998, I was depressed trying to digest the change to a foreign city. We had made the change from the Beautiful city of San Gabriel, where I didn't talk to people much but knew of them to Fontana where I knew  no one and the streets were empty. That summer we had a blast it was unfortunately when you had to go home... my sis and I asked if you can come over in a week... and of course you said, "yea." We were excited.
The next weekend came and we started asking but everything was unknown... you guys had literally disappeared from the face of the earth. We were sad we didn't know where you went... It all happened so fast and unexpected... we were left empty handed trying to fill our lil young void of the whereabouts of the fam.. The thing was that we always looked up to you guys. I guess since I was lil, according to my mom. Time went by and we found out where you guys were... Minnesota... over 1500 miles... what the heck happened? How you guys ended there... so many unanswered questions. Now that we're grown up I know so many things and reasons... I know. You guys are out there and got to visit once... in 2007, road trip... I can say the most boring state was Nebraska... it was a long plain - shoot me now I'm bored of a state, Iowa was short and sweet as we got to Minnesota. The Green there was amazing... I love it but I didn't like that it was humid that weekend we were there. Ever since then I've been wanting to go. I've wanted to taste a little freedom from Ca and just be out there for a while. It hasn't happened even though you guys invite all the time... lack of money, you can say.
There have been many times where I just wanted to drop everything here and just go out there... In my past desperation I told my mom I wanted to leave out there maybe look for a job and live out there. She told me go... so I didn't ... hahaha ironic! She said, leave you son here and try it out for a year and see what happens. My music picked up in Ca and I couldn't just drop it. I know it wouldn't be too hard to drop there are Alum associations for SAI for I can find sisters to relate to. And I wanted to go and I still do but I don't know what's holding me up in CA if all of my life I've been wanting to go. As you know I've been with helping out my parents... I'm hoping they'll give me a free trip... if they do... it's "Hello Minnesota" ... They want me gone for a week... just traveling by myself... no family and no son... which is really nice of them. If that does happen I think I want to try and formulate a couple stops... and maybe you can help me. I think going out there as my mom has told me in the past is one of those life defining moments of whether I think I can live out. She knows I need out from Ca and you guys might be the ones to help or maybe it's not even MN where i'm suppose to be.
I can't wait to see you guys again which we just saw each other a couple weeks ago.. the same reason you left brought you back to CA. But, I know since we're all adult you guys have activities you want to share and those are moments I want to experience. I can't wait... *crossing fingers* this might actually happen sooner than later... God I hope so...
So keep you fingers crossed you might have me out there for a week plus =D And you will have to entertain me ... I'll sleep in the day and be awake at night ... maybe... well since you all work doing the day anyways... but I do need a break.
Hope to see you guys real soon... and you can show me the twin cities...
Reyna




*****************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the mostDay 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

As Krisko aka GodlessLiberal last night stated he wanted to start a small trend of showing those who mean something to us a lil love... Here is mine 

