As I deal with my more and more, I understand why my mother and father would do what they did for me and my siblings. I know back in the day parents were a lot more strict and I know I'm a little strict but not as bad they were. Even though now, sometimes I wished I was.
With today's way of living, I can handle an "I hate you" many times over and its because I love my son that much. He's said it a few times and believe me you those first few time it hurt my feelings. I couldn't believe that what I was doing to protect him made him so upset he would yell at me that he hated me.
Never would have said that to my parents myself, I would have been beaten. Lol Not beaten in an abuse way but in an you better understand or you'll get more of this. And I understood. Sure sometimes I was a little scared but would still do what I wanted as a child.
Now that I'm not a child I see things in a different light. I understand more things that I wished I understood when I was young. I was always pretty understand. Well, I was able to comprehend why they couldn't buy me everything I wanted or needed but maybe because I was the oldest. My siblings couldn't... they whined about it. I can just see my son in them.
He acts like a spoiled brat, self righteous ... always wanting it his way. The funny thing is that he acts this way and yet he doesn't get it all. Well sometimes. It's hard being a single mom and bringing up a child. I have more help now. But, the child is still hard and stubborn. Many things he doesn't understand and doesn't want to.
As parents we're going to do what we need to give the opportunity of success. I've cried, been frustrated, and cried some more but I won't stop until the message I want my son to have is embedded. He needs to know what I want him to know. He will one day understand. And that's what keeps me going.
I need to know that when he has kids of his own, he will allow himself to be hated for their greater good! and for his fortune, I hop he wont be a single parent but if he was. He would understand everything even more.
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