The Eight Stages of Intimacy
[To achieve a successful relationship]
[ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (his wasn't written by me) and then link them all together]
[Italics is my writing -FYI]
1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)
2. Aesthetic Intimacy (#Arts, #style, #Culture, #General #Compatibility)
Have you ever met a new friend and been amazed at all of the interests you have in common? This is #aesthetic intimacy. To reach this level, you begin to get to know the other person’s tastes in music, clothes, food, art and many other areas. If you ever want to find out if you are aesthetically compatible with a potential mate, go to a furniture store, art gallery or even a clothing store to find out what styles each of you like.
Aesthetic Intimacy is your first look into #compatibility. For example, if nice furniture and quality goods are important to you, getting into a relationship with someone who doesn't care about appearances and considers cheap to be adequate is a recipe for trouble. Other possible conflicts arise with tastes, like music. If she likes Rap and only listens to this type of music, and you can't stand it, but listen to everything else, you can read this as an opportunity to expand her horizons, a torture chamber for your ears or as an indication she is closed to new ideas and experiences.
You & your partner are aesthetically compatible if you both can answer Yes to all of these situations:
1. Your choices in music, theater, art and home furnishings/decor though they may not be exactly the same, are tastes each of you can appreciate, live with and share together.
2. Your differences in nutritional preferences are politically and theologically compatible.
3. Your clothing styles, body ornamentation and jewelry choices are complimentary and do not cause embarrassment to each other. (i.e.: an attorney or business executive will have a difficult time taking a spouse to a function if he or she adorns with nose rings, visible tattoos or purple hair).
Below are key questions to ask yourself about your partner. If you can answer all of these by knowing your partners responses, it means you've explored and established aesthetic intimacy. These are also great questions for parties and gatherings when you want to learn about new people.
QUESTIONS FOR UNCOVERING AESTHETIC INTIMACY
1) What is your favorite type of food?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you if you’ll enjoy eating with this person and also alerts you to possible problems. Example: Vegan’s don’t tend to do well with meat lovers.
2) Thinking about your home, would you describe yourself as:
a. A neat person
b. A creatively organized but somewhat housekeeping-challenged person
c. Your mother’s worst nightmare?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Let’s you decide if his/her lifestyle will be compatible with yours orif arguments about housekeeping will become a way of life.
3) Who is your favorite author and why?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you if he/she reads, what type of stories he/she likes and also gives you a glimpse into his/her educational background and lifestyle choices. I.E. Likes DH Lawrence. He/she reads classic literature, is educated and enjoys foreplay, adventure and sensual sex
4) Name your top 5 favorite Movies (play, painter etc) of All Time:
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you what type of stories he/she likes, gives you a glimpse into his/her educational background, morals and lifestyle choices.
5) If you had $25,000 to furnish a home with, where would you shop?
a. Levitz, Ikea, Sears or comparable Store
b. Through the want ads looking for Estate and Garage Sales
c. Ethan Allen, Thomasville, Expressions or other comparable store
d. Custom or unfinished furniture store
e. Boutiques and Antique Shops
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: If he/she chooses
a. Quantity of furnishings over quality. Budget minded and time constrained. Not big on decorating or status; prefers out of the box solutions. Middle class mindset.
b. Bargain Hunter: Likes to find unique and eclectic items, enjoys the hunt and adventure. Never pays retail or full price. Adventurer mindset and crosses all socio-economic levels
c. Quality and prestige are important, fewer pieces but better quality. Status important. Buys for the long term but still budget minded; upper middle class mindset.
d. Likes unique & unusual. Wants items that reflect individuality or enjoys creating. Upper middle class mindset or consummate do-it-yourselfer
e. Connoisseur. Looks for very high quality and legacy items. Would rather own one or two good pieces than a household. Upper middle class or prestige mindset.
[She describes this pretty well. Which is also something you can have in common with friends which is why it's important. It establishes a unique compatibility in which if it's a friend you can shop or help each other decide but it's a potential love interest you find out more about them and their personality. We know for the most part gentlemen hate shopping (hey so do I, actually) but it's still a nice way to learn more about each other and possibly the trust you can have with each other. We don't want a "yes" man or women so tastes and opinions are very important. Especially if this leads to a stable relationship and you will create a home environment. Clashing and compromising would be beneficial at the beginning not when it's too late.]
3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies)
4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs)
5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shared Existence, & Shared goals)
6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)
7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)
8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)
The eight Stages of Intimacy by Laura Lewis
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