By his words "I want to start a new trend here. I want you to show a picture of yourself making the heart sign (or any other sign conveying love) and say who you're grateful for here on Xanga. No hating, no infighting, just give some props to people you care for here."
Firstly, I want to really thank Ana (Snoog420) who has been there for the longest. She is truly an amazing person. She is always here to give me advice and a faithful reader of mine. I know we can tell each other the truth and help each other in seeing different perspectives. I introduced her to xanga when things were a little tough in her life. I know we've literally been through thick and thin but that's what makes you amazing!And, I wouldn't want any other person to be my son's stepmom. Thank you for everything.
Then there is Ray (TrainTrack). I don't know where to start with him. We met shortly when I started coming out of my xanga shell (even though I still hide); he is an amazing person. I've never met such a sweet, kind hearted, giving gentlemen. He has had some curve  balls in his life but the courage he possesses is inspiring. He's optimistic about everything and it sure makes me feel more optimistic about life in general. With him I realize that sometimes the things we go through are minimal and we seem to sometimes maximized the needless... I have to say that with his little ray of sunlight he gives on life just brings a smile to my face. Pessimism no longer lingers as much as it use to. Thank you!
Then the oh so in/famous Krisko (GodlessLiberal) haha! Well I have to say you are truly a great person to talk to. You are an amazing person going through your own things but nonetheless sweet and opinionated. haha And although we don't agree in some things, it's what makes it great talking to you- that you don't lie, you speak the truth and how you feel about issues. I do admit I was a little motherly haha... but it's because I always feel concern for my friends especially when they're having bad days or are in pain. And I have to say I'm very flattered by what you said. Thank you! And a Big Big *hug*
Sandra (Boricua_chic_2008) she has gone through some tough moments in her life. And I honestly feel I can relate to much pain she goes through but she is a strong woman who I admire a lot. She always knows what to say to makes things feel better. Amiga gracias por todo! Keep your head up!
Ritz (Rainboxx)is such a sweet girl. She always has encouraging words to say and is willing to be talk to in tough moments. Thank you for letting me into your life in those tough moments you were going through and trusting me. It means a lot. You are a strong girl and don't let the little things in life get you down. And yes, one day if life permits we'll have dinner and I'll play my clarinet for you!
Lynn (statelesspilot) He's a nice, funny person. I had never learned about airplanes like I know now although I can't say I remember everything but it's nice that even though I was never able to fly like I wanted when I was little there are people who can. And he always says hello everyday.
And I'm sorry if I have missed anybody. There are so many of you but these are people who I have more interaction with and have brought a little something off their lives into mine. I greatly I appreciate you all! Thank you for your time, your friendship. words of encouragement and endless support! I love you! 
I dare you to take on the Challenge! 

Walking along side the train tracks

Many times in life we feel different and alone, lost in chaos...

Alone and sad
 
lost in turmoil...
Sometimes we just  give into life without realizing the consequences...
And other times we get caught waiting and waiting and we don't know who or what is coming our way

But we remain there... sometimes lost in hope...
There are times when we meet best friends and even end up having boyfriends/ girlfriends but time after time of waiting or not knowing what is going on ....
we start walking....
We start traveling along side of the train tracks...
Sometimes we luck out and we're traveling along side

and other times we're alone.  Most of the time when we're alone there always seems to be the division of where to go...Which way to take and where it might take you...

In trying to figure out where we're going we just keep going... and naturally walking next to the tracks so we don't get lost... we kick rocks, pick a few throw them- you know we all need a little amusement here and there... but keep moving along side those natural curves....
We move aside when the train passes

Sometimes we're mesmerized in amazement like we've never experienced and we're frozen in time... that's what happens in life in a quick moment of happiness and sadness... but as the moment passes we continue to walk ... slowly at times and at a faster rate others...
But no matter what... as we walk along side the train tracks the best part of them is when we're not alone and we feel love. We pick the way we lead our lives together

and when we choose to make a few stops we do them together and enjoy the moments

We all strive to be happy and sometime even to have love
And sometimes when the train does pass along you're so happily accompanied that you don't notice.
You're in your own little world.

Being in love is always the best time to walk along the tracks... hand in hand awaiting to the destination you're taking together...

Love is the best detour
which sometimes becomes part of the main route we take in life!
 

Day 15- 30 day- No one... I don't miss (lame)

I think I've lost track if I'm actually on par or I'm doubling but to be fair... it's still part of the same day for me until I shut my eyes... In the mentality that I open my eyes to a new day haha... I know .. ok
The person I miss most...
Frankly, as in miss, like I truly miss someone... I don't miss anybody. I miss talking to people here and there... I enjoy conversations... mainly intellectual ones but I enjoyed talking... not much of a phone person but texter, messenger... sure I can be...
I can say I miss talking to a certain someone but I can always wait a little ...and it happens.
So hey,
I miss talking to you. Always enjoy the conversations no matter what. And it's an interesting road so far. =)
I'll talk to you soon enough.
Love,
Moi
so yea, I guess that works but I don't consider it a missing letter... oh well... sue me! No, really sue me... 



