When was the last time you went on a date? How did it go?

The last time I went on a date huh? It has to have been on February or March of 2005. It was a day to remember...  first time we went on a date... he picked me up from my dorm room... he had a black car... don' remember make or model in case you were wondering. We went to downtown Redlands and ate at a Sizzler's and talked about what we did and life, talked about ourselves like goals and ambitions for the future. The we went to the Krikorian (the theatre) in Redlands and went to see "Hitch" sort of a weird movie to watch but very funny. He held my hand a lot... he was sweet and everything felt right except my fear. Then after he was going to take me back and we almost got into a collision but made it out alive and it went great. But, things ended up getting a little off and we went our separate ways. Can you see it was a little over 5 years ago....last and only date...

  
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What's "the way" to your heart?

The way to heart is so easy that nobody gets it. You want to know the trick so you can seduce me? Well firstly, before anything I love really, really tall smart men, from my age era no older than 27.... Love when a person can speak to me in 2 or more languages.... smart, witty humor. I love not understanding their intelligence but admiring and learning about it. Unique! I love attention as much as I love just watching them work....It's simple-  I love interaction.... not so much a clingy person anymore it gets annoying. Someone who is willing to give me space but also allow me to have no space at times. A passionate person, semi  romantic yet spontaneous.... I don't know... the subtle flirtations can be the first step....my heart can feel hard to conquer but I think it can easily be tamed.... enough on "the way" to my heart?

Creative Simplicity with added spices  =)
  
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If you had an extra hour per day, what would you use that extra hour for?

I would honestly say sleep and as much as I wish I did it wouldn't be true. What I would do is stay up the extra hour and still complain about  not getting enough sleep. hahaha! Sad but true! My times just flies and when I leeast expect it I am so tired and forcing the last few bits of energy to stay awake. That is why I need to find me a significannt other so that they can hold me as I fall asleep watching a movie at night or we can just cuddle... idk... then the extra hour would have a good use to it.

  
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What was one of the happiest moments of your life?

One of the true happiest moments of my life was and this is to be honest... when my son's father saw my son for the first time. I was so mad and disappointed that when I saw him carry the small little a couple week old baby, my anger just disappear for a brief moment in life.  I never really told this to anyone but it was the truth. It's one of those memories that sort of gets engraved into the memory of a person. Almost like the innocence and purity of it all in essence.

  
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FML or life lesson -hmmm?

We all know trust is pretty much all gone from every body. If you can trust a person it's now  rare. And also comes the case that more than likely that person whom you trusted to begin with will also show their true colors or better yet do something in which you know distrust them as a person or whatever. I know people (not all) will so anything for ambition... People will set over their moral boundaries to it that is to say if they have or had some to begin with. Now, let's say (hypothetically speaking) that you were a female in early to mid twenties and you were like a secretary and there were a lot of meetings and planning all work related. Now the person you were working for is a middle ages mad maybe in late 40s-early 50s... Now you're a professional. When or  why would people start spreading rumors about the relationship when it was always a professional setting in your eyes. Could it be you were so ignorant to see what others thought they saw. But the question is why people would see something that wasn't really there.

Well the hypothetical is easy it's close to my situation. It's weird because I have always been this type of girl who doesn't really like to involve work with my personal life. I did it once for a purpose bc I was already dating someone when I took the job and saw the consequences. Life is hard enough to have no in between. My mom took a deep breath on wednesday evening and straight forwardly asked me if I had slept with a certain person. (For me it has probably been years since I have been with a person) And her question, shocked me but didn't surprise me... I had been waiting for her to ask me for quite some time now. See there are many jealous people who like to talk shit and pretend they know it all. But since I am such a quiet person who keeps to her own they  think they can manipulate circumstances to try and hurt me where they think they can. The funny thing is that I have gone thorough so much that they only feed this hidden anger I hold.

