Sometimes it comes to frustrations... I must say every time I go to church I pray He give me patience and tolerance and love and work. It is just so difficult at times. I have a moment for my time but I leave trapped in these 4 walls II call home. I love my mother greatly and I know she's in a lot of pain but it is so hard sometimes. I try my best to be patient and to disregard when she treats me bad. I take her to her all appointments and even is there in her every need as she screams for me. Nothing she can ever do will take her love away from me it's just that as i see her recuperating I can already imagine her in old age. The sad thing that amongst everyone of my siblings and even my father, I am the one that has more patience and tolerance and I feel bad for asking God that I need more. I wish I can ask Him to give them more and help a little more. I sometimes just feel so overwhelmed I feel like taking a week off. But then I then I know that if I leave she will feel abandoned and will be upset with me. I know at times she wants me to do more than above and beyond realizing that I do more than my other siblings but I guess it's to compensate the lack of love they show her. I am one and with Danny it can be hard. It's not easy. He wants me to be with him every second like right now he is begging to be with him and my mother the same... I am at her every call... sometimes I so truly wish I had 4 hands so I can do most at once.

Yesterday, I had just mopped the floor and gone outside to washed it but first came to the garage to turn on the computer. I didn't want to step inside because the floor was wet. The funny thing is as soon as I step outside I hear the scream,"REYNA!"....
"REYNA!!"
"REYNA!"
So I rush inside and well surely enough Danny had written in our off-white wall with a black permanent marker. She was upset... it's your fault you never watch him, you just leave and leave him to do everything he wants... and blah, blah, blah...
I didn't want to argue or say something I didn't mean so I sort off blew her off in order to hold my self back. I know that was just as bad but it could have been worse. I just got the alcohol and did my best to clean the wall and thankfully most came off. I did tell my dad  of what Danny did and he said not worry about... it was just a wall... and he also said, "who knows, we might not even be here by next week..." I told him true, I guess... He just told me well don't worry about your mom she is just in some pain but Danny is fine and kids will be kids...

This morning after we came from her appointment I started to out some towels to wash and then again, I heard my mother's piercing voice, "REYNA.......REYNA.......REYNA!"
And, I , immediately thought ,"OMG what has Danny done now..."
Thankfully this time it was nothing. He had just arranged 4 fours lined up and wanted everybody to sit down as in a train. It was my mom on the 2nd chair and Danny on the 3rd and I was on the last chair. The first was empty and then pre-occupied by my sis... So we started..."chuck-a, chuck-a, chuck-a, chuck-a.....whooooo....ooooo" and over and over.... it was fun... he loves trains but we have to do it right or he'll he upset....