*****************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Why pray if you don't believe...

(I know some people don't believe and that's fine ... I'm not debating whether you might or might not)
I'm just compelled to write about it before I forget ...
Je ne sais pas, D'accord!

Sunday in Mass the Priest was talking about Believing.... and well basically trusting...
He was speaking about people who follow but they don't truly believe. People are always seeking other ways of  "just in case this fails" mentality... I mean it makes sense to rely on something more secure but then why pray if you're already expecting nothing in return... what's the point?
For example: (don't ask for the logistics of the setting... I dont' know)
It's pitch dark and a man falls... He manages to hold on by a branch. He starts praying and asking for someone to come and help him.
God hears his prayer... And answers him, "Let go. I'm here"
The man is too scared to let go... asks God if he can send someone to help safe him and he let's fear get ahold of him... he panics thinking no one will come... He has a heart attack and dies holding on...
In fact he was only a few feet from the floor... If he would have listened to the answer of his prayer he would have been saved...
Sometimes, people pray but are not willing to accept the answers to their prayers and blindly go looking somewhere else for answers ... .
So I guess, why pray or seek from a higher being if you're not going to trust the the response... if you believe believe.. but if you don't believe why even go to church or pray...

So yea... I just needed to say that... =D

30 Day Challenge- Day14- Someone you’ve drifted away from

I know we've drifted and for that I'm sorry. I know it's both our faults but time just flies so fast that it's inevitable . 

I truly wish you the best in life and who knows some day our paths will cross again. Maybe the ties never changed but we've definitely grown to be different people in life. The moments we had will never be forgotten ever. You will always be a friend. Thank you for all the moments we had... those times we laughed... the times we shared lunches...  And most importantly those times we talked and hung out... We corrupted you no doubt but you needed to break out of your shell more than I did. You broke and I think I'm a lil stuck still... but slowly peeking through. Life has it's reason why we drifted and God knows it's for the best right now. You were a person who liked to be right... and a person I loved to argue with. You were very opinionated and I hated that but I loved it at the same time it gave me room to make you mad because of course I disagreed. We always bumped heads in issues but of course we agreed in the things that mattered the most. I have to say that I enjoyed our conversations. Oh well... this is for the best and for now. Good luck in life and I hope you find some happiness... that's all I can ask for you... 

Reynita

Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

The best part of right now is...

Well besides the beautiful day and the breeze just blowing through the house...
A kid with a happy tummy....
Clean room...
Clean bathroom
freshly vacuumed living room...
No dishes in the sink...

And the sweet soft music of symphonies playing in the background ..

***Deep Sigh***

Perfect!!!

30 day challenge- day 13 forgive me

Actually there are 2 people of kind of want to ask for forgiveness... (a day late --- I know)
Mom and Dad,
I'm very sorry I have not been the perfect daughter. I know it's been a little tough with me but not because I rebel or don't eventually come around and do what you ask but more because of the personality I have. It was never a strong one and needed assistance and well it so happened that I was my only assistance... I know I've let you both down in the world so many times but I'm grown now and I can't do what you say all the time. I love you both but it's a part of life. Mom, I'm sorry I didn't pursue psych how you wanted me to and even though I do have a natural gift for it, it was impossible... I'm sorry I haven't done the massage therapy which I know how to do as well, and mostly I am sorry I don't do the multi level company as I should. I know I have gifts in all these areas and I know I can excel but they don't make me completely happy. I know you see me as I haven't found myself yet but trust me pushing me isn't going to make them anymore. Give me time and I will come around but on my own terms. And, mostly I'm sorry I'm not skinny how you want me to... and I think this is the hardest to hear on a constant... Ever since I was young and it never stops to hurt. I'm sorry I'm not perfect and that it doesn't happen and negativity doesn't help me. Dad, I'm sorry I'm not working but I was helping mom out. I know you couldn't and I needed to step up the responsibility. I know it's been hard on you but its what needed to be done. I'm sorry if I disappointed you and i'm not as successful in my degree as you would have hoped. I tried but somehow I felt I lost support and lost inspiration. Which I'm sorry I failed as a daughter and brought disappointed and disgrace... I didn't mean for it to happen. I know why you felt hurt but I think if he wouldn't have been born this family would have been torn apart.... I actually see it that way.I'm sorry to both of you ... there are so many things to be said... And I just can't. Sorry for everything and truly hope you will forgive me... I hope you realize that things are hard for me too but because I love you and no matter what you say. I  will be there... just give me time and everything will fit together I promise!!!
love,
Reyna E. Flores



Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

serenity

I was in mass today and as the Priest was talking I was realizing that the words were coming my way differently. I'm starting to see a different way, a different enlightenment to everything that I've known. I don't know if it has to do with the people around me but with that said... I may look forward to add more to what I know and feel about God. It's like everything I'm hearing, everything I'm reading, just everything is fitting together like a puzzle piece. I woke up a bit tired at first but with such ease in my mind. I guess it's a bit conflicting but I feel serenity! I feel peace and I feel happy!

Day 12 thank you- pain was part of equation

The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
You know I still remember when you use to make me mad... the only time you did something sweet or nice was when I was upset. I didn't realize all the mistakes I was making. You have been the only person I ever allowed deep into my mind. You knew me,you figured me out, you manipulated me, and at the end you used my own mind against me. I was so naive... You made me believe love existed and that that was the only form of love. As I was falling more in love, you were falling less in love... I was truly innocent and pure... I don't know why I was blinded. You desensitized my feelings by pushing the threshold...I let it happen... I thought that if I was there for you, you would eventually come back to me. I lost you before you wife ever came in the picture. You couldn't leave me yet because you wanted someone to be there for you. And I didn't leave you because I wanted you there with me. I just wanted what you promised me... The thing that hurt the most is that you thought I lied and to be frank I never did. You broke promises and you know what? I never did. A promise to a person I love means more than anything. All my promises were done and completed. Call me a liar but when I finally broke one it was a promise I made to myself, the worst mistake I ever did. I don't hate you or ever will... even when i thought I did it was just my sadness pretending so I would not feel anymore. You were gifted in manipulation and control. You did cause me a lot of pain but you were just a the vessel who was acting it out... it was my fault. I didn't have the nerve to even break up with you. I thought if I did I would be alone. Now, I see I should have done it in the end I would still be in the same position except maybe a bit different. I hate to think of the "what-ifs" because there is no point, what happened happened... The pain you cause will never be reversible and truly people who try to come into my life pay the price. But, in the end thank you! NO others words say more than thank you! Without you I wouldn't have learn half of the things I know now... Without you I don't think I would have been able to question things and do what I needed to be more like myself. "weird" I know you still think I am but that's okay...


BTW - feel free to read the other days if you're interested... They're all linked :)
*******************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Beautiful Day

I have awaken in the best of moods. Today just seems like a better day.  At times, I have the negativity and my pessimism run through me which many have been able to tell. But, I try to be optimistic--- try---. A goal in life is to be happy and make others happy, well especially the person who I ever end up with-- to share the rest of my life.
With that said, there is someone in my mind and we haven't spoken for a few days but he's still in my thoughts.  Miss you and hope all is well!
Everybody have a beautiful day, nothing like to day to start with a smile! Thank you all for your positiveness!
And did I mention it's Friday? To many this means many things  Enjoy your weekend as well!

