Cont

Allow someone to love me when it's not fair. I mean i don't even know if someone can even have a chance. So far, i can't i just push them away and probably have hurt a few. I guess i'm being selfish and i hate that i've hurt a few but lying would be worse. Why is it that nothing is stopping me yet at times i feel like i have a lot to loose. Why is it that everytime i meet someone all i see are flaws and not their good qualities. The sad part i guess also is that i see those flaws in all my guy friends. . . Maybe i have realized that liking them, having crushes, lovings them led to deceit and more pain. . . Those closer are the ones to stay away from. It's weird because when i was younger and thought more stupid thoughts i use to want to just get life over with but not before leaving my mark. I wanted just enough time to have a baby but not any baby a baby from one of the smartest friends. I don't know why. . . But either way i guess you can say i had the opportunity to the the baby. . . Not of the smartest