Thursday, August 29, 2013

updates

I've been around but every time I log on there aren't many people posting here. It makes me sad. Well makes sense with still so much uncertain with which 2.0 entails but at least we finally received an update today. I'm still anxious to see what it's going to look time. I've been here since 2004. I go time through out the years where I do take breaks but it's not because I leave but because I take time out from the blogging scene. 
A single mom with a child in 2nd grade surely has busy times with homework, cooking and maintaining everything i must do. This year they're trying to concentrate more on reading with the kids which is wonderful because my son needs that. I also enrolled him in an earlier class in his school. He usually starts school at 9 but since I put him in a tutoring class type at 7:30am... the transition was different and I little tougher for me it seems but it's working out so far. 
My parents left town for a little bit. My dad is helping his bro fix up his house in Minnesota. And he wanted my mom to go so so far she's been relaxing our there. Travels are tough when you're going to try and work and there was no money from the beginning but I wish them the best until they come back. It was my dad's birthday on the 27th (Tuesday) and I was okay, I spoke with him on the phone. It was nice, but I'm so use to buying a lil cake and celebrating that way. I was a bit emotional. 
Since my parents are out of town working the once a week is hard. I can't go to work if there is no one to meet my son here and since we've lived here a few years and don't know people around here. I know they're friendly but you don't typically see people out and much less just randomly trust people you don't talk much to. And the neighbors you would trust are hardly here. Haha so it was a struggle. I was going to go ask a neighbor that lives a few blocks away but we don't talk much and Danny would have to get off the bus and walk out there. I felt compelled not to go work. My love saved the day. I didn't think that was an option but he truly shows his love to us. He's taken vacation days on those few tuesdays to allow me to work. It's not much work but the gesture and  favor is more than I can ever repay. I'm a lucky woman to have a man like this. 
We just found a school mate from my sister (A little girl that lived down the street from us when we were growing up, who my mom watched her for a little, her brother helped tutor me when I was 10 on the clarinet) 's body was down on a river. Well they barely Identified the body. She had disappear last january and the body was found as a Jane Doe in April and her body had already started decomposing so it wasn't too recognizable. But, thank God they found out who it was. So sad that since her body was found in a bad shape the cause of death is undetermined and may never be found. Her name was Ana Karina. May her soul rest in peace and her family finally receive closure. No one deserves to go through that but we always never have a say in the way we're all going to go out. 

Monday, August 19, 2013

Snoog420's niece passed away

I know many of you have been wondering where she @snoog420 went ... well she's been ....not here.... kind of, even though she's come back recently as @NoiteOrquidea But, this isn't really about her even though we want to show her love and support for what her family is going through.  I know many of us aren't too much around but none the less we're all a family and a community here and if it were a family member of ours or even our own kids we would be pulling together to help ease pain. 
Snoog's (Ani)family is trying to raise funds for her cousin and husband to help with everything with their little daughter's death. I know some of you can't because times are hard but some of you may be able to and it would all be greatly appreciated. 

Follow this link ... here oor copy and paste this  gofundme.com/3wzt9g ... Any donation will help no matter how small. Please take a moment! 
Go say hi and to snoog and help her out. The loss of a child in any family is painful. 
All I thought was, what if it was my child? What would I do... May God grant this family the strength and love to over come such a hard time. 
Please go help them and donate what you can! 

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all! May you all be blessed!

Friday, August 2, 2013

I'm having twins

Nothing is scarier than waking up with two of your calves screaming in pain, wanting to escape your body... it's bad enough when it's one but when it's two...AHHHHHHHHhhhhh!!!!!
You get the picture.
All that talk about pregnancy last night and your family wanting you to have kids and then you realizing that you didn't take your pills right over the weekend creep up bad when you realize that you mainly haven't had your calves hurt that bad since you were pregnant with you son, who is 7 1/2 years old. 
shock face photo: shockface ty_shock_face.gif
yea that's when the thoughts of conversation creep up... 
And my mom's story with the beans... (Mexican, tall tale) 
Apparently, when they're cleaning the beans if one falls out or something it means 
"BABY"
stork with baby photo: baby stork stork_1.gif
(according to my dad)
So then my mom reminded my dad that story and then she said she dropped two. 
And my dad said, "TWINS"
stork twins photo: stork twins storktwins_000.gif
And she tells me the story last night, and she laughs telling me that maybe I'll be the lucky one to have twins. They've been on this one for a while. I think they want me to have kids or something... scary!!! 
And every time they bring it up I laugh nervously and want to 
 run away scared photo: 1sm117run-for-hills 1sm117run-for-hills.gif
My aunt yesterday, was telling me that Danny was older now and it was time for me to have kids. Haha funny people... always trying to give suggestions. 
And I woke up to all those thoughts. And I thought, "Oh shit! I'm having twins"  
But, I'm not. haha You can point a finger and laugh if I do in the next 9-10 months others wise... I'm not! 
nervous laugh photo:  tumblr_mfnhj2C4GZ1qhtpi8o11_r1_250.gif
Hahahahahaha 

Scary thoughts... 
thanks for reading...
#MadeYouLook 

You are saved...

