So, I've come to a realization. Life is life no matter how good or bad you actually have it, plain and simple. For quite some years I've been having my own personal fights about religion and whether I have been in the right path. I know currently nobody cares about religion which is fine. But, I've been thinking long and hard for quite some time and I've come to the realization that even though I've been traditionally raised as a Catholic my whole life with possibly little to almost no absences from mass on Sundays, I've come to a conclusion that I'm actuallyAgnostic, which I may have told only one person up to now. I've said it once before today and even then I was still thinking about it. I'll just stay middle ground for right now. I have have faith in that things will change but I can't say in which direction. I can't be atheist because I still believe there might be hope for 'God' somewhere but I've lost the incline to seek it.
I will never have any disrespect towards others in the least. We're all entitled to live happy lives in what ever sense it comes to our mind. I've been following and practicing religion since I was young and sadly it has never enlightened me in anyway. Instead the pressure has made far so much more depressed. And let me clarify here... not the pressure from the actual religion (which I haven't followed completely to its teaching, it's not guilt from the sins...we all sin in a perspective) NO one is perfect ever... we ALL lie no matter what. It's the pressure that my mom invokes and other christian churches try to do. I'm not weak in my mind but then again that is also perspective and since I've declaring to be Agnostic you very well can be saying "weak of mind". Why? And what's the point? How can they anybody guarantee they're in the right way? They can't as much as I can't say they're wrong either I just don't want to listen, period. And being with the pressures of my mom I am not out of the situation since my parents are both catholic. I respect them dearly and wont do anything to disrespect which also means I'll continue to go to mass on Sundays like I have always gone and lead prayer when they ask me. I've been going to Mass for years and instead of fostering interest it has declined. And I don't know if to say 'sad' but it keeps diminishing with time. Well actually, it can't diminish anymore than it is in my point of view.
This (my decision) hasn't been encouragement by anyone (just thought I'd clarify) it's been something I've been exploring myself and a decision I made for myself. You may say I didn't pray but I did, a lot. I don't know if the fact that some prayers maybe might have came true or that in itself, would have just been coincidence and not actually an answered prayer. My mom always encourages me to pray and pray (and pray and pray) and inside myself I always think, "what's the use?" Just to show a deity we believe? But, will the answers be answered? Yes, I know this is were "FAITH" comes in... or that we MUST "BELIEVE" in Him for guidance. But, I would be happier if any divine justice would help a person in agonizing torturing pain before any little stupid prayer we ask for but there many things in this world as just ugly and unfair. Hey, so we have free-will but they still have governments that take away the free-will "God" has supposedly given...
I will not tell my parents or family, I will only keep this to myself and well you guys. There is no need to hurt and well frankly I'm tired of the arguing. If conversations were in a civil manner maybe.... but screaming and hearing you're wrong, No thank you!!
Ironically enough my mom has been making me take her to more church events and stay. After we went to mass... she had my brother drive (not me, odd) and he dropped us off... I thought he was staying but he went with my bro. I was very upset. Also, tonight she's making me go to this 'healing' mass I don't know... but if I go and change my mind of what I just posted, YOU'LL KNOW!!! But, I just want them to leave me alone.
I know I can pray and nothing is going to happen... "No divine intervention" What ever happens happens and we all just accept. I don't think my life is going to change anymore... my perspectives and mind will be the same. Sorry to bore you with religion since this is a bit different and saying it makes it more too as well. I don't know. But, there it is and you're the first to know. congrats! *rolls eyes* (like if you won a big prize)
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