It was weird. Today I had this such great feeling of happiness I was truly happy. The weirs part was not that o was happy bit the kind of happy I was. It was a feeling coming from my heart. It was a feeling that only a person who has genuinely has loved knows about. I felt that a 16 year old in love but head straight. I honestly don't know where it came from because my has been locked away. I mean I have allowed it to come out and taste a little of the real life but when I want to have another take it they just refuse to take it and there it goes back into my heart shaped box. Its not like I am hurt because I am way pass being childish and stupid and I guess that is what also happens when you loose your innocence when you are to young to understand or too ignorant to know the difference between hormones and love. Sometimes I feel like my heart is holding back but for what? What is it waiting for and why am I holding my self back? It's not like I can be hurt unless I allow my self to. Sure I have been disappointed because sometimes in life to wait too long to do something and when you try its too late. And then you realize that you should have done something before it was too late but wait somebody in the background was pulling your strings. You let go of happiness out of selfishness... But why would you do that? The mystery of life... Then he what-if questions which we could never start because its a vicious cycle to a never ending argument.

Then I start thinking on how I can make a person happy but then I wonder how; what can I give; what can I offer? I can be pretty at times but not attractive. I can be the perfect wife but that doesn't matter in theses times.