SO I found my first diary/ journal that I use to write in when I first move to the house we're in and I found it kind of funny so I am going to write my 2nd entry... mind you I wrote as I was writing a letter/ being talked to... It might be a little weird but yeah...

                                                                                                                 Dec. 29, 1998
HI!
How are you? I am fine thank you. I am a little sad because of Danny Gamboa's death. It's been a week. Well I barely started my 24th book for the knights of the reading Round table. I want to finish a lot of books before vacation is over but this is the last book of the year because New year's Eve is in two days and New Years in 3 days. I am so happy because on New Year's eve in a week it's going to be my 14th birthday. That makes me feel good 'cause now I am going to be older. I already feel big because I am more independent there isn't any friend to tell me what to do. Now more than ever I have been wanting to know how it feels  to you know kiss a boy. In the soap operas the kissing makes me feel desperate but I wont kiss somebody until a guys likes me and I like him right back but for me seems almost impossible but I know when I do get married I will probably be telling my daughter, if I have one, one of my stories. One thing I wish I do have is a daughter because otherwise then I would feel bad because then I wouldn't have a mother-daughter talks. I wouldn't talk abouto sex, where babies come from, boys, kissing and other little things. I know right now I can't think of anyone who isn't Danny but I also bet that I wouldn't even kiss kiss him because it would be  hard. Maybe he likes me and doesn't want to admit it but I also don't want to hate him. I know if he tells me stuff I don't like when and if he call on my birthday. I am going to say "this is what I get for being a friend in 5th grade" but I guess you hated being my friend and know since I moved I ccan't do anything about it. You also hate me because I have people people, friends  of mine saying that I use to stare  at you. When did I do that? I remember everything I did in 4th grade and you know what I never saw you until 5th grade and that's when I started liking you but that doesn't matter you gave me your number the last day of school in 5th grade and now you ask Dulce if she gave me your numbe but , no----o. I've had it for years A little while back I found your number and I said to myself why do I have this number if I don't use it so I called you when we were going to be 7th graders. I kept caliing you a while then you stopped talking / you know I didn't even know why and did it all happened. (don't know what the means) One day Dulce left home and I waited for her after school like I always did and she never came becauase her mom picked her up. I left on my way, close to Roosevelt, on Broadway and I scream across the street to see if you knew where she was at. You know what you did well you just saw me and dogged me and out your head down. I didn't know what was your problem. I went home very mad because you hated me. I have always known you have hated me but I am stupid. My friends, some, talk to you but I never did. All your friends always dog me and that made me think(wonder) a lot why? Do they hate me? The conclusion you! You turned them against mewhen I got close to you. In 7th grade I met 8th grader guys that were nice to me, one reason I was in their basketball team another I was nice to them too then once I saw you talking to them at different time so I figured that they were your friends so I didn't care but then they stopped talking to me... reason I guess you. You've been my problem for years but I didn't care for a while and that's why I like you but I really.... something. It looked like everytime I had friends you just cutted in and took them away. I have never had good friends. I don't know if it's your fault, you have something to do with it. I heard there have been rumors spread about me in the past years who ruined some friendships of mine. They were spread by Dulce, she was a big enemy to me. I think you believed her and so you started to hate me. Now I see that you talked to me and then you heard the rumors but still talked to me and were friends but people didn't just believe what they heard and you know what? Most of them are always lies. Now I am glad I moved from Jefferson. I would've been a loner over there. I feel lonely only from the inside because a friends died 2 weeks ago; he was a marine. You know ... do you think the Marines are a good way to kill oneself, like suicide?
That;s what I would say well I have to go clean my room because it's a mess...


yeah... I weird... when I was reading it I was laughing... dont get me wrong tht crush lasted for years... he is still a good looking boy i think. But i was crazy, literally speaking. I think I became somewhat normal when I met my son's father and sometimes I think well what if I hadn't... I'd be some freak... weirdo... hahaha... good times, man