I know there was a bit of drama with the whole changing of the dead line and what not but be that as a may...

welcome back photo: welcome back Welcome-Back.jpg

to the undead 

xanga photo: xanga xanga.gif

:)

Monday, July 29, 2013

Last Post/Farewell

I saw that xanga is a little over $10,000 short. It makes me sad that it might not make it. As much as I have been on and off since 2004, this place has been my home and the place where I have confined the best.
I'm sure going to miss having all of you in the same page to scan and read posts. Everybody is so scattered now. Mainly most of you are in wordpress. I know I'm not there and that makes it tough but a few of you are in blogger and through that I can follow you in wordpress. I know it's not the same but I will do my best.
This was very fun while it lasted and I'm so glad I met so many of you. Well, I met a handful in person and what a privilege that was. And, instead of meeting some of you I spoke through messages we got to know each other more that way.
I mean I met my boyfriend here @cucumber_melonhead. I was actually looking forward to and when/if we took the leap of faith/life and ever made it official to post about it but none the less the memories here are endless. The memories that started on xanga and became real life are priceless. I can't say how sad I am that this is happening, but I'm glad we talked and you're all wonderful people. You all meant so much to me. *big bear hug*

Xanga has been the place where I was able to vent. The first place I was able to feel as myself and felt people accepted. Never in life had I felt this happy. It came such a part of me that Xanga broke a relationship I was starting, then I met another great person who helped me find myself and ultimately helped me find the love of my life. I'd say this is major for my simple little life.
Thanks to all of you wonderful xangans. Not, only because you're wonderful people but because your posts  helped with issues in life, helped me understand that I wasn't alone, gave me advice, helped me understand different positions and even understand different  religions. I learned I'm  passive when it come to arguments. I found myself here and I gain more confidence. This site what I needed to be me.

Thanks!

Farewell to some and to other's ttyl, and to other's I will see you in other places.
Miss you all...

Love with all my might,
Rey Flores



I borrowed Johnson's glasses, messy hair... ;)


Then we all played water balloons and water fighting with my son. fun times this weekend.

A happy family, indeed! =D
Simply Us! <3
Thank you for reading. Hope you are having a wonderful summer! Peace!!

Follow  me:
or find me on Facebook just  tell me who you are. =D

Saturday, July 6, 2013

How to contact me

Well I honestly don't know if xanga will survive or not but as much as I love reading other's posts I enjoyed blogging myself. That was what helped me during my years of need. Sadly, even if xanga does make it, wont be able to afford to pay just to blog. I love this site and it's what I've grown the most comfort with. Oh well....

If anybody is ever interested they can surely email me to:
pinktiger335@yahoo.com or pinktiger335@gmail.com

I'm also on twitter:
lovelypinktiger
tumblr:
lovelypinktiger

I'm also on blog spot as well
pinktiger335

Friday, May 31, 2013

My son is going to 2nd

So for those of you you who have been around and gave me advice I want to say thank you and I appreciate. My son has been promoted to the 2nd grade and I couldn't be happier. I still have work to do but I'm happy he is given the chance. He was working harder and he's reading better. Now that must continue for more success.

I'm happy I got the news yesterday with his report card.

