blah

This sh*t makes me feel like if I was another woman... now he's going invisible to talk to me in case she is spying on us...

It feels lame and stupid.... So i blocked her from my AIM and he said not to because I'm always on and she might suspect... but the worst part is that I am never going to know when he's on ... it's so stupid!  I know a break up is hard to get over...

But, why hide that we're still talking... fucking eh!

Makes me wonder if I really should back down... I mean I really like him and apparently he likes me too... but I am tired of drama...  She's not contacting me anymore... I guess he told her to stop but he's freakin paranoid... I feel I can't even express myself on here... or mention names or infer... she reads it... and he reads it... He likes some of my stuff but I use to like it here because it was mainly strangers... it was awesome though I finally qualified for true member badge... yay!!!

So some guy on here was also trying to talk to me... very sweet guy... I don't usually talk to people online.. I like chatting and what not for fun but we kind of clicked.. 31,6'3", lives in Utah... Mormon... He is going through some stuff though, he has Cancer or is fighting it, or it's gone and he's in the process. We were talking and he's very smart too... we got to know each other a lil ... he was finally able to have a trip to see fam... so he actually came to Ca and it was the first time since he was diagnosed... we talked on MSN and it was nice... I guess he likes me too... I told him he didn't know me and he said that what he knew he liked... But, he's going to leave me alone because I am talking with Jeff... well he asked if I felt comfortable and I explained Jeff's rules... but I don't feel comfortable talking to 2 dif guys...He told me that when he was passing the area he was thinking of me...lol But, so we stopped talking but his name is Ray... Very respectable guy. From what I gotten to know him. He just appreciates different things with what he is going through... very cowboyish ... :)

Then I deleted all of the messages we had on here... I don't know... if anything happens with Jeff... for trust purposes... getting rid of a lot of things... not really but... I'm a natural guilty person... idk why...

but this ex stuff is bugging me but then I think what if maybe more can happen... will it be worth it if at the end we're happy... but if after all this shit he goes back to her... I'm done!

I don't think I can bear it anymore.... I'm too fucking old... Idon't want to find someone when I'm 40-50 what's the point... I want to have fun and enjoy my and their freaken sex drive... if sex isn't involved what's the point... I mean I can live without it... but the intimacy that comes with being with a person... you don't need sex for it to exist....

jeez!!!