So I went to the store today and nobody was bagging the groceries and then this tall somewhat handsome guy comes and says let me help with that... and grabs my cart... lol I know and let me repeat I know that's their job... but when I said thanks and looked at him in his eyes... he kept smiling and I know he was looking at me... bc when I gave him that smile of "gratitude" he just look me up and down and then up and smiled back... lol... ok but really so that felt good... too bad he was working... hahaha...jk... but it really did feel nice... thanks grocery bag boy!!! Confidence booost.... up...yay!!
Ok now onto the most important and probably the least minimal for everyone else... lol
Well I know with the backgroud story I am going to minimize or make the excitement more understandable... idk and idc but it makes me Happy....
ok, So When I was in 5th grade I went gaga over this lil boy...he was one of the smartest, played sports... was doing pre-algebra in 5th grade... trully amazing his ... *we got to stand next to each other in our 5th grade class pic* lol... was tall and had the most beautiful green eyes... I could stare at him forever... I trully could and honestly I still can... but I wont bc it's reality and not a tv show... So I knew everything about him... I mean everything... well after when he went to middle school bc after we stopped talking... so things became tough bc I really liked him... and then I had to opportunity to get to talk to him again... They had basketball tournaments and well he asked me to be in his team... made a small name by playing basketball here and there... so I was in his team but sadly a fight made the 6th grade class suspend the tournament so I didn't get to play with him... I was devasted....
I did sadly maybe not but kind of stalk and sort of became a lil obsessed... I did! Times were hard and I liked him so but so much... I think that's where I became a lil weird and maybe more of self-mutilating (or wanting self- harm) for rejection... weird but whatever...
I didn't care if would say something negative or even just said one word but I just wanted him to talk to me... but nothing happen... I wont even talk about when moved to Fontana... bc I went crazy... yea... literally... psychotic... depressed, obsessed... I went crazy and not driving or having communication drove my mind to the max.... it briefly started to leave when I started crushing on this boy in high school which he manage to deal with my psychotic issues and we also stopped talking for a couple years but made amends and only and mainly bc by then I had a psychotic bf who controlled everything little thing I did... I couldn't talk to my friends, I had to be by his side when he made music, I couldn't walk home with my friends... he had to take me to my house or mainly to his ... no will of my own... I guess I gave it up and started my morre submissive- indentured servitude to all his demand not so bad but did play a lot of mind games and cause me huge nervous break downs... anyways... he was the one person who started diminishing the thoughts of this other male figure. And he was very different than he was... That crush ... I "love" as I felt then... I still feel defines who I am as a person... or well gave my weirdness an awkward personality...
ok so why am I excited... right...
So today I posted a pic of my fb as I had done my make-up...and he took the time to look at it I guess and further more took more of his time to actually move his hand with his mouse and press the like button...
that more than anything else will make me smile for days... This guy although he may never know it... and with the rumors that ended our stupid friendship in kid land...he is still one of the most special guys in my heart.... he is truly the first person I ever felt something for and although we didn't have anything between us... I still see him... in a none stalker kind of way...He is actually the main reason why my son has his name...a small admiration for him and a tribute to my lost and young broken heart... with all those shed tears and sleepless depressed nights...and after 14-15 years he finally looks at something of mind and likes it... well I am happy and I could die happily tonight...
That fulfilled my young sullen 10 yr old heart... and now 25... the happiest day ... oh and wouldn't even want anything to happen between us although that would make my life great too but I already took him name... he can't have a jr... lol....
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