Friday, May 13, 2011

30 day challenge: My sibling: Day 4

Day 4 — Your sibling
These things are getting harder... I don't know what I got myself into...
I have three sibs but
Sis,
You don't know how much you mean to me... You don't like the mushy stuff. You wont even let me tell you I love you or much less say it back to me but I know you say it to the rest of the family, sometimes it hurts a little. I don't say anything because I rather hurt myself than you, to feel bad about it. I know I can express myself with words but in forms of letter to you tell you how I feel... the only ones I've ever given to you are your birthday card ones, you  cry. At least I can sometimes tell you.
I have always looked up to you. You're younger by 2 years but you never cared what others thought, in fact you've always been the social one. You were allowed to go out, clubs, have parties at home with drinks, stay out, sleep over with friends and you were hardly told anything. Sometimes I would just say anything to cover you or protect you. I guess it's sad to say but I was always a little  jealous. You had the freedom and I always felt trapped.  Not only trapped at home but trapped within  myself. You are beautiful and I'm not so much... you're skinny and I can never be who you are... I can still remember when you were embarrassed to be my sister, we were in high school. I was always the odd one, yea I admit it but depression led me down that road and only having myself to fight with myself was not easy. You once told me never to talk to you in school, and I respected your wishes and stayed out of your way.
I guess you've wondered why I was always so alone but never really thought about it. A while ago you were wondering what was going on in my personal life and I spilled everything that was going on... later you were having a bad day and I asked...him you had finally taken an interest in my life I thought a new relationship was maybe starting... I was a lil wrong... You brushed me off with, "nothing" ... So now you ask why I am so "happy" and frankly I don't want feel like feeling heart broken so I've decided not to tell you. I figured when the time is right it shall bee right enough to tell you. I keep asking how you are in hopes that one day you'll actually tell me how you feel. I guess It just feels I am less you family than everybody else you have around you. But, you know what I still feel like I try to do anything to impress you but nothing is ever good enough. I guess it's part of who I am and I pretend I don't care... I hate it when you and the other sibs get together and say things... it's all in fun but it's not to me... It hurts inside and it's 3 sometimes 4 against one... I guess I can't openly say how I feel because you guys will immediately deem me to emotional or start joking around about me being emo and cutting myself... I guess if you guys all really knew what  it felt to feel how I felt growing up you would change your perspective.
I love you and it's okay you don't understand but maybe if you tried a little more you would...after all we grew up together. I know you were little but since we were little you picked on me... in fact I always got in trouble. You were always mom's favorite and even to this day. The only thing that makes her sad is that you wouldn't stay with her to help her out or even have the patience to stick it through. I admit it's not easy and it's not because I have more patience but I try and relate as much as possible. I try to consider what they feel and I would do the same to you and our bros. I just wished you guys all 3 understood me more and even realized the pressure I have. But, it's ok I know you don't have to either and I was sort of the one left to handle this and I took it as my responsibility.
Just know I will always be there for you no matter what... when you need me for anything... ok I love you! You will always be my little sis and I will always run to your aid!
Your Big Sis
(I'm sorry this was a lil hard to write... So I haven't reread if there are mistakes)

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Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

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