NO need to write

Suddenly and lately I have no reason to write.... well I have million reason to write and express what I feel.
But....
The thing is that usually what I would write, instead of writing what I am thinking and what I am feeling, I can express all those emotions and feelings towards actual people or a person. I don't have anything to say because every moment we spend together is just expression of everything I would be writing. Every moment since, November 2nd my life has taken a small and obvious change... A day that started and continued to be a memorable for one of the worse days ended up being counter acted into the complete opposite and a pivot in my life.
I start thinking of the stupid "What ifs" ... What if I never would have written I was bored on xanga and someone chat with me... what if no one would have canceled on me on that day... what if the xanga chat would have gone down earlier... "what if" this... "what if" that... the truth is that if all those "what ifs" would have happen the opposite than they did, my life would be the same as it was, not  as it is now. I would still have the same mentality "same sh*t different day." In reality I would be ok. Why? Because in my mind I was already ok. I was already focused on something in me and that was making my own little change and of course still continue to keep the population at a distance and disregard people who cared. I didn't need pressure to care for people who didn't care for me. I would still be the pessimistic -my cup is half empty- and you know what .. *my cup is half empty* still not because I don't see the good out there but because I want to fill the rest of it. I want it to be full and continue being full of happiness.
My life would be the same....
Something changed that day. I wasn't quite sure what it was but I suddenly had found another friend. A friend I wanted to see more and who I was excited to talk to. Since I decided to be better and disregard the negativity that can bring us down in life. I learned that if I wanted to be happy, I wasn't going to depend on others. I don't think I need someone to be happy, but someone can make me happy regardless. I had started making my own personal realizations with my human nature to fail constantly but for once I wasn't falling all the way down. My guard wasn't down, and I learned more about people... their personalities and actions. I paid enough attention to guys to know....I can't always pin point what it is but I'll know when you're genuine.
My life is the same but I have an added seasoning to my daily dosage of life. It's sprinkled on my every morning to start off the day and it always topped off at night when I'm going to bed. I have to admit a little extra flavor sure makes for the entree that much better. But, this only happens when you've had the new taste. Before, you had tasted, you would be happy with the way things were. And that's how it happened. I like this taste and I like it a lot. I don't want it to go anywhere. It's something unlike I've ever had. And I will try to do everything for it to stay.
I know everything is too soon and everything seems so perfect and it's the way it should be. There is a reason why you compliment a person in their lives rather than are sourness and negativity. Trust and communication will always be the two biggest qualities. I think there is both. I know I've mistaken happiness before but those were only continued with my tantrums... childlike need to cry and kick to get what they want. But, they weren't an expression to really get what I wanted, it was more because I couldn't have it and my tears on sadness and loss of control would consume me. I don't have that anymore. I don't feel mad, sad, angry, upset... I don't feel like there is something I want my way because everything is as it should be.
The funny thing is that with people I've met and known and dated... from the first couple of days of knowing them... I'll know what we'll be arguing over. I always try and make sure a person knows who and why and how I am. I'm not one to be into surprises (I like them[surprises] but ... it's a control issue) but I don't like surprising either - I have a hard time with that. I'm pretty predictable with a few twists here and there(I'd say) but or I can differ but I am easy to read, easy too satisfy- to be happy, so I let them know. This is how I am... I've given people the opportunity to still get to know me (knowing in the back of my mind they will not accept) it's not fun seeing yourself having to change to accommodate others (and you shouldn't have to) but sometimes you're hopeful and try but only to still be turned down or not accepted. Yet, Even though you already knew the outcome you still wanted to give it a go.
For the first time, I don't know what an argument can really arise from right now. I feel accepted and wanted. You can say everything is to early to know but it's not. You either know, confused, or don't know... There are certainties that cannot be denied. The beginning of a fun adventure, I see. And let's see how we can handle the challenges that are ahead. Nothing is ever easy but it can  be if we want them to.