Many thing in my mind seem to be roaming in and out... I guess at times I like to over analyze things but I do realize that at times I read too much into things but other time I don't read into them as much as I should. You know what I have started to want to do? I want to be able to live a life with the least cares in the world. I know this might incline a separation of opinions but that is that point. To this point in my life, my life is what you call 2-faced... I know many like to or love to believe that they are not 2-faced but it's all a lie. I am not going to lie about it because it's true for everyone. As much as we try to be equally the same with all it's impossible. There might be things you say you have never done but there might be someone or others that know and catch people in their lies but oh well right. We all know we can't always tell people the truth. The funny thing is that I don't always want to know the truth either. I like figuring things out on my own. I love the thrill... keeping it to my self... I am sure sometimes I have questions so I ask, logically right? When we have doubts we ask... The weird thing about getting the truth from me is that I truly feel guilty if I don't give it. Sadly, through out the years I had to learn to lie, sometimes it's unsafe to lead a completely honest life, you would disappoint so many people, right? Until now I can say that the last 2 years of my life are almost completely mine. I hold my secrets... not burdens within. For a while I had things haunt me but like many people we learn how to forgive and be forgotten. I let that be my freedom, my escape while I return to reality. Sometimes it's so hard because in my head I am yelling screaming the truth and out comes that stupid little protected lie. Why? I mean most of the time I don't have anything to cover so it wouldn't affect me, or would it? It's like this: - a perfect example- many it's fear but anyways- So, I know I drive a lot when i do and at times I see there are cop check points and I know I have everything in good stand but I just can't seem to be able to go straight. I know every single time I get out of it some how. It's like a quick reaction to flee but I don't have anything to hide. I have insurance, a license and my registration. So, why can it be that with it all being okay and no warrants for me I flee... and to my luck I don't have issues getting out. Sometimes I feel bad because at times a guilt I should feel, I feel nothing for... no emotion. There is times I feel nothing not sadness, nor happiness and I am just moving with the regular motions of everybody's needs... I need something to self fulfill and I don't have anything empty in my heart and I don't need anything or anyone to complete me because I am whole... but it's coming...