use to be so competitive when I was young. I was not skinny or too athletic but it would never have stopped me to try and have a lil one on one... I had friends who excelled in school so I naturally tried harder. I wanted to come close to their brain capacity. I was ok and kept at it to not stay behind. Competition with them and myself and strive.

I excelled in many ways. I was young so goals were small. I beat them all at the driving test and driving permit. How many did you miss? They were boys... of course they wanted to make sure they knew more than I did. But, when it came down to paper at that point it didn't matter. I felt triumphant. In music many seeked my help and nothing like blowing up my shy, weird, always wearing black, being made fun of by others, self... I didn't care then.Well, i did but then my innocent self who craved love and understanding felt she was forever alone and i understood that then. I wanted small things in life. Well I did want love and to be wanted. But who doesn't.

There was certainly one thing I beat many of my friends. I certainly lost my virginity first and not only that. I was the first to have my very own child, the first to lose hope and get lost. The first to have to grow up, the first to learn the hard way and the first to find herself being dead weight among her friends.

I was the first to lose hope, to be lost and the first again to feel forever alone. It was a funny joke life through at me but I wasn't laughing. I silent most of my life crying in dismay. I learned many things in life , maybe not the hardest way but, in a not so easy manner. The lessons learned have taught me a lot And one thing for sure is for others to avoid this.

Its avoidable pain. Well maybe it's not. I don't know. I'm glad I've learned a lot and I have more.

I still feel lost in life. I met the small goals in life and they took me no where. Feel a victim of certain circumstances but not due to my son that no matter what, was a choice. I hope one day I find another passion that will actually lead me to success. My passion now is A money less investment but a love no less. With the love I have in my life I know everything will fall in place. I pray the economy gets even more so better.