I'm still saddened about the situation of Xanga but what can we do? I will surely miss this place. But, I can say it has brought me a lot of peace when I was able to express myself and more importantly it brought me the love of my life to me. Too bad we wont be able to post about it in the future but this place brought many gifts to us and I will always appreciate this place for that.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Nothing's wrong mind you...
 But something I get these thoughts and I know they're not nice or good... I try fighting them making and them go away. I've been hiding them them forever. It's like they just don't want to leave me. Lately they've been worse and I feel so guilty. It burns my inside. I'm trying harder.
All I see is myself at the end of the edge just waiting to leap. It feels like everything will be all better that way. But, then I wonder for who. you know? I just feel like lately I do is put people down, like my mood is disappointing and I'm hating myself for it. I feel needy but who likes that so I repress. I feel a bit anxious too. I'm overwhelmed with myself. It sometimes feel like if I go, everybody would be relieved. it's not like anybody really remembers. But, let's be honest I'm not those kinds of people. I just need a release, and nothing gives it to me. I use to cut to make me feel better from this place but I can't even do that. There isn't a place I can hide. I don't need time off, I don't need to go away but useless sometimes.
You gotta love these hormones lately. I pity when I feel this way. It's like being on the outside looking in with disgust. All I really want is a drink. I just want to see why other's drink to feel better. I don't want to get drunk though. I wont buy alcohol though. I don't like buying stuff really.
My mind is tired of talking to itself. It's going around in circles it doesn't have clarity at the moment.
I'm a grownup everything is suppose to make sense. Everything is suppose to be together already. As I get older I feel I'm losing control and I feel more like a child. Like with age I'm losing wisdom.
I wake up so many times at night. During the day, time flies... my life is running away... Am I really alive at the moment?
I should really be grateful for life. I have a beautiful son, a loving and caring boyfriend... I have 2 arms and legs ... I get to teach my passion a couple times a month. I don't know what's wrong with me? Why do I feel this way...
Why do the tears not stop at times. Maybe, it's because it's night time?
Other times I really really want a baby... I actually find myself wanting a child for the first time in my life.
Then, I wonder why would I want to ... I feel selfish thinking about the future. Then I fight myself back and forth. The really wanting a child wins but I don't know ... I know I wont be alone. But, I'm afraid of being alone again.
This must all be normal. I don't know... *sigh*
Why  does my brain do this... Sometimes it feels like it masks my weakness with strength... I'm not strong at the moment. If somebody were to ask me to explain further, I'd be stumped. I have no explanation for feeling worthless. I just do. i have no reason for wanting to end it, I just have a reasons not to. How can I feel so my discontent when life is beautiful and I see happiness in everyday... That's what I dont get. Why?
And why do I sometimes still feel alone? Am I doing something wrong?
It seems like my heart is racing less so maybe i'm feeling better, for now.

Friday, May 10, 2013

 use to be so competitive when I was young. I was not skinny or too athletic but it would never have stopped me to try and have a lil one on one... I had friends who excelled in school so I naturally tried harder. I wanted to come close to their brain capacity. I was ok and kept at it to not stay behind. Competition with them and myself and strive.

I excelled in many ways. I was young so goals were small. I beat them all at the driving test and driving permit. How many did you miss? They were boys... of course they wanted to make sure they knew more than I did. But, when it came down to paper at that point it didn't matter. I felt triumphant. In music many seeked my help and nothing like blowing up my shy, weird, always wearing black, being made fun of by others, self... I didn't care then.Well, i did but then my innocent self who craved love and understanding felt she was forever alone and i understood that then. I wanted small things in life. Well I did want love and to be wanted. But who doesn't.

There was certainly one thing I beat many of my friends. I certainly lost my virginity first and not only that. I was the first to have my very own child, the first to lose hope and get lost. The first to have to grow up, the first to learn the hard way and the first to find herself being dead weight among her friends.

I was the first to lose hope, to be lost and the first again to feel forever alone. It was a funny joke life through at me but I wasn't laughing. I silent most of my life crying in dismay. I learned many things in life , maybe not the hardest way but, in a not so easy manner. The lessons learned have taught me a lot And one thing for sure is for others to avoid this.

Its avoidable pain. Well maybe it's not. I don't know. I'm glad I've learned a lot and I have more.

I still feel lost in life. I met the small goals in life and they took me no where. Feel a victim of certain circumstances but not due to my son that no matter what, was a choice. I hope one day I find another passion that will actually lead me to success. My passion now is A money less investment but a love no less. With the love I have in my life I know everything will fall in place. I pray the economy gets even more so better. 

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

God has been good

I enjoy going to mass every sunday morning. The three of us go ... Johnson @cucumber_melonhead , my son and I ...

Don't get me wrong there are times where I'm still confused as the one God and there is Jesus (Son of God) and he is the savior and our God but he's not because he's sitting at the right hand of the father. I guess the trinity thing just makes my head hurt over and over. And I read and recite the Nicene Creed every sunday and I hope the it helps and it doesn't when it comes to the trinity. Sure, I shouldn't even think about it but I can't help it.

What will happen when my son is of age and starts wondering, how shall I answer him? he's only 7, but still.

When we go to mass johnson leaves halfway... well doesn't just leave. He's dismissed. He started going to RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) courses at the church where I go to mass, of course in case you didn't know, I'm Roman Catholic.
He's going to go into his 2nd year. He found something within the church that has brought him closer to God and of course We feel that God brought us together. He helps me understand so many things and I know there will be challenges. But, they should make us stronger and united as long as we keep communication.

The end and starting plan of course is to be married. And if it were just up to the state, I think somehow we might be married or not I don't know. But, he wants to get married under the church and have the ritual just like I use to want to as a little girl.

