I guess the biggest mission we all have to accomplish is finding what we like to do best. I loved music... well I still do. Now I love teaching it more than anything. It brings me joy, peace of mind and the best feeling within when I see my students learn and want to know more on how to succeed. I don't think we're all bless with the best students all the time but they have potential to become them if we only give them a chance. Since my father introduced me to music at a young again of like 4 I almost knew I was destined through that future. My dad always told me that theory was the best thing to learn so guess what? Theory was one of the subjects I loved the most. I was a very obedient girl... so much that my high band director told me I had a lot of potential so he suggested a major in music... Guess what? I did it. Not a BM in Ed but a BA in Music. I had great teachers all around and maybe helped me through many of my stupid and wrong choices we all make while being young. Well I graduated...not what? What to do, what to do? There was nothing... I went to many agencies... well let me go back a little. At first I was a little hesitant to getting a job. My brain was exhausted and fried... I finished my last year and a half with almost no sleep and a baby being a full time student. took some time off after graduating... I fell into a deep depression... it seems as though when I have time in my hands I always just lie back into the same ol' issue the comfort of depression. Not fun... It gets even worse when you feel you're worseless, you can't provide a thing, and evven worse when you feel living is more a burden than not existing physically. You sometimes get to this point when you just want to be hurt to know whether you feel something or you're just dead in a living body... I found my self to be dead a few times... thank God I somehow was revived... but if I wouldn't have I don't think I would be typing anything of this... I think after I graduated my parents tried a little. Well in october 2007 they pretty much kicked me out of the house (not really but in a sense) Well there was going to be this trip to Arizona and they really wanted me to go because I was just being sneeky and they never knew where Iwas at. Iwas not being a bad girl but they lost coontrol of me in a way. They made me because afterall I still listened to them and was respectful enough to listen even if it was something I was completely against. Just to prove to them that I wasn't happy about their desicion I left my son's father borrow my car while I was gone... that meant... they would have to figure tsomething out because they didn't have the support from my vehicle. The weird thing that although I went against my will and I was miserable at first I had fun and I enjoyed myself. That was when I realized that they weren't so wrong after all. Hmmm... Parents not wrong? That's a first.... You could almost say that was a first mild step into something new and unexpected... Can I tell you something now? I feel this enpowerment, this strength. I sometimes feel like I can take over anything I want and succeed. I feel like I have found this gold mine I have to work at for a while to pay off... I feel free. I feel as though nothing in the world can stop me... It feels nice to feel this great after a whole life of misery, of own mistery, of insecurity. Well tell me tell you people notice, people see... Your eyes, your body movement... everything I had lost to a gray area is returning... All I do know is talk to people... give them the small power I feel when I talk... if they're enllgihtened... they can do the same... I just wish I don't trip over my self because I don't fall easy.
One reason I don't get involve with people on an emotional stance, there is too much too loose and no reason to loose it for. After the years I have become this independent girl who surprsingly has a lot of thought... oh no! She even has a brain... my brain tellss me to concentrate on what is right and do everything I need to do because when my brain starts to allow the heart to start picking apart situations... I am going to run in trouble. Brain says, be smart do your job and if anything happens you will still be okay and not have to depend on anyone... Being in love, being romantic exists but mostly on books... and movies... We all want the love they feel int he movies in the books we read but it happens exactly like how it is said we don't want it that way anymore... love is too cliche... I think love can be part of a choice... as long as we limit our heart to have a say. It's never right to be so vulnerable in life... we only criple ourselves which such weekness... I know, I know love is not a weekness, it's an emotion... well suit yourself but when your wife or husband doesn't allow you to to the one thing you love to do... you picked the wrong person. Soul mates.... are rare!
Anyways, I guess these are just small insight we learn by experineces and wanting a better future. Don't get me wrong I will probably fall into that love cliche some day again... but the great thing about this time is that I don't need their words to be happy. I know who i am now. And I know what to expect and I have a few surprises in my pocket...
Business is good. Life is good. Son is healthy! I am at peace.... everything is going to be okay!
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