Music is my peace in Life!

There  are posts that come to my mind here and there (and the last one was out of the blue I need it out- I snapped in my mind)- whatever!! …
after yesterday I felt a lil stressed  which is when I seek refuge in music …music is my life as I am sure it’s a part of many.


But, just as you love to listen to the beat, or enjoy and occasional lyric … I not only listen to the lyric but listen to the singer or better yet the language the music is conveying.  The language and the mood in music are meant to be subtle and unnoticeable but to me it makes it a part of my life. It drives me. I’ve never been able to feel love, fear, pain, heartache, happiness, sadness, peace as I do when I listen to music which also means the the vessel (either the singer or instrumentalist had to do their job, correctly).


I seek out musical connections because it’s a way to my heart.

(I know, I just said, not easily done as it was said)  I’ve learned to be critical yet loving and understanding to all musicians and music lovers. No matter how much you practice there is always room for improvement, which goes with life as well.  It doesn’t matter where you came from, what you past consists of because in the end of the night you’re always striving to be you, the better part of you, which even if unnoticed, you practice on it daily. And you are unchangeable by any means. Don't seek to conform the unhappiness of another person. Be happy and don't conform your happiness to make someone else happy if it's not making you happy.There will always and I truly mean always be people trying to change who you are, what you stand for… But, no… you be happy with yourself and strive to better yourself in the necesities that you need.  It’s hard enough you judging your own self but allowing others the opportunity to take you out…
Lately, there is one song that for some reason I keep taking refuge in… it makes me feel good yet… it breaks me down to tears.

Give me headphones… and I’m gone for hours but you know what? That’s when I’m alive…


I judge myself pretty damn hard. I think, at times I have kept my self from happiness because of it. It took me years of searching (to find myself) which I did hand in hand with music, hence why I majored in music.

I've decided to tune out people when they talk bad about me... why? because you can't possibly tell me something I don't tell myself on a daily basis. (But, I can't tune out when they treat people like they mean nothing.-it's accumulative anger for me) No one can have more hate or make me feel less than how I felt as growing up as I did for myself as a teen. And I can literally tune people (it's a zone out... blank stares sure... They give my sister the chills... I don't know why but it's because when you  die a lil inside and start to revive yourself sometimes you still feel a lil half gone ... sometimes people don't understand)
I don't mean to sound so negative or pessimistic... but music has given me life... struggle I face myself, no one knows... you call people names but don't call them out until you really take a look at yourself.
ok enough!
*sigh*

oh yea, I'm not a skinny girl and sadly I've never been able to... I've done many things to try... but you know what? If you don't like it f*ck off... It's been my life struggle as much as people suffer, if I could cut it off I would, trust me...it's not the eating issue... stop generalizing people!  you don't know about loathing people for what they can't completely change as I have loathed myself for not being able to ever have a perfect body ...