Could I have been blessed anymore? I probably doubt it.
A more special man, there is not. Don't get me wrong he does make me mad at times (And I hope this isn't the first he finds out, and I know I'm at fault too, since it's hard for me to express myself at times. I rather cry it out to myself like it's a tantrum than say something that probably means nothing) ... You know I vowed myself to TRYnot be a nagging person or say stupid things like things that I always use to see girls get mad with their guys. it looks so stupid. I have found myself being as stupid as they act and sometimes I find it unreasonable so why show it to someone so I keep it to myself... yup I do...
I found out that guys don't pay attention to somethings anyways... so it's not all their fault. It's our fault for sometimes having false expectations. But, is it so wrong, at times... to want more? Maybe it is... because  I'm sure they want more at times but don't say anything. And they're not, and so we're not mind readers either.

I hope I never make anyone feel trapped or burdened.
I always pray for patience and understanding. Goodness, do I need it at times!!!
More importantly I give thanks everyday because without life and the challenges I have, I would be nothing or no one.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Good Note

It's been about a month since I had wrote about my son and his possibility of being retained in first grade for a second year. I send a note to  the teacher on friday and she called me back today. I am pleased to say that she has confirmed that he is doing much better in school. His writing and reading has improved. He's still weak in the subjects but there has been improvement. We're both hopeful that he might just make it unto the second grade. I've been a little more on him. And I know it's less play but it's working. It's tough on me too since I've been more tired and exhausted. I definitely look forward to fridays all the time. The end of the school year is almost here .. maybe like 3-4 more weeks or so we gotta keep going strong until the end. I'm going to have to keep him busy over the summer as well. It will  do him some well. He seems like he's starting to like books more again. This makes me happy.

I also signed up today for first aid/ CPR class... I hope this will help me seek out some employment at the school districts not counting the finger printings I have to do. I need something and no matter what I have to as a job. I pray to god that this will be a start. this was preventing me from some jobs are school sites but I couldn't afford it then. I have hope... I have hope... *crossing fingers* I'm pretty desperate. This person is also seeing about helping me get a sub- part time for pre-schools... So I really hope.
This morning I go into my mother's room and as I'm ready to open my mouth her phone rings. It's ok, it happens a lot. She gets calls a lot it's part of her business. But, I don't know what it is today. I'm just feeling I don't know what I feel today. I guess a little sad, like last night I felt a little un-noticed for the first time and I didn't know what to think or feel. It just felt something.  routine already. a little disappointed.

I go in to talk to my mom and she's busy again. maybe attention or someone to listen to me, I don't know anymore... I wanted to tell her about about a book the bf left me and I looked into the cpr class I need and the cost.... Once the phone rang I didn't matter anymore.
A couple hours later, I hear her in the kitchen and once again determined I go. And she is still on the phone with the same person. I finally tell her about the class and she says I have the money to do it. So I told her for the misunderstanding with the school district again and not getting my stipend. She said that I could get a lawyer. There's no case for $600-800... they forgot to put I'm staff so no money... I didn't know what I wanted her to say but the more she talked the more I ended up getting upset that she put me second. Maybe I'm being selfish.
She asked why I was upset. So I told her I wasn't upset. So she asked why I was upset at her? I was thinking it and I was going to tell her that she always puts her phone first. I didn't, I couldn't ... I just left. Maybe I'm too hard on everything.

/Clearing my head.

just needed to cry...

Friday, March 29, 2013

Disneyland :)

We went to Disneyland on Monday 03-18-13. It was the first time my son had an opportunity to go.

pics are kind of backward...Oops!!
Johnson was by himself in the Buzzlight Year ride... :(
My son and I took on the aliens together! 
My son's first time button! =D 
Our Expensive hats... too expensive but the memories!! 
Theirs are in cursive because it was the cheaper engrave-ment = $3... Mine was $7 because they said that my hat was thicker... Talk about rip-offs. 
This was at the end of the night right before we were about to leave. Look at my honey's poor right eye! 
I gave him pink eye, which I had the week before. :( But, he still looks handsome!! =D 
My son looks happy here. You know why? He was just given this bubble machine. And for free... We had just bought him his hat and he was pouty because he was falling asleep in line  waiting for the roger rabbit ride. And he was tired and bored. He hated the lines and made sure we knew every second. When we were about to pay for hat he told the  cashier that he was unhappy because we wouldn't let him get everything he wanted. If only that place wasn't so expensive. 
Picture is a little blurry but it's one of my favorites. We were in line waiting for "It's a small World" ride. 
My feet were tired and we finally sat down for a couple minutes. That in the red is my brother Orland and the girl is his girlfriend. They happen to go on the same day we were there. It was my brother's last day of leave before he went back to the Marines. He had just finished bootcamp. 
Many beautiful places there! =D 
The moment we walked into the park! =D 
This was part of our lovely trip. It was very very exhausting but it was an eye opener for my son. He knew he wouldn't get his way the way he wanted the whole time. He wants to go again and I would to take him again but I don't know if I can handle taking him again unless a little friend goes or he's more patient.
Frankly I wouldn't mind going back just myself and Johnson. We would be able to get on all the rides we want. 
I don't know. We will see what happens in the near future. To begin with Disneyland is so expensive. I wish it was more affordable. But, maybe one day I'll have nice income to afford the luxury. Someday, I hope. 

