So, today there is just another day with  a lot of thoughts. Last night I found out Mabel's car wasn't turning on so I didn't hesitate to let her borrow mine. I know that even though I need it she needs it more besides it's difficult enough loosing the house and not exactly knowing where to go. And, I can't imagine how Art sr. feels. It's the last day they have an opportunity to be and it's his birthday. I am sure this is one rough one but although there are bumps I am sure he'll be fine but then again I am hoping that he will be.

I guess for sure we need to go see grandpa. I don't know but I was a little hesitant to go the last couple of days. I know I should have gone but I am weak. I have always been too weak with my heart and emotions... I guess that is my strongest weakness. It's not easy getting in to my feeling anymore but it is... My mom talked to my Aunt Maria today and I guess the nurse from last night said that he had minutes left. As far as we know we're unsure ... I don't know what to think... and  there is nothing i can do.

What I have realized through many experiences in life is that I now like only what can be manipulated... what can be controlled in a matter of speaking... sure I like spontaneous, I like not knowing what is going to happen but just as I like that I like to control certain times in it's moments and frankly lately there is nothing to be controlled. Everything is uncontrollable... well except a few things which in a matter of speaking I am controlling. I know this seems like jibberish but it sure makes me feel good or not I don't know what I am saying...hahaha... I think I am going crazy...

oh, One thing I think I am actually happy is that I have changed a lot in a year. At least I am not as vulnerable as I was... too much has happened in these last 2 years but this last year has changed my life the most... I think it has been the saddest yet the happiest year of my life...
In lamest terms I guess you can say... I let go of all negativity.. my life is positive although many times it feels that it's down the shit hole....