When I was little (sure) I had the idea that I would be married early on in age. Like ideally I thought 22 would be great age to marry, I guess with the thought that my mom was 22 when she had me and I had no concept that they weren't married at 22 but at 24.
I still dreamed ...
And I dreamed that I would fined a sweet guy early on in life who would want to spend life with me...
We as girls sometimes get caught up in this image and sometimes are disappointed when we don't get married early like the media portrays all couples to.
And then one of my biggest dreams was to actually get married under the catholic church. Walk the isle finish my sacraments as a devout girl... but finding a person with your same interests in life and being the same religion typically don't match up anymore. It can happen for many but I don't close the doors to the possibility it's not going to happen. It's a part of life we all learn to adapt in life.
I wanted to be faithful to the religion.
It was as if I had a timeline for my life and I just assumed it would happen. By 25 I wanted to have 3 children and be happy seeing them grow... We can safely say that life never goes as you plan it.
People are always optimistic and say just wait. I mean I have nothing better to do. But, as women get older they're sometimes considered less especially when gentlemen can get younger ladies and without children. Why would someone pick me? (just saying not really asking)
So out of my dreams as a child so far none came true... At 22, I didn't get married. Hey but, I had a child yet I was alone with that whole part of life.
I do admit that going college wasn't ever a part of my plan especially not really knowing what it was. My parents never talked about it since my dad only went up to 6th grade and my mom's parents were too poor to ever send her to school so wasn't part of my ambitions yet I went and graduated. Still, sadly the only one of my siblings to go and I'm the oldest and I had my son as a nice opt out if I wanted to when I was in school but didn't.
I use to want a beautiful house well when I was little I thought unrealistically wanted a house with 50 rooms... I was even designing it and everything... oh foolish child. You see we grew up in a one bedroom house
(not the actual house we grew up in but was a tiny house)
In this one bedroom... when we were little it was my parents and my sister and I ... and then like 5 people living in the living room. Then when my mom had my bros of course we made the living room in another room so my parents slept there and we all 4 kids and my grandmother and sometimes some aunts slept in the bedroom.
Growing up like that I had big dreams... Now even though a bit short handed from my childhood dream it will still be hard to obtain a house which I would like. It's a dream and probably wont happen but if I even in my late life can get it to happen I would be happy...
yes, very beautiful house isn't it?
I do kind of dream big at times... I'm a big dreamer but it's because I've seen what it is to struggle and I want more not just for me but something to give to my kids and or to dream big and be hopeful. Not that materialistic life is the way to go but sure helps a better living of course with a lot of love.
I've never been too picky when it comes to cars but
My first car (baby blue)
My second car or van (no ac but it got to me college and gave friends many rides, good times)
This is my current car which I got a month after my son was born. I haven't had much access to it for like over 2.5 years because I let my dad borrow it when he lost his truck...
Right now I'm hoping once I start working I'll be able to get a 4 door car since my little tercel is a 2 door (maybe another toyota or a honda, unsure) ... And then I want a car I've wanted my whole life.... I know you'll think it's overrated but when it's something I've wanted, if I'm lucky I might one day make it happen.
I know as far as life comes I will still dream. A dreamer, I've been my whole life with a realistic/pessimistic twist to it... but nonetheless there is hope ...
Sure regardless of what I said above the hope is one day I will find a person in which we can compliment each other in life and our future as in goals and family. When that happens, that's when everything else will be discussed or fall in place... I will not dream the same as I did so naively when I was a little girl... but if I can have more family sure (the number tbd -to be discussed-), marriage (tbd), anything religious (tbd mainly on the children, because I'm sure the issue would not be with us), and everything else (tbd)
In this last month I've been praying a lot... I know some of you think it's pointless and others will be glad... But, that's not the point of what you feel... it's what I'm suppose to feel and where it gets me. There is so much to ponder... right now, there is so much to think about life, so much to gain and so much to learn...
I think I'm finally in a position where I can start setting realistic goals in life and slowly obtaining what I want... I put my life on pause for 4 years plus and for good reasons... I can't go back in time or change what has happened but I'm actually glad it happened as it did... I've learned a lot especially patience and love for many people and I've even learned to love and accept my self something that has taking me 26 years to do. And even though I finally know who I am, it makes me sad that people prefer me to pretend than be who I am so I have pushed people away because they thought my life was too complicated and thought I couldn't put my life together but that wasn't it at all... I was need in a different place with different responsibilities,When people don't understand that, they truly weren't meant to be apart of my life.
I've learned a lot about people and friendship, love and dislike, family and unity, understanding and misguidance, right and wrong, religion, acceptance, and unconditional love...
Here's me thinking of the perfect way to write what I need to do to get what I want in life and include you in it if you want... and if you don't, life will never end it just gives room for more changes and hope for better.
I'm a dreamer and although I clash with dash of realism and pessimism I love all those (you) in my life.
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