Thursday, March 28, 2013

I understand my parents now


 
As I deal with my more and more, I understand why my mother and father would do what they did for me and my siblings. I know back in the day parents were a lot more strict and I know I'm a little strict but not as bad they were. Even though now, sometimes I wished I was.

With today's way of living, I can handle an "I hate you" many times over and its because I love my son that much. He's said it a few times and believe me you those first few time it hurt my feelings. I couldn't believe that what I was doing to protect him made him so upset he would yell at me that he  hated me.

Never would have said that to my parents myself, I would have been beaten. Lol Not beaten in an abuse way but in an you better understand or you'll get more of this. And I understood. Sure sometimes I was a little scared but would still do what I wanted as a child.
Now that I'm not a child I see things in a different light. I understand more things that I wished I understood when I was young. I was always pretty understand. Well, I was able to comprehend why they couldn't buy me everything I wanted or needed but maybe because I was the oldest. My siblings couldn't... they whined about it. I can just see my son in them.
He acts like a spoiled brat, self righteous ... always wanting it his way. The funny thing is that he acts this way and yet he doesn't get it all. Well sometimes. It's hard being a single mom and bringing up a child. I have more help now. But, the child is still hard and stubborn. Many things he doesn't understand and doesn't want to.

As parents we're going to do what we need to give the opportunity of success. I've cried, been frustrated, and cried some more but I won't stop until the message I want my son to have is embedded. He needs to know what I want him to know. He will one day understand. And that's what keeps me going.

I need to know that when he has kids of his own, he will allow himself to be hated for their greater good! and for his fortune, I hop he wont be a single parent but if he was. He would understand everything even more.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

You feel like a failure as a mother, person when you can't quite get your son up to reading level and the teacher is considering holding him back.

I need advice. I read with him. Its harder for him to read but I help him. What else can I do. I sit with him everyday to do his homework. Its sometimes a min. of an hour daily ... he's in first grade. I know nothing can go wrong if he is held back my brothers were when they were in first grade but there was a language barrier. They went from a bilingual class to all English ... but my son knows English. Schools were different then as well. I never remember my parents helping or being able to help me. And its so different now. I have to find ways to explain the homework so it makes sense.

*sigh* I'm just frustrated... I know this will end up how it should but it just makes me feel like crying. I know ... what a baby! What when you feel a bit overwhelmed ....
It's been a while since we've had a date together for a while. We  see each other every weekend and I cherish every moment. I love the closeness we have and the interaction we get with my son.

I do need me or us time. Not always, but here and there you know?

We go to the grocery store, errands, go to mass but those are things that must be done you know?

I'm looking forward to Saturday. We're dressing up. At this moment I really forget what but I think if I recall correctly we're going to see Wicked in Orange county. I've never seen a musical.

I'm so excited. :) He said it's because we didn't get to have a proper valentine's day. Things changed, and we ended up not doing anything as we had planned. But, it's ok. I was still able to give him what I wanted to him.

He always so thoughtful.
He gave me the bottle of wine that we first had together, and that I enjoyed, but filled with little stars he made himself. <3 This gifts are always so thoughtful! He puts thoughts into what he does.

heartsmooch

He had the right half and I have the left half. heartheart

He is the sweetest most kind person in the world that I've had the pleasure to meet. I don't think I would ever be able to meet a most genuine and kind hearted person. This man definitely took my heart And I love him with all that I've got. I've never felt so complete having my son by my side and this man by my side.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Doc changed BC

So I went to my regular every 3 months check with the Doc... well girl doc because I don't have a real primary check up doc anyways... so

Ok you can stop reading if TMI or you don't want to know....

