I am going to sort of do a continuation of the last blog but since it's a different subject acquired within I didn't want to put it with the last...
"ignorant people give nice people like me a bad name..." So, I was pretty disappointed or upset or what ever it was... but a mixture of emotions which I still wasn't able to convey with anger like I would have wanted but I guess that's what allows me to be more mature. So Like I mentioned in the last blog and maybe somebody didn't catch it or idc but I did sleep with this guy... How many is this now? hmmm.... "Where can I be going with this stupid question?"
So this guy that I am talking to we had spoken in our past and we did have an encounter... putting it nicely... he's a guy in my past that wants to be in my present... Ok!
The issue in hand was that yesterday a person that is supposedly close (mainly blood) told me that people are talking... so I asked who... and they just shrugged it off "just people" ... they're saying that I've been sleeping around with men....
Well gee thanks... I always wanted people to think that I am single so I can be a fucking whore in your eyes... great! I really do appreciated this and thanks for telling me...
I always felt the family thought of me as a responsible person, who hasn't had time to find a person because I concentrate on teaching, helping my mom out after her car accident and brain surgery, and because my son needs a lot of attention but I guess being a "whore" is just as great....
So my question now is what defines a "whore"?
Is it somebody who sleeps with people she knows or random people and it doesn't matter who....
Or maybe a person who takes the money...
Or is there a specific number that you have to go over that makes you a whore...
See I don't get it? Well I get the "whore" part but I still don't get it... Am I that transparent....
Clarification, I posed a question earlier- "How many is this now?" Meaning how many people have I slept with...
The answer is 2... I don't sleep with random people... I don't take money from people and it's 2. I think a person would only mainly have some interaction with people they are connected to in some form... Two people who have manage to somehow give me something to add to my life that makes me feel warmth... the first one was my son's father... past and now it's this other person... I was keeping everybody out and I have a right to find somebody that will make me happy, it's my right as a person... "life, liberty and a pursuit to happiness" just as started in the Declaration of Independence...My rights as a citizen....
When I heard what was being said... I know I don't need to know who it is or how many are saying it... it's not like I haven't found out how trust worthy they all are... Like I've told people before... I am just "reliable Reyna and that's it"... When they need something the only person they can or have count(ed) on is me... Including grandma, aunts, parents, cousins, brothers and sister... I have been there for all of them and extended family... when they need me I manage to find a way no matter what or how hard that makes it for me...but I had the false illusion that that's what you're suppose to do for a family member and friends... Maybe I am wrong because I don't deserve what they say... and to be honest I don't need to explain my self to them either but it still hurts...
Maybe I deserve this... maybe it's a way for me to open my eyes... When I was younger my mom called me this too and I hadn't even had a bf or dated anybody in my life... I was so pure and hearing accusations... I don't get why people say anything like that... is it that they want to physically see me with somebody... why spread rumors... why create lies... sleeping around... more than once that I am with somebody's husband... I don't know... but do I really look like a person of that stature but that's a stupid question bc obviously since those things keep following me. Nothing makes sense but it never gets easier... never...
You know what's the only thing that makes me feel better... God sees all... He knows all and whatever happen(s)/(ned) but I am the only one who has to worry when my Judgment Day comes... that day... I don't have to say anything to anybody else but HIM...
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