We all know trust is pretty much all gone from every body. If you can trust a person it's now rare. And also comes the case that more than likely that person whom you trusted to begin with will also show their true colors or better yet do something in which you know distrust them as a person or whatever. I know people (not all) will so anything for ambition... People will set over their moral boundaries to it that is to say if they have or had some to begin with. Now, let's say (hypothetically speaking) that you were a female in early to mid twenties and you were like a secretary and there were a lot of meetings and planning all work related. Now the person you were working for is a middle ages mad maybe in late 40s-early 50s... Now you're a professional. When or why would people start spreading rumors about the relationship when it was always a professional setting in your eyes. Could it be you were so ignorant to see what others thought they saw. But the question is why people would see something that wasn't really there.
Well the hypothetical is easy it's close to my situation. It's weird because I have always been this type of girl who doesn't really like to involve work with my personal life. I did it once for a purpose bc I was already dating someone when I took the job and saw the consequences. Life is hard enough to have no in between. My mom took a deep breath on wednesday evening and straight forwardly asked me if I had slept with a certain person. (For me it has probably been years since I have been with a person) And her question, shocked me but didn't surprise me... I had been waiting for her to ask me for quite some time now. See there are many jealous people who like to talk shit and pretend they know it all. But since I am such a quiet person who keeps to her own they think they can manipulate circumstances to try and hurt me where they think they can. The funny thing is that I have gone thorough so much that they only feed this hidden anger I hold.
I know we all have 2 or more faces and sadly that is what you have to do when you enter a cage of raging tigers waiting to bite at you with a frenzy. Since all of this shit that has been going on started back in like I don't know october I think or something like that I have mainly kept my self at a person distance from all people. Sure, I smile and do what I need to do but I can clearly see their 2 face sicking out like a blood stain on white pants. It's so hard to be nice when it hits you in the face and when you know that when you leave they start talking more shit. You know. And the sad thing about this is that I have nothing to do with it. The problem started when the wife confronted me over the phone. Now that was a true riveting moment where I truly feared for my life. I don't know what kind of a person she is but she seems like the type who would hire to take-out, if you know what I mean. Since she started shit... I was like "Fuck this Shit"... I have kept me to myself to avoid drama and here from this drama queen trying to start something... I pulled away. There is no fucking way I am going to try and dirty my hands for nothing. I will defend my self and not afraid but to set the record straight my conscience is free... and when it came to work, I do work only.
How I hate how people are sometimes... they fuck their own lives and then since they have nothing better to do try and ruin others. I am a very simple person. Only very few things make me happy and I am happy with that. I don't mess with people don't they leave me alone. I like to do what I want to when I want to do it, not when i am told to. And when it comes to a conventional job setting, I am also great at following directions and doing my job at 110% . Don't get me wrong I can work and hard for my money but keep the drama away from me.
I have never liked males older than me... Idk why just never have. When I have thought of dating someone a few years older... I gag.... maybe I need to work on my reflux disease to 3-5 years older. I do like men from my age or a slightly younger and also I don't know why. A person preference...
And for that same reason I haven't dated in a while. But I think I should now. See this is what people see me as.... and this is because idk: They think I think I am better than them because I went to school, they think that I think I know everything, they think that I am so ambitions I would do anything to move up, they see a single mother and think she must be easy.... she has a kid and we never see her with any man, she has to be sleeping around- why wouldn't she?
I grew up with the thought that you were only suppose to sleep with one person your whole life. And this was the person who you gave your heart to. Sometimes it happens that way and you still end up on the curve. I am not going to say that I have only slept with one Man because that would be a total lie. The second guy who have anything to do with me, we were doing to date as we had been talking for quite some time on and off. ( I always told people I have a one-night) But, we were talking and then we sort of you know had intercourse and I wasn't as ready as I thought I was and fell into a depression. He tried calling me and finding ways to hang out and I just ended up making somebody's life miserable his because I probably (if I didn't break his heart) truly hurt him. And I was never able to apologize for what I did.
Life takes us in different paths and when you have certain experiences you don't want to be involved with people. There are so many single guys and girls and why go for a married person? That is stupid. What I need is a man who is willing to share his whole life with me so we can grow as people together and share life together. Why would you want too be a supposed mistress and live on the sideline. Be F***** when ever they supposedly feel like it and you get the satisfaction of going home to an empty room full of loneliness and despair? That would truly suck!
Some shit, ain't it?
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