I've been thinking and thinking... and doing some more thinking... and thinking, thinking, thinking... So it's not that I am weird... I think... they like surprises... it always happens when you give 'em something they want and they start loosing communication. But, that's the thing... sometimes I feel bipolar... I feel so happy and wonderful one day and literally the next day I feel like crap. I hate waiting... the only reason why I wait is because I wait doing everything first and even if I were initiate I still have to f*cking wait... wtf! So, the main issue here is patience... I can't have it! I want something, I want it now... I feel like I am throwing a tantrum to my self but the thing is I can't give it to my self. I would have it if I could... I hate buying gifts early bc I need to show it to them the minute I did. I don't have patience with new relationship... bc I don't know... But I can't jump into things bc it'll ruin things too... So I am f*cked! I know this is so childish but this is why I am not in a relationship. I can't deal with the crap of in between... or the uncertainty of having to wait to find out if maybe he liked you or maybe he just wants to be friends. You know what I need an action to react to... maybe I should go out on a date... there's an action I haven't had since 2004! And you know what... I am moody right now... you wanna know why. My molar is broken and hurting like there's a hole in it... I am sure another f*cking piece just broke and I am trying to pull it out from the inside... made my self bleed which surprising makes it hurt less... but now it's irritated and I am irritated...that I can't get it out... I just wished it kept bleeding... f*ck! When I pull the lil part inside makes my cheek kind of numb... my gum there is pulsating...
And it's been a few days since I've gotten to talk to B and I am annoyed bc he at least would make me smile and even though I've had a few great days everything just seems so dull... wtf! You see why I hate all of this. I didn't want him to do that and for the first 2 weeks... he pretty much talked to me every day... he would initiate and I started more towards the end...but I told him to have patience with me and now I am impatient. It would have been so much easier if you know... talk a couple of days... or one day... then a few days off... sort of thing... When I start talking to people in the sense that I actually enjoyed the conversation I wish it would happen more often. But how interesting can a person really be right? We all get tired of seeing the same people everyday... talking to them everyday... I mean it happens to me... the first few days I was annoyed that he was sending messages so much all day... literally! And now... nothing well not nothing.... I did say happy father's day and he said thank... and then I said have a good say so he said "I will" but I guess I am being stupid and ranting about bull shit mainly bc my tooth is hurting and I am fucking annoyed that my dad aint here yet and I asked if we were going to make something and no on decided and now I am hungry and pissy, and if I eat I am going to irritate my mouth more... every sound gets to me right now... I think I am getting a headache....
If I find something .... I'll write about it... but this should be an interesting week... if I don't see him this week by wednesday... well... idk if wednesday evening is not so prroductive or intriguingly interesting... jumping off a cliff....
Sorry, this might just be temporary until I go stab my self with a f*cking knife in that stupid tooth!
Have a nice day and Happy Father's day! =D =/ =(
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