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So as went to the doctor to get my refill on birth control.... I mean at the moment it doesn't really matter if I take it or not but since I was pregnant with my son I vowed that I would always use it regardless but at the moment not really being intimate. But, as us today I've been 85 days late....

wait, wait, wait....
NO, I'm not. I was surprised when they asked me to pee in a cup they hadn't done that but at the same thought I guess it could have been a possibility but not really since I take my bc regularly. The test came out negative of course.
I was on Lo loestrin but since I haven't had my cycle in like a few months my doc thought it's starting to make me gain a little weight. She said I have to exercise but I had already started doing that. So then she decided to then change my BC.
She changed it to Ortho Trycyclen ... I still don't know but apparently I should being getting it in like 4 weeks... I have really enjoyed saving money on not having to  buy products and feel discomfort but I guess it's everybody's (well girl's) burden to bear.
Once I get it she wants me to stop pills for 5 days (she didn't even let me finish my old pack to start so I'm a week early now) but I guess it gets regulated because once I get stop pills and then start them again. But, since I hate theside affects of changing bc she said that it might be very heavy flow for the whole time. And if it lasts more than 10 days to go back. That's what I'm worried. Last time I started the last bc, I swear for that whole month I probably had a 7-10 break... aunt flow is no fun!
Sorry for those of you who read if any. Who can I really talk to about this but myself but I hate it repeated in my head so at least it's here with my personal or public journal. Not so much journal as it is an outlet. Nobody cares but I just needed it out of my chest.
Today I was so without energy and so tired. I still went walking the mile  and half like every morning. I just wanted to relax but it was a busy day.And goodness so irritable. Ahhhh!!!!!
OK, until something else comes up.

Monday, February 4, 2013

My new look

ME 01-2013

Well Since you have last seen me. I changed my hair color the end of December but since I want to up keep it up I just retouched it a few days ago and I thinned out my eye brows a bit and well trying new things with make-up. It's the first picture I'm semi satisfied with in a long time.

What to do you think?

Do you like it?

yay, football? bets...

Well yesterday was the Super Bowl. I've never been a huge fan of football... I was a band nerd so the only reason I ever saw the sport was because we were forced to play pep music. Yes, so much fun being in the cold, not being able to snack ... wait off topic... So this is the 2nd year we kind of watch super bowl and I say kind of because Johnson is a football fan not I. =D Either way, his team wasn't  playing but we were going to enjoy time together.

 He made burgers, he made his own patties and stuffed them with cheese and jalapenos and we made home made fries and well we even made chicken wings and he made some bbq, buffalo sauce and garlic Parmesan, This man goes all out and it's a delicious reward. =D 
So while we were making all that the game was about the start and he said he was rooting for the 49ers ... woot woot... what California in their right mind wasn't doing that. I asked him is he bet on the game an he said no. And I asked him if he wanted to. He said sure. But the question was what were we betting???

Dun dun DUN!!!!!
I said his choice and we don't bet money just different small items.

He finally came up with one. He said that if I won that we would go with me to watch Les Mis .... and I said deal. You see, I've been wanting to watch this movie. I don't know why but I want to watch and it was the first time I asked him to go see a movie with me and he said no. Every time I've asked he has said no. So of course it made me watch it even more but I couldn't and for the first time I didn't want to go alone and I didn't want to go with anyone else. I rather not watch it at all. Oh well....

Then he was asking me... what don't you like. So I said, you know me well enough so figure it out. So he said, if he won he wouldn't have to watch starwars when it came out. I said deal. I don't know if I'd want to watch them anyways so it didn't feel like much of a lost anyways. But, I agreed. he tried changing it when we saw the debut trailer of fast 6 because we're going to go watch in may... I like those movies and have bee waiting for like 3 yrs for this one.  don't care if you don't like it but I do. =D
And I said no. We agreed to starwars and that was that. You see, he's never see a starwars movie and nor does he  want to. My son and I like watching the movies. We're cool people. My sister's boyfriend was always trying to get her to watch them as well and he always declined but just a few months ago he finally watch the movies and he likes them... yay So Johnson said well then if it took you so long to watch the movies then I will wait that long too... We have a countdown going until we will have a star wars marathon and he will watch them all. We have 1827 days to go until that ... a little over5 years... fun... i think he'll cave in but I don't know, he might not.

And so who won? Baltimore Ravens and so won the wager, I did.... it was a close call and for a small while it seemed as if I wasn't going to see Les Mis but it seems as I will soon. A movie date night. Yay!! =D

That was our sunday!

Friday, February 1, 2013

Lent and Valentine's Day

So we're so close to Valentine's Day, what like 2 weeks away. I don't know what to do or give my lovely bf.. HELP!! Been thinking for a long time time but I'm blank. Any ideas would be wonderful.
Anyways, regardless of that day being the day of love, I know we don't have to give each other anything or he doesn't because he shows me love all the time and that's more special than showing love only one day of the year. 
We have decided we're going to go to this restaurant that's buffet style but the food there is delicious. you can have steak and shrimp and you don't pay for the steak and shrimp cost but you still get the taste. Yummy! He asked me to invite my parents so they're going to go and we're taking my son. So it will be a nice family time out. Well almost how it is every weekend anyways. =D Sundays it's usually all 5 of us when we eat but it never makes it less special. 

