Dear Ex

Ok, I'm writing this to my Ex bf, which happens to be the only one... haha. I guess when you date people it doesn't count until you have an official title and well only one ever has...Eek right? And this is truly hard, it really not hard but it is... and only one person on here knows him which is his wife but we both know how he is... lol
You!,
You were a dear one to my heart at one point. Hey you even broke me down many times and shattered my heart. It was your manipulation scheme to make me stronger as a girl. And you know what? It maybe didn't work when we were together but it worked. You helped me to stop shedding those tears. To feel less pain, you turned me more into a rock. It was a tough process you made me endure, and I still don't know how you made me do panic attacks but you thought of the perfect ways. I was weak and you took advantage to teach me. I was innocent and trusted you above all. And you know, You taught me not to trust men. You taught me the 2nd nature that many hide. You taught me to be suspicious, you taught me how women are used and then you taught me that even jerks like you deserve a great person by their side. Don't get me wrong I learned that even some let go of dreams to pursue others which was fine because maybe you would have lost a part of your illusion following your dreams... You were such an admirable instrumentalist, to this say I still wish more would have gotten to experience the talent you possess and let go. I still have hopes that one day you'll pick up that instrument and go play somewhere... You had so much talent but you were so lazy because it was all too easy for you....
But, what happened between us is not important. I know we hurt people in the process... What can I say... I was insanely in love with you at one point and well you weren't with me but I was blinded. I didn't want to see the truth, I wanted the happy ending you had promised me. Sure you led me down a road of destruction but in the end you straightened me out with  more pain but you did it. You gave me eternal happiness, you gave me my son who I treasure. I will admit times have been hard but towards the end, I gave you advice for your now wife, you probably don't remember but the worst part was seeing you cry over her and I just wanted you to be happy. I even took you to her on many times. I thought that with years we owed it to comprehend one another.
I don't hold any resentment for the pain you caused me, in fact I never held a grudge for that long (I was hurt for a while) but in fact all I wanted was your happiness. I knew that you deserved the best even if I never matched the expectations you needed in a woman. I will admit I was scarred but I learned a lot. The only time I do regret was getting back with you after we broke up 2 months in...This time because even though we felt miserable, you only broke up because your friends told you to... it would have been easier for nothing to happen from there but it happened and from there on after everything was much more serious... After that, what happened between us was meant to be and it was my fault. I just wanted someone to love me and to want me and you would want me and love me then push me away. When guys described how they are (now in the present), I wish I would have met less selfish people other than you but we were kids, we didn't know a thing but being selfishly together, not to mention you kept me selfishly with you too. You controlled me... We were learning with each other... I am just thankful that my friends waited patiently after those years we were together because you sure didn't let me interact with them. They told me all my mistakes and I took them and they forgave me... I allowed myself to not live.
All I wish for you, now, is to be happy and have love in your life for the rest of your life. Please don't take your wife for granted, she has dealt with a lot and we all know why. In fact, for the rest of our lives we will always ensure all 4 of us and not to mention once someone comes into my life. But treat her well and show her love. Anything less than that will never be enough.
Love,
The Smart, Weird, Gothic, Clarinet Band Girl
You know who, the only one that stood out and practiced every lunch
and the one one you thought was beautiful at one point...

Goodbye- never forever- just from my heart that never said goodbye

(*sigh* still one of the hardest things I've had to do... what a challenge :'(  ) I don't cry in sadness it just stirs stuff but I'm happy his wife is in his life and they're happily married.... And I know she's reading this... One of my longer xanga friends who has been here since I recommended Xanga to her.

*******************************************
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror