a scatter thought

I find it so interesting how the mind works...  (My mind?)
So, last night I was so happy, I had gotten a hair cut and yay ... right?! Sure I may look a little tired but it was a real long day, I was exhausted but happy... and I'm quite sure you can kind of tell...
I woke up so excited today, happy and whatnot...but moods are susceptible to change... I had woken up did my eye make-up to later on just add a lil foundation and mineral make-up... I even curled my hair out to give an idea of how my hair it suppose to look like (in my eyes)...
My eyes looked ok,they were actually big  and bright... so fine I went to take the picture... horrid... I erased it... tried again... nothing... they were all trash...
I wonder if I would have done this yesterday I would have been happier with the images...
I looked through them all but the only face I have at the moment can't smile... I think happy thoughts and my heart smiles but I can't.... in fact my eyes tear up instead... I dont' know understand.
I know you're probably thinking that if I'm self aware I can control... sadly I can't. I get lost in the emptiness of thoughts...
When you fall into the dark lil hole it's not easy to see so clearly when all you see is the absence of light.
I really like my bangs though... but I don't get why the pictures aren't coming out... I guess it's my mood that tells me otherwise... Probably someone would tell me i'm crazy and that they all look the same... they don't. A tiny lil difference makes a huge impact in a picture... so if one thing is off, the whole picture is ruined... I guess this is what happens in life too... nothing is in place and you start to fall apart... Sometimes we all like to live a picture perfect life (well, here in xanga actually many know each other's troubles) but the picture perfect life come IRL where people don't know and can only see you at what you try to portray.
I've been asked by people by I spend time online and what I do... Actually recently I carry a lil journal or notepad... I jot down thought. I started writing because it became this outlet. This freedom to expose what  I needed out.
People tell me I should have let go of the internet as a whole for lent... 1. I wouldn't have survived... 2. I would have never met such great people 3. my mind would have been blurred with all my thoughts 4.All those posts and poems... words ... would all die in my mind... 5. I need brain interaction here and there...
The most important thing for me is seeing the thought process oh and I go off on tangents... meh... I'm done! Yea, so back to topic... no go for today... :(