On February 16th we're going on a little birthday party with a friend of his so that will be nice. 

On the 17th we're celebrating my sister's 26th birthday on a sunday brunch thing after mass. And she said we would celebrate both our birthdays just how when we were little but her birthday is on feb 16th and mine was on January 7th but nonetheless the thought of her including me is nice. 
those are busy days. 

Lent

The time of reflection within ourselves is here. February 13 is the beginning of lent with Ash Wedensday.... so all you wondering when MARDI GRAS is ... (FAT TUESDAY) it will be tuesday FEB 12 =D 
So Johnson and I have decided to get to know each other as a couple better and reflect and communicate better more than the affectionate ways during this time of reflection. I'm sure it will help us grow in our faith together and allow us to understand each other in different ways. So it happens to come before V-day it's ok. Because there is a deeper love and a love we have to share with God and ourselves. If we never sacrifice or challenge ourselves when will we meet who we are and if we're truly up to doing it for the long run. 

See i go to a prayer group every friday night with my mom and I have learned so much more about our faith and honestly a lot has to do with faith. And Johnson and I go to mass every sunday and then he goes off to his RCIA classes and then I learn about what he learned and it helps me as well. It seems as God has the right people places in my life for it to get better. My Son goes to mass with us. He still doesn't quite get it but in a way I understand because I'm barely trying to understand. At least we get him there. It first started with allowing his to use our phones and play games and once he started going slowly took the phone away and now he's better, not always happy but we're all together. And he's behaving well so I'm one happy mom. =D And he's mellow and loves going to the prayer group. mainly because the kids but he goes and next year he will go to catechism and he will learn more and tell me about it. =D 
Alright, so I guess I'm starting to write again and it feels great. =D 

photos blog (kind of ) looking back ...hi =D

sorry for the negativity last time. I was actually writing this after christmas but then my bday came along and just spoiled my mood. I'm in a great mood and being more positive. Thanks!

December

The 1 year Anniversary

So as I had posted a blog in November about the first time @Cucumber_melonhead and I had met well,  our actual anniversary was on December 5th but that was a busy day so we celebrated on December 4th. Can I just say he's an amazing person. He is thoughtful and just always knows how to say the right thing and even the wrong things at times haha but when he realizes he knows what to say. So on this day he completely surprised me and was rather secretive about where we were going. He ended taking me to a shooting range. It was so much fun!! I had never shot a gun and had wanted to for ages. I was very happily surprised. Well the only thing I didn't like too much was when we shot a handgun (I believe) the casing? fell in my shirt .... well not once but 3 times... I still have some burn scars on my chest. Those were worth it I suppose. Memory of our 1 year haha.
After shooting we went to Dinner to Steven's Steakhouse and that was one nice place. The light were dim, and it was very  romantic evening. We ate a nice dinner and enjoyed our time together.

One of the guns we both shot for the first time on our Anniversary!


My love shooting!

Our Delicious dinner!
Danny's Birthday

That following weekend it was my son's 7th birthday. What can I say? He turned 7 and he's doing wonderfully.Theme was adventure time and his little siblings came over thanks to @snoog420. We all had a wonderful time.




Kids wanted to take a picture with me. =D

Ana @Snoog420 next to my car watching the kids pick up lots candy!=D

Finn and Jake
Wedding
We went to a wedding on the 22. It was losts of fun. i met more of Johnson's friends and I finally felt comfortable. we all talked as he was always busy with the wedding party and danced and drank ... and yea... I had a lot of fun talk to new and people I had met before. They all would tell me the same thing and it was comforting and relieving all at once. I think for the little or a lot that he's mentioned about me. They're happy and in his life and well more than anything they're happy he's happy and I'm happy they're happy that he's happy with me. Hope I didn't lose you!! His bro called me his family the whole night and he felt happy because he received his first hug from me. I guess he liked calling sister in law. It was nice to hear and feel acceptance from his brother. I know Johnson respects him a lot. =D Johnson had fun, yea, I saw him drunk for the first time ever. lol Apparently he's very jealous when drunk and very for drinking and thinks I'm the most beautiful girl ever... he's adorable but I did have to put a small stop because i didn't want him to suffer the next morning. He still suffered.. oh well.

Us at the wedding!

They had a photo booth

The left pic is with Johnson and his bro and their friend.
The right is with with an old friend of Johnson, his bro, his bro's bff.

