So I don't know why but I feel really confused. I love my son and I know I am a great mother and I know I can't live without him but I don't think I am a suitable mother. It's not like my life has changed but like everybody makes me feel, it feels like he should be more with my parents. I don't know but they make it seem like I do nothing for him and I did was be with him which really confused me a whole lot. I am tried of getting low blows throw at me. What can't they realize that I am already feeling depressed. I am sur ethey don't know and ultimately who cares if they do anymore. I don't know, actually never cared. I know my life has a plan and I don't know what it is but I am tired of waiting. I just want my own plaxce to be happy and have my husband so that I can get mad at his bad habits and die old and happy. BUt I know, life isn't like that. Dreams never come true but nightmares do. What is it about us being unhappy that makes who ever's in change happy. There is too much misery inthis pitiful world. Sometimes I think that some would be better off death than suffer this much. I can't even step up to those who are in Iraq and have seen and been in so much suffering. I prooly would have kiiled myself already instead of having to suffer emotionally. It's horrible! And to think that I complain about my worthless life. You know anytime I have a lil bit of money I do give to bum but then I think I am debt. I am just as bad or worse but I have my car and baby, does that make rich? I dont' know I am too tired of thinking. I am too tired of life. Somrtimes I wish I was in a psych ward and I could just be there by myself with no worried. But I like tv so that wouldn't work. What would I do....
You see I am not happy one bit at all. I don't know what the cause of my unhappyness is? I mean on the 29th of september it's going to be 2 years sonce I broke up with Arturo. Can this have something to do with it?? His gf ana just put on her profile fiancee could I could almost assume that they got engaged on her b-day. But why would this affect me personally? Oh wait can it be because I have his son. Can I actuallystill have feelings for this guys that can't give me anthing but despair. Why am I unhappy, why? I wish somebody could answer me. See all I want to do is get married and be happy. I want myown home. I just want to be out of my parents. Can that be so much to ask for. I didn't think so but apparently it is. Misery...