I am still leaving a little out of it. Sometimes I see my family and I just want to cry. It's like when this happens I am this other person... I just to be a normal person...hahaha but we all know that is not true. It's weird but that is something that for sure the rare times I have spoke to my son's dad he can claim. That I am weird and awkward. Can someone really help who they are if they have been molded through experiences of pain... Sometimes we just want to change who we are. We slowly start moving from this passive quiet person to get out and now you're a person who speaks with a hidden sorrow. Sometimes the bigger pain we feel isn't even physcial and can't even match that which we feel. The weird thing is that there gets to a point that everything seems so pointless and you don't know why. Like I have said before I have everything I need and so why do I feel this way. I shouldn't feel depressed but why do I feel like I am dying inside... caged, lifeless...  I feel like  "Animal I have Become" by Three Days Grace ... I feel like no one can help. I don't think anybody at my house has noticed the change well no they haven't because I don't show it. But I have lost my appetite and that was something my dad noticed a little yesterday but I just said I wasn't hungry. You know what really hurts me right now is that every time I see my parents in the same room they are fighting... why should I care I mean I am 24, right? Well I think it affects me more than anything else. But that's not my sorrow although it contributes. The only time they are at peace is when they sleep and even then I don't know what they dream... They're constant fighting kills me inside like no one realizes... I see that no one else cares and it frustrates because I am carrying this unnecessary weight that I can't get rid off... I don't know what to at times and I honestly hate it when they do it. I know I can't pretend they don't but I would prefer they would do it more privately. It's not like they yell they just talk and bicker intenssively... but away from me would be great. I think that is that only thing I cannot ignore. I am great at ignoring many -12:34- things but not that. "Rather feel pain than nothing" Sometimes I feel I can't take many things... like I've said I haven't felt this way in many years... but why now? Why am I being affected in this way?