So I was a little heated a little earlier and well it's hard not to be when you can't express yourself to anyone but your self... It seems as though we are taking ok as a family. Things are always going to be difficult. I was firstly going to get down and find a full time job and then that attempt was crippled by not having some one to look after my son. Also I had to take care of my mother and take her to many doctor's appointments which were many hell-ish ordeals. So I still teach my piano lesson, I still just give sectionals at kaiser and I do massages so all I have are part time gigs but nothing to full fill anything worth my time. I should be doing stuff I there are a lot of stuff that are still holding me back. Too much stuff. Now, I need a job but I need to know when the hell I am going to be to make it work. I need Danny to be in a safe, comfortable environment. I don't care when we go anymore. I cared 10 years ago when I was 13 and didn't want to move to Fontana... I think, we, as family need change... need new air, a new environment. We need a new place to build our future. Don't get me wrong I am going to miss a lot of things from here but everybody needs to get out now. Not LA, not SB... I mean fresh air. I was talking to my mom yesterday how I had been planning to go to Minnesota for some time. I was telling her how right now would be the perfect timeto pick up and leave. And she asked me, "Do you want to go?" And well I know I said no to not dissapoint her but yes I do. I need to feel a new everything. New faces, new homes, new environment. I think it would be a little hard but it can be managed. There are so many thing I am worried about but don't have meaning... There are so many things I need out of life but I can't have. It's just plain difficult. And I know everybody is going through rough times I know. We'll never be the first and not the last either. The only thing that helps me through is seeing Danny smile... He is always laughing, always running around making us run after him... being a little pain in the ass but that is what I love about him because he himself keeps us so busy we forget about everything else. I can honestly say that as long as he is happy I am happy too. Babies are not suppose to know their parents' problems kids have jobs of their own and it's to be happy and enjoy life. That is their job and the sad thing is that I know I didn't have that luxury. I was a weird little kid that only kept to her self and I didn't enjoy life unless I was my self. I grew up lonely because I didn't know how to interact or something. All I can do now is get my child as ahead as I can. I have a goal for when he goes to kindergarten well of course I am not going to be one of those overbearing parents but I know I have nothing to worry about him, he is his parents' son and that is all he needs... He knows his family is there for him and eveyone is with exceptions but those will always happen in life, disagreements.