Since the word (the title) is in my head and has been in my brain since last night I decided to write about it... I don’t quite know if it’s bugging me but maybe it might be. Well not bugging me but the first thing that came to my mind this morning was just that. I guess something to ponder about. So he asks me or states this yesterday you’re “narcissistic” aren’t you? And well I nodded sure. Sure, I think we all have to be to an extent or we wouldn’t do anything to make ourselves look better or at least try. And he added that all my pictures look the same… well, the only that changes in them is my hair, and clothes but apparently same pose but I assume it must be since I only use my right hand (and sometimes left ) and well I don’t have a personal photographer. I don’t know maybe then I would change the pose… ha ha ha and then he asked if I take pictures of me all day… I am sure he was joking around, everyday?… No, lol, I wouldn’t have a life but me if that were the case! Then he said he can imagine me playing dress up, laying out my outfits and trying them. Lol yeah right… And well he said, “for a person who doesn’t smile much, you smile a lot.” I smile because YOU make me smile. Yes, he makes me smile… a big cheesy, cool-aid smile… So I asked why he didn’t think that I smiled… so he tells me, “since you take so many pictures of you and well most aren’t smiling I would say that’s pretty accurate” HA! Right… My pics look serious because I like a more focal point on my eyes than my smile. I really don’t like my smile… I think it looks ugly.
I am not conceited or think highly of me. Well, People have been complimenting me lately. I don’t know why… people check me out… I honestly think they shouldn’t. I’ve never felt attractive but because I don’t feel it, it doesn’t mean someone else might not either. I mean he’s sweet and he calls me “gorgeous” and had randomly texts me that I am “beautiful” and well it sure makes me feel better. I believe that when someone has a positive aura, people feel it and seems to follow it more. And right now I am happy but it’s not about me now I guess but the pictures depict my year or changes I’ve done…. I like to be current maybe I’m wrong for doing so…
I never thought someone thought of me as a narcissist but if he thought it maybe there might be other people who think that as well. Well, sure sometimes I think I am pretty sometimes... But, there are many times where I just can’t look at myself too. I feel as though mirror hates me… or I don’t see myself as I am… I know it sounds weird but I just don’t fit to what I see…Maybe I try to blind my own sight… My personal drunkin goggles lol. But, I’ve always had esteem issues, some to little confidence, shy but what girl doesn’t like to bring out her best well at least try. I know if I can and have the resources I will do it…I will try the best I can to usually look descent when I go out. It’s a known fact that girls are more susceptible to vanity but in these times so are guys. J I mean all we can really do --if it’s just helping the features we have and--- bring them out. I don’t like to flaunt so all I have is make-up… Natural make-up so (I try) my best to use specifically for the natural minerals… as in clothes… I can’t say I have much… the only clothes I have are some dress pants, dresses which I can’t use on everyday… yes I don’t have … very much my poor jeans are all torn now so I wear my tights to wear my jeans… I know right… lame but when money is tight, it’s tight… buying clothes isn’t a priority… I think I don’t look like I am wearing rags … I still try my best no matter the circumstance… lol
Well I guess they all my pics look the same, and well the only thing that can change is my hair technically since… it’s the only things that can be changed, cut, dyed, styled… but my face … it’s the only one I have lol…
When I can afford it… and once working out does its toll… and I no longer into the possibility of having any kids… you bet I will fix some things… a lil here and there… lift here… change this and that… I know like tattoos things can get addicting… oh yea and braces too…
Lol, So yea… Am I or not? I don’t know… I guess I can be sometimes but I think that most of the time I am not…
What’s your verdict? Or am I biased… lol
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