I think today felt a little better but I also spent the day asleep... well most of it and then rest in my room. They watched TV together in the same room and weren't arguing... I know things must be hard. But, since I am the outside I am the one who thinks more...

Today, well besides my eyes burning from all the crying I did last night and the puffiness they are feeling okay. I do feel a mixture of emotions... I still feel a little confusion, anxiety, sadness, very little happiness... but at the same time I am a feeling a little excitement. There are so many things in me... I guess that is just getting the best of me...

Now Dad's birthday is this Thursday which my sister just reminded me...  I don't know what we're going to do but I guess I will ask mom also...

Right now I am watching  "Miss Congeniality 2" I can't believe how much I am laughing... everything just seems so funny... I guess I am a little unconcerned... and I am focusing on the TV...

I've been thinking...
I have a reason why I don't really want a relationship... I mean as much as it's would be great... I means it leads to holding hands, kissing... eventually sex... touching... and everything... and the comfort that you have because someone loves you or likes you... it depends.
But, when I see so many relationships especially with the outside I see the male figure when in most cases... as if they need more care than the kids do. They need everything given to them... everything washed, everything... literally and they can do it themselves... also. In most cases they work sure but some moms work too and still have to deal with the responsibility. As I see things right now I can barely take care of my self and that is not even mentioning Danny. I wouldn't know if I can handle it... I use to have a perception before about the whole relationship thing... and I was really a '50s girl willing to give it all. The cooking, cleaning, all looking nice... taking care of the house, waking up early and sending off the husband with breakfast in his tummy... the old traditional wife duties...now I don't know if I want that.. I want to work... I want to have my own money... and have his money because God know I would manage it better and properly... Have seen to many things  gone wrong with  bad management.... besides I am not a spender....
To this point I am trying to find what I really want  in life... I am barely starting to figure things out ... and things always change when people come in to our lives... I don't know if I am willin gto compromise from the get go which can be a problem. I don't know if I will be able to commit... I guess those are issues that have arised in the past few years... but are these normal? Am I suppose to feel like this? Why don't I want to meet someone? If I meet someone will I change the way I think?