Day 11- You passed and we didn't know you

Abuelito Tanilo (My mom's dad)
(writing it in english even though I would have written it in spanish)
It saddens me that I was the only of your grandchildren old enough to remember you. I was fortunate enough to be able to go  spend the summer before you passed away with you in Mexico. I was only 8 and I appreciated everything you all did. I'm 26 yrs old now, I've grown some since then but  I will not tell you negative stuff that's happen to all and in the fam. I'm sure you know already :) But, how I wish you were around to see how much the family had grown. At the time, my mom's family was basically it and Tia Pola had just given birth to the twin when you passed. You saw them but nobody else met you. I think that even though the family has issues at times we mostly still unite as a family. We're all growing and maturing. All the kids are great and I wish they would have had the opportunity to meet you. Even though I was young I still remember you face. It's not something you forget. Abuelita, she's doing great and I'm glad that my mom brought her here after you passed. She wouldn't have made it out there. Honestly, I wish she would finally stop and stay with us. She isn't young and I want her to be ok but she's stubborn like I am so I know. I wish you can tell her just go stay with Golla or something. I know she would listen to you. Abuelito, we're all doing great. Everything is great and you have many grand kids... In fact you're a bisabuelo now...My son is 5 now, he would have love spending days en el campo with you, I know it. And My brother, I know you didn't meet him (he is one of the twins) he was 1 1/2 when you passed but guess what he had a baby in January. So you have 2 great-grandkids... Bueno pues, I love you! And if it's not good-bye pero hasta pronto!!!
Con Mucho Amor,
Reyna (la hija de Golla)


BTW - feel free to read the other days if you're interested... They're all linked :)
*******************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

one confession- Day 10 the end

Day 10: One confession
Truth be told... The biggest confession I can say is that no matter what I do in life I have always felt alone. There are few moments in their rarity where I felt I had somebody was by my side. And even when s/he were there I was eventually left. I guess I always fear abandonment and that's all I have felt I've had all my life. I don't understand or know how to explain. It's the feeling of being in a room full of people and feeling as no one was really there. A feeling of me by myself with a spot light and a dark room ... and even though I see nobody, everybody is staring... And the worst part is I can't hide behind anything...  *sigh* not much of a confession... but oh well


***********************************************
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done. 
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever.) 
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to (in my interpretation)

Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Dear world,
Actually I wanted to have someone I didn't talk to as much but the fact is that it's not the whole world either but it's all my family, friends and acquaintances. I'm just a lil weird or not so social. I have a hard time relating to you all and I don't know why. I wish everybody was like a best friend but as much as I speak freely and i let go of many things I hold, sometimes it feels as though you got caught up in the moment I was throwing up all my burdens and happy moments. I don't know why I have a hard time trusting people, having you get closer to me... Maybe it feels as though everybody who I have allowed to talk to me has somehow disappointed me and left me -- you happen to be out of luck. I don't mean to be distant, I wish I can try but the harder I try to get closer the weirder I feel (You know those awkward moments of silence? Well that's how I feel inside)... it feels like it's something new each time. I have no problem speaking to strangers who I know I will never see in my life but I want more than a one-day stand with a stranger on my life. I crave the need to have you there with me, giving me advice, helping me. And I want to be there as well but I just don't know how this can happen. I have so much to offer and I'm sure you do too. I just can't pin point but I know i've been like this since like I was like 4-5 yrs old. Sorry, I don't have time either, I've been caught up taking care of family issues.But, I don't mind a catch up date... that's why we're friends right? Yea, I don't have that many girl friends-- I mean I do but I don't... and it's mainly because I hardly relate. And the thing was when I had my son I related less to girls and as they grew up they related to me... but they were lucky.They were having kids and I then again felt left out being alone and they had husbands... Some are married, even some who had been single mothers and I don't understand what happened to me. I have male friends and none who are that close either... The funny thing when I was younger I would talk more to guys because I found them more interesting. They were smarter I felt and well I wasn't girly, I was a bit dark... we would arm wrestle and tease each other. The moment I got pregnant they realized that I in fact was a girl (sad, I know) and the way they saw me changed, so all of a sudden I was felt completely alone. I wish you wouldn't have put a small rock in my path to get closer to you. I wish we can talk more. In fact I wish you would talk to me more... And I do try I really I do but I know I still come out a little more as superficial because nobody is use to me being this way. If I told you that it's the way the  whole "family flores" is, you wouldn't believe me until you went to a family gathering and you would feel all those fun loving akward moments. Trust me... My dad makes every situation awkward. I guess it's part of who I am. I don't want you to leave me alone and I don't want you to feel I have abandoned you. It's my weird way of showing you love. If in fact I do say something its more than to those who I really don't say anything at all. And I mean this, you mean a lot to me. You come into my life one day at a time and I hold a small area for you no matter what. All I'm saying is that because I cannot show you everyday, please don't give up on me. I guess when people give up on me... I slowly give up on everybody...
From the bottom of my heart,
Reyna