Christmas
We spent time with family and it was nice. What can we say. Well since my bro Roland came from North Carolina and was meeting his 2nd baby for the first time my mom invited my other aunts and cousins. They all took pictures with my bro in his dress blues. They're all certainly proud of our Marine. And soon we'll have another. Once he's out of boot camp in March. Christmas is family time and it was an enjoyable time.
We went to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve.
Johnson and my son
The 3 most important men in my life.
My dad on the right, Johnson on the left and
Danny in the middle. <3
 
This was his Christmas Present for me. My first Coach Purse. =D
My gift wasn't much but he looks happy, right?!?!



November
Thanksgiving
We had our first thanksgiving dinner together and with my family. It was a truly stressful day. Out of all the days it was the first time our oven didn't work but he does amazing things regardless.
If you want to see the awesome food Johnson made go to this Holiday Roundup blog. =D I don't have pics at the time.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Advice from males and females for my 7 year old?

Ok so we have this kitten/cat well he's about to be one year old in like may but we think he's in heat. Actually he probably is. He's been acting weird the last few days and I just couldn't figure it out but I think he just figured out the feeling of sexuality. I don't know if he's done anything, he's a cat.
So lately the cat has been coming to our room like usual, he sleeps with my son and trying to get comfortable in my son's bed but it seems like he never gets it right because he keep clawing at my son's blankets. Well he was doing that tonight and well I had told my son after reading to get under both covers to go to sleep because he had been reading with me in mine. And the cat wasn't all to thrilled that he was losing his spot to his keeper. I went over to move the kitty and picked him up and kitty wasn't to happy.  I looked down on him (not to be a pervert) and his little penis was sticking out. He's, I guess, feeling different textures... Mmm curious cat!
I was hoping my son didn't see it but how could he not the cat's bottom was looking straight to him by accident. Well I didn't know what I was going to see either. We've never had a big male cat.. Then after a few moments it hits my 7 yr old and he says, "Eww, was that the cat's pee pees?" and I said I wasn't sure and then he was like "Yea, it was. Was he peeing on my bed?" And I said, "No, it's fine just cover your self" I took the kitty out of the room and closed the door.
And then my son says this...
"When I dream and I think of Rosale my pee pees stands up too." And I looked at him in (not disbelief but more a "Did you really just  say this?") and all she says, "Really!"
He's 7 and we've never really talked much about sexuality I mean he's freaking 7. I'm a mom. I once told my dad to speak to him but he's too old fashion. I know he's little an curious but he's already liking the feeling of touching himself. He says it tickles and he giggles.

Ok, Moms what would you say? Or how would you bring it up?

Ok, Guys I know nothing about the guy's reproductive organ well you know what I mean. What can I tell my son. I'm the only person my son has had until recently (I've always mainly been his mom and dad) and he's young and confines in me a lot. how can I guide him? What do I do? He's my 7 yr old baby. I'm not going to smother him but I do feel unsure. I wasn't expecting this for quite some time more. Especially the thinking about a girls makes him feel a certain way already.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

OH God 28 crept up

My Birthday was monday ... yay, right?!! RIGHT?! Well it didn't feel like yay... I felt like i was 13 all over again and it felt like the worst day of my life. I felt like I was the loneliest person alive. Unlike when I was 13 there was no people so crying was not noticed. I ended up falling asleep with a headache after helping my son finish his homework. It was fine and dandy but sometimes we just feel different on different days. Don't ask me how I feel right at this moment because if I felt better you bet you niceness I would be writing a happy post which I have some to write, I just don't have motivation to write..
That song "Lonely Day" by System of a Down felt more happy than how I was feeling.

I guess it made it ok to be in my room alone and just let it out. It's suppose to make me feel better. And I suppose all those nice "Happy Birthdays" I was getting on facebook were nice yet I was in my room still. I remembering being surround by friends in college and having people to hang out and people would be there for you but then I remembered oh yea, I'm a loner why would anyone really remember me. Then again a loser at 28. I feel like such a failure. I'm suppose to have everything together and nothing is put together. I don't know where I'm going, I don't have any dreams anymore. I can't change anything. I can't go back to school and doing anything right about now sounds better than not doing anything. I just want/ need that part of my life to fall in place so I can be more supportive and upset in a different way. But, I'd be mad but I at least would have my spending my money. I wouldn't be stuck in my room all day trying to fill out apps and never get calls. I don't think my resume is that bad. But, obviously no one wants me. and it makes me sad.

Ok, I feel better for today. But, it still sucks to be 28...  I hope I can dream again and get my life into feeling positive. It's definiely the type of feelings I want to show my son. I want him to feel hopeful about the future and going to school but after my experience I feel I can't give him that... I will try to. But, besides my negativity I hope 2013 is a good year. I pray.