I know we all have 2 or more faces and sadly that is what you have to do when you enter a cage of raging tigers waiting to bite at you with a frenzy. Since all of this shit that has been going on started back in like I don't know october I think or something like that I have mainly kept my self at a person distance from all people. Sure, I smile and do what I need to do but I can clearly see their 2 face sicking out like a blood stain on white pants. It's so hard to be nice when it hits you in the face and when you know that when you leave they start talking more shit. You know. And the sad thing about this is that I have nothing to do with it. The problem started when the wife confronted me over the phone. Now that was a true riveting moment where I truly feared for my life. I don't know what kind of a person she is but she seems like the type who would hire to take-out, if you know what I mean. Since she started shit... I was like "Fuck this Shit"...  I have kept me to myself to avoid drama and here from this drama queen trying to start something... I pulled away. There is no fucking way I am going to try and dirty my hands for nothing. I will defend my self and not afraid but to set the record straight my conscience is free... and when it came to work, I do work only.

How I hate how people are sometimes... they fuck their own lives and then since they have nothing better to do try and ruin others. I am a very simple person. Only very few things make me happy and I am happy with that. I don't mess with people don't they leave me alone. I like to do what I want to when I want to do it, not when i am told to. And when it comes to a conventional job setting, I am also great at following directions and doing my job at 110% . Don't get me wrong I can work and hard for my money but keep the drama away from me.

I have never liked males older than me... Idk why just never have. When I have thought of dating someone a few years older... I gag.... maybe I need to work on my reflux disease to 3-5 years older. I do like men from my age or a slightly younger and also I don't know why. A person preference...

And for that same reason I haven't dated in a while. But I think I should now. See this is what people see me as.... and this is because idk: They think I think I am better than them because I went to school, they think that I think I know everything, they think that I am so ambitions I would do anything to move up, they see a single mother and think she must be easy.... she has a kid and we never see her with any man, she has to be sleeping around- why wouldn't she?

I grew up with the thought that you were only suppose to sleep with one person your whole life. And this was the person who you gave your heart to. Sometimes it happens that way and you still end up on the curve. I am not going to say that I have only slept with one Man because that would be a total lie. The second guy who have anything to do with me, we were doing to date as we had been talking for quite some time on and off. ( I always told people I have a one-night) But, we were talking and then we sort of you know had intercourse and I wasn't as ready as I thought I was and fell into a depression. He tried calling me and finding ways to hang out and I just ended up making somebody's life miserable his because I probably (if I didn't break his heart) truly hurt him. And I was never able to apologize for what I did.

Life takes us in different paths and when you have certain experiences you don't want to be involved with people. There are so many single guys and girls and why go for a married person? That is stupid. What I need is a man who is willing to share his whole life with me so we can grow as people together and share life together. Why would you want too be a supposed mistress and live on the sideline. Be F***** when ever they supposedly feel like it and you get the satisfaction of going home to an empty room full of loneliness and despair? That would truly suck!

Some shit, ain't it?

What are your bad habits? Are you trying to quit any of them?

A bad habit... hmmm... I lie a lot even when the truth sometimes is a better excuse. I almost always have an alternate story or plot. Sometimes when I am saying the truth I feel like it's a lie and still feel guilty about it. If I took a lie detector test I would fail with the honest questions. (I can't quit, lol)

I bite my nails when I am really, really, really nervous. I can usually avoid the biting if I have nail-polish in my nails but if the polish chips then I have a perfect reason to bit. (sure it getts better at times and then stress come and bye-bye. Right now I have them decently)

Oh when I become irritably  stress or road rage I need a cigarette. But since they discontinued my favorite ones I don't smoke anymore. I mean it's not like I was heavy at it any ways. A pack for for times last from 6 months to a year. I know they have some Djarum Black out there but I heard those are nasty. I miss my cloves.... I just crave it ... oh well...

I am sure I have many others but I don't want to think anymore ...  

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When was the last time someone broke your heart? How did it happen?

Broken hearts!!! who gives a rat ass anymore... we all get heart broken sometimes more than once. At time it takes years to pick up  the pieces and move along from the place you fell apart... Others are drifters to drift along from person to person with lil emotion until they find the person they think is right for them. When was the last time you were really in love? And that person didn't hate you ... well in other words loved you for who you are?  Didn't criticize any thoughts, challenges you had? Accepted your argument as valid and were able to hold a decent debate?