BTW - feel free to read the other days if you're interested... They're all linked :)
*******************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

job inquiry

A goodness, I know I go to sleep freakin' late and a like at 3:20am son wakes up with a nightmare...I'm tired so I tuck him in and give  a small stuffed animal, he and I use to share the same bed until a couple months ago... I can't sleep in his bed, I need my bed.
Anyways, I was hoping to sleep in today because yesterday I had a huge headache and everything else going in my head...
I, of course, don't get to when I wanna sleep in ...impossible... go figures... I should have known...
I awake to this en español , "Reyna wake up you have to send your resume" my mom knows nothing about resumes or what they do lol ...So had to take off my eye mask. It wasn't so easy to be able to see clearly (I wear a black one to minimize from the sun coming in - not always but when I know I wanna sleep in which rarely was today) ... I finally manage to get my eyes open and I have 2 texts from my compadre... and my mom had told me to call my comadre too... I first had to find my resume because I have 3 ... and chose the one that was most current, opened a new email account... which geez I like like 7 at least but needed one with my name... I texted him back and call her... and sent it... so we'll see

I guess it would be stupid of me not to inquire about a job that might pay $18 ...
I've been dumb in the past for not taking small windows people have opened for me. I always have things come to me and have seflishly been uncertain and lose the possibility. I guess I'll be true to my word and not let opportunities slip away again. I am fortunate people care about me... now I need to care about me and them enough to keep on doing as I'm told...
I always like the idea of being an entrepreneur but lately i don't have the energy to do it anymore... I've lost personal motivation to do it all how I use it. Two years ago...I was doing 3-4 things and it was going great but they started slipping and I fell down with them... lost  my sense of hope... I'm hoping to go gets certificates for Massage Therapy and being an English/Spanish translator too.. on top of my MLM business (which is on pause) and My music...  *sigh*

Alright feel better now :) lol

Bring me down

My mind is nowhere to be found

Call me names

but it's all the same

 

I live in your shadow?

you're just shallow

 

You want me happy 

but all you do is make me feel crappy;

 its stupid really

 

You cause pressure

I can't level to any measure

 

You're the one that leaves me wounds

so hard to heel, heart forsaken scars

I feel I  belong with the loons

but instead I wanna runaway in fast cars

 

You want me alive

but you keep shooting me down at close range

Makes me feel like I'm five

 

You say you want the best 

but really, you jest

 

It's not fair

but yo're not aware

in fact you don't care

 

The way I see it

you feed me pain

thinking there will be gain...

 

 

Feel better after getting this out of my chest... I guess sometimes I just need to burst... My mom and I had brief convo lol ... yea. I love her to death, she's my mom and I always will but some things are just a little hurtful. I just write sometimes ...

Someone I wish I can meet-Day 9

30 Day challenge- Day 9- Someone You wish you could meet
I'll be honest to this point there is only one person I wish I can meet and be face to face with... well you know what I mean. Well there are a few now that I think about it but this person is the first on list. And this person might already be around here added somewhere in my blogs but you may tell more by this BLOG ...
Dear Person I wish to meet,
There is just something about the way you act. The ways you claimed you were being blunt but mainly your subtle ways. Honestly I don't think you were that blunt as much as you were honest, which I never hold anything honest against any person. Hey, I've been heart broken with honesty too but a much more respectable way to end things than lies.
Anyways, I've known you for a little time in which we have gotten to know quite a bit of each other. Sure our lives aren't perfect or where we would have thought they would be at this time in age but maybe there is a reason for that. The differences of our lives and the way we were brought up are definitely significantly different that's for sure. We have complete different cultural values but all in all the moral and some political ideologies are some what similar. We have similar belief systems and follow them accordingly.You are a friend, you definitely are and I trust you.
There is still some time apart until we'll ever get a chance to meet. And it's only fair for friends to meet and actually get to know each other in person. Thank you for being you.
ReyRey



