So I think that sometimes our hormones drives us to do crazy things. I don't know what overwhelmed me but what can we do? I don't know why but I feel like I am going crazy and the crazy thing is that I hadn't felt like this in like 2 years. In my moment of insanity I was watching my son as he played and watched TV so peacefully and all I wanted to do is cry because I felt so unmotivated so miserable and I couldn't feel a thing but the warmth of his smile. All I wanted to do is feel a little something but as I watched my self and tried to feel something I felt nothing. I never felt a thing and I still don't. I feel this acute mild depression. At times I feel like I want to cry but I can't it's almost as though this time I skipped all the in betweens and went to those drastic measures which I have been fighting against since my son was born. I feel a little helpless... This morning I took a hot shower in hope that I would still feel a little... Sometimes we drive ourselves to different directions and we don't realize that even though we have done such progress we're only a half step back from falling apart again. It's weird though because we spend years gettings better and trying better and here I am still trying to do my best and keep myself busy but where did I go wrong? Why do I feel like this again. I thought I was okay and I here I am "entre la espada y la pared" at times literally and hopeless because I wish I can get help at times I just can't... if I only had the money I know I would but why is it that sometimes  we need aid. How can we fix things... maybe it's the support we're given and the suggestions to change but why is it that we are stronger then, even more so than when we're with family and friends... Why is it that at times we get more insight from a stranger that just listens and asks questions?
*sigh*