Guys and the same ones seem to go in and out of my life. It’s almost like we talk and things start rolling and then there is a disconnection and there they are a couple years later talking to me again. It’s mainly has happen with all of them but I am only going to talk about one this time. The good and bad thing is that my web pages are always a start to find me. I don’t keep any of my stuff unattended even if every once in a while I can’t blog/write or go on it physically but I get everything on my phone. Love technology!
It’s so freaking weird. It’s almost as if after a long time they remembered there was something about me… Maybe that’s why I should thank God that I haven’t been with or dated many guy. So I was talking to this guy over 2 ½ years ago. We talked on and off for like over a year. And the day we had finally gotten the time together we had sex. It was one occurrence and to be honest it was the first time that we had gotten together and the first time that I had been with a person other than my son’s father. After that occurred I freaked out and didn’t k now what to do. I cried for hours and drove for a long, long time. To make myself feel better and release everything I was feeling, I started saying it was a one night stand because well it happened once. He called me the next week and kept calling and calling wanting to hang out and go out and stuff but I just pushed him away. I really freaked out and I felt bad but at the moment all I wanted to do was run away and forget about it. Every time he would ask what I was going to do Friday, or Saturday or Sunday I would make an excuse…
Ok I was dumb and I was mean but I freaked out ok.
Fast forward to present time. Yesterday morning when I woke up with a friend request on FB and what ev right until I see it was him and I started to wonder … I felt bad because I really thought I hurt him for getting busy all of a sudden I just couldn’t come forward so like a coward I hid. I honestly didn’t know what to think when I saw his request and started thinking . After a while of going in circles in my head I accepted his request.
After I accepted I received a message, he asked how I was and then started the whole business deal. He said he owns some record label and wanted to learn how to read music. A guy’s way trying to be nice… hire me to teach him music, clever right? He said he needed help and please. I am not one to really say no to people… he gave me his number and his blackberry pin… so I added him in my messenger and he messaged me once he accepted the request. He said it was rather hard to explain over the so he asked for my number. Clever way to ask for my number, he needed to explain verbally. I would have easy typed it than talked, lol, but that’s just me. I gave him my number but told him not to call me for a couple of hours. He called and we talked about what he wants to do. It sounds like he is really doing for himself which is awesome for him. After we hung up he messaged me that he missed me. So I came forward and asked him… wait why are you really contacting me to really teach you or for something else? He said music so I was ok. I started to worry… not worry but you know, well kind of freak out.
He brought up the incident that happened way back when and said he was sorry. And well I had the opportunity to apologize to. He said he thought he did something wrong where I was hurt or pushed away so I pushed him away. I told him I was sorry for it… it was tough for me. He told me that I was the best he has ever had until now no girl has been as special to him as me. And I told him but we only got together once. And he explained that I meant a lot to him then and I still mean a lot to him now… I don’t know right so much for only business… when he keeps bringing up stuff and flirting with me. I can handle the flirting but I told him if I feel uncomfortable or nervous around him I won’t be able to teach him.
I find it really awesome that people trust me and know I can get a job done especially if they want to learn something. I am flattered that he thought of me to help him out but sometimes I wonder if it’s a good idea. When we were talking about everything that happened way back then… it was like a confusion of emotions running through my blood. I felt ease for the apologies but I felt a small open wound talking about it a bit. I was a little scared with like a weird empty stomach feeling… yet I was a little happy that everything got straightened. He even explain that he didn’t speak to me because he didn’t know how I would have reacted but since we’re older and more mature now things could be different. I liked something he told me. He said he understood my world… so I asked how my world and he told me that what was in my mind couldn’t be easily changed, like I stand my ground on my thoughts. I don’t know if he is going to want me to teach him or not but I gave him the price and that the class is one a week starting from the basics. I am going to be strict as possible because for me a job is a job and I am serious about it. It’s so confusing though. He also send me some pictured of himself, one plain and then he sends kisses my way … idk. I know this isn’t complicated but it kind of is. I just hope I can teach him music fast.
I know this is going to be weird. Or I just hope this isn’t a sex thing because right now I am not ready to be open or too available emotionally. I keep myself out pretty darn well but when I do let go something always happens and I feel hurt. I don’t want to go through this right now. I am barely starting to be ok on my own with nothing holding me back. I finally feel freedom to go and do as I please. And I am saying that something will happen between us because it probably won’t but what if it does… and then I end up in the middle of the desert again? I guess I jump too much into conclusions but if I didn’t my mind would ramble and I would go insane. I guess we’ll see what happens…
Strictly music concepts and basic theory…
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