BTW - feel free to read the other days if you're interested... They're all linked :)
*******************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

2 smileys - Day 9

Two smileys that describe your life right now.
1. :'(
2. :D


***********************************************
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done. 
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever.) 
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

Internet Friend day 8

Dear friend Snoog420 ,
Goodness have we've gone through a lot in this life time. I guess I'm glad we got on the right path and didn't hate each other after everything we both went through and the heartache that we dealt with. You're great and thanks for for being here for me always. Hey, I realize we started talking at first to a level of curiosity. Which eventually went from a small obsession to something more like friends. I'm sure it was the same thing for you... I know for a fact it wasn't easy for my family to accept the fact of our friendship or communication. They didn't even want his communication or dealing with Danny. I guess it was the first time I put my foot down. They also saw your kindness and what you went through and came around. And your family has always been great and very accepting besides the fact... I still feel bad about it... it's been years but it's something I will live with for the rest of my life. It was never meant to happen this way and I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart. I hope I have earned enough of your trust for you to forgive me. We were all young stupid, love/lust who knows anymore... All of our lives changed that year... A tough road and we all walked the same road alone.
Anyways,
I know I write and write.... thankfully you're always there as a loyal reader. When you have something to add you let me know, when you know there is nothing you can do but let me burn in my own personal hell do you . I know you see me go through my ups and downs and I know you go through yours too. My ups and downs ( I know I have a lot and I mean a lot haha) are something I've dealt with alone all of my life. When you can help me with advice I appreciate it, and I also thank you for sometimes not saying anything too. I'm learning to balance my self... and I haven't quite gotten there... I'm off balance maybe the unhappiness of not being where I would have liked to be and comparing myself to the whole world, oh well. But, I'm actually happy that you're the one who has been there a lot. The one who has supported with my son and even pushed his father to see him more. Times were rough no doubt but you were there enough to try and help us cope with the lack of communication we had. Sorry you were in between, it wasn't our right to do that but there was no other way. I think you're one of the people who understands me pretty well. We've had our deep moments in life where we have shared a part of being who we are and who we were.
Life doesn't get any easier... the kids are growing at a rapid rate no doubt... both our boys will be off the Kindergarten next year and geez... I can already see the notes from the teacher. I remember their grandma explaining about their dad when he was a kid. We have so much to look forward to in this life time, I guess we can say a lifetime in reality. The bond we all hold is not so easily broken and not even with distance. We all have something that needs some communication and support. Thank you for being around.  Thank you for everything and I still can't wait until we can meet baby Iori... times are tough.
Forever grateful,
Reyna


*******************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Three Turn Ons: Day 8

Granted there are many I'm just talking about the few that keep me coming back for more 
1.  The biggest turn on in the world for me is "intelligence" I guess I feel like a zombie and I want your big juicy brain... lol I'm just curious... So yes INTELLIGENCE, nothing sexier than a nerd!
2. Chivalry- ok ok I admit many feel it's dead but I've had my share of sweet guys who don't believe so and that was the 2nd most appealing next to a deep conversation about something I have no idea about but was interested in knowing.
3. Humor- just keep me laughing or a smiling. It actually isn't that hard

Yes, those are definitely turn ons to me  There are many more but since I can only list 3 


***********************************************
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done. 
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever.) 
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

Nothing but rambling

Just needed to ramble a lil to feel better... somewhat...

