This past week there has been so many things on my mind. To even think that a couple of those nights I couldn't even sleep because dreams just kept waking me up. No, they weren't nightmares... they were just dreams. I don't know why... I usually cruise in my dreams and as the spectator... pretty much enjoy them whether bad or good but they are starting to get me involve and I guess that is the sort of uneasiness we get. I don't know. Man, I am so busy I don't have time to do anything. I can't even imagine if I actually had a full time job. I think I want to go back to school, I kind of miss it. But, then again I know that once I am in there I am going to regret it because I am going to have even less time for my self. You know what I am enjoying now... my time... my time away from home... Any few minutes I am out (by myself) are great. Don't get me wrong I love my son but it's time to start moving forward. It's time to release those little nails that have kept me riveted to my home. The is the one thing I have hated and love for the last 4 years... First, you can't do anything because you're pregnant...at first I thought this is great everybody does everything for me... and it was but then I wanted to do something and my friends never let me... then I had the baby even more restrictions and house bound... I couldn't enjoy a breather until I was at school or working... those were my breaks. Now I am 24 my son 3 and I am going to need a little freedom. See the hard part in my situation is that many don't understand that I have not been ALLOWED to ever be by myself pretty much. Well no but I could never leave the house unless I leave with my baby. So can you imagine going to a party with friends and with child. Not always the best atmosphere. It's not like my friends are bad because we are all nerds but when would I get a free minute... never. So this past New Year's I finally left by myself and left the baby at home... I relaxed... drank... and rested for a few hours while the buzz left and I was able to drive home. That night I felt so at peace... it was great! I almost remembered our crazy parties that we had in college... I think as moms we all deserve a little bit of free time every once in a while. And being a single mom although it sucks at times... I am happier I am free than being pressure by a male companion. I know we love them with all of our hearts and that is our choice but when you have a little freedom you see a lot of the drawbacks. See I don't consider my self single... because I am a single mother but because i do take into account my son a lot. So when i am asked I technically say no. I am not ready to be put into another weakening situation where I have no more outs... I am taking control of it all... it doesn't matter. But I put in my hands what I want and need and mt responsibilities... but I will not be the only who will be enforced that right either...