Right now I just feel weak about everything. I don't know why I am crying... maybe just like my cousin told me that he is a realist... I told him I was too but the only difference was that I had too much estrogen so emotions would get the best of me. And he says, "I'm sorry."  I don't want to cry but I don't know what to do. I cannot control this. I can't control everything. I have learned that the unexpected that I can't control freaks me out. I need something to work with or mold into something. It sucks when you know that a family member is going to pass away and all you have to do is wait. It's not fair for them. The thing is also that we can't blame God for wanting ti take away the pain and take them into his Glory. We should rejoice that they will not feel pain after that but instead we make th etransition hard and we cry.When I am there with him in the room all I could do is try and smile when he looks at me and then I see his pale face and his attempts to stay awake and aware  just makes me cry and tear up. I dry them away but they just keep rolling down my cheeks without control. I turn my head up and breath. I'm ok for a minute then I just want to  go scream just as my aunt Angelica did Saturday but I can't. I want to scream, I want cry outloud. I want to do something but I can't... there is nothing to do. All we can do is pray and hope for God's blessing and forgiveness... I don't knwo but I'm going to pray a rosary for them and then we'll see...

Cancer
by My Chemical Romance

Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are
chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors
My sisters and my brothers, still
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you.

Now turn away,
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/aht ]
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hair's
abandoned all my body,
Oh my agony
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go.
It just ain't livin'.
And I just hope you know
That if you say
Good-bye today
I'd ask you to be true
'Cause the hardest part of this
is leaving you...

'Cause the hardest part of this
is leaving you...