Sometimes I just don't understand the feelings that rush through me...  I try to hold as much as I can... but eventually everything overflows. I guess the great thing is that I don't explode. When this happens I tend to be waterworks... But, I wont let people see the daylight of me. I guess the hard part is I keep myself a lil isolated at times. I enjoy talking to people, it helps me forget about me for those moments of conversation. I guess today I was trying to talk to a friend so I can just spill myself out and it reconfirmed why I don't have close friends and why things take me longer to get over. I end up being alone. Maybe I'm not alone but I just feel a little alone. He linked stuff about me and things I wanna change and he got mad at me because he's already told me things so he got frustrated and I got upset and I just let it be... I was considering going to a party he and his gf were having but then I told him that I couldn't, and it's not that I can't but I can't afford to drive out there... it's a 2 hour drive from where I live, so I told him I couldn't and told me to go and put no instead of leaving the maybe... So I said I had a couple weeks and he said never mind he would just take me off the list which for and odd reason hurt a little. I guess I'm being a baby... (I know this sounds so childish)
Lately, I've been feeling in complete isolation mood. I've been reading a bit on religion... I'm starting to want to know more about origins of Catholicism. I grew up in the religion and never really knew or questioned. I'm not questioning right now but I'm curious to knowing more. There are so many aspects I need answered.. different perspectives. The prayers, saints, communion, I curious to the bible... all of our sacraments... which I have all except Marriage/priesthood, and the sick one (anointing of the sick?)... We know women can  only marry or become nuns or neither... lol, and the other one is basically when you're really sick almost or death bed... but I can only get the marriage unless I marry under the church. Who knows...
I've been very curious about the Mormon religion lately. There are so many things I want to know...But, I want to read. I don't want to look them up in the internet as much. I guess I kind of want to read their books. I don't know why but it sparks an interest. Religion can be very interesting at times. But, I do think of a college friend who was a Sax performance major and went to grad school... ended up changing major there to theology. He was a christian and ended up graduating not believing anymore. In fact I have his thesis paper somewhere in my comp but I haven't read it. I should but I don't know... Sometimes I wondered if I read his paper I would a lil belief but it shouldn't be the case since we all watch stuff that mocks religion anyways and doesn't make us not believe... I guess I just needed to top off the overflowing...  feel better...

First Sonata, Op 120, No. 1- 1st movement by Johannes Brahms

First Sonata Op. 120. No. 1 for Clarinet and Piano by Johannes
Allegro Appassionato - 1st movement
F minor (Sheet music on the bottom if you wish to try and follow)

This is a Romantic piece which was written for Richard Mühlfeld
"The first movement is in sonata form. It begins with a solo piano introduction in three parallel octaves, outlining a recurring motif throughout the movement. The clarinet then enters with the slurred first theme. The piano takes over the theme, with the clarinet playing more of an embellishing role. It was normal in clarinet music before the sonatas for the soloist to play mostly, if not always, the melody. Brahms did not reduce the scope of the piano part to accommodate for the clarinet, but created a more equal and harmonious relationship between soloist and accompanist.[6] The quiet transition between the two themes is in D-flat major and features staggered entrances between the hands of the piano. The second theme introduces dotted rhythms and is marked marcato, contrasting with the first theme. It passes through many key areas quickly before finally resting on C minor.
The development begins by expanding on ideas heard in the introduction and transition. The piano plays with staggered hand entrances and joins the clarinet in recalling the second bar of the introduction. The music makes a false movement towards A-flat major, instead landing on E major. The introduction material takes over and winds down to pp. A subito forte evokes the second theme combined with staggered entrances from both piano hands and clarinet. The second theme is finally presented and leads to the recapitulation.
The introduction is restated forte in the key of C-sharp minor. Brahms brings the key back around to F minor and the first theme, transition, and second theme are heard again. Tonally, this section does not stray far from F although the music goes through major and minor sections. A final statement of the first theme leads into the coda, marked Sostenuto ed espressivo. The coda is slower in tempo and based on material from the introduction. The movement ends quietly in F major."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarinet_Sonatas_(Brahms) - not so reliable but this this is what we do...

This was another performance... We all know that unfortunately not everything goes well in performances but the show must go on... Finger slip ups but more realistic ... kind of like when an actor forgets their line on stage but the notes sometimes just go too fast ...

But this piece was actually formulated so that Clarinet and piano almost play and equal amount ... so we can actually say this was a Duet between a clarinet and piano which made the music all that much harder. Now you weren't only concentrating on you playing the part and being accompanied but making sure you were working as a team. I guess it helped I had a phenomenal Accompanist Lara, she is now she Class piano teacher in Redlands.