  
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There is a girl in a formal school I went to and I am not trying to put her on blast but she is one those who isn't happy unless she has a bf and then she does and becomes miserable. How do people jump from relationship to relationship being able to trust if they have supposedly been hurt? Since I can remember this girl has a bf and I will admit she isn't he prettiest or better yet she doesn't have a perfect body which makes me wonder how great her personality is even though that is mean. Well the truth is its kind hard to ignore her BC she posts IP in her FB every new bf and mistake. Well she got married a while back and had a quick divorce before she supposedly found out later how a jerk her new hubby was and she wasn't completely out of her relationship when she had another bozo qnd saying she was in love. Idiots! What I don't understand is how people jump into relationships think they fell in love and are willing to give up so fast when all or a sudden they aren't the person they were dating... Hello?! That is why you don't marry a person you have been dating for a couple months and worse when toy are in college qnd starting a married life BC your role of student all of a sudden has changed to married and although you think OT will be the same with dating and going to school you have another thing coming your way and that ie what happened. Why would people put themselves through this and go into another relationship... Making the same mistakes over and over hoping they don't fall in their ass again?

It was weird. Today I had this such great feeling of happiness I was truly happy. The weirs part was not that o was happy bit the kind of happy I was. It was a feeling coming from my heart. It was a feeling that only a person who has genuinely has loved knows about. I felt that a 16 year old in love but head straight. I honestly don't know where it came from because my has been locked away. I mean I have allowed it to come out and taste a little of the real life but when I want to have another take it they just refuse to take it and there it goes back into my heart shaped box. Its not like I am hurt because I am way pass being childish and stupid and I guess that is what also happens when you loose your innocence when you are to young to understand or too ignorant to know the difference between hormones and love. Sometimes I feel like my heart is holding back but for what? What is it waiting for and why am I holding my self back? It's not like I can be hurt unless I allow my self to. Sure I have been disappointed because sometimes in life to wait too long to do something and when you try its too late. And then you realize that you should have done something before it was too late but wait somebody in the background was pulling your strings. You let go of happiness out of selfishness... But why would you do that? The mystery of life... Then he what-if questions which we could never start because its a vicious cycle to a never ending argument.

Then I start thinking on how I can make a person happy but then I wonder how; what can I give; what can I offer? I can be pretty at times but not attractive. I can be the perfect wife but that doesn't matter in theses times.

hard boy

I love my son like all mothers should but lately it has been a bit harder. Well my son is 4 and has always know the things he likes and what keeps him busy. Lately, he has become more selfish and only cares about number 1 and getting what he wants. He has been throwing some fits that oh God sometimes I am riveted and don't know what to do. Its those times that makes me feel like I am doing something wrong.

Danny has been having this attitude of stop what you are doing and do what I need you to do now. A sort of I want to eat this and make it for me. It makes me feel like a mother servant if you will. it sort of reminds me of his father and makes me thank God even more we parted ways. I can be a rather submissive person and having 2 strong character personalities in my life would be overwhelming. Don't get me wrong I love him with my whole heart but I don't always know how to deal with the tantrums. Being mainly him and me is hard. He says he knows I have money. Well I at least am trying to solve part of the problem.

Yesterday I bought him a little piggy bank which I was going to make him buy with his first $2 allowance I have him. But I had a change of heart and bought it myself. I gave him an extra $1 as well. after we bought the piggy and were hearing home he started asking for the guitar hero bc he assumed that BC he had money and a piggy bank he could but it now. He cried for hours of anger. It hard to explain when they don't understand but it has to be done that way. Today he asked my grandma, my mom and dad to contribute to his piggy bank. He is a money person. Since he was little. I just hope he learns how to manage and that is why he has started his allowance. Times are changing!

When I was little I wasn't allowed to ask for anything much less get money. U am